GIVE ME MONEY!
By Ryu-Gi
Disclaimer: All copyrighted franchises and all items related to them that are mentioned within this Fan Fiction are all the intellectually property of their respected owners. Also I highly recommend that you never try any of these stunts either. So I don't get sued, you know?
Scheme 1: Robbing a Bank…Or Something.
A few days had passed since Raphael took the Ancient from Olcadan. He was currently living with Lizardman at the Silk Road Shrine. They were trying to come up with ways to solve their money problem.
"I got it all figured out man, it's like there's a machine working in my head or something! But then again that might be the microchip the government put in my brain." Said Lizardman.
"Whoop-dee-doo." Said Olcadan flatly.
"First thing we do is, like, find a bank, you know? 'Cuz you need a bank in order to rob it, you know?"
"That's a given." Said Olcadan.
"Then, we, like, run in with masks on our faces and stuff, with weapons out, like in the movies, you know? And then we're all like, 'dude, give us your money or we'll hurt you and stuff' and then they'll give us all of the money in the vault! Then we slip away, all secret agent-like, on our getaway horses that we left out back before the whole thing ever started!"
"Your plan sucks." Said Olcadan bluntly.
"Yeah, I know I stole the idea from someone else." Said Lizardman.
"Why the crap was robbing a bank your first idea?"
"I dunno, man. People rob banks all the time in movies and stuff."
"If we're going to rob anything, let's try to be more original then, okay?" Olcadan folded his arms.
"Duuude, you look all wise and stuff when you fold your arms, man." Said Lizardman.
"What? You think so?" asked Olcadan.
"Yeah, man! All you need now is to stand on top of a mountain and yell 'WHO AM I!'. Oh, wait, that's Jackie Chan…"
"I don't suppose there are any other places that would have a lot of money in them?" A place besides a bank where people put the money all the time?"
"Duuuuuude, what about a bank?"
"I just said no Banks." Said Olcadan.
"Oh, yeah, you did….what about a Bank?"
'I SAID NO BANKS, DANGIT!" Screamed Olcadan.
"Dude. Anger management. Maybe you should do that Yoga thing again. And I think we should try robbing a bank, because we need money and stuff."
Olcadan fumed.
Meanwhile, in a castle somewhere in a Romanian valley…
Raphael was looking at himself in the mirror, all decked out in his vampire-ish outfit.
"I vant to suck your blood! MOO-HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!" laughed Raphael.
Just then Amy came in with a glass of red stuff.
"I can't find an blood, so I brought you the next best thing." Said Amy.
"Excellent…" Raphael said Evilly, taking the glass of red stuff and downing it with one gulp. He then spit it out violently.
"What is this crap!" demanded Raphael.
"It's V8 tomato juice, Daddy." Said Amy.
"Ugh! Never bring me this stuff again!"
"Yes, Daddy."
Raphael checked his evil Teletubbies watch.
"Oh, look! Vampire time is over! Amy, what's next on my evil schedule!"
Amy pulled out a planner and ran a finger down the list.
"It says that today you were supposed to mock the people of the village…"
"Check." Said Raphael.
"Then you were going to mock the army that was trying to take over the castle yesterday…"
"Check."
"Then you were going to mock Nightmare for losing to you even though you almost died…"
"Check."
"Come to think of it, the whole thing is basically you mocking everybody." Said Amy.
"I'll do one step better and insult them all at the same time!" laughed Raphael. He then strolled over to the window. Opened it, and then screamed out unto the world, "YOU ALL SUCK! JUST LIKE TOMATO JUICE!"
"I think that pretty much wraps up your day…ohm wait, it also says you're going to reveal your secret evil plan." said Amy.
"TO THE LABORATORY, AMY!" Said Raphael, skipping down the hall.
Meanwhile, Olcadan and Lizardman were in the process of attempting to rob a place. They had pulled up to the target on horseback, their faces covered with bandit's masks.
"On three, man!" said Lizardman, his back to the building.
"Okay," said Olcadan.
"Ready? One…two…two and a half…"
Olcadan fell over.
"Sorry, man, I couldn't resist!" laughed Lizardman.
Olcadan grumbled and got back up.
"Okay, this time for real. One…two…two and three quarters!"
