Mario and Luigi Partners in Paradoxes Chapter Six:

Star Light, Star Bright, Shiniest Star I see Tonight, Use Your Starry Powers to Lay Waste to my Enemies! And Stuff…

The Mario Bros. pop out of the vacuum like tube in a ship of some kind.

Luigi: Where are we? And where's the Princess?
Stuffwell pops up as he often does.

Stuffwell: I believe you are on the Shroob Mother Ship!
Luigi: Why?
Stuffwell: Well…that sign says Shroob Mother Ship over there.

He gestures to a sign that indeed says that.

Luigi: That's great…but why is there a sign in English…if we're on a Shroob ship?
Stuffwell: Eh…maybe it's required by law to have signs in a different language so foreigners can read them.

Luigi: Right…let's just find the Princess. I don't know how we got separated from her…we were in the same tube-

Stuffwell: The magic of alien technology!
Luigi: How can technology be magical?
Stuffwell: Ack! Logic! The thing I fear most! Bye!

Stuffwell disappears again.

Luigi: Well…let's get going.

Mario: Woohoo!

They begin their journey through the Mother Ship. Soon however they run into four white Shroobs with blue spots (Guardian Shroobs). Upon seeing the Bros. they instantly pull out their ray guns and begin blasting. The Bros. duck behind some machinery.

Luigi: Geez! What happened to checking ID and stuff?
Mario looked at Baby Luigi and they nodded, almost as they communicated…Mario got right behind Luigi, and Baby Luigi jumped off and got behind Baby Mario.

Luigi: I think they let up…HEY!
Mario grabbed Luigi and threw him at two of the Guardians. They were immediately taken out of the fight. One of the two remaining started to charge when Baby Luigi threw Baby Mario at him with impressive accuracy, also knocking him out. The remaining Guardian decided it might be a good idea to run, so he does. Luigi shakily gets up.

Luigi: Ow…while I admit it worked was it really necessary to throw me and the baby you?

Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi: You know my baby self acts like you, cruel, and your baby self acts like me…weird. Can I take Baby Mario-

Baby Luigi: NO!
Baby Luigi bites Luigi's leg.
Luigi: OW! Okay! I'll take you!

After getting the babies on their backs the Bros. head out again, following the way the Guardian went, figuring it would take them to the Princess. Eventually they reach a large chamber. As soon as they go in though the door slams shut locking them in. Another door opens up and Princess Peach walks out…STILL with the mushroom on her face.

Luigi: Great…the Princess! Let's get out of…

"Peach" pulls the Mushroom up…revealing that she wasn't Peach at all! She was really Princess Shroob!
Princess Shroob: (Creepy alien laughter)

Luigi: What! You mean all this time…It was really Princess Shroob! Well…if I knew that I wouldn't have bothered to rescue her from Bowser then.

Mario: YA!
Mario looked pretty angry and was about to attack Princess Shroob when eight Shroobs poured in all with their guns trained on the Bros.

Luigi: Uh…maybe we shouldn't move-

Kylie: I'm here!

Kylie comes skidding in and runs into three of the Shroobs.

Princess Shroob: &$E&!

Luigi: Uh thanks but we gotta get out of here!

The Bros. and Kylie smash past the distracted Shroobs into the next room. They then destroyed the control panel, causing the door to close.

Luigi: Well that should keep them busy for a minute. Let's get down to business. Kylie what are doing on this ship! And how'd you get here!
Kylie: Chill! I'm here for an awesome story! Imagine the headline…Shroob Princess, travels forward in time to figure out how to capture the Mushroom Kingdom of the future!

Luigi: But if she conquers this one…then she'll eventually have the future one too…but if that was true then we wouldn't be here…and OH I HATE TIME TRAVELING!
Kylie: You time travel?
Luigi: You didn't know? But…the headline!
Kylie: Oh…that. Well…I don't know WHAT I say half the time! Ha ha!

Luigi: Right…wait you didn't say how you got here…

Kylie: A reporter goes where she is needed!
Luigi: Still didn't answer my…oh who cares.

The door starts to bubble and shake.

Luigi: Shoot! They're trying to shoot the door down! Let's go!
They run deeper into the ship until they come to a dead end computer console thing.

Luigi: Great. We're trapped. We'll probably have to fight our way out.

