Mario and Luigi Partners in Paradoxes Chapter Five: So…who feels up for a cheerful romp around a BUBBLING VOLCANO?

The Mario Bros. and Peach appeared in the castle courtyard. Toadsworth immediately sees them and after babbling about some kind of bed thing, he literally drags her away, presumably to her room on the second floor.

Luigi: Okay…how did that happen! How did we get teleported like that?
Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi: Whatever, it probably has something to do with the Cobalt Star. Has anyone noticed how the castle seems to change radically every adventure?
Youthful Toadsworth has also caught notice of the Bros. and wanders over.

Youthful Toadsworth: What do you mean?
Luigi: Well, there was that time, when Bowser had this castle and there were all these weird Power Star things, it was HUGE, and then there was that time when Peach had that party and Bowser captured the whole castle, I mean each time the castle layout has been completely different!
Youthful Toadsworth: I have absolutely no idea about what you are talking about.

Luigi: Oh…yeah, you haven't existed in those times yet. But still! Isn't the castle here and now different from the one you're used to?
Youthful Toadsworth: Well…I don't know…it might very well be, but I haven't left the courtyard since I came here.

Luigi: You're kidding.

Youthful Toadsworth: No, really! Baby Peach is quite a handful!
Luigi: Fine. I guess my point shall remain unproven.

Toadsworth came back.

Toadsworth: Oh I do so love putting Princesses to bed!

Luigi: Wha? Freakin' weirdo!

Toadsworth: I most defiantly am!

Luigi: Whatever. I wonder where we must go now, we have three Cobalt Star Shards and I think we need six…so…?
Youthful Toadsworth: Let's teach you some new moves!
Luigi: Let's not and say we didn't!
Toadsworth: Oh…but I want to teach-

Luigi: NO.

Youthful Toadsworth: Fine. Jerk.

Before they can continue to argue a loud rumbling is heard from inside the castle.

Toadsworth: That came from the Princesses room!
Luigi: What? How can you tell!
Toadsworth: Who cares? Just go rescue her or something.

Mario: Woohoo!
Baby Mario: No!
Luigi: Great more rescuing.
Baby Luigi: Woo!
The Mario Bros. dash up to Princess Peach's room, dodging the panicking Toads.

Luigi: What purpose exactly do the Toads serve? All they do is panic.

Getting no response from the Toads, Luigi shrugs and speeds up. Soon they reach Peach's room and they burst in. She is standing in the center of the room, and between her and the Mario Bros. is…

Luigi: Bowser!
Yes the giant turtle that so far has been missing in this adventure…unless you count Baby Bowser who IS technically Bowser but not really…oh this is confusing! On with the story!

Bowser: Gwa ha ha! You're mine Peach!
Peach: …

A purple cloud shoots out of the mushroom still attached to her face. It causes Bowser and the Mario Bros. to cough. Bowser appears the least effected, so he grabs the Princess and runs out, slamming into the Bros. After a second the cloud dissipates and they run out as well.

Luigi: Am I the only one who thinks that was weird?
Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi: Fine.

Bowser stops at one of the bridges randomly placed in the castle.

Bowser: Uh…I don't think this will hold me…

Luigi: How exactly did he get here? He probably just walked right past the useless Toads.

Bowser turned around and saw the Mario Bros. standing behind him.

Bowser: Oh shoot…I better make a run for it-

Stuffwell pops up.

Stuffwell: Yawn…I was asleep…what'd I miss?
Luigi: You're a suitcase! Suitcases don't sleep!
Stuffwell: In case you forgot I'm a special suitcase. I can do whatever I want!
Mario: Mamamia!
Mario grabs Stuffwell.

Stuffwell: What are you doing!

Bowser starts to run onto the bridge when Mario chucked Stuffwell at him, hitting him in the back of the head and causing him to fall off the bridge and into a conveniently placed Time Hole. He gets sucked into it…him…and the Princess. Stuffwell bounced back to the Bros.

Stuffwell: I am many things…but a projectile is not one of them!
Luigi: I don't know…you seemed to be pretty good in that department…

Stuffwell: Eek! I escape!

He disappears again.
Luigi: Great…Bowser lands in a Time Hole…and I assume we have to follow him?
Mario emphatically nods his head.

