The next morning, Sophie woke up slowly, startled to be looking up into a ceiling twinkling with Howl's random, moving wizarding objects. It took her a moment to recall why she wasn't wrapped under her heavy quilt, but reality came flooding back to her as she sleepily turned her head and caught sight of her wedding dress slung over a nearby chair.
Oh … she thought in a haze, Oh, Howl's bed …
She blinked a few more times, her heart suddenly seizing with realization.
Oh, oh, goodness, her mind chanted, Am I naked?
She pressed her eyes closed, slowly pulling up the blanket covering her chest before opening them again suddenly, ready for the shock of her own skin. Instead she saw layers of white fading into darkness.
My petticoats, she thought. They're still … we couldn't have … could we?
She sunk back into her pillow, her cheeks burning with the realization that she really had no idea what had or hadn't happened. All this time, she had been so frightened, so nervous and eager – and in the end – she'd forgotten her own wedding night!
Sophie whimpered. The concept of losing her virginity while intoxicated was (though she didn't really believe that had taken place) horrifying, but the idea of subjecting Howl to a night of caring for her in her drunken state when what he probably wanted more than anything was …
She turned to the other side of the bed, blanching to see that there was only a rumpled cocoon of blankets where her husband ought to have been. Sighing miserably and not sure how she could ever make up for her first night as his wife, she gathered her bearings and sat straight up in bed.
She moaned, clutching her forehead. It felt as if a thousand waves of pain had just struck her, all drifting in a bath of nausea. Very gently, she eased herself out of bed, holding on to the headboard for support.
Howl took this moment to open the bedroom door, towel tied neatly around his waist.
"Sophie, you're awake!" he called out cheerfully, shutting the door behind him.
"Howl," she answered miserably, drawing out his name into a moan, "I never want to drink anything ever, ever again."
He frowned, walking toward her with a look of concern. He stopped in front of her, gently pulling her hand away from her forehead.
"It's my fault," he said sadly. "I should have known you couldn't hold your liquor."
Sophie whimpered again despite herself, taking in a long, labored breath.
"My head hurts so much," she complained in a soft, gasping voice. "I feel like it's splitting in two."
"I may be able to help you with that," he answered in a soft voice of his own, bending down and pressing his lips firmly to her forehead. She exhaled, and then, like sunlight pouring through grey clouds, the pain lifted.
"Oh," she gasped, meeting his eyes with an astonished look.
"Just one perk of marrying a wizard," he said with a grin, pulling her toward him with both his hands and kissing her warmly on the lips. Sophie melted into it, parting her lips softly even as she remembered, the pain now gone, what she had done.
Howl had pulled away only a fraction of a second, and before he could speak another word she flung her arms around his neck, burying her face into the slope of his shoulder, tearing burning at her eyes.
"Howl," she began, lips trembling. "I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to be so … absent last night. I know that you … and I … and … you know! I know we can't have back our wedding night, but please forgive me."
If Sophie hadn't been so busy hiding her face, she might have seen Howl's eyes widen in surprise, even shock. Very gently, he took a step backward, guiding Sophie away from his chest and holding her steadily in front of him. In fact, he studied her rather as if asserting that she wasn't still under the influence after all.
"What are you talking about, Sophie?" he asked as gently as he could, careful not to upset her further. "You have nothing to be sorry over. I told you, it's my fault."
Frowning still deeper, he wiped a tear away from her eye as color flooded her face.
"Can you at least tell me what happened last night?" she asked shyly, ashamed to confess her next few words. "I don't really remember what happened at all."
"Of course," Howl said, not withdrawing his hand, but rather using it to gently push aside strands of silver that had fallen over her eyes. "I came upon you and Calcifer finishing some kind of joke, and then I carried you upstairs, took off your dress, and put you to bed."
"And that's all?" she asked quietly, almost whispering the question in her embarrassment.
"I kissed you good night," he added, after looking thoughtful for a long moment or two.
"Oh," she said, swallowing hard and trying desperately to find her composure. "So then, you really aren't disappointed?"