Kylie: Or I could hit a bunch of buttons!
Luigi: Or you could hit a bunch of…NO! You don't know what those DO!
Kylie slams her palm on the Shroob keyboard. The floor opens up underneath them.

Kylie: Whoops.

They plummet through the hole and fall out through the bottom of the ship. The hatch goes back and covers up the hole just as the Princess and her escorts come rushing in.

Princess Shroob: (&((!

Apparently deciding not to chase them she has the ship turn around…looks like they're heading for Shroob Castle…suddenly there is the sound of glass breaking and Baby Bowser lands right in the middle of the Shroobs. Yes, he DID land on the Mother Ship after being pushed off the Thwomp. After a shocked second the Shroobs pull out their guns and train them on Baby Bowser.

Baby Bowser: Uh oh…what to do…what to do…Uh...I'm not here! You can't see me!
After a second the Shroobs put away their guns, after all…no one was there.

Baby Bowser: Wow…didn't expect THAT to work. Now…to hide!
He dashes behind some machinery and hopes that they won't like…find and blast him or something…

Meanwhile, in the ruined Toad Town…

Mario, Luigi and their baby selves landed on a purple mushroom from Toad Town of the past, so they emerged from their humongous fall unharmed. The once prosperous Toad Town has apparently been attacked by the Shroobs as all of the houses are in ruins, all the Toads are gone and purple mushrooms are growing everywhere.

Luigi: Yikes…yet another place ravaged by the Shroobs. These guys are worse than I thought…hey where's Kylie? She fell with us-

Luigi sees a flash of movement, before whatever it was ducks inside one of the slightly less ruined houses.

Luigi: Perhaps…a survivor?
The Bros. go in the house which apparently used to be some kind of shop as at the end of it was a counter. Huddling behind the counter were two aged female Toads. Luigi and Mario walk over to the counter.

Luigi: Hello?
At the sound of his voice they jump up so fast that Mario and Luigi take a step back. The two Toads then dash forward until they are right at the counter, by the two cash registers.

Gramma 1: Welcome to Gramma's place! Named after me…Gramma!

The second Toad seemed angry and said, a little louder…

Gramma 2: I'm Gramma! It's named after me!
Gramma 1: No me!
Gramma 2: Don't make me scold you!

Gramma 1: I'm the scolder! RAR!
Luigi: Whoa! Chill…settle this later. What's going on? I mean the Shroobs obviously attacked but where is everyone?
Gramma 2: Oh…well the Shroobs captured them. They missed us cause we hid behind the counter!
Luigi: And they didn't find you?
Gramma 1: Nope! Although, in order to make sure no one swooped in and took the Town back they left behind a robot thing and some other creatures.

Luigi: Great. We're looking for Cobalt Star Shards…do you know where one could be?
Gramma 2: Oh well…there is a Star Temple…you can get there through Star Hill, and there's a warp pipe there at the other end of the Town.

Luigi: Thanks! We'll go now!
Gramma 1: Oh wait…please…can you buy some stuff?
Luigi: Uh…no not now.

Gramma 2: We helped you and this is how you repay us! By not giving us money!
Luigi: Sorry but-

Gramma 1: We scold you!
Gramma 2: Yes SCOLD! Bad, bad kitty!
Luigi: I'm not a kitty-

Gramma 1: I am the one who scolds!
Gramma 2: No I AM!
Gramma 1: Gramma fight!

They charge each other and start slapping.

Luigi: Let's get out of here.

Mario runs out. Luigi lingers for a second, but also runs when they start attacking each other with the cash registers.

Luigi: I am really starting to not like the people who live in either the past or the present.

Mario: Mamamia!
Luigi: That includes you.

Mario: OH NOOOOOO!
Mario smacks Luigi.

Luigi: OW! Still not liking you.

The Mario Bros. start hiking through the wreckage of Toad Town. After a while they suddenly bump into a robotic Shroid, a gray creature shaped like a Shroob with yellow spots and green eyes. It immediately pulled out a green and a red flag.

Luigi: What?
The Shroid waited for a second, as if expecting a reaction, and when it didn't get one it threw the two METAL flags at the Bros. Mario dodged it as he is cool, but Luigi wasn't expecting an attack and was knocked down. Mario rolled over and tried to attack the Shroid but it just bolted super fast away. It then raised its hand. A strange sound came from it.

