Kate's POV

I found myself in a peaceful sleep yet again. Thanks to snuggling with my lover, not only was I able to fall asleep fast but I was able to stay asleep. Sadly my dreams were not good, but the good news was that they aren't bad either. All I could really remember when I woke up was nothing. Just a dreamless night. I guess there was still a process. I was fine with it as long as I had my boyfriend and wasn't having those awful nightmares from everything. When thinking back to them it still made me feel scared. Being put in these awful situations and such.

When I awoke from my sleep it was because of stirring in the bed. Drowsily I woke up and realized it was Rick pulling away from me. It was as if he was trying to be subtle but in a hurry, it was odd. I opened my eyes sleepily and looked over at him as he pulled away and out of my arms and reach.

"Rick?" I asked before letting out a yawn. "What is it? Are you okay?" I asked sleepily. Rick simply sat up, not saying anything. He was staring over at my door which because of my tiredness scared me, I don't know why. I guess part of me thought he was looking at something that I couldn't see which my sleepy imagination was telling me.

"Rick?" I asked again, sitting up myself slightly. Only slightly however because I was still laying on my stomach from how we were pretzeled together. I was using my forearms to lift myself up, looking at my boyfriend in the dark room. He still said nothing which made me even more nervous. Suddenly he threw the blankets off of himself extremely fast, practically throwing them on me and standing up, running out of the room and into the hall. It startled me but I managed to get over it and get up myself, following him into the hall.

Once out there I noticed the bathroom light on, pulling my attention over to it where I heard the sickening sounds of vomiting coming from the room. The door hung open as Rick sat on his knees, looking into the toilet. He threw up again as I entered, grabbing the sides of the toilet bowl as he did so. I walked over and knelt down, placing a hand on his back as he finished.

"It's okay, get it all out" I said as kindly as I could. Rick simply panted heavily and then spit into the toilet. He let out a shiver and then reached up for the handle. He pulled on it and the toilet flushed, he continued to pant as he stayed in place, looking back at me as best as he could.

"Sorry… I just… had to get in here quickly" he panted. He then went to throw up again but this time nothing came out. It made me feel bad because I knew how that felt. Your body trying to get up everything but you simply had nothing to give. Rick shivered as he tried to prepare himself for the next wave of sickness, leaving me with time to reply to him.

"It's okay, just get it out of you. Want me to get you some water?" I asked. Rick nodded as he breathed heavily. I gave his back another quick pat and then stood up. I went back to my room quickly, speed walking next door and flicking on the light, then walking over to Rick's side of the bed where a water bottle sat on the small end table. I took it and then noticed Rick's phone. Giving it a quick tap I saw that it had just turned four AM. I sighed sadly and then left the room, going back over to the bathroom and kneeling over to hand Rick the bottle. He accepted it and proceeded to drink almost the whole thing which wasn't full to begin with but still, he was thirsty.

"Thanks" he said as he put the cap back on and stood up.

"Do you think you're done?" I asked. Rick shrugged, taking one final look in the toilet.

"I think I'm fine, mind if I take the bathroom trash though? Just in case?" Rick asked.

"Of course," I answered. Rick nodded and then walked over to the sink to brush his teeth.

"Great, now I'll need a new toothbrush," he said sadly. I guess it had value to him because it was a Christmas present. He would've had to change it eventually anyway. Plus I kinda needed a new one too.

"Eh, I kinda needed one too. I'll tell Lilly to pick one up tomorrow if she goes out" I said as I leaned on the counter next to him. Rick turned his toothbrush on and began brushing after applying toothpaste to it. I took the moment to pick up the small trash can and then walk with it to my room, placing it on Rick's side of the bed just in case he needed to vomit again. After that I crawled on the bed and layed on my side, grabbing my phone from under my pillow and playing on it for a few minutes until Rick came back in. He said nothing and then practically collapsed on the bed next to me, making me giggle. "You alright?" I asked. He took a moment to answer.