Olcadan fell over again.
"Stop that!"
Lizardman nearly fell over laughing.
"Okay, no jokes this time, I'm all serious and crap now. One…"
"Tell you what. Why don't I do the count this time?" said Olcadan.
"Okay, but just this once, man."
"One…Two…THREE!"
"AAAAAAAAARGH" They both screamed, as they ran into the building.
"Welcome to Wal-Mart, how may I help you?" said a girl standing inside. Who just happened to be Seong Mi-Na.
"WE'RE HERE TO ROB THIS PLACE AND STUFF, DUDDETTE!" screamed Lizardman.
"I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to go to customer service for that." Said Seong Mi-Na. "Just fill out the request to commit robbery form and then submit it to the front desk for authorization."
"What the crap?" said Olcadan.
"Thanks, Duddette." Said Lizardman, "By the way, you're really cute. Can I have your number?"
Olcadan pulled Lizardman by the tail over to customer service. Cassandra was working at the desk, chewing a very thick wad of bubble gum.
"Can we, like, get a request to commit robbery form?" asked Lizardman.
"They're the red ones over there." Said Cassandra, pointing.
"As bizarre as this seems, let me fill out the forms, okay?" said Olcadan. "You…keep an eye out or something." He then picked up a pen attached to the desk by a chain and began filling out the form.
"Soooooo…" said Lizardman, leaning against the customer service desk, "Do you come here often, miss"
"Buzz off, lizard breath." Said Cassandra.
"Okay, done!" Olcadan gave Cassandra the red form.
"It'll take me a minute to fax this. Please wait and take a seat on the bench over there until your name is called."
"Umm…okay…" said Olcadan.
Back at Raphael's Castle, Raphael had brought Amy down to his secret evil laboratory, where a huge thing was covered in cloth dramatically.
"Amy, I have completed my machine for TAKING OVER THE WORLD! MOO-HA HA HAAAAA!" He then pulled the cloth off the machine. "BEHOLD!"
"An enormous cardboard box?"
"YES! EXCEPT IT'S AN EVIL CARDBOARD BOX!"
"Uh-huh…" said Amy.
"Everybody knows that playing with the box is more fun they playing with the toy that comes in it! I will distribute these cardboard boxes throughout the world, making all the kiddies want to play with them instead of their toys! All the toy companies will begin to go bankrupt! And then, I will give my ultimatum! They will surrender to me all of their companies, or I will continue to give out cardboard boxes! THE WORLD WILL BE MINE! NYAH-HA HA HAAAAAA!"
"Holy crap…that might actually work." Said Amy. "I'm impressed, Daddy."
"EVIL WINS! WAAHAHAHAHAHAA!" Laughed Raphael. Out of nowhere, lightning crashed outside.
Amy walked over to the large Cardboard box and looked inside.
"Um…Daddy?"
"Yes, my muffin!"
"The box has a note on the inside of it."
"Let me see that!" Raphael grabbed the note and read it. "To Raphael, from the Azure Nightmare. This is for making me lose my body. Enjoy, loser. What the…"
The box then suddenly burst into flames.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Raphael.
"Well, that's not going to be good for business…" mustered Amy.
Back at the Wal-Mart, Olcadan was getting very impatient.
"Jeez, lady! How many times do I have to say this! I don't want a free One-year subscription to 'Seventeen'!"
"Sorry, buddy," said Cassandra, "It comes standard with our official Robber's Guild Package."
"Dude," said Lizardman, coming out of nowhere, "They sell chicken-flavored crackers here. Awesome."
"Come on, Lizardman, we're getting out of here. These guys just make it too hard to rob the place."
"But I want to ride the little car in front of the store! Got any quarters, dude?"
"That's why we came here in the first place, idiot, to get money without getting a job, because you're scared of it!"
"Dude…jobs are scary. They have guys who make you do stuff. Not cool."
"Let's just go already…" Olcadan pushed Lizardman out of the store.
"Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart! We hope to see you again!" said Seong Mi-Na cheerfully.
"Can it, lady." Snapped Olcadan.
Tune in next time for more get-rich-quick-schemes! Please review! And submitting ideas for schemes for Olcadan and Lizardman to try and pull off would be a big help! Thanks!