Luigi: Ow…I don't like enemies.

He shakily got up when a Shroob Saucer flew overhead carrying a big spiked ball with an L on it.

Luigi: Oh this can't be good…ACK!
He jumped away as it dropped to the ground. Mario rushed the Shroid and tried to hit it with his hammer, but it threw a strange translucent yellow crystal at him and Luigi. It expanded, trapping the Bros.

Luigi: Oh…dear…

The Shroid changed one hand into a gun and started charging it. Mario and Luigi frantically hopped to escape from their crystal prison when it shot its blast at Luigi. Fortunately the crystal absorbed most of it and he was only a little bruised. Mario still struggled to get out when the Shroid pulled a green flag out.
Luigi: Oh no you don't! I am not getting hit again!

He jumped backwards. The Shroid nodded its head once…and then exploded. Mario burst free from the crystal.

Luigi: What'd I do? How'd that happen?
Mario: Grr…

Luigi: What…oh you're just mad I killed something and you were trapped in the crystal!

Mario nodded.

Luigi: Well that must have been the robot the Gramma's were talking about. Let's just keep going…

They continue through the ruined Town until they are confronted yet again by enemies. Two of them in fact! A Skellokey which is a skeletal Pokey and Love Bubble which is a pink ball like creature with tiny arms and legs, as well as X's for eyes. The two creatures stand menacingly in front of the heroes.

Luigi: Could we like…not fight?

Before anyone else could move the Love Bubble suddenly ran into the Skellokey and started shooting off love vibes.

Skellokey?!

Love Bubble: So full of hate you Skellokey…I love you!

Eventually the Skellokey can't take anymore and explodes. The Love Bubble smiles and flies off skipping (Yes, fly-skipping. Don't ask how that's possible as I have no clue but the Love Bubble still does it.)
Luigi: Well…that was kind of nice after the Shroid…but also kind of creepy. Let's just get to Star Hill and get out of here!

It doesn't take them much longer to reach a warp pipe. They hop in and it takes them too…Star Hill! Star Hill was a large hill covered with Shiny Star Rocks. It had a twisty path leading to the top and according to the Grammas at the top would be a path to the Star Temple, which could contain at least one Star Shard. The Bros. started hiking up the magical shiny star land thing…at least until a Shy Guy with a propeller on its head (A Fly Guy) flew overhead and started dropping bombs. The Mario Bros. quickly dodged two of them. One exploded, while the other didn't.

Luigi: Why can't things just be all nice and kind and stuff!

The Fly Guy dropped two more bombs that were shaped like balls with some spikes on them. Most had numbers on them, and they didn't explode all the number ticked down. Luigi picked up one that had a one on it, preparing to throw it at the Fly Guy, when Baby Luigi pulled on his hair as babies do.
Luigi: OW! Stop!

He let go of the bomb and it hit the ground. The timer went to zero…and then exploded. Both Luigi's were sent flying but adult Luigi absorbed most of the blast so Baby Luigi was unharmed. Mario grabbed a bomb that had a two and threw it, but the Fly Guy bounced it back, causing it to be a one. Mario jumped back as it exploded right where he was.

Luigi: We'll have to get one he can't bounce back…

The Fly Guy threw a two down; Luigi caught it making it a one.

Luigi: Bounce this back!

Luigi threw it up and…the Fly Guy flew to the side of it. It flew up unhindered…then came plummeting back straight down.

Luigi: Oh…dear…

He rolled to the side as it boomed at his feet. The Fly Guy seemed overcome with silent giggles…until Mario hit him with a one. It exploded and the Fly Guy was sent flying.

Luigi: Wow…uh thanks. Let's keep going!
Luigi starts walking, but Mario stays put. He looks at Luigi expectantly. Luigi turns around.

Luigi: What? Oh…fine. Yes you are a great hero and just being trapped in that crystal while I killed something doesn't make me any cooler. Are you happy now? Can we keep going?
Mario smiles and together they head up the hill. As they near the top Luigi sees a puddle of blackness.

Luigi: Well…that's weird.

Suddenly a cardboard sign with a picture of a Goomba on it emerged.

Luigi: Eh?