"Yeah, I guess the food from earlier was just too heavy is all" he said with his eyes shut. I looked over at him, realizing that this was one of the few times we were in the same bed and not sharing the same side. Rarely did we ever lay next to each other on our own sides.

"You forgot to shut the light out" I teased, knowing that I could just turn it off with the small switch on the side of the lamp that sat on my end table, Rick took it seriously though.

"Sorry" he said as he began to get up. I reached over and stopped him, laying him back down.

"I was joking. You probably are tired though aren't you?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yeah, but I'm gonna stay up for a few minutes and try to see if I'm really done," he explained. I closed my phone and put it back under my pillow before rolling on my stomach and giving his chest a light scratch.

"I'll stay up with you" I said. Rick gave me a smile which made me smile back. He then sat up again, making me a tad bit confused.

"Up for a quick game?" he asked, nudging over to the TV. I looked over and noticed the chess set that sat just under it. I smiled as my heart fluttered, realizing that it had been so long since we played. I honestly thought it would never get used again. When I thought he was dead it was devastating to look at, remembering the joy it brought us and the moment where he gifted it to me. It meant a lot to me. I got off the bed and stood up, walking over and grabbing the box before turning around and shutting the door. I then sat on the bed and began to set up the game as Rick now sat completely. I sat across from him and set up the board, making him black as always. Or I guess according to this board it was just a foggy glass. Rick began setting up his pieces and then we both sat as I thought about my strategy. As I did, Rick took a moment to grab his shirt and sweatpants, standing up to put them on and then sitting back down. I was fine with my sleepwear though.

"I… I can't remember the last time we played this" I said excitedly. Rick laughed lightly.

"Yeah… I missed it" he said. I moved my first piece as my tail tried to wag, but since I was sitting on it it didn't wag much.

"Soon you'll get your weight back. You'll get your fur trimmed and hair cut. You'll be back to yourself" I exclaimed happily. Again Rick smiled as he moved his piece. I could tell what he was going for, so I immediately set up a plan to counter it in my head.

"Yeah, I can't wait. I'm kind of embarrassed walking around like this though. I might wait until I'm not skin and bones to go outside" he explained.

"You don't even look bad. Just skinnier than normal. It shouldn't take long. A few happy meals and you might overdo it" I said, although I think I used that same joke at the hospital. Regardless Rick smiled.

"That's exactly it Kate, I look skinnier than normal. I look disgusting" he replied. I shook my head.

"No you don't. You're just paranoid. Either way I love you" I said.

"And that's all that matters" Rick replied, finally making his move. My turn. As I took a moment to make my move I noticed Rick's emotion fade, as if he had a thought that killed his mood.

"What is it?" I asked. He looked up at me and then shook his head.

"Nothing," he said.

"You know you can talk to me about anything. What's up?" I asked as I took my turn.

"Well… I don't mean to sound weird but… actually I don't even know how to ask this without sounding rude or something but… normally you would be so… I don't know… horny. Why the change?" Rick asked. I looked over at him, my smile now gone.

"Well it's not because of your change in appearance if that's what you're thinking. Believe me I am horny, and I do crave you. Going through my heat without you was awful. I told you that. But uh…. I don't know, I just figured you would want a chance to breathe before any of that. I didn't want you to just come out of the hospital and think that was all that was on my mind. I love you, and I missed you. All I want is to spend time with you again, that's enough. But even so I… I know you feel me humping your leg at night" I said, making Rick start to laugh.

"Yeah… yeah I've felt it… sorry I just… I shouldn't have brought it up" Rick said.

"No you should have. You felt a way, we talked it out, now it's resolved that's how it should be. We'll make love soon, just let me know when you're ready. It's what couples do, you can come to me with anything" I said when in the back of my mind I knew what I had just skipped out on telling him the night before. Rick smiled and nodded as I made my move, leaving his turn as his smile faded once more.

