GIVE ME MONEY!
By Ryu-Gi
Disclaimer: All copyrighted franchises and all items related to them that are mentioned within this Fan Fiction are all the intellectually property of their respected owners. Also I highly recommend that you never try any of these stunts either. So I don't get sued, you know?
Chapter 4: Doing Hard Time
"Noooooobody knows the trouble I've seeeeeeeeeen, nooooobody knooooooows my sorrooooooooooows…"
"Will you shut up, Lizardman!" yelled Olcadan.
Olcadan and Lizardman were in jail for tampering with the Parking Meters, having been caught by meter maid Ivy.
"It's the only prison song I know, dude." Said Lizardman.
"Yeah, well, singing it all night is REALLY starting to get on my nerves." Said Olcadan.
"Hey, quiet in there!" yelled a very grumpy prison guard. Who just happened to be Taki.
"New one coming in!" said another guard, who just happened to be Mitsurugi. He was bringing in a new inmate. Who just happened to be Rock.
"Uh oh…" said Lizardman.
"What wrong this time?" asked Olcadan.
"Dude! This dude is huge, man! He looks like he could seriously waste us, man!"
Mitsurugi threw Rock into the cell and locked it. Rock sat down on the bench opposite of Olcadan and Lizardman.
"Hi." Said Rock.
"DON'T HURT US, DUDE!" Screamed Lizardman, diving into the corner.
"What's up with him?" Asked Rock.
"Too many mushrooms." Answered Olcadan.
"Ah."
"Yes."
"Mm-hmm."
"Okay."
"Yeah."
"Right."
There was a long silence, which was only broken by Lizardman whimpering in the corner.
Back at Raphael's Castle, the evil French vampire was not having a good day.
"Amy! We're out of evil cupcakes!" said Raphael.
"Oh, drat, now what will we do?" said Amy sarcastically.
"I need evil cupcakes for the evil party I'm holding! You can't have an evil party without Evil cupcakes! It's just not done!" Raphael pouted.
"So go into town and get some more." Said Amy, not looking up from her issue of the New Yorker.
"But…but…I can't go into town! I'm the evil ruler of this Romanian Valley! If I go into town I'll be sinking down to the level of a common peasant!"
"Well, daddy, sometimes you've just got to suck up your pride and do things that you really wish you wouldn't do in order to get things done."
"But I don't wanna!"
"Then your party will have no cupcakes."
"EVIL! Evil cupcakes! You forgot to say Evil cupcakes! There's a big difference!"
"Whatever. Tell you what. I'll come with you and keep you company. That okay?"
"Humph." Said Raphael, folding his arms and pouting again.
"…It makes no sense, you know? Why is it that if you sodomize someone, they're gonna throw you in a jail cell with another guy who's gonna sodomize you?" said Rock.
"I see…" said Olcadan, nodding.
"Not that I did that sort of thing, mind you."
"Of course not!" said Olcadan, waving his hands.
"It's just a very weird logic these guys have, you know what I'm saying?"
"Agreed." Said Olcadan.
"Owl-head, dude!" said Lizardman, who had finally come out of his corner a minute or so ago.
"What is it now?"
"We've gotta get out of here, man! The Man's trying to put us down, dude! He's making the walls close in on us with his mind! Help! I can't breathe, dude!"
Lizardman began flailing his arms, legs, and tail around as if he was having a seizure.
"Should we help him?" asked Rock.
"Nah. Give him a few minutes and he'll fall asleep on his own." Said Olcadan.
"Seriously, though, he's right, we've gotta get out of here somehow." Said Rock, "I've got a kid to take care of."
"And how exactly do we go around doing that?"
"No idea." Said Rock, shrugging.
"Hey, I know!" said Lizardman, waking up suddenly. "Ever see the movie 'Shanghai Noon'?"
"What?" asked Olcadan.
"In the movie, Jackie Chan's in jail, so he rips some of his shirt off and pees all over it!"
"What the…?"
"Then, he, like, uses it to pry the pars wide enough to slip through, man!"
"But we have no cloth," said Olcadan, "The only cloth in this cell is Rock's…"
All eyes suddenly dropped to Rock's private area.
"Uh-oh…" whimpered Rock.
"Rock, We need to borrow your loincloth." Said Olcadan.