"I could never be disappointed in you," he said assuredly, smiling and using a finger to tilt up her chin, forcing her tearful eyes to meet his own. "Don't look so sad. You know what we can do? We can pretend that every night is our wedding night."
Sophie adverted her eyes shyly, blushing further, but couldn't resist a tiny smile.
"That's my girl," Howl said with a grin before leaning in to kiss her again.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Calcifer!" Howl shouted as he bounded down the stairs, Sophie padding quietly in his wake, "Fire up, my friend! It's time for our first breakfast as husband and wife!"
The fire demon crackled sleepily, reaching for another log to replace the one that had burned low in the night.
"Only if Sophie cooks," he declared, flaring toward her where she stood awkwardly, still in her petticoats.
"Sorry," Howl announced with equal stubbornness. "Sophie is our Queen today. She'll do no cooking or cleaning or anything of the sort. I've resolved to do everything for her."
"Don't be ridiculous, Howl!" Sophie protested meekly from her corner, but Calcifer beat out her voice, rising high in the hearth with his flames flickering purple-green.
"Sophie talks to me while she cooks," he said maliciously, "And you, Howl? What do you do? You ignore me until it's time for, 'Oh, by the way old friend, can you use your magic to warm my third bath of the day?' All that time I spent working for you has ruined the respect you have for me!"
"He does have a point," Sophie added, pulling up a chair at the table.
"Oh, Calcifer," Howl said with his heart-melting smile, "You know you're appreciated here."
"I still won't cook for you," he hissed stubbornly. "You'll have to serve your Queen cold bread and jam."
Howl crossed his arms, suddenly angry. He stared daggers at the demon, who only narrowed his eyes in return, lowering his flames as if ready to explode at any moment.
"Fine," he said, conceding the battle and smiling once again, though it was a bit twisted by the victory it meant over Calcifer. "I don't need you. I'll just fly down to Market Chipping and buy some fresh pastries for Sophie! How does that sound?"
"I'll make her an omelet before you can pull out your coins," Calcifer spat back, raising his flames high and proud.
"You won't dare," Howl said with a cold look, and then, turning round, "Sophie, love. I'll be back in a moment. You like strawberries, don't you?"
She nodded, feeling trapped between the two but smiling all the same out of faint amusement. Calcifer was just the same as always, only now, free to run off at any moment, he was almost unbearably cocky.
Howl kissed her quickly on the cheek before disappearing out the door, after which Sophie sighed, almost relieved at his absence. Even though he had said all those comforting things to her, she still felt as though she had failed him.
She sat down heavily in her favorite chair near the fire, eyes downcast.
"I knew it," Calcifer exclaimed, flaring up in his excitement. "You're having second thoughts already!"
"Don't be daft, Calcifer," she scolded, smiling faintly at his vain attempts to tempt her with the freedom he now so cherished.
The fire demon settled down, but looked her over intently, his fiery mouth twisting downward.
"You seem unhappy," he said simply, appearing suddenly dim.
Sophie laughed, covering her face with her hands and laughing out her shame, dangerously on the verge of tears once again. No matter what Howl said, she had tainted the memory of their first night together horribly.
"I was so tipsy last night," she muttered regretfully. "Poor Howl must have been awfully put out."
"Poor Howl nothing," the fire demon exclaimed passionately. "It's his obligation to care for you, now! And anyhow, I liked you tipsy. You're not like Howl, crashing into walls. You laughed at all of my jokes. I'd never felt such companionship."
Sophie couldn't help smiling a bit at this, though the burden on her heart was still heavy.
"I have my own obligations to Howl," she said, feeling stronger now, if a bit mournful. "It's difficult to explain, Calcifer, but those drinks stopped me from fulfilling them."
"If you mean cleaning up after Howl," he crackled in annoyance, "I'd have had the castle spit him out over the Waste rather than see you dust in your pretty dress."
She chuckled, settling back in her chair to wait for Howl.
