Song--Sheryl Crow-I Shall Believe

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Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe

He walks into her room, as quiet as he can, secretly hoping that she is asleep. And she is lying there. Hooked up to all of the machines, all of the tubes are running from her body, and she looks helpless. Pale as a ghost it looks as though there is no life left in her, but the steady beep of the monitor tells you that she is still hanging on. You know that she is the one who decides her own fate. For now it solely depends on if she wants to fight, if she has the desire to even come back.

I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe

So you sit. And you think. Your hand reaches out and wipes the hair out of her face. You thought you had moved on. You thought that you would continue your life with Satan, er, you mean Addison. And for now all you can do is sit there and watch her chest rise and fall in shallow breaths. And you beg her to fight, because she might not think she has something to live for, that the world doesn't need her, but the thing is, the world doesn't need any of us, it is ready for us to leave. The thing is that you need her, you aren't ready for her to go yet.

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Seven days have passed, and she is still in a coma. You have visited her everyday, but you can bring yourself to sit there for more than a minute. So, knowing that she might not pull out of this, you decide to sit next to her. You look at her face, and at the monitor slowly beating in time with her heart. This is it. You look behind you and make sure no one is there, and you hold her hand and hold it tightly to your chest, and the floodgates open.

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

"Don't leave me. Please don't leave me. The hospital cant lose you right now, I cant lose you now. This whole experience made me realize something. I tried with Addison. You know I did. But the thing is, I noticed that something was missing from our 'relationship'. When you came into the OR, I swear I was going to just fall apart right there. And I have never felt that scared in my entire life. One time, before the adultery, She was involved in a crash. Not as severe as yours, but I wasn't as scared, that fact remains. She was my wife for heaven's sake, and I wasn't as scared as I was when I saw you laying on that table. It was like the floor was taken out from beneath me, and I couldn't breathe. My hands were shaking, and I had no idea how I was going to pull it off. During the surgery, just for a minute, you died, I mean, I killed you, but I brought you back. Everyone else gave up. I didn't. My father told me a story. A man was flying his plane across a glacier, he soon lost visibility and crashed. It was in the middle of nowhere. He had sent a distress call out, but no one had responded, and there was no way to locate him. An hour later, a plane flying overhead saw the wreck and went to see if there were any survivors. They found that man sitting in the cabin of his plane with his wife's picture in one hand, a pistol in the other, and a bullet hole in his head. The moral of this story is, that you can survive 3 weeks without food, 3 days without water, 3 minutes without air, but only 3 seconds without hope. Please don't lose hope. Not right now. Please."

Never again
would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

You let go of her hand, and stand up, you walk over to the door and hold the handle. You think of glancing back, taking one last look at her. But you don't, you cant.

You push the handle down and sirens blaze from behind you. Her eyes are wide open and she is trying to breathe around the tube shoved down her trachea. You run over to her and turn off the alarms. She is grabbing at the front of your scrubs and you try and remove the breathing tube. You slide it out of her mouth and she coughs wildly while clinging to your shirt. You automatically wrap your arms around behind her, ignoring the consequences for now. She is crying now but her sobs are drowned out by her coughs. You can only make out a few words.

"…blood…" she coughs more

"So much blood."

"Shhh….Merideth, calm down, you're in the hospital, no one is going to hurt you, I promise." Her coughs subside and her death grip on the front of your scrubs loosens.

"Can I have some water?" You run over and get her a glass. You hand it to her. Then she looks up, she realizes its you and you can see the waves of thoughts and emotions in her eyes right now. And that is when George, Izzy, Cristina, and Alex burst into the room, affectively separating the both of you, even though you haven't separated your gaze yet. You come to your senses and walk out of the room. You go to the bunk room and lock yourself in. You lean against the door and slide down as you body cant take it anymore. You cry.