GIVE ME MONEY!
By Ryu-Gi
Disclaimer: All copyrighted franchises and all items related to them that are mentioned within this Fan Fiction are all the intellectually property of their respected owners. Also I highly recommend that you never try any of these stunts either. So I don't get sued, you know?
Chapter 7-Rob Bob
At the Silk Road Shrine, Lizardman had come up with another plan.
"Okay, so, like, one time, I heard that there was this guy, right? They called him Bob. Old man Bob."
"How original." Said Olcadan sarcastically.
"And, he like, was an awesome swordsman, right? So he, like, found the legendary treasure of the swordsman's grave, right? So he took it all home and hid it!" Said Lizardman excitedly.
"Let me get this straight," said Rock, "We're going to have to go into this guy's house and find his treasure?"
"It'll be like a quest, man! Okay, Rock dude, you can be our fighter, Owl-head dude can be our healer, and I'll be the wise sage, Lizard-zilla!"
"There are so many things wrong with that sentence that I don't even want to correct you." Said Olcadan.
"Lizard-Zilla?" questioned Rock.
"Well, it's something," said Olcadan, "So where does this Old man Bob guy live?"
In only a few minutes, the trio was off again on another quest to get money.
Back over at Raphael's castle in the Romanian valley, Amy's right foot was drumming a tattoo into the floor. Her adopted father had called her downstairs to his evil laboratory earlier, with news of a new plan to take over the world. The reason for Amy's impatience was due partially from the fact that she was approaching her special time of the month, and partially because the door was locked, and she couldn't get in yet.
"Are you done in there yet, daddy?" asked Amy.
There was then a loud crash followed by rapid swearing in French.
"Are you okay in there?" asked Amy.
"SONUVAMONKEYBUTT!"
"I'll take that as a no." said Amy, pulling out a gift card for "Evil-Torture-Devices-'R'-Us" Raphael had given her for her birthday and using it to undo the lock. Inside was a postman's worst nightmare-thousands of letters were arranged throughout the lab in untidy piles. In the corner, Raphael was busy trying to pull himself out from under a stack of letters that had fallen on top of him.
"Wow. Looks dangerous. I wonder if life insurance covers death by paper cut?" said Amy.
"For the love of evil, help me out of this infernal pile of letters!" said Raphael.
"So what is all this, anyway?" asked Amy after helping him out from under the pile.
"This," said Raphael, his hand sweeping across the laboratory, "Is my ultimate plan for world domination! I call it…a Mail Chain!"
"You mean a Chain Letter, right?"
"No, it's a mail chain! Within every one of these letters is a request to donate money to the "Kittens and Flowers" charity! People who get them will put money in and send it to another person, who will also put money in, and send it to another person who will put money, and send it to another person who will put money in, and soon everybody will be sending money to us! And since there are thousands of these letters that will be circulating the planet, weaving our web of unspeakable evil, we will be rich beyond anything imaginable! And with this limitless money we TAKE OVER THE WORLD! HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOO!"
"First of all, since when is a Santa laugh an evil laugh, and number two, that IS a chain letter."
"No! I said it's a Mail chain, so it's not a chain letter! Stop making up stuff! Now, let's get these letters to the post office and begin mailing them! Soon, we will be filthy rich!"
"Or just filthy." Said Amy.
"Oh, shut up." Said Raphael.
"Dudes, are we there yet?" asked Lizardman.
"No." said Olcadan for the umpteenth time.
"Are we there yet?" he asked again a moment leter.
"No." repeated Olcadan.
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"NOOOOOOO!" Screamed Olcadan. "IDIOTS DO VEX MEEEEEE!"
Rock splashed Olcadan in the face with water from his canteen.
"Thank you." Said Olcadan, wiping himself off, " I needed that."
"Dude…in the words of Nefertiti, 'not tonight, it's my pyramid'."
"How the crap is that relevant?" asked Olcadan.
"Man, I just wanna inspire people. You know, help enrich the lives of others. Live the dream, dudes!"
"No you're not, you fool! You're just doing pee-pee-ka-ka, no substance!" screamed Olcadan.