"Welcome to Wal-Mart, how may I help you?" asked Seong Mi-Na.
"QUEIT, IMPUDENT PEASEANT!" screamed Raphael.
"Daddy...inside voice, please." Said Amy.
"I WILL EAT YOUR HEART AND CRAP OUT YOUR SOUL!" Screamed Raphael.
"EEEEEKKK! THAT SOUNDS BOTH SCARY AND DISTURBING!" screamed Seong Mi-Na, who then ran away.
"Daddy, this isn't how we practiced." Said Amy.
"Amy, can't you feel it! The evil energy within this store is immense! I can't help myself!"
"Well, it is Wal-Mart, after all." Said Amy.
"This place is perfect for stocking up on my Evil supplies!" said Raphael, "Onwards! To find my Evil Cupcakes!"
Raphael grabbed a shopping cart and hopped in.
"What are you doing?" asked Amy.
"I'm commandeering this carriage! Now get someone to push me!"
Amy sighed, and grabbed a nearby employee. Who just happened to be Yunsung.
"Push the cart." Instructed Amy.
"What? I'm not quite sure it's store policy that we push customers around…"
"DO IT, YOU FOOL!" screeched Raphael, 'OR I WILL EAT YOUR HEART AND CRAP OUT YOUR SOUL!"
"Okay, okay, chill out, I'll do it!" said Yunsung. He began pushing the cart.
"Go faster and make airplane noises!" demanded Raphael.
"This is going to be a long day…" said Yunsung.
Things were running smoothly in the Jail cell. Rock had hid in the corner while Lizardman stood in front of him in order to help keep him covered. Lizardman had also contributed by volunteering to be the one to urinate all over Rock's loincloth. And the floor, too, apparently, as a bonus.
"Here you go, dude." Said Lizardman, holding out the soiled loincloth to Olcadan.
"What! No way! I'm not touching that!" said Olcadan.
"It's all organic, man, so you know it's clean!"
"I don't care if it's organic, it's…your…stuff!"
"Okay, man, but you've got to cover the big hairy dude for me."
"I feel a draft!" said Rock.
"PLEASE NO DETAILS!" screamed Olcadan, going over to Rock's corner to cover him while Lizardman approached the bars. He wrapped the loincloth around the bars and twisted, making a horrible squelching noise and dripping Lizardman's "stuff" as Olcadan had affectionately called it all over the place. After much more squelching and dripping, the bars finally gave way, just like in Shanghai Noon.
"Okay, dudes!" said Lizardman. "Let's bust this joint! Freedom! It tastes so sweet! Just like the mushrooms…"
Lizardman was the first out, allowing Olcadan to lead Rock out.
"YAI!" screamed Rock.
"What happened, dude?"
"The bars! They're very cold!"
"I SAID NO DETAILS!" screamed Olcadan again. Which coincidently caught the attention of the sleeping Taki.
"Freeze, miscreants! You can't escape from…" started Taki. And then she noticed Rock's lack of…ahem.
"Oh, yeah, right dude!" said Lizardman, grabbing the loincloth off of the bars. Then all three ran for their lives, leaving a very surprised Taki behind.
A few blocks away from the jail, Olcadan grabbed both Lizardman and Rock.
"We will never speak of this moment again, savvy?" he said gravely.
"No problem here, dude." Said Lizardman.
"Yes. Never again. Now can we please find me some pants!" said Rock.
"That was fun!" said a very happy Raphael, exiting the Wal-Mart with a cart filled with various evil baked goods and assorted evil candies.
"You know, you didn't need to make the guy in there give you a piggyback ride through the toys aisle." Said Amy.
"But it was fun and that's what matters most!" said Raphael. He offered a half-eaten evil lollipop to his foster daughter. "Want one?"
"No thanks, I'm good." Said Amy, once again savoring the fact that she was adopted.
Sorry there are no schemes in this one, but there will be next time! Now to answer some reviews!
DragonDillion: Thanks! But no, Lizardman's afraid of jobs...
Blazing Fool: Lizardman's not keen on getting a job, remember? And yeah, I like doing the Raphael parts, too.
krizzygirl206: The first one shows promise! Maybe...
Kitty Gaby: Thanks, I like that part too!
hiphopd: I know he dosen't, but hey, it's a parody. I can do whateverI want! WAHAHAA!
That's all for now, tune in next time!