The Goomba sign was then flung at the Bros. Luigi caught it, and looked at it confusion.

Luigi: What is this?
Suddenly a black hand (Handfake) emerged. It pulled out a Koopa Paratroopa sign which it rolled at them. Mario caught it.

Luigi: Is this like…a puppet show?
The Handfake then pulled out a Bob-omb sign.

Luigi: Now what?
The Handfake tossed the sign at Luigi, who stuck out the Goomba sign, hoping to have it land on that. As soon as contact was made the Bob-omb sign exploded, destroying both signs.

Luigi: Uh…oh.

The Handfake then took out a BIG Bowser sign. It gestured and Mario prepared for it to be thrown. What he didn't prepare for was a Boo to fly overhead holding a cardboard flame. It flung the flame at Mario. Mario batted it with the Koopa sign, causing the Koopa to crumble and the flame hit the Bowser sign, causing it to crumble. The Handfake, incredibly upset that all of its lovingly handcrafted signs were destroyed ran away.
Luigi: Is it just me…or are enemies getting weirder?

Mario: WHEE!
Luigi: Yet another non-coherent response from my brother. Move on.

They keep going and are just about to reach the top when they see a slightly larger than normal red Shroob with yellow spots and a large black mustache (Commander Shroob). He's apparently talking to a bunch of purple Shroobs with white spots (Support Shroobs).

Luigi: Shoot…they're probably trying to reach the Star Temple as well...

At the sound of his voice the Commander Shroob spun around.

Commander Shroob: &((&#&(&!
Luigi: Uh…hi…can we pass?
The Commander Shroob sent three Support Shroobs forward carrying an enormous purple Shroob-omb with red eyes.

Luigi: I guess not.

The Support Shroobs threw the Shroob-omb at Mario, who somehow hammered it back even though the creature was easily five times his size. The Support Shroobs freaked when they saw it coming for them and bolted. The Shroob-omb hit Commander Shroob and exploded on him, causing him major pain. The Commander then started grabbing Support Shroobs and throwing them at the Bros.
Luigi: What kind of crazy tactic is that? Oh wait…it's the one we used on the Mother Ship-AGH!
He rolled away from the falling aliens. Mario effortlessly batted them away with the hammer while Luigi full of effort rolled and ran. Eventually, not looking where he was going he ran into the Commander Shroob. They both fell down.
Luigi: Ow. Hey what the?
The Commander Shroob was crying. Apparently the big bad Luigi beat him up. The Support Shroobs grabbed him and gave Luigi a glare before running away.

Luigi: I'm sorry?
Mario walked over to Luigi. Luigi hopped to his feet.

Luigi: Well…I guess we can go to the Star Temple now…so let's go!

The Bros. ascend the last bit of the way and reach…the top of Star Hill. The top of the hill was a large horizontal Star Rock. Sticking out of three of the points is tall Star Pillars. The four hero people go to the center of the Rock.

Luigi: We're here and it's all pretty and starry…but there is no Shard here-

The three Cobalt Star Shards they have collected suddenly app-eared and flew up.
Luigi: What?
They glowed with all kinds of pretty light show glowy things and a transparent star person, with eyes and a mouth and a big floppy pink ribbon appeared.

Luigi: What is that?
Star Sprite: I am a Star Sprite. I am the spirit of the Star and you must collect two more Shards in order to get into Shroob castle-

Luigi: Yeah…well we figured we'd need more.

Star Sprite: My sist-I mean Princess Shroob is very powerful so-

Luigi: Shut up.

Star Sprite: FINE HUMAN! I was going to tell you to take that shiny path over there…but now I don't like you so I won't!

The Sprite disappears and Mario grabs the Shards again.

Luigi: But you did tell us…oh forget it. Even mystical spirits are brainless. Let's go!

The Mario Bros. find a shiny pathway to the right of the entrance and they go across it. Eventually it takes them to a warp pipe.

Luigi: I'm guessing that leads to the Star Temple…so…let's go!

They jump into the Warp Pipe. It takes them to a yellow rock thing, seemingly floating in space or something while connected to other rock islands through long shiny translucent paths.

Luigi: Weird. Anyways I hope this is the place with the Shards!