Luigi: Great. Well…let's go!

The Mario Bros. jump off the bridge as well and land in the Time Hole. They are transported to a different time and place…although if it takes them to a different PLACE it can't really be called a TIME Hole…more like a Temporal Displacement Transporter…thing. Yeah. Back to the story! Mario and Luigi arrive in a mountainous region…

Luigi: Looks interesting…and kind of…green.

The entire mountain area was green, save for wooden bridges strewn about. Apparently making up the mountain was large angry green blocks, similar to Thwomps.

Luigi: Where are we?
A Toad wandering around on the mountain dashes up to the Mario Bros.

Toad: You're on Thwomp Volcano!
Luigi: A VOLCANO!
Toad: Don't worry, the totally rad eruption of the volcano only occurs…today!
Luigi: You're not comforting!
Toad: Hey man…chill!
Luigi: Fine. What are you doing on this mountain?
Toad: I and my awesome friends are attempting to climb this massive mountain!
Luigi: "Attempting"? There's stairs all over the place! It looks easy!
Toad: Oh…it is, but see we're doing it with our EYES closed!
Luigi: Right…did you see a big turtle thing run by here?
Toad: Oh yeah…he jumped into the mountain!
Luigi: Why?
Toad: Something about putting a new fortress in or something. See you dude!

He closed his eyes and ran…right off the mountain.

Toad: So totally awesome!
Luigi: It seems even in the past Toads are useless.

Mario: WHEE!
Luigi: Well…I guess we must go up the mountain. Fun.

They started hiking up the mountain. They didn't get far before they found six blocks in front of them, three red, three green.
Luigi: Why are their BLOCKS in the center of this path-

The blocks sprouted eyes and a mouth (They are Thwacks) and floated up into the air.

Luigi: Oh…I don't like this.

Suddenly the green ones dashed for Luigi and the red ones flew at Mario. Luigi ducked and they missed, impacting the ground and exploding while Mario rolled to the side. The three red ones stopped before they hit the ground and then started hopping up and down.

Luigi: What are they doing? Looks like some weird kind of dance-ACK!
Three more Thwacks fell from above!
Luigi: Great…more.

Mario: Woohoo!
Two Thwacks went for Luigi while the other four attacked Mario. Baby Luigi took out his hammer and swung it at one of them. It shattered but the other hit Luigi.

Luigi: Ow…

He turned and saw Mario in combat with the other four. Mario jumped on one repeatedly causing the Thwack to break but the other three backed off. Luigi was about to help when they turned gold.

Luigi: Uh…gold?

Suddenly they exploded shooting rock chunks at both Bros. Luigi dived to the ground and they went over his head while Mario jumped over them. When the dust disappeared Luigi got up and walked over to Mario.

Luigi: Well…uh…I hope the rest of this is a wee bit easier.

Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi: For once…enemies that fought back successfully…and they STILL kill themselves.

The Mario Bros. continue with their journey up the mountain. They came upon a Red Coconutter, similar to the ones on Yoshi's Island…but red. The creature, lacking eyeballs, continuously walked into a wall.

Luigi: How do those things survive!

They kept going, avoiding the strange thing until they saw a large gold coin with a strange symbol on it. Mario upon seeing it dashed forward to try and grab it. It quickly turned into a Thwomp and tried to squish him, but he rolled out of the way.
Luigi: Why does that Thwomp have a tail…and why was it a coin!

True. The Thwomp does have a small raccoon-like tail. It fell back to the ground and became a Tanoomba, a goomba-crossed with a Tanooki suit. It has a leaf on its head and a raccoon tail. Very strange.

Luigi: What is that-AGH!

It turned into a spiky turtle shell and started rapidly moving for the Mario Bros. it still maintained the tail, making it look rather weird. The Bros. hoped over the creature and it changed back.
Luigi: I don't like-

Mario: RAR!
Mario dashed for the Tanoomba. It jumped over his wild swing and turned into a balloon. It slowly floated down.

Luigi: I think this will be one thing I'LL take care of.

He walked over and poked it. It flew around wildly before careening off the mountain.

Luigi: Who's the hero NOW Mario?
Mario punches Luigi.

