Clark didn't sleep a wink.
How could he when he knew that someone out there, someone dear to his heart, knew his secret. Someone knew the truth about him and, by her reaction, Clark knew she wasn't happy about it. If anything, she was angry, full of rage. And rightfully so. He had been there the whole time and hadn't said one word. He had lied to her. And in Lois Lane's book, liars were as good as the gum on the bottom of your shoe.
He had tried going to bed, but found himself tossing and turning. Not to mention, at five in the morning, someone needed rescuing in Mongolia. He had saved quite a few lives but, instead of feeling happy about it as he usually did, he was weighted down with unwanted guilt. Though the guilt may have been unwanted, it was well deserved.
He had tried to go to their home after the incident. He had waited until Lois had put Jason to sleep before slipping in through their son's window and waiting for Lois to notice him. It didn't take her long. She had glared harshly at him, smacked him across the face -- successfully hurting her hand -- and told him, in the most deadly of tones, to leave her house before she came to her senses. He listened and left.
If he were Lois, he would hate his guts right now. Hell, Clark hated himself right now. If someone had kept that big of a secret from him, someone that he claimed to be a best friend and someone he cared for deeply, he would've gone mental.
Okay, so not mental, but he would've been really angry. Clark usually wasn't one to get angry, but when it came to something as huge as this, he would've been angry. He could only imagine what Lois could be like. He could picture her in her den at the home she shared with Richard, her fiancée, pacing in front of the fireplace, her footsteps heavy. She was probably mumbling curses under her breath, her insides burning with fury.
Clark felt like kicking himself, but knew that it would do no good. He couldn't feel or sink any lower than he already had.
Sometimes, Clark wondered why he was such an idiot. Sometimes, he wondered, why he had taken away all her memories of what had unfolded between them away with that kiss. That damn kiss was going to haunt him forever. Clark suddenly came to a conclusion.
He was an idiot. The world's biggest…..
Asshole.
That was one word that could describe Clark Kent. Or, at least, one appropriate word. Oh yes, Lois had a whole list composed in her mind but wasn't entirely sure she should say those sorts of things, let alone think them. If she said them, he could hear her. She silently thanked her lucky stars that he didn't have the ability to read minds.
Lois sighed heavily as she sank into the old, leather sofa that occupied her den. She had closed the door, much like she always did whenever she came into her den to think. And boy, was she thinking right now.
More like plotting the death of one Clark whatever--the-hell-his-middle-name-was Kent. Every time his name popped into her head, she saw red. Her hands shook in rage and balled into fists. Her jaw locked into place and her eyes narrowed. His name alone could evoke so much rage from her, Lois didn't even want to see what seeing him would do to her.
She was thankful that she had a whole weekend to cool down. Not necessarily 'cool down', as she was far from getting over her anger and would be until she confronted Clark about it, which she would eventually, just after she sorted a few things out herself. She was mulling things over. Yes, that was it. She liked the sound of that.
How could he have done something like that to her? Lied to her for all those long years? She just didn't understand. Though she hadn't exactly treated him as nicely as she should've, she still considered Clark to be one of her closest friends. Hell, she would go out a limb and say he could probably be one of her best friends. He had always been there for her when she needed him and she had neglected that. But, for some reason, that didn't seem to matter anymore.
What mattered was that he lied to her. Every day for the past six years, he had lied right to her face. She had thought Clark an honest man, or at least that what he had always seemed like. Always the smiling face willing to help out anyone in need, even if they were taking advantage of him. It just didn't make sense to her. Why would he put on a fake persona and act like a silly school boy with a crush when he could've straight out and told her?
Because it would've looked extremely odd and you probably would've never given Clark the time of day to tell you.
She instantly shushed that tiny voice in the back of her mind. No, if she wanted to be angry, then dammit, she was going to be angry. He had no right to do that to her. Put her through all those long years of torture. And for what? For nothing, that's what!
He could've loved her out in the open. But he chose not to. Instead, he chose to hide behind the mask of Clark Kent, the mild mannered, bumbling reporter that hardly anyone really looked at but took advantage of. She was one of those people who had taken advantage of him. Hell, she was the one who took advantage of him the most. And he let her.
She pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, along with that annoying little voice. She was supposed to be making Clark out to be the bad guy, not herself. He was the one who had caused her so much hurt. He was the one who had caused her so much pain. He was the one who had left her all alone. He was the one who had caused her so much…
Confusion.
That was all that Jimmy Olsen felt when he woke up the next morning with his face pressed into the kitchen floor. He was confused on how he had even gotten there in the first place. Then, as he was sitting up and rubbing the goose egg of a knot on his forehead, it hit him like a load of bricks.
Literally.
He had had to lean against the lower cabinets and catch his breath. His mind was reeling.
Could it really be true? Could it really be that Clark Kent, his best friend, was Superman? Was that even possible? Jimmy claimed to know Clark better than anyone else in Metropolis and he most likely did know Clark better than anyone else in Metropolis. Whether that was a good thing or not, well they would both just have to decide that later.
At the moment, Jimmy had a huge secret, perhaps the world's biggest secret resting on his shoulders. And boy was that weight tremendous! What was he going to do? Should he tell Clark that he knew and ask the mild mannered reporter why on Earth he had never told his best friend about it? Or should he leave it alone and let Clark come to him when the Man of Steel was ready?
But, Jimmy wondered, how long would that take until Clark was ready to divulged his secret to his best friend.