"Speaking of which… I know you've been through a lot, I really do. But we need to talk about what you told me" Rick added, his smile now completely gone as he moved his piece. My smile now faded as my tail stopped wagging. Why did he want to talk about this now?

"What's there to talk about? I made a mistake, I get that. Do we really have to talk about this now?" I asked sadly as I made my next move. Rick studied the board as he thought of what to do next.

"I wanted to talk with you sooner. But because of everyone around I just… thought I'd wait. I didn't want to wait long though. With something as serious as that I think the sooner the better" Rick explained. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"What do you wanna know?" I asked.

"I guess… just… why? Why would you kill yourself? Especially over me? Do you know who you are? You're the most stunning, attractive, and kindest wolf that will ever live with the brightest future ahead of you no matter what happens now" Rick explained, making my heart race and my fur stand up.

"Why would I kill myself over you? I don't know Rick, maybe because I love you? Because I care about you? Because I… fell for you? Because I didn't want anyone else, or to fall for anyone else, because I didn't want to forget about you and treat you as if you were nothing but a memory which would be replaced anyway if I found someone else" I ranted. Rick said nothing and simply moved his piece. He then looked up to me before he spoke.

"I'm sure you hear this already, and I'm sure your mom was hard on you for it but you need to have this conversation one more time. I think I deserve that" Rick said. I nodded sadly.

"You do," I said. I then moved my piece over to his, taking it and placing it next to me on the bed. He smiled with a light laugh as I took the piece, but I sat sadly.

"Kate… do you think I would have wanted you to die? Even if I was dead do you think I would've wanted to see you so soon? Knowing that you didn't live your life?" Rick asked. I bit my lip as I felt tears start to well up but I held back. Not now Kate, not now. Stop fucking crying. You've done it enough.

"N-no" I choked. Rick sighed as he looked down at the board.

"It's not just me either. The feeling of realizing what happened to Angel was the toughest pain I've ever gone through. Worse than being gutted in the street. I would rather go through that than lose my sister again. And I know you loved her. You were close, and you were family. But me… no one was more hurt than me. So when I tell you that you were going to put Lilly through that pain, your mother through that pain, and your father through that pain. It makes it a whole lot more… selfish" Rick explained. Part of me couldn't believe what he was saying to me. But I knew it was out of love. He probably wanted to say worse, but again out of love he didn't. He was right though, every word. What I would have put my parents and sister through if I had succeeded would have scared them for life, and unlike Rick they didn't have a house to lose unless they moved. But with the memories I wasn't sure if they would, which would have made things even worse. The memories hanging over the house like ghosts, and the constant pain of knowing that I was never coming back home. Not to mention my room which would become a tomb. I heard most parents don't even touch their kid's room when they die. It just… sits. Frozen in time from the last moment their inhabitant left it, never fully realizing that it would be the last time they set foot in what was their safe space.

"I… I didn't… I didn't even think of it like that" I admitted. Rick stayed silent for a moment.

"It's your turn," he said.

"Oh" I replied, looking down at the board. I looked over everything quickly and then made my move.

"It terrifies me, you know. If I had woken up and realized that you weren't here. My most beloved family is gone because she thought she would never see me again… what would I have done Kate?" Rick asked with wet eyes. I kept my eyes away from him because I knew if I looked him in the eye that I would start to cry.

"I… I-I-I don't know" I choked.

"I'll tell you what I would've done… if I got that news I would have froze, I would have cried for hours and hours wondering why you would do such a thing to yourself and family. I know that you know that's not what I want for you. I would rather you forget about me completely than to kill yourself for me" Rick said, the whole time my efforts to contain my tears had failed and I was silently crying, my vision blurred as I shook, moving my piece. "Kate, look at me," Rick said.

"I was so miserable… so… fucking miserable. It was bad enough thinking I lost you the first time but when I thought I would lose you again I was done fighting… I had been fighting for so long to wait for you that when I got the news and I knew you didn't have forever I was done… if there was no you there was no me… and… and I know that's wrong, and I know that's selfish but I don't fucking care… I just… I just wanted my lover" I sobbed, trying to wipe away the tears. Rick stared for a second and then got up. I continued to cry as he walked over to me, finally pulling me into a hug where I hugged him back. I clung to him as the tears let loose. I just couldn't help it.