Luigi: OW! Jerk!
After he recovered from the pain of being brutally assaulted by his own brother (It didn't take him long as it happens several times a day). They continued to the top of the mountain. At the crater entrance Luigi spotted something shiny.

Luigi: Something shiny!
He dashed forward and picked it up.

Luigi: I believe it is…Princess Peach's tiara! She MUST be in the volcano-

Mario ran to Luigi and grabbed the tiara.

Luigi: Hey! If you want it just-

Mario ate the tiara. Baby Luigi gurgled in twisted joy while Baby Mario winced in confusion.

Luigi: You're insane.
Mario: YAY!
Luigi: Just so you know. Well…let's go inside the volcano-

The volcano explodes in a large flamy lava-filled explosion of doom and destruction.

Luigi: I'm getting really sick of being interrupted-

Mario: Babies!
Mario grabs Luigi and takes him down an alternate path in order to escape from the violent volcanic explosion. After much running they reach a small building in the shape of E. Gadd's head.

Luigi: This is probably where E. Gadd worked however many years ago this is…perhaps he could help us?
They go inside to see a much younger E. Gadd hard at work...in doodling.

Luigi: Uh…Professor?
He jerks up guiltily then seeing as they are probably not scientists he calms down.

Elvin: Sorry…thought you were the board…come to do their weekly interrogation,

Luigi: Uh…E. Gadd…that's great and all but could you help us?
Elvin: Oh just call me Elvin! Everybody does! Wouldn't want to be E. Gadd unless I was old-YOU ARE FROM THE FUTURE!

Luigi: Yes…um…how'd you know?
Elvin: I didn't, just thought it would be an excellent conversation starter! So you really ARE from the future?
Luigi: Yes.

Elvin: Okay.

Suddenly several flaming Thwomps burst in from the ceiling shattering Elvin's things. They quickly fizzle out, except for a massive one that looks like it is going to explode.

Elvin: Oh! Use that water hose in the corner to put out that Thwomp!
Luigi: Why do you have a water hose in your laboratory?
Elvin: Uh…scientific experiments?
Luigi: Whatever.

He grabs the hose and using its amazing water powers extinguishes the flaming Thwomp.

Elvin: Oh…seeing you use that hose…gives me an idea!
He walks into a corner twitching and mumbling to himself.

Luigi: What's up with him?
After a minute they walk out of the laboratory seeing as Elvin will be of no further use, when Stuffwell popped up.

Stuffwell: I have a Time Message from E. Gadd! YAY!
He opens up revealing a screen. E. Gadd's face appears.

E. Gadd: Hi!

Luigi: Uh…hi. What do you want?
E. Gadd: Well, my past self, upon seeing you use that hose came up with an idea and I created a big water pumping machine thing!
Luigi: In what…the five minutes since we did that…oh wait. Time differences and-

E. Gadd: Yep! In the five minutes since then! I hooked it up to the Time Hole and I shall use it to put out the volcano! Bye!
His image flickers out.

Luigi: This probably violates so many rules of time and creates a bunch of Paradoxes…but whatever.

A HUMOUNGOUS blast of water shot up in full view of the Bros. and assaulted the volcano flames. Soon, the volcano was put out and the wave of water disappeared. This caused the universe to end. NO! Just kidding! Ha! Anyways the Mario Bros. walked back up to the crater. However at the entrance were two large Thwomps. A classic male one, rectangular and pointy and a female, who looked like a big round boulder with massive eyebrows.

Luigi: Uh…hello?
Mrs. Thwomp: So YOU are the horrible people who put out the volcano that my husband and I love to jump in!
Luigi: No we're not, the-

Mrs. Thwomp: SILENCE! I challenge you to a ferocious battle!

Luigi: I don't want to-ACK!
She rolled at the Bros. and they rolled away. She then spat several large boulders at them. Mario grabbed Baby Mario's hammer and batted them back at her.

Mrs. Thwomp: Grrr! You are tough…but can you survive y shockwave attack!
She jumped in the air and came crashing down, sending three shockwaves at the Bros. They easily and skillfully hopped over them.

Mrs. Thwomp: Wha? How?
Luigi: That attack is SO old school. Don't you have anything new?
Mrs. Thwomp: Oh yeah! Take THIS!