They walk a bit through the strange shiny pathways until a large yellow Star thing is blocking the way forward. It almost seems to be a gateway. Mario and Luigi walk up to it…and it grows a face!
Star Gate: Why have you come?
Luigi: ACK! Talking star gate thing!
Star Gate: What is your business here?
Luigi: Well…uh…we want to go the Star Temple…are we there?
Star Gate: Of course not! If you want to go there you must go by me!
Luigi: Oh…uh…can you like attack us or something?
Star Gate: Not physically no…but I can really hurt your feelings!

Luigi: Great. So…can we pass?
Star Gate: Not until I measure your worth by determining what your hearts are like. COME FORTH!

He calls both Mario and Luigi forward. They walk up to the Star Gate.

Star Gate: Hmmm…using my mystical sensing powers I determine both your hearts are quite similar!
Luigi: What! How can Mario and I be alike?
Star Gate: Well…both of your hearts are squishy and seem to be doing a fine job of letting blood flow through your body.

Mario and Luigi stare speechlessly at the Star Gate.

Star Gate: What? Is it something I said?

Luigi: I think you're supposed to see our character, not our actual physical hearts!
Star Gate: Oh…heh…it's been a while since I've done this…let me try that then.

The Star Gate closes its eye and makes various hums and haws until after 34.673 seconds it opens its eyes.

Star Gate: Okay…the babies can pass because they are small and I don't want them to cry and the red one can pass…but you…greenie can not pass!
Luigi: What! Why?

Star Gate: Well the red one, Mario is violent and petty, a heroic mix! While you…Luigi is cautious and intelligent! Obviously bad news!
Luigi: Okay…your logic is seriously flawed-

Star Gate: NO! Not the L word!
Luigi: What? Logic?
Star Gate: AGH! It burns! It burns! Fine…if you complete one task…and stop saying that word I'll let you pass.

Luigi: What task?
Star Gate: Defeat…these enemies!
Two dark red blocks and a light blue block thing with faces appear (Wonder Thwacks) and a large spherical mass of what appears to be mini warp pipes (Piranha Planet).

Luigi: Fighting! AGH!

He ducked as the blue Wonder Thwack flung itself at him. The red ones flew at Mario. He batted them away with the hammer. They fell back. The floating mass of micro warp pipes didn't do anything.
Luigi: What is that!
Suddenly a Piranha Plant with a astronaut style helmet globe thing on its head popped out of one of the pipes.

Luigi: Okay…not only is that really strange…but there's no way its head could fit through those little pipes.

It stuck a vine through another pipe. The vine was holding a ray gun!

Luigi: Great…now even plants are equipped with high tech weaponry.

It shot off several blasts. But being a plant lacking eyes its aim was poor and instead it destroyed the Wonder Thwacks. Mario then dashed up and hit the bizarre thing with his hammer. It exploded in a ridiculously large explosion that somehow caused no damage to the surrounding area.

Star Gate: Uh…you can pass!
He disappears allowing the Mario Bros. access to ANOTHER warp pipe.

Luigi: This is getting kind of boring. All these warp pipes. Oh…well…if it's the ONLY way to travel… excluding being ejected from alien spaceships and being caught in unrealistically large yet not pain causing explosions.
The Bros. hop into the pipe. It takes them to another set of floating islands connected by sparkly pathways. However these were in the shape of a star. In the center of the star was another small island with a warp pipe on it.

Luigi: ANOTHER WARP PIPE! That's like…four in a row! I bet we have to solve a series of complicated puzzles to reach it-AGH!

Mario grabs Luigi and throws him across the gap. Mario then jumps over. The babies remain unharmed.

Luigi: Well…I guess that works too…but you could have let me jump! I mean…that was just mean.

Mario: Woohoo!
Luigi: You don't have to sound so excited about it.

The Mario Bros. enter the (hopefully) final warp pipe and are taken to the Star Temple…for real this time! It took them to a large shiny temple like place. They wandered for a bit until they saw a Cobalt Star Shard lying on the ground.

Luigi: Well…that was frighteningly easy.

Mario grabs it and puts it with the other three…now they have four! Toadbert and Kylie suddenly run in from another room.

Toadbert: I regained my memory!
Kylie: Hi guys!
Luigi: What? How did you guys get here!
Toadbert: Plot Device.

