Let Me In

Summary: All she asked from him was to be let into his life. Kyro one-shot.

Timeframe: Sometime before X2.

Archive: In the unlikely event that someone would actually want to archive this – ask and I'll say yes. Just let me know where it's going.

Disclaimer: All things recognisably X-Men are obviously not mine. I just like making up my own stories.

A/N: Written for the prompt 'argument' on the theme of 'firsts' for the kittyandpyro livejournal community. I'm really worried that John's OOC – please help me fix it!

"Police are cautioning the public to be wary, as this shape-shifting mutant is extremely dangerous, and is believed to have killed humans before."

Leaning against John on one end of the couch, Kitty murmured "I hope they catch her and give her what she deserves."

John shifted a little. "What do you mean, what she deserves?"

She looked up at him as though she couldn't believe he'd even asked the question. "She's killed people, John."

He snorted. "She's killed humans."

Kitty sat up straight, moving away from him. "What, humans aren't people too?" she demanded.

"I never said that," he replied calmly. "But they just barely pass."

"How can you say that?" she asked incredulously. "They've never done anything wrong."

"Never?" He stood up, an angry flame sparking in his eyes.

"Well, not never," she said, flustered, wondering why he was so upset. "But most of them have never meant to cause us harm."

"Maybe not you, Kitten," he almost spat at her. "You didn't have parents who thought you were going to kill them just because you're a mutant. You didn't have to live on the streets because they kicked you out for being what you are. You didn't get beaten up because some jerks saw you use your power. You still think humans are all good guys?"

She stared, dumbfounded by his outburst. They'd been together for three months, and she'd never heard him talk about his past like that.

"John –"

He shook his head and began to fiddle with his lighter, obviously regretting revealing so much about himself. "Screw it. Just…forget I said anything." He began to walk away.

Kitty quickly got up and followed. "John, wait!"

He spun around, and she recoiled at the anger on his face. The flame in his eyes burned furiously, shimmering with something that looked like pain.

"Leave me the hell alone, Kitty," he bit out, and strode off, leaving her standing alone in the room.

Kitty couldn't sleep. She kept thinking about John. Yes, they'd fought before, but it had always been about something stupid. Something trivial. It was never this bad, and it had never lasted this long. She couldn't get the look in his eyes out of her head.

It hurt to realise that she had never asked him about his past, had never tried to understand. And it hurt more to realise that he'd never opened up to her. Why hadn't he told her all this before? Why hadn't she asked? Why wouldn't he let her in?

She slid out of bed and padded down the corridors to John's room.

When she reached it, she began to phase through the door, one foot already on the other side – but she hesitated. And then she knocked.

"John?" she called softly.

There was a moment of silence. After waiting a few seconds, she decided that he was probably asleep, and turned to go, disappointed. Then –

"What do you want?" came his rather gruff reply, punctuated by the faintly audible fwick-snick of his lighter.

She turned around again and stared at the door. "I want you to let me in."

"Door's open."

Kitty turned the handle and walked in, shutting the door behind her. She looked over at him, sprawled on the bed with his lighter. "That's not what I meant," she said quietly.

He raised an eyebrow at her, clearly not following. She sighed and sat on the bed, noticing with a pang of sadness that he moved his legs so he wouldn't touch her.

"I can go anywhere I want, John," she began, carefully not looking at him. "I can get into any room, any car, any hideout. Locks can't keep me out."

"Do you have a point, or is this just a lecture on phasing?" he interrupted roughly.

Tears began to form in her eyes, but she blinked them away rapidly. "My point is that you won't let me in." She turned to him and reached out, pressing a hand to his chest and letting it phase slightly so it was partly in him. "You won't let me in here." She pulled her hand away and continued. "I can't get in if you don't let me. You've never told me about your past before. You never told me what you think about humans and why. You've never really let me know you."

"I'm not giving you my damn life story," he said.

"I don't need your life story," she replied. "I just…I want you. I want to know you. I want to know what you're afraid of, what you dream about, what you want in life. I care about you, John. I want you to let me in."

He was quiet. The only sounds in the room were the steady clicking of his lighter, and their breathing. And she sat there in the dark for what felt like an eternity, waiting, hoping that he would give her something, anything.

The lighter stopped. "My parents called me St. John and I hated it, so I called myself Pyro. I hate cowards. I want to write. I have a screwed-up past. And that's all you need to know about me right now."

Kitty paused, and then lay down beside him, knowing that it had been an effort for him. She knew that granting her request had been his way of apologising and making up with her. He shifted over to make room for her, like he always did when she came to him at night. She lay on her back and turned her head to look at him.

"Okay," she half-whispered. "That's enough for me." Gently, she stroked his jawline, and he leaned down and kissed her, long and hard.

As she settled into his arms, she knew that he would never really let her in completely. She knew that John Allerdyce would always keep everyone at arm's length. But she also knew he let her see more of him than anybody else. And for now, she was content with that.

Fin