She split into four smaller Thwomps.

Luigi: Uh…yeah, seen that before too.

Mrs. Thwomps: JUST DIE! AAAAAGHHH!
All four rolled for the Bros. They side-stepped and they went right off the mountain.

Luigi: Well…that solves that problem-

He sees Mr. Thwomp looking at them.

Luigi: Uh…sorry?
Mr. Thwomp: You. You caused wife to roll off cliff.
Luigi: Yes.

Mr. Thwomp: Thank you very much. She is…annoying. I take you inside volcano as thanks.

Luigi: That's very…kind of you.

Mr. Thwomp: Hop on.

They get on him and he takes them inside Thwomp Volcano.

Meanwhile deep inside the volcano…

Bowser trudged along in the very depths of the volcano carrying Peach, who STILL had that purple mushroom on her face. He took a step forward when suddenly Baby Bowser jumped in front of him.

Baby Bowser: Hey back off! This is my future fortress!
Bowser: No way pipsqueak! It's MINE!
Baby Bowser: You think you are so great just cause you're big!
Bowser: Actually…yeah.

Baby Bowser: What's your name grampa?

Bowser: I'm Bowser you little runt!
Baby Bowser: No way! I'm Bowser too!
They stare at each other in shock for a bit. Maybe they'll realize that they are the past and future selves of one another and team up to destroy the Mario Bros. once and for all!
Bowser: Name thief!
Baby Bowser: Nuh uh! You're the name thief!

Bowser: Want to join forces to stop the Mario Bros.?

Baby Bowser: Sure.

Well…at least I was half right.

Back to the Bros…

Mr. Thwomp came down into the volcano but stopped when he hit a platform. The Bros. got off him and figured that in order to get to Bowser, they'll have to find another ride. So they start exploring through the surprisingly not hot, non-Lava-filled volcano with nice obvious pathways.

Luigi: Weird place, but then again no weirder then half of the other places we've been too-AGH!

He fell back when something invisible hit him. When he scrambled to his feet he saw a Gold Koopeleon become temporarily visible before it shot its tongue at Mario and became unseeable again. Mario dodged and jumped on the creature once. It freaked and ran away like a little girl.

Luigi: That was strange. Oh well let's keep going.

They continue their strange journey until four Thwacks jump in front of them.

Luigi: Great. More of these guys.

However they didn't charge. The Thwacks merely stacked on top of each other, with the bottom one gaining legs and the top one getting arms, until the resulting creature was twice the size of the Bros.

Luigi: Uh…this can't be good.

Suddenly flames erupted from the creature (Thwack Totem) like a rocket and it flew into the air. It came crashing down creating a shockwave which the brothers easily hopped over.

Luigi: Again with the shockwave? Can't the monsters come up with something new?
The Thwack Totem then shot off its four segments which then flew at a rapid speed. Mario managed to avoid one but the second clipped his leg causing him to fall. Luigi was clocked in the chest by the first also causing him to fall, which made the second one miss. They reformed and started to stagger over to Mario. It appeared as if the Thwack Totem planned on falling on Mario and squishing him. It stood right over him while Luigi struggled to get up (Baby Luigi wasn't helping as he kept hitting Luigi) Mario struck out and kicked the Totem on one of its feet. It tilted wildly and then fell over, AWAY from Mario. It struggled to get up but failed. Mario and Luigi got to their feet.

Luigi: Well…that was strangely anticlimactic.

Mario: Woohoo!
Luigi: Let's keep going-

Before they could take another step though, a Blazing Shroob ran at them from behind a wall…platform…thing. It was a red Shroob and its head was on fire! It immediately threw several fireballs at them.

Luigi: Ack! I'm getting really sick of this! OW!
One hit him in the face causing him to fall over while Mario deflected the rest with the hammer he took. The creature screeched and a Shroob Saucer flew in. (Yes flew in. In a volcano. Don't ask.) It stuck out a long tube and sucked up some of the Blazing Shroob's fire. It then used that energy to shoot out powered up flaming rockets. The Bros. dodged and the Saucer let up on its attack.