"I love you Kate… but please… if anything ever happens to me you cant think like that… you have to live… I can't understand why you don't get that… you're so stubborn" Rick said. In my mind I kept thinking about how it would have all been for nothing. So much death and destruction over me and how would that end? If I killed myself it would have meant nothing. All that death for nothing, and I hated myself for it. "Kate promise me," Rick said.

"P-promise you w-what?" I asked. Rick then broke the hug to get on his knees as he took my hand, looking up at me.

"Promise me that you wont ever kill yourself, or harm yourself if something happens to me. Promise me that you'll live and be as happy as you can be. Promise me" Rick begged. His words echoed in my head. Promise me. It took a moment but I knew if I went through it all over again that I couldn't. I just couldn't bear the thought of it. Losing him again. Why would I ever have to go through it again? I simply couldn't, I refused.

"Rick… I… if something happens to you… again… I can't bear that pain. Not again… I can only go through it so many times. If you really die then I wont have to kill myself… I'll… I'll die from a broken heart" I wept. Rick simply stared up at me with a tear in his eye speechless.

"Kate… please…" he begged. I simply bit my lip and shook my head as the tears kept flowing.

"I can't," I said.

"You can," Rick encouraged. "Live for me" this was true love. Not an obsession of him owning me, and not wanting me to move on. But he just wanted me to be happy. And for that it was the reason I loved him like I did. So much so that I would kill for him, die for him. And I knew he would do the same for me. "Kate please" he begged.

"Rick… I'm not gonna lie to you" I said. Rick looked me in the eye and then pulled me into another tight hug.

"Your so stupid… your so stupid Kate" he said as he began sobbing himself. I held him close, knowing that maybe there was one thing I could tell him that would calm his nerves. I loosened my grip and pulled back to break the hug. He looked at me again as I reached to wipe a tear from his eye.

"But… I can try…" I said with a slight smile. "I can try," Rick sniffled and then pulled me into yet another hug. I kept it as he hugged me. I then began to nuzzle him as he began kissing my neck. Again I broke our embrace. "But you gotta promise me something too. Don't leave me… don't you ever leave me again" I begged. Rick took a moment to think of a response with tears in his eyes, finally landing on one that made me feel exactly what he was feeling in this moment.

"I can try," he said. It left me with a bit of certainty but also despair, knowing that the possibility was there. It was good to know that we met somewhere in the middle at least. I wiped a tear from my own eye, causing Rick to reach up and wipe the other. I nuzzled against his hand and practically purred at his touch. I then held his wrist lightly and smiled again.

"I think you're okay to go back to bed," I told him. He chuckled and then looked at the game.

"Want to finish this later?" he asked. I nodded and then moved my hand from his wrist to his own hand, lacing my fingers between his.

"Yeah… let's go back to bed" I offered. We offered each other a smile, getting lost in each other's eyes for a minute before I broke the silence with a joke. "I can have another go at your leg too" I said, causing us both to laugh.

"Well, I wont keep ya" Rick said as he stood up and grabbed the board. He was careful to not drop the pieces and put the game back on my TV stand. I reached out my hand, holding the two pieces I got from him and he took them, putting them next to it and then walking over to the bed. Once under the blankets it was one flick of the light and we were cuddling again, our legs intertwined as I lay over him, my arm across his chest and hand on his face, pulling him in to kiss his cheek. Rick smiled and nuzzled me. I nuzzled back and it wasn't long until we were both sound asleep again.

It was good that we talked about everything, getting our feelings out in the open. However the uncertainty of everything left me feeling poorly. Thinking back however no one stood in our way of our perfect life now. Rick just had to get well and we would be back on track. I couldn't think of anyone anyway,