Immediately, Jimmy's mind jumped to Lois. Did she know? Oh, what sort of question was that. She was Lois Lane. The most fearsome reporter of the Daily Planet and definitely not someone to lie to. Of course Lois knew! That would explain why she didn't so much as blink when Clark announced that he was leaving. Heck, that was probably why she acted as though she didn't realize that Clark had left until nearly three months after he embarked on his adventure; to fool everyone. It also explained why Lois had acted so clueless for so long.
But, if he knew Lois like he thought he did, why would she have written that nasty article about him, as in Superman, not being needed in the world anymore? And…why would she be engaged to Richard White and have his child?
So…maybe Lois didn't know after all.
Jimmy sighed heavily.
That was just another weight on his shoulders. He could feel his knees buckling under the weight. What was he going to do? He couldn't exactly confront Clark about it, could he? Jimmy had never been one to confront anyone, rather they confronted him and he stood there like a bumbling, stuttering idiot.
He heaved another sigh. This was becoming all too much. Just yesterday, his life was nice and simple. It involved very few problems, aside from his mother constantly calling him to make sure he was doing all right in the 'big city'. One would think after living in the 'big, bad, crime infested city' for as many years as Jimmy had that he would learn to take care of himself, but no matter what, Jimmy would always be a mommy's boy.
So…if Lois didn't know…did that mean that Clark didn't know that Lois knew? Or did Clark know that Lois doesn't know, but just continues to keep up his persona to throw everyone off?
Oh vey! This was getting…
Complicated.
If there was one thing that Jason Lane found more frustrating than watching an episode of CSI with his parents and trying to figure out who the killer was before the end of the episode, it was adults in general. They could just be so…so…well, stupid at times. Jason knew he wasn't supposed to call anyone stupid, since it wasn't nice, but since he was thinking in his head, who could hear him?
Honestly, how could the adults not see what was right in front of them?
Clark Kent was Superman. Superman was Clark Kent.
He, Jason Lane, had figured that out the very first time he had seen the journalist when he returned back to work. That was why he had needed his inhaler. He had been shocked, to say the least, but pleasantly so. His Mommy and Daddy worked with a superhero! How many kids in his class could say that! Not many. If it wasn't obvious enough. They looked a lot alike, but when Jason looked through the lenses of Clark's thick glasses, he noticed that he shared the exact same eyes as Superman.
When Mommy had asked Clark to babysit him, Jason had been so excited. He was going to be babysat by a superhero! Not some teenaged girl -- ick! -- who talked on the phone the entire time and didn't even play with him when he asked or listen to the song he just learned on the piano. But an actual superhero! And the best part? No one knew it was him!
Jason had giggled to himself about that. How was it, that adults could be so oblivious to the obvious. Yet, when children like himself told them the truth, they said to get those silly ideas out of their head and forget about it. Jason had told Daddy that Clark was Superman and Daddy just laughed it off. But then…why was it, when he was at Mommy and Daddy's office, walking around with the trash can on his head, that he heard Daddy bring up the possibility of Clark being Superman?
Or had he just imagined it? Maybe that was it. When you have a trash can on your head and act like you're destroying the city of Tokyo like Godzilla, only with much more fire and a lot more growling, you sometimes made things up in your head. But…Jason was pretty much positive that he had heard right. He wouldn't mistake something that big…would he?
Adults always complicated things. They always labeled the children the silly ones. When, in all reality, children saw more than adults did. The reason? Because children were willing to believe.
Jason set down his toy cars and sat back on his haunches, surveying the mess he had made of his room. Mommy wasn't going to like this at all. She had been acting different lately. Ever since she picked him up from Clark's house. He remembered that she had carried him out of Clark's house, thinking him to be asleep and they had yelled at each other. Well, actually, Mommy had done the yelling and Clark just sort of stood there taking it. And then, in the car, Mommy had started crying.
He had seen Mommy crying three other times since then. One was right after Superman had come to visit them after they got back from Clark's house. Jason had been so excited that he had nearly leapt out of bed, but Mommy sent Superman away, growling at him in that scary way she only did when she was angry. Of course, he had never been on the receiving end, but Daddy had. And it wasn't very pretty.
The second time was while she was making him lunch. Jason had been out in the living room, playing 'Heart and Soul' on his toy piano, excited that he was finally beginning to play a little faster and was getting the keys down right instead of messing up every few seconds. He was about to rush into the kitchen and tell Mommy all about it when he heard her crying. He stopped at the entrance of the kitchen and watched as she threw a glass bowl against the wall, letting out a strangle cry from the back of her throat. Jason hadn't said anything to Mommy, but just acted like he hadn't heard any of it and returned to the living room.
The third time was last night. His window was open and it was only about eight o'clock. Daddy had said that he should try going to be early, but Jason wanted to look out at the stars and see if Clark would come over again. He missed hanging out with Clark, but the Savior of Metropolis didn't show…but Mommy did. She went outside to smoke a cigarette and was about to light it up when she looked up. She must've been looking for Superman too. Mommy snapped her cigarette in half and stalked back inside, slamming the door. Then Mommy and Daddy got into a little bit of a fight over her slamming the door and waking Jason up. But the funny thing was he hadn't even been asleep.
Silly adults. And they called children goofy.
A/N: And that's the first chapter to Conquering Emotions. I got it out just when I said I would and I hope you all like it. Please review like you did on AIB, if not more. I love feedback. I'm a feed back whore. It's quite pathetic. In case you didn't notice, there wasn't one word of dialogue spoken in this whole chapter…and with good reason. Well, I really hope that you guys enjoyed it! So, again, review and the more I get, the sooner I come out with chapters!
Countess Jackman.