GIVE ME MONEY!
By Ryu-Gi
Disclaimer: All copyrighted franchises and all items related to them that are mentioned within this Fan Fiction are all the intellectually property of their respected owners. Also I highly recommend that you never try any of these stunts either. So I don't get sued, you know?
Chapter 9-Talim Can't Deal With It
The trio had decided a fake charity party would probably be their best bet at this point. They decided to make it a barbeque. Just for the sake of simplicity. They decided to set up in a park. They'd spent all morning setting up, and for a patch job by three guys who desperately needed money it looked pretty convincing.
"For a patch job by three guys who desperately need money, it looks pretty convincing." Said Rock.
"Yeah." Said Lizardman.
"Lizardman, may I have a word with you?" said Olcadan, pulling him to the side.
"Dude, what the deal-lee-oh?" asked Lizardman.
"Only a minor concern involving you and the fact that you're trying to barbeque a bunch of blue mushrooms." Said Olcadan, pointing towards the grill.
"So…?" asked Lizardman.
"The grill is supposed to cook FOOD. Not fungi. Especially THAT fungi. Get the mushrooms off the grill and put the meat back on NOW before the guests start coming in."
"Sure thing, dude! I totally understand where you're coming from!" chuckled Lizardman, going over to the grill.
"That would be a first…" mumbled Olcadan.
"Hey Olcadan, here they come!" called Rock.
"Showtime!" said Olcadan, rubbing his hands together.
A small horde of the sort of people who usually attend charity parties began flowing in. Talim was one of them. She went up to meet Rock and Olcadan.
"Smile, and be sure to use an alias!" whispered Olcadan into Rock's ear. He rached out to shake Talim's hand.
"Hi, I'm Jimmy!" said Olcadan, shaking Talim's hand.
"I'm…not!" said Rock, panicking.
"Be kind, rewind!" said Talim, going up and shaking Rock's hand.
"Erm…okay…" said Rock.
Olcadan elbowed Rock. Hard.
"Ow! Hey, I panicked, okay!" said Rock, rubbing his side.
"Be more careful!" hissed olcadan, "We were lucky this time, and with our sort of luck we may not get that kind of luck again for awhile!"
Talim proceeded towards the grill.
"Save the rainforests!" said Talim to Lizardman.
"Dude! I feel the same way!" said Lizardman.
Back at the Romanian Castle, Raphael was under stress. This was kind of like the time Amy reached puberty…only worse. If that was possible. After Amy had become an evil sorceress whatchamacallit after touching The Ancient, Raphael had been scurrying around various places in order to fufill his adoptive daughter's every whim. Which was hard. Especially the part where he had to get up and do stuff. Which was everything.
This sucked.
FATHER DEAREST! Boomed Amy's voice, shaking the entire castle down to it's foundations.
"WHAT!" yelled Raphael, who was busy attempting to pamper himself by taking a bubble bath complete with fragrant oils and special salts. It was very metrosexual.
HOW GOES PROGRESS ON THE ASSASIN YOU HIRED TO TRACK DOWN THOSE THREE BUFOONS WHO OWE US MONEY!
"I don't know! I haven't heard a thing from her in a week!"
UNACCEPTABLE. YOU MUST SEEK HER OUT AND ENQUIRE OF HER PROGRESS.
"You mean go and look for her! But that sounds like a lot of work!"
THERE WILL BE DIRE RAMIFICATIONS FOR YOUR DISLOYALTY TO ME, FATHER DEAREST. PONDER YOUR RESOLUTIONS ATTENTIVELY.
"What's with all the big words? You haven't been reading books again, have you? If you stare at them too long your brain'll turn to mush!"
SILENCE, PRETENTIOUS IMBICELE! SEEK OUT THE ASSASIN NOW!
"Okay, okay, I'm going, sheesh! This is worse then when Nightmare beat me half to death…"
…FAIL AT THIS AND I'LL BE SURE TO FINISH WHAT HE STARTED.
"That dosen't sound very nice! What have I told you about talking nice!"
GO NOW! screeched Amy.
Suddenly Raphael was jerked out of the bath by an unseen force, and was thrown straight through an open window, down towards the village below, screaming the whole way. Raphael had the fortune to land in a water trough for horses.
Taki was still on leave for recovering from the sight in the jail cell. Her vacation had brought her to this dreary Romanian village. She was just starting to enjoy herself when she saw a naked Rapahel running for cover in the streets.
