GIVE ME MONEY!
By Ryu-Gi
Disclaimer: All copyrighted franchises and all items related to them that are mentioned within this Fan Fiction are all the intellectually property of their respected owners. Also I highly recommend that you never try any of these stunts either. So I don't get sued, you know?
Scheme 02: Parking Meter Madness
Lizardman was dreaming about blue mushrooms. Lots and lots of blue mushrooms. He was the king of the blue mushrooms. They danced and sang for him.
"All hail the mushroom empire…" mumbled Lizardman in his sleep.
"Wake up, Lizardman, the cart is stopping." Said Olcadan.
They had managed to hitch a ride on the back of a farmer's cart. He'd been heading in the direction of the nearest town and Olcadan figured it would be a good place for their next scheme.
"Well, we're here fellas, time to get off." Said the farmer.
"Give me a second to wake up my friend here." Said Olcadan.
"I crown thee queen of mushroom land…" muttered Lizardman.
"WAKE UP!" screamed Olcadan.
"Wha…! What! I've been up the whole time! Don't get up, I'll cook breakfast!" said a startled Lizardman.
Olcadan yanked Lizardman out of the cart by the tail. He waved goodbye to the farmer and waited for Lizardman to get up.
"Dude…I smell like a pig crapped on me." Said Lizardman.
"That's because a pig crapped on you." Said Olcadan.
"Oh…do you, like, have a towel or something I can use to get this stuff off?"
It was Teatime at Raphael's Evil Castle. Today he had invited Talim over.
"Welcome to my Evil Castle!" said Raphael. "I hope the accommodations are dreadful?"
"You're a bad, bad man!" said Talim.
"Stop it, you're making me blush!" said Raphael.
"You're a boo-boo head and you should go away!" said Talim.
"Not very good at insults, is she?" said Amy.
"She's so used to being a sweet, good little girl that it's disgusting." Said Raphael.
"Your Mommy needs to spank you!" said Talim.
"That very strange image aside," said Raphael, "To business. It has come to my attention that you are very fond of cute fuzzy little animals."
"We need to save the whales!" said Talim.
"I have also become aware that you have the power to control the wind! Therefore I took it upon myself to kidnap this very cute and fuzzy baby duckling!"
Amy then wheeled in a very small and very cute and fuzzy baby duckling.
"Noooo!" screamed Talim. "Don't hurt the baby duck!"
"If you don't tell me how to control the wind, I will eat this baby duck's parents!" said Raphael.
"He'll do it, too. He's already got his George Foreman grill and his "Kiss the cook" apron out and everything." Said Amy.
"First of all, ew!" said Talim, "Second, I think we should solve this with a non-violent solution!"
"I agree…" said Raphael.
"You do?" asked Amy.
"Yes, only replace 'non' with 'extremely', and at the end, add the phrase, 'duck eating frenzy! WAHAHAHAAH!"
"Alright! I'll tell you what you want! Just don't eat the baby duckling's parents!" cried Talim.
"Excellent…" said Raphael.
Olcadan and Lizardman were walking the streets of the town when the noticed that there was a long line of horses along the sidewalk.
"What are these horses doing all lined up in a row?" asked Olcadan.
"Dude…I know what this is! It's a parking space! You bring your horse up to the sidewalk and then…ooooooh, dude, look, it's a meter maid!"
Lo and behold, Ivy was walking alongside the parking meters as a meter maid.
"Dude…she's hot." Said Lizardman, pointing and drooling.
"Excuse me, miss," said Olcadan, "but my friend here is stupid and I don't really trust everything he says. So could you please explain to me what's going on here?"
"I'm checking the parking meters to see if they've expired. If they've expired, the person who parked there gets a ticket and a fine." Said Ivy.
"Expire from what?" asked Olcadan.
"From running out of money. You have to put money into the meter according to how long you're parking, and if you've been away longer then you've paid, I give them a ticket. Get it?" Ivy left to check the other meters.
"Dude, you think she'd go out with me?" asked Lizardman.
"Lizardman, people put money in these things?" asked Olcadan, pointing to one of the meters.
