GIVE ME MONEY!
By Ryu-Gi
Disclaimer: All copyrighted franchises and all items related to them that are mentioned within this Fan Fiction are all the intellectually property of their respected owners. Also I highly recommend that you never try any of these stunts either. So I don't get sued, you know?
Chapter 8-The Totally Awesome Rescue Mission
"Dude! We've gotta save the Owl-head dude!" Yelled Lizardman, waving his arms around.
"This is all my fault! I threw him too hard! Curse my overly huge and excessively manly muscles!" said Rock, breaking down and crying.
The two had retreated to the shade of a nearby oasis. Olcadan was still trapped in Old Man Bob's shack.
"Dude! We gotta do, like, a rescue mission, man! We've gotta, like, bust in there, and pull our buddy outta there!"
"I'm such a doofus! I'm an idiot! I'm like a lemonade stand in a snowstorm-useless! I'm…"
Lizardman slapped Rock with his tail.
"SNAP OUT OF IT, DUDE!"
"Thanks. I needed that. So what's the plan for busting Olcadan out?"
"I don't know yet, man, but Owl-head dude should hold tight-because I'm gonna plan the biggest and bestest rescue mission in the history of rescue missions!"
Inside Old Man Bob's Shack, Olcadan had curled up in the fetal position and had begun rocking back and forth in the corner.
"I'm a little tea pot, short and stout…" Sang Olcadan softly to himself.
"QUIT SINGING THAT DEVIL MUSIC YOU YOUNG FOLKS KEEP LISTENING TOO!" Screamed Old Man Bob. "I CAN'T HEAR DR. PHIL!"
"…here is my handle, here is my spout…" continued Olcadan.
"YOU DANG HIPPEE! GO GET A JOB!"
"…when the water's boiling, hear me shout…"
"NO SHOUTIN'! DR. PHIL'S ON! DO I HAVE TO REPEAT EVERYTHING TO YOU DANG KIDS! IN ONE AR AND OUT THE OTHER! KIDS THESE DAYS AIN'T GOT NO RESPECT!"
"…tip me over and pour me out!"
"AND STOP THE INNUENDO! YOU BARBARIAN!"
"Please don't hurt me!" whimpered Olcadan.
"YOU IN TROUBLE NOW, BOY! IN MY DAY, IF YOU GOT IN TROUBLE YOU'D BE WHIPPED WITH A DOG LEASH! AND THE LEASH WOULD HAVE THE SPIKY DOG COLLAR ATTACHED TO IT! AND THE DOG WOULD STILL BE IN IT, TOO!"
The dog in the corner's ears perked up on that one.
Raphael was investigating The Ancient in his evil laboratory. The various weapons that made up the legendary weapon were scattered across the floor. Raphael took the pencil from behind his ear and scribbled something on a piece of paper.
"Interesting…very interesting…" he said. He then drew an "X" in the lower left corner of the grid. He smiled. He had won again. He was really good at playing this game by himself. Amy just then walked into the lab.
"Any luck?" she asked, taking a bite out of an apple.
"Oh, Amy!" said Raphael, throwing his clipboard away from the table. It ended up hitting the wall, and bouncing off, hitting Raphael in the head.
"Ow." Said Raphael.
"Gracful." Said Amy.
"Thank you." Said Raphael. "Now, all I've figured out so far is that all the weapons are…blue."
"Blue?"
"Yes, Blue."
"And…that's all you've figured out in, what, five hours?"
"Yes."
"Interesting…"
"That's exactly what I thought."
Raphael turned back to the Ancient, and found the one that was shaped like a rapier.
"Hey! This one's cool!" he said, waving it around.
"Don't hurt yourself." Warned Amy, stepping back to avoid getting something chopped off.
"Thrust, parry, advance!" Raphael yelled, performing some very graceful fencing moves.
"Notice anything different when you fight with it?" asked Amy.
"It's so pretty!" squealed Raphael. He was very happy with his new toy.
Amy sighed heavily.
"What…in blazes…is that thing?" asked Rock.
Lizardman had arrived back near Old Man Bob's Shack with an enormous box that was shaking violently.
"It's a box full of kittens, man!" answered Lizardman.
"And what exactly are we going to do with these kittens?" asked Rock.
Lizardman gave a blank stare. Which is what his face normally looked like, only more so.
"Umm…I kinda forgot…"
Rock looked back at the house. The front lawn looked as if it had never been trimmed. There could be traps hidden in that grass…
All of the sudden, inspiration struck.
"Lizardman, give me the box."
"What?"
"I said, give me the box. I just figured out how we're going to get in there unscathed."
"Okay, dude…" said Lizardman, hading over the box to Rock.
Without warning, Rock reached inside the box, grabbed an armful of kittens, and threw them into the grass.
"WHAT THE CRAP ARE YOU DOING, MAN!" Screamed Lizardman.
"Juuuuust wait…" said Rock.
They waited. And then…
BOING!
"MREOOOOWWW!"
