Title: Defeated with Love
Summary: Harry defeats Voldie with something that you should already know… especially when it's in the title.
Disclaimer: I don't own. Don't sue me.
Harry nervously sat in his room at Grimmauld. It was mere hours before the Final Battle and he was, expectedly, scared out of his wits. The night before had seen him and the now happy couple Rione placing the last touches on their hopefully fool-proof plan.
He looked at the red piece of parchment in his hands and suddenly he thought, What the frog? I can't believe I'm actually going to go through with this! But he was stopped from thinking any more by a pale Hermione knocking at his door.
"Harry? Come on. It's time. We have to apparate before the Gay Brigade gets there." That name had been stuck onto the Death Eaters and Voldemort when Fred Weasley made a remark that 'Malfoy Sr. looked absolutely chipper in his wife's nightie.' This of course came from when George cursed him into it in Diagon Alley.
"Coming 'Mione." Harry looked around the room, hoping it wasn't going to be the last time he saw it.
Voldemort apparated into the Ministry of Magic, followed closely by his Gay Brigade. Yes, he knew what that annoying Order and the Potter boy were calling him. Although he would never admit it, he found it quite amusing, especially when he had learned about how it had come about. But he didn't have time to be thinking about that at the moment. He had a brat to kill.
After taking a glance at his surroundings, which was the main lobby at the Ministry except decorated in pink and red with little hearts all over, he nearly smiled. If he would have succeeded it would have looked more like he was constipated, and he didn't want anyone to know that he was.
He hated this happy little holiday. What was it called again? Ah, yes: St. Valentines Day. But that wasn't why he almost gave away his bowel movements. No, it was because the whole Order was there, and it looked as if he had just interrupted a little party.
"Sorry to barge in on this happy little occasion of yours, but I'm looking for Potter," he hissed. Everyone seemed to be here, even the Mudblood and the blood traitors, but the annoying little monster was no where to be found.
"Ah, yes," sputtered a quite shocked Minerva McGonagall. He smirked inside, if he could make McGonagall sputter like that, he was getting better at the 'Evil Dark Lord' persona. "He just- just went off to the loo." She waved her hand vaguely in the direction of a door that said 'Wizards' and had a little stick figure with a beard.
Not finding it odd at all that someone in the Order would willingly give the location of the Golden Brat, he simply nodded his head and said, "I'll wait."
Silence filled the large room until The-Boy-Who-Survived-By-Sheer-Dumb-Luck himself walked out of the red door, toilet flushing in his wake, wiping his hands on a brown paper towel. He looked up, saw the Death Eaters and Voldemort waiting for him (although why the Order didn't even try to stop them didn't even cross Voldemort's mind), and … smiled.
Voldemort was a little taken aback at the boy's seemingly happy demeanor to see him. Well, a little was the understatement of the century. He was nearly leveled flat by the unexpected greeting. "Uhm…" He said quite eloquently, for Voldemort was never at a loss for words and he could even make that one little word, for he believed it truly was a word, filled with meaning. Not missing a beat, Potter greeted him.
"Voldemort! How wonderful to see you!" The teenager practically beamed across the room. He then cleared his throat and said…
When Harry and Rione apparated to the Ministry, the Order was already there and the place was decorated beautifully, or so Hermione said, with little pink and red hearts with cupids flying around the ceiling. McGonagall, now the head of the Order since Dumbledore's meeting with Snape's wand, stood waiting by a table and drinking punch. When she saw them she rushed over.
"Are you ready Harry? We have to have everything set up perfectly. Do you have your DA coin?"
Harry nodded. "When it gets warm I'm to come out."
McGonagall nodded and pursed her lips. "Are you sure you're up to this boy? If you want there's still time to back out and have a normal, bloody battle."
Harry blanched. "That's okay Professor." She nodded and shooed him into the Wizards loo.
She then turned and got everyone's attention. "Okay people, this is it. If you ever had to have fun at a party, this is it! Now make it convincing." With that people started chatting away and drinking punch and eating the cute little appetizers provided by Molly Weasley.
It continued on like that for about five minutes or so, each minute building up the tension until finally they heard the soft pops that come with apparating.
"Sorry to barge in on this happy little occasion of yours, but I'm looking for Potter," hissed a quite pale and snake-like Voldemort.
Everyone was truly shocked, but McGonagall stepped hers up a notch. "Ah, yes," she sputtered. Voldemort stood there with his cronies. He seemed a bit more gleeful than when he arrived. "He just- just went off to the loo." She waved her hand off to the side where the loos were and his red eyes flicked over to where she motion.
This was the crucial moment. If Voldemort was stupid enough to believe their whole act, then Lupin, who was in a back corner, would activate the DA coin and Harry would come out. He nodded and stated simply, "I'll wait."
They all waited for a few tense seconds, Voldemort rocking from the balls of his feet to his heels. After what felt like years, but what was in reality 32 seconds, Harry came walking out.
Minerva silently congratulated the boy. The whole toilet flushing and horrid brown paper towel made it seem more real. Harry looked up and smiled. It was a true smile because he had told himself while he was waiting that he would picture Voldemort's look when he realized what was going to happen.
"Uhm…" said a quite shocked but nevertheless eloquent Voldemort.
"Voldemort! How wonderful to see you!" He beamed at the snake-like man. His mind was preparing itself for what he was about to do next. He cleared his throat. "Will you be my Valentine?" He whipped out the red piece of parchment he cut out in a heart just for this occasion. It was charmed to say "Be my Voldemort" in big, pink, sparkly, pretty, sparkly, awesome, happy, sparkly letters.
Voldemort and his goons stood shocked. Harry, while he still had the chance, ran up to the old man and hugged him tight. "I love you Voldie! You don't know how long I've kept it all inside!"
… "Will you be my Valentine?" Voldemort had a hard time hiding his shock, especially when the red card with big, pink, sparkly, pretty, sparkly, awesome, happy, sparkly (Oh! So may sparkles! Slowly blinding me! Help!) letters. This wasn't how the plan was supposed to go. Nope. Not at all. He was supposed to march in here and kill the boy slowly and painfully while his Death Eaters made the rest watch. Not be blinded by a Valentine's Day card. This wasn't right at all.
Before the Evil Dark Lord knew what was happening he was enveloped in a hug that nearly crushed his ribcage. He heard a sort of whisper filled with glee where his shoulder was located. "I love you Voldie! You don't know how long I've kept it all inside!"
This completely threw Voldemort over the edge. The power of love was just too strong for his weak, tiny heart. It began to slow before totally stopping and his world went black. The last thing he saw before he died was the triumphant look on The-Brat-Who-Lived face and an adorable little Cupid flying around the ceiling.
Harry felt Voldemort's body slump in his arms and he let him go to fall to the floor, a look of triumph on his features. The Death Eaters behind him all grabbed their left forearms and fell to their knees.
The Order rushed passed their savior and started putting body binds on their new captives. Harry, who just realized who he had been hugging, rushed back to the loo to use the toilet. Rione snogged in a secluded corner. Voldemort didn't do anything except lay there.
THE END