Chaos. That was the understatement of the century. And now, the whole Superman thing wasn't his gig. He had operated on thousands of patients, with all sorts of problems, but he was never scared. Not like he was now. This was the type of fear that you got as a kid when your mommy turned the lights off after you snuck out to that horror movie. This was the fear where you just felt like you were drowning and you could do nothing. It was the kind that you would remember forever. But doctors weren't supposed to be scared. They were supposed to be ready, they were supposed to grab the bull by the horns, and save the day in a moment's time. They were supposed to be Superman. And right now, right now Derek Shepard felt like he was the smallest ant in the world, and God was the kid with the magnifying glass.
"Dr. Shepard! Dr. Shepard, you need to stop the bleeding."
He had been standing over the body of Meredith Grey for 1 hour and 47 minutes, and everyone was waiting for him to screw up.
Burke fixed all of her internal injuries, but the brain, that was his job. And that is like comparing a fluffy little bunny to Dracula. The piece of metal lodged into Meredith Grey's skull was like kryptonite to superman. He had to remove it. He had to. If he didn't she would most certainly die. But she wouldn't die. She couldn't. She would be Lois Lane to his Superman, minus the kissing.
"Dr. Shepard, you have to remove it!"
So, this could end in two ways. He could save her, and all would be normal. Or he could slip, and know that because of him Meredith Grey died. The big question was, did he want to be Superman.
And that is when it hit him. He loved her too much to just give up on her. And so he starts to count. Five….if he pulls it out and stops the bleeding fast enough, she might be able to wake up….four….if he doesn't he will have to be the one to call it….three….if she wakes up she will still ignore him…two…she might not….one…
He pulls it out. His hands immediately go to her head to stop the bleeding. But she is loosing too much blood. It just keeps coming in crimson rivers of dread. Everyone stops moving and he can hear the alarms in the background.
"You are not dying on me Meredith."
He starts chest compressions, he tries to ignore the flatline coming from behind him. People are telling him to stop, but he wont give up on her. The bleeding has stopped, but she is still flat lining.
"You are too stubborn to just give up!"
That's when his hope went out the door. But thank God for bouncers. It was faint, but it was there. Her heart. Meredith Grey had been dead for a minute, but he brought her back. He finished cleaning her up and stitched the incision back closed. She would be fine. Give her some morphine, and she'll be fine.
He walks out of surgery, down the hall, and out the doors. He stands behind the old oak tree that looms over the hospital entrance. And that is where it all sinks in. He slides down the tree and sits at the base of it. To complete this somber mood, it was raining, and the brain surgeon was sitting under a tree. His eyes showed no emotion, they were just blank. And one lonely tear traveled down his cheek.
I like walking in the rain because no one knows I'm crying…He can hear someone else open the hospital door. Its Bailey.
"Derek, come on, its raining, get up."
"Did that just happen. She was dead, just for a minute, but I killed her. I killed her then I brought her back." Now Bailey is standing directly in front of him.
"Listen to me. You just saved a girl's life in there. Now you are going to stand up, go get changed and sit in her room until she wakes up."
Shepard awakened out of his reverie.
"You don't know if-"
"She is going to wake up. And believe me she would probably like to see the man who saved her life."
"You mean the guy who ruined it."
"You know what, I hate to say it, but you are right. You did ruin her life, but that was also aided by the fact that she has a mother with Alzheimer's and cancer and that she has no other family left. Now, if I were her, I would like to see someone at my bedside when I would wake up."
So, he stands up, and follows Bailey back inside the hospital. Chaos, understatement of the century.