Kylie: I'm a journalist!
Luigi: Right…So Toadbert…you remember what happened?
Toadbert: Yes…and I have…a Cobalt Star Shard!

He pulls out the fifth and final piece that they need.

Luigi: Where'd that come from!
Toadbert: My pocket.

Luigi: Well give it!
Toadbert: NO! It's shiny! I want it! It makes me feel…like I'm holding something shiny!
Luigi: But we need it! Give it here!
Toadbert: I escape!
Toadbert dashes away.

Kylie: Cool! A story!

She follows him.

Luigi: Well…that was pointless. Let's get him!
Mario and Luigi chase after Toadbert. He is far ahead of them and they despair of ever catching up…until they hear the scream.

Toadbert: No! Give it back!
Kylie: Ack! It's so red!

Luigi: Sounds like they ran into something!

The Bros. go into the next room. They see Kylie and Toadbert huddling on the ground. A red creature similar to the Junior Shrooboid they battled in the beginning of this adventure, only it had red spikes on its head (Elder Shrooboid). The creature was making strange noises at them while it held the Shard.

Kylie: What a story this'll be!
Toadbert: NO! It is shiny so it must be important! GIVE IT BACK!
Toadbert tried to attack the creature but the Elder Shrooboid somehow summoned lightning bolts which blasted the weakened Toadbert and Kylie, turning them into purple mushrooms!
Luigi: That can't be good!
Mario: Hi-YAAA!
Mario jumped at the Elder Shrooboid from behind, causing it to stumble. It quickly regained its balance and spun around, and shot several fireballs at Mario. He jumped over them and they harmlessly impacted the wall.

Luigi: I'm guessing I should probably help…

Baby Luigi: YEAH!

Luigi: Well…at least you can some words right-OW!
Baby Luigi hits Luigi with his hammer.

Luigi: I'm going!
Luigi runs over and punches the red creature. It absorbs the blow without reacting and pulls out a large metal ball on a chain.

Luigi: Oh…dear.

The Elder Shrooboid then tosses two yellow crystal things, similar to the ones the Shroid used. Mario and Luigi roll to the side and they miss. This causes the Elder Shrooboid to become quite upset and it throws its ball at Mario. Mario smacks it with his hammer and it goes flying back hitting the creature. The Elder Shrooboid seems to be unsteady and about to fall over…

Luigi: I think we won-

The creature seemed to regain its balance…and it grew…soon it towered over the Bros.

Luigi: Not good!
The Elder Shrooboid opened its mouth and…a Shroob Saucer flew out.

Luigi: Huh?
The saucer flew over the Bros., just out of reach and extended out a timer on a screen. It said four.

Luigi: I have a feeling something bad will happen when it reaches zero…and how did that fit in that thing! That defies so many laws of physics and just plain defies nature!
The timer went to three.

Luigi: Shoot.

The Elder Shrooboid created more, larger fireballs and tossed them at the Bros. They dodged and rolled but the Saucer stayed over them. The Timer went to two. The Elder Shrooboid then summoned a BIG spiked ball and threw it. Mario hit it with the hammer, and at first it appeared as if it would keep on going and crush him…until it rocketed back and hit the Elder Shrooboid. It fell over and the timer went to one.

Luigi: Now! Let's jump on it while it can't defend itself!

Both Bros. run over and jump on the Elder Shrooboid while it is on the ground. It moans and groans but is unable to retaliate. The saucer stays over the Bros. The timer went to zero…and it charged up a massive laser blast. Luigi ferociously jumped on the alien unaware of his impending doom.
Luigi: Throw fireballs at me will you! You big bad alien thing! I just want this "adventure" to end! AGH!
Mario: OH NOOOO!
Mario saw the saucer about to blast them and he grabbed his brother and threw him off the alien. He then jumped off. The saucer then released its blast…utterly annihilating the Elder Shrooboid. The saucer driver, realizing his horrible mistake explodes in penance. After the smoke clears the Cobalt Star Shard shines, completely unharmed.

Luigi: Thanks Mario…hey the Shard's okay! What are those things made of!

Mario grabs the fifth piece almost completing the star except for a central piece.

Luigi: Well…I think that is enough to get inside the Shroob castle…so let's go!
They go into a nearby room and find a conveniently placed Time Hole which they jump in…the final battle shall begin soon!