"Yeah…"
"Money! Just what we need to pay off Raphael!" said Olcadan. He began to hatch a cunning plan…
Talim had been dismissed from the castle with the baby duck and its parents in tow after telling Raphael what he wanted to know.
"I love kittens and flowers!" said Talim.
"Yes, yes, that's already been established, goodbye." Said Amy, shoving her out the door.
Raphael had climbed to the highest tower of his castle, where he had made his own elbow blades similar to Talim's, albeit very haphazardly made of cardboard tubes and duct tape, with the words "Raphael's evil wind makers of doom" scribbled in crayon on the sides. He was getting ready to try controlling the wind as Amy came up.
"Daddy, we need to get an elevator for the castle or something, because there's just way too many stairs to climb up."
"Amy, my poppet! I am about to control the weather! No one will be able to stand in my way! NYAHAHAHAHAH!"
"Do you ever get tired of doing evil laughs?" asked Amy.
"When you grow up to be an evil villain like me, Amy, you grow enormous lungs capable of long inhuman laughter!"
"Well, that explains a lot…" said Amy.
"AH HA HA HAAAAA! LOOK OUT, WORLD! PREPARE FOR AN OBLIVION FOR WHICH THERE IS NO PREPERATION!"
Down below, the villagers of the nearby town had began gathering, pointing up to the castle at the spectacle that was unfolding as storm clouds began gathering above the castle.
"What's going on?" asked one villager.
"It's just our evil French vampire-like ruler hatching more plans for world domination. Again." Answered another.
"Oh. When he fails miserably, let me know." Said the first villager.
"Sure thing, buddy," said the other.
It was night in the town. Most of the streets were empty, with the exception of two half-animal guys. Olcadan was carrying a hacksaw and Lizardman had a bag to store the money.
"You know, I think it's a little too obvious of what we're trying to do when you've painted a huge money sign on the bag." Said Olcadan.
"Dude! What if we, like, get sick and we have to get a barf bag, but we accidentally use this one instead? I put the money sign on the bag to make sure we don't forget it has the money in it, man!"
"I'm pretty sure we'd remember. Or at least I would. Heck, you know what? You carry the hacksaw, and I'll carry the bag."
"Dude…I just noticed how shiny that thing is…"
"On second thought, I'll carry both."
They snuck up to the nearest Parking Meter.
"Keep an eye out, while I try to break open the Meter, okay?" said Olcadan, readying his hacksaw.
"10-4, dude, I'll watch for any suspicious activity. In fact, if I see anything, I'll send out my secret signal!"
"Secret Signal?"
"If I see a cop, I'll go 'ca-caw ca-caw'! If it's just a cat I'll say 'hoot-hoot'!"
"Now that's just stupid. And I think it's a rip-off of an old movie. Now, would you please just keep an eye out and shut up?"
Olcadan started sawing the top off of the meter. An hour later, he hadn't made much progress.
"Crap, this thing's hard!" said Olcadan, wiping sweat off of his face.
Lizardman was starting to fall asleep. Suddenly he saw movement around the corner. He had to warn the Owl-headed dude! But which signal should he use?
"Almost halfway…" said Olcadan.
"Dude!" said Lizardman.
"What now?" asked Olcadan, continuing to saw.
"I see a something!"
"That's the moon, Lizardman." Said Olcadan.
"No, it's another something!"
What?" Olcadan turned around to see…
"Hello, boys." Said Ivy.
"We've been busted by the Man!" said Lizardman.
Ivy glared at him.
"Um…I mean the WO-man."
"Crap…" said Olcadan.
"Amy, my dear!" said Raphael, "These peasants will soon taste oblivion! Which tastes just like tomato juice! Which tastes disgusting!"
"So, get on with it already." Said Amy.
As lightning raged across the skies, Raphael raised his homemade elbow blades above his head.
"I COMAND YE, FORCES OF NATURE! GRANT ME….AN EVIL WIND!" Screamed Raphael.
The Elbow blades ignited into blue flames., the wind picked up, rain fell from the sky, and then suddenly…
FRRT.
"What? What was that?" said Raphael.
"Well, you wanted an evil wind," said Amy, "And you got it. PHEW!"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Raphael, completely embarrassed.
Somewhere, the Azure Nightmare began laughing.
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