A kitten suddenly flew out of the grass.
"OMG!" Screamed Lizardman.
Suddenly, a flurry of kittens began flying out of the grass, bombarding the two a barrage of fur and claws.
"I threw in the kittens to set off all the traps!" Explained Rock, "Now, we're clear! Grab the rest of them and move, move, move!"
"YOU KILLED THE KITTENS, MAN!" Yelled Lizardman. He was going to have nightmares for weeks…
The two ran through the grass as kittens kept going airborne around them.
"WHAT IN DAH POOTY PIE IZ DAT AWFUL RACKET!" Screamed Old Man Bob, inside. "ARE DEM HIGH SCHOOL KIDS TRYING TAH GET FREAKY ON MAH LAWN AGAIN!"
Olcadan's eyes grew wide-a very considerable achievement for someone whose eyes are already very wide. Someone was coming to save him!
"GOT GIT 'IM PUNKIN!" Old Man Bob yelled to his dog.
The dog got up, slipped on its own drool, got up, and ran at the door. It ran straight into it and the poor thing knocked itself out.
"AW, FLAGNAMMIT!" Screamed Old Man Bob, "I GOTTA DO EVERYTHANG MAH OLE SELF, 'FRASKIN!"
Old Man Bob seized what appeared to be a large swordfish from the sink and began swinging it over his head. He then let out a loud, guttural bellow like an ox.
"AYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAA!" Screeched Old Man Bob.
Rock crashed through the door.
"Olcadan! Come on! Run for it!" screamed Rock.
"DUDE! IT'S RAINING PUSSYCATS OUT HERE!" Yelled Lizardman from outside.
It took Olcadan to process what exactly these two new pieces of information entering his head meant. His brain automatically told him to ignore the second and listen to the first one. Olcadan, got up, and made a break for the door.
"OH NOES YOU WILD BOY!" Old Man Bob threw the Swordfish, which landed right in front of where Olcadan would have been if he'd run that last few inches between himself and the door. It had neatly pierced the floor with its elongated nose.
"What the…?" said Rock, "Is that…a fish?"
"OLD MAN BOB GOTTA THING OH TWO UP HIS SLEEVE! GIVE IT UP, YOU POT-BELLIED PIG BOY!" He readied another Swordfish and held it over his head.
"NOOOO!" Yelled Lizardman, running in and tackling Old Man Bob.
"RUN! RUN!" Screamed Rock, and both he and Olcadan ran outside.
As the two reached the sidewalk, Lizardman emerged just as the entire hut exploded for no reason.
Amy had been taking careful notes over the last few minutes. Raphael seemed different somehow. While using the Ancient, he had suddenly become much more agile, his strikes as he lunged with the weapon were all spot-on.
Most interestingly, he had begun emitting some sort of…Amy couldn't quite place it, but the best way to describe it was as some kind of aura. There was a great power there-A dangerous one that, in the wrong hands, could spell disaster.
At this thought, she ran over and stopped Raphael.
"I think I'll just take this from you for now."
"But I was having fun!" cried Raphael.
"Now, father dearest, I think it's my turn to try…"
Amy was cut short by a surge on energy that began coursing through her upon contact with the Ancient…her eyes grew wide. At first, she wasn't sure what to do…but then, she just didn't care…
"What…the crap…" Olcadan looked upon the smoldering remains of Old Man Bob's hut. "Why would it explode?"
"Because it's dramatic?" asked Rock.
"Okay, just shut up. Let's just go home already. I've seen and heard things no amount of showering will even help me shed the feeling of. But I'm going to try anyway."
"Dude! Outrageous! Stupendous! It was like the best party ever, man!" said Lizardman, kicking his heels in the air. "Except for the kittens."
"Wait, what about the money?" asked Rock
"Forget it. Besides, it probably blew up with the rest of the house." Said Olcadan.
The three turned and walked into the sunset.
"Dude…" said Lizardman, "Which way is home again?"
Raphael was cowering in the corner. He didn't know what was happeneing, but he did know that he certainly didn't like it. It was even worse then tomato juice. Well…maybe not that bad, but pretty darn close.
"Amy? Poppet? Please stop being mean!" yelled Rapahel.
IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT, FATHER DEAREST. said Amy, in a voice that reverberated and shook the room.
"Why do you have to talk in that scary voice! Stop it!" cried Rapahel, covering his face.
STOP CRYING, YOU FOOL. YOU BELONG TO ME NOW.
"But…! But…! But I'm your daddy!"
"ADOPTED DADDY. REMEMBER?
"Oh! Yeah! That's right!"
NOW, THERE'S GOING TO BE SOME CHANGES AROUND HERE IN THE WAY THINGS ARE RUN. ARE YOU PREPARED?
"No!" cried Raphael.
TOO LATE. WELCOME TO MY WORLD, FATHER DEAREST. GET BUSY.
Oooh! What happened to Amy? Find out in the next installment! And be sure to send in your ideas for schemes in reviews!