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Harry sat on his bed. The clear reading on the alarm clock said it was 2:00 in the morning. He didn't care. His head was bent and his hair fell over his face, his pain filled emerald green eyes were downcast looking at his wrist. Sitting criss-cross on his large bed Harry Potter was the perfect image of vulnerablitity.
"They don't know." He choked out. Tears pooling in his once sparkling eyes.
"They'll never know." He said his voice letting go of the emotion he held. His fingers rubbing across his ladder. One mark for the first time his Uncle hit him, one for Dudleys birthday, and five for his missed birthday. The rest were unimportant. They were all meshing together, pain enveloping pain, slowly creating a wall around himself until nobody could save him. That's what he wan't after all. Right?
A creaking in the hall snapped him out of his trance. Who was there?
"Hello?" He whispered. Covering up his ladder and wiping away the tears roughly.
"Who's there?" He asked this time slightly louder. As the door started creaking open.
"Relax Harry, what are you doing up this late?" The familiar voice of Remus Lupin greeted the startled teen.
"I...I was just going to the bathroom. I was about to fall back asleep." Harry stuttered. It was hard to lie to this man. He didn't know why but it just seemed harder than to lie to Sirius.
"Oh. Okay then." Remus said beginning to close the door softly.
"Harry, you know that you can always talk to me or Sirius if you need to right? What you have been through shouldn't be bottled up. Are you sure you are okay?" Remus asked halting the door and asking the teen as Harry began to slip under the covers.
"Yeah I know professor." Harry said. Forcing a fake smile as he slipped under the covers and turned his back to his old professor. Closing his eyes tight waiting to hear the sound of the door closing.
"No. I don't think you do." Remus whispered soflty to himself before closing the door. He though Harry ahdn't heard him. Unfortunatley he was wrong.
"If you only knew." Harry whispered back. The professor was right. He didn't know. He knew nothing. That was why he could be consumed by the darkness so easily. He was weak and helpless. He was a nobody people trusted. He was suppoed to save the whole fuckin World. Hopefully he wouldn't have to.
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Remus Lupin walked silently back to his room. Deep in thought. He had heard someone talking quietly in Harry's room after getting tea and had checked to see. The minute Remus made noise Harry pulled down his sleeve and put on a fake smile and lied to him. He lied so easily but Remus could tell the boy was faking. He had much to his dislike submissed the though and walked back to his room but know in the darkness of his room. In the darkness of his mind that he hadn't vistited since third year he remembered something that he knew was true all along. Harry was cutting himself just like he had in third year. Three things were different though. Remus had three best friends around to help him out, he wasn't the savior of the wizarding world, and Harry had sunk much deeper than he had ever dared to go. Harry had sunk down into the darkness, Remus didn't know what scared him more, the fact that Harry was this far gone, or that Harry had enterered the realm of darkness willingly.
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"YOU THINK HE'S DOING WHAT!" Sirius yelled at Remus. They were in the study of the cottage and if not for the silence charm cast around them the whole forest would have been rudely woken up at 7:00 in the morning no thanks to Sirius.
"Sirius, you remember me in third grade? You remember how far I went. Harry has had alot happen to him. He may be trying to feel pain for once. Maybe he feels alone or abandoned or maybe he just wants to be in pain so he can't deal with life." Remus said. His voice calm compared to Sirius' pale face and stiff features.
"This is Harry were talking about, James' son. He IS strong and he wouldn't do this to himself. How dare you accuse him of these things Moony. You are supossed to protect him, not accuse him of slicing himself!" Sirius yelled his face changing from shock to anger. Standing up quickly he uncast the charm and stepped out into the hall towards the kitchen. He was going to prove Moony wrong. Harry was strong and Harry wasn't in depression.
Behind Remus shook his head saddly. Sirius would have to face the facts one way or another. Until then Remus would have to try to help Harry. Sirius would find out sooner or later. Remus just hoped it wasn't the hard way. Somehow he knew that, that was the only way Sirius would belive him though.
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Harry stared at the ceiling. He was lying on his back it had been four days and everything was great. He was flying everyday and had much to his dislike finished his homework, he had finally owled Hermione, Ron, and Ginny. They had owled back saying that they were eager to see him again. They were to be there in an hour. He wasn't particularly looking forward to their visit. It would only mean excuses he was supposed to belive. Harry had claimed to got to his room to nap. Instead he was thinking somethings over. Remus and Sirius had been very stiff and cross with each other for the past few days. Something was wrong but Harry didn't want to ask. I wasn't his buisness. The thing that bothered him most was that he hadn't added a rung for two days. He had even put the knife under his bed. No pain was afflicting him. Something else was though. Harry was addicted to cutting himself. He had known it forever but was just know realizing it. He was craving to feel his blood run down his arm, to feel the coldness of the blade across his skin, to see his crimson tears and not feel a anything, to finally be able to release any pain. The only thing was that Harry had no pain to release. It scared him, to not feel pain, to not feel lonley, to finally be feeling good things. He liked being numb and just six days with Sirius and Remus had taken that away. He was mad and glad in a way. It was weird and he was confused.
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Review please!
-secretlycharmed13