Luigi: Great! Rocket shooting Saucers powered by a burning alien. Obviously an advanced society these Shroobs.

The Saucer stuck out the tube again and sucked with extra ferocity. However it appeared to suck to hard and the Shroob flew up and got caught in the tube. After a second in which both the Blazing Shroob and the pilot of the saucer freaked out and then they both exploded.

Luigi: Right…that was weird. Let's keep going Mario.

Mario: Okeydokey!
And so they continued! Soon they came to a large Thwomp.

Thwomp: Hello.

Luigi: Hi…uh we need-

Thwomp: I'm an ELEVATOR!
Luigi: Really? That's great!
Thwomp: Hop on! I take you to…bottom of volcano!
Luigi: Thanks!
They hop on and start traveling down the volcano when the Thwomp abruptly stops.

Thwomp: There is block in way. Can't continue.

Luigi: How about you just move forward a couple of feet…and then go down.

Thwomp: Crazy! But…just might work!
He does so and they continue down. Soon they reach the bottom unhindered.

Luigi: Thank-

The Thwomp shoots back up the volcano.

Luigi: You know…those Thwomps completely defy gravity.

Mario: Whee!
Luigi: Great. Let's just find Bowser, beat him up and rescue the Princess.

They walked into the next room which was a large chamber thing. At the other end stood Peach.

Luigi: Yes! Now where is-

Bowser dropped from the ceiling and laughed. This was expected. But unexpectedly on his back was…

Luigi: Baby Bowser!
Baby Bowser: I'm not a baby! Me and my big friend here are going to cause you severe physical harm!
Bowser: GWA HA HA! Yeah! And we're going to beat you up too!

Luigi: Why is baby Bowser smarter then adult Bowser?
Mario: Woohoo!

Mario jumped on Bowser's head.

Bowser: Agh! Jerk!

He shoots a blast of flame at Mario who skillfully dodges it. He then hammers Bowser.

Bowser: UNFAIR! SUPREME SHOCKWAVE STRIKE!
Bowser jumps into the air and comes slamming down…creating yet ANOTHER clichéd shockwave attack which both Mario and Luigi dodge easily.

Luigi: I'm really getting bored of enemies doing that.

Bowser: Have you seen THIS before!
He tossed Baby Bowser into the air. Baby Bowser spun several times before coming back down on Bowser's back, causing him to shoot two speedy fireballs at Mario and Luigi. Luigi gets hit, and quickly tries to put out the flame when Mario hits the fireball back, hitting Bowser.

Bowser: I'm starting to get tired…but now we shall use our very best attack! Shell Shot!
He curls into his shell and Baby Bowser jumps off and pulls out a hammer.

Luigi: Where'd you get that?
Baby Bowser: Found it in my pocket!
Luigi: You don't HAVE pockets-AGH!

Baby Bowser smacked the shell at Luigi. Luigi dived to the right and it passed him, hitting a wall. Bowser flew back as if on a rubber band and he slammed into Baby Bowser.

Bowser: Okay…maybe we should have practiced that before saying it was our best.

Suddenly the room started to shake.

Luigi: What's that!
The Thwomp that Bowser and Baby Bowser were standing on was embedded in the ground. However the shaking caused it to become angry and it flew up carrying both of them with it!
Baby Bowser: AGH!
Bowser: Don't worry! We'll survive and someday you'll be almost as handsome as I am!
Baby Bowser: Oh I hope not! You're ugly!
Bowser: Brat!
He shoved baby Bowser off the Thwomp. By this time they were out of the volcano and Baby Bowser fell a long ways before crash landing on something smooth…meanwhile Bowser kept going.

Bowser: Now what? I'm kind of stuck on this-

The Thwomp explodes. Bowser plummets to the ground.

Bowser: That was unexpected!

He landed in the Time Hole and was warped away. Meanwhile the shaking continues for the Bros.

Luigi: What's going on!
Mario: Mamamia!
Luigi: We should get out of here!
Suddenly the side of the volcano blew in and a vacuum like thing snaked its way inside and sucked up the Bros. and the Princess!

What shall happen to the heroes! Why is anything happening? How can Thwomps defy gravity like that? Does it make physicists angry? Maybe one of these questions will be answered…next time! YAY questions!