Rock splashed Olcadan again.
"Gah, that's enough…let's just everybody shut up for the remainder of the trip, okay?" Asked Olcadan.
Raphael was pushing a wheelbarrow full of his "Mail Chain" letters through the streets of the village beyond the castle. Amy got the short end of the stick by having to help him carry the wheelbarrow up the stairs of the Post Office building.
"Just how many letters did you put in here anyways?" grunted Amy.
"I lost count somewhere past ten!" Raphael grunted back.
"That explains a lot…" muttered Amy under her breath.
They finally managed to wheel the letters into the building, and up to the desk.
"We'd like to mail all of these." Said Amy.
"All of them?" asked the lady working behind the desk. Who just happened to be Hualin.
"Every single last one of them!" said Raphael.
"Are these all out of town?" Asked Hualin.
"No, they're right here, can't you see that!" Yelled Raphael.
"She means are they going out of town." Said Amy, sighing heavily.
"What? Oh, then yes! They are all going out of town!" Said Raphael. "Out, into the world, in order to bring forth a wave of unspeakable atrocities the world has never yet seen! THE WORLD WILL BE MINE! NYAHAHAHAHAHA! Pardon my enthusiasm."
"I don't suppose you've read our no-mailing list?" Asked Hualin.
"Heh!" said Raphael, questioningly.
"Over there, we have poster with a list of things that can't be mailed."
Amy tore the poster off the wall and brought it over for Raphael to read.
"Let's see here…" said Raphael, pulling out a pair of reading glasses. "no explosives, no sharp objects, no gases under pressure…no doomsday plans! Since when is that a law!"
"Wait, there's an asterisk next to it," said Amy. She pointed to the bottom of the poster. "This new law is now put into effect due to the occupation of the castle by a crazy guy who wants to take over the world."
"CURSES!" screamed Raphael.
The house was old and moldy. Kinda like Lizardman's sock drawer.
This is Bob's house? Dosen't look like much." Said Olcadan.
"Trust me dude, it's, like, booby-trapped and stuff." Said Lizardman.
"Well, let's do this, then!" said Rock. "What's the plan?"
"Okay, I'm just going to guess that the front lawn is probably rigged with some sort of trap, so Rock, I'm going to need you to throw me across." Said Olcadan.
"Alright," said Rock, grabbing Olcadan, "Then LET'S SEE YOU FLY!"
Rock threw Olcadan as hard as he could. Which just happened to be a little too hard.
"Wow." Said Lizardman. "He made a pretty big hole in that window."
"Ow." Said Olcadan.
"Dude! You alright in there?"
"Oh, sure everything's just peachy." Responded Olcadan. "Nothing like being thrown straight trough a window and landing in front of a dog that's foaming at the mouth to make you feel alive."
"GRRRRRR!" growled the dog.
"Nice puppy. Easy boy, don't wanna wake up old man Bob…" said Olcadan, getting up slowly.
"WHO IN DE FLIPPIN' DOO DAH DAY IZZAT!" yelled a voice.
"Oh, crap, dude! It's old man Bob!" said Lizardman.
"Running time!" said Rock. The two made like a banana and split.
"What! Guys! Don't leave me in here!" Yelled Olcadan.
Just then, an old guy with a rubber chicken came into the room.
"WHO IZ DAT!" He wheezed. "ARE YOU DAH PIZZA BOY! AH AIN'T ORDERING YO DIRTY PIES NO MORE!"
"What!" yelled Olcadan.
"GET YO DIRTY PIES OFFA MY PROPERTY! OH ELSE YA GETS DA RUBBAH CHIKIN' OF DOOM!"
"I'm outta here!" Olcadan ran for the door, only to be stopped by the dog. "Aw, crap…"
"IT'S RUBBAH CHIKIN' TIME!" yelled Olda Man Bob.
"That's it. If I survive this, Liardman's dead." Muttered Olcadan.
I still need plenty of suggestions, guys. If you've got an idea for a sceme for Olcadan and company to hatch, submit it in a review now!