That afternoon she was wearing a straightjacket and being taken away by men in white coats…
Things at the fake charity barbeque seemed to be running smoothly enough. The guests were filling up the "Donations Box" that Olcadan had set out earlier with plenty of cash. He decided to check in on it. He opened up the top and his eyes widened more then usual at the sight of the huge wad of cash they had generated. It was more then enough to pay what they owed to that weird French guy! Olcadan began fantasizing about all the things he could do with all the extra money…maybe get himself…a monkey! Yeah, that would be cool. Monkeys were awesome.
"I do beg your pardon good owl-headed sir! But I do have a question to ask you old chap!" said a voice behind him.
Olcadan turned around to see noone. Confused, he looked around.
"I'm down hear, you fool!" said the voice again.
Olcadan looked down to see what looked like a rubber ducky wearing a monocle and a top hat carrying a cane sitting on the grass at his feet.
"Erm…is that you speaking?"
"By jove, yes! My name is Reginald Esquire Oblong the Eleventeenth! But let us set aside these confounded formalities! You may address me as Steve Junior!"
"Steve Junior…?"
"That's it, good sport! Now, kindly respond to this question that I shall ask you now! For what charitable purpose have myself and my other fellow charity-goers submitted large quantities of our hard earned dough towards, now, hmmmm?"
"Erm…the Society of Widows and Orphans…?"
"Ah, yes, my good sir! Very good indeed! I shall refer your organization to my fellow chaps who have daft amounts of money that they like to throw at charities to make themselves look good!"
"Okay…"
"Oh, how I love charity parties! What an excellent excuse to have a party by taking advantage of a current crisis!"
Steve Junior proceeded to waddle away without so much as a "Cheerio, my good sir!"
"Strange fellow…" muttered Olcadan.
Rock then ran up to Olcadan. He was in a panic.
"Olcadan! Come quick!"
"What? What happened?"
"Lizardman…he…!"
"Graaaaah…say no more…"
They both ran over to the grill to find a horrific, yet for any outsider looking at the situation, humorous occurrence.
"Ah…gohnnah tell you whuh…ah'z gonnuh do!" said one guest to Lizardman, "Ah'm goohnuh get meh…a whole box of kittens, see…? Ah' then, ah'm gonna give 'em to a doggeh, so he can have them fo' pets! Yunowhutamsyin!"
"Yeah, wicked cool, dude…" muttered another, who was slumped against the grill, not noticing that his posterior was starting to burn.
"Letz all go tah th' zoo…and throw th' poo-poo at th' MONKEHS! See how THEY feel when th' boot iz ohn th' othah foot!" said another one, swaying side to side.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" Screamed Olcadan.
"I have no clue, dude…" said Lizardman, toddling up to them. "I took the mushrooms off the grill like you said, and then I put the burgers back on again. I cooked 'em, and then I began serving them to everyone…"
"Oh, NO…" said Olcadan, "The mushrooms must have left a residue on the grill…it's tainted all the meat!"
"I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT!" screamed Talim, running up to Rock and grabbing his leg and laughing ecstatically. 'THIS PLACE IS FREAKING ME OUT!"
"What in…?" said Rock.
Talim pointed at Lizardman.
"THE DUDE TOOK A PIECE OF ROUND MEAT AND THREW IT ON THE GRILL!" she laughed, "THEN HE TURNED IT OVER AND IT HAD THREE BLACK STRIPES ON IT!"
"Far out!" said Lizardman. "She's like, all goofy and stuff!"
"THEN HE TOOK TWO PIECES OF BREAD, AND PUT THE MEAT BETWEEN IT, AND THEN HE GAVE TO ME, AND I ATE IT!" Talim laughed hysterically.
"I'm Henry the Eighth, I am!" sang another, pirouetting past them.
"MAH BISCUITS ARE BURNIN'!" screamed the person who'd had their rear against the grill. He ran past them, his bottom completely engulfed in flames, and ran right into the donations box, setting the whole thing on fire.
Olcadan just stood there as their profits literally went up in smoke.
"My life officially sucks." Muttered Olcadan as little pieces of burnt money began fluttering down out of the air.
Somewhere in the desert, the burnt remains of an old wooden building stood, barely holding up against the heat and winds that carried eye-stinging sand. There was no sign of life among the ruins, save for one solitary figure silhouetted against the sunset. A girl, scantily clad in green, carrying a large ring-shaped weapon.
Tira surveyed the wreckage. The destruction here was brutal. It must have been done by someone merciless, to have caused such carnage on this scale.
She smiled gleefully. Her targets were dangerous people. All the more challenge, all the more delight she would take. Her whole body quivered with anticipation…