She took in a deep breath, still trying to settle herself. She really wished that she could remember what had honestly happened last night. Though she didn't think that Howl had lied to her, his story made her seem as if she had been a rag doll, and if she had been laughing and going on as Calcifer had implied …
She shook her head, releasing the thought from her mind. Sometimes, it was just best to let these things go.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
What Sophie Can't Recall
Sophie blinked sleepily as Howl laid her down gently on the bed, her hair pooling around her face on the pillow. He grinned at her wickedly as he stood back, hands on his hips.
"I'm going to change now," he said, pulling his teardrop blue gem over his head. "Close your eyes, and no peeking."
Sophie giggled, bringing a white-gloved hand to her flushed face and obediently pressing her eyes closed, unable to stop smiling as she heard Howl rummaging through what she thought must be his chest of clothes.
She waited a moment, then slowly half-opened one eye, just in time to watch her husband pulling his white tunic over his head, revealing a back of perfect, milky skin.
"You forget I'm a wizard," he said, throwing his shirt aside and shaking out what looked simply like a much longer version of it. "You're cheating."
"I'm doing no such thing," she laughed, but frowned to see that his nightshirt fell to his ankles, and the removal of his black pants was as such uneventful.
Sophie smiled, laughing at a little as he approached her.
"Your nightshirt is almost the same as my nightgown," she grinned as Howl sat down next to her on the bed, taking her hand lovingly in his own. "All it needs is lace."
"How insightful of you to notice," he chuckled. "I never knew you were such a lush."
"Don't tease me," she pouted, and then suddenly remembering, propped herself up on her elbows, trying to pull her way out of bed. "I can't … sleep in my wedding dress. It'll be all wrinkled and ruined in the morning!"
She tried to hold herself up on her hands, then yelped as the sheets slid under one, sending her toward the floor. Howl caught her deftly, holding her steadily by the shoulders.
"You shouldn't try to walk on your own," he scolded gently. "Here. I'll help you."
He lifted her out of bed, standing her carefully by the side of it. When he was satisfied that she had found her balance, he placed himself behind her. Sophie could hear the rustle of silk as he untied her bow, then began on each tiny button.
"It took Lettie and I …" she began, moaning tiredly a little though the middle of her sentence, "Three hours … to get me into this dress … and now you're undoing it all in three minutes!"
Howl merely laughed quietly behind her, making slow progress down to her waist, occasionally commanding her to hold still. Finally, though, he undid the final button, letting the dress fall to the floor.
Sophie stepped out of it gratefully, then nearly leapt onto the bed, throwing herself into it so heavily that she bounced as she sat. She watched Howl carefully lift the dress from the floor, setting it on a nearby chair.
"Finally," Sophie said with a long, contented sigh. "It was so tight!"
"I get the feeling," Howl said as he made his way to the other side of the bed, his wife's head turning around to watch as he went, "That you're telling me things you normally wouldn't if you hadn't had so much to drink."
"Mmm," Sophie answered, pulling her legs up into the bed and slipping them under the covers, "That could be true."
"Should now be the time I ask for all your secrets?" he asked, climbing into bed and leaning dangerously close to her, his eyes glittering wickedly with all his mischievous intentions.
"You're my husband," she replied lazily, setting back into the pillows and rolling pleasantly onto her side. "I have no secrets from you!"
"You must have some secrets," Howl urged, rolling toward her as well, his face so close to her own that she might have kissed him at any moment with the smallest of efforts.
"I'm afraid my life was very boring before I met you," she answered, her eyelids half-closed. She was suddenly hardly aware of what he was saying, and more absorbed by the way his lips moved so fluidly.
"One secret," he insisted, and Sophie smiled a little wicked smile of her own as he, as if in response to her thoughts, quickly licked his bottom lip.
"I look abhor – abhorrent in pink," she mumbled.
"That's not a secret," Howl grinned. "That's a fact."
"Watch your tongue!" she yelped, narrowing her eyes at him. "You're my husband. You should think I look good in every color!"
"I am your husband," Howl repeated, tilting his head closer to her own and speaking in a voice that was unmistakably seductive. "Isn't it nice?"
"Being married to you?" she questioned, frowning a little in her confusion.
"Yes," he said simply, his smile deepening.
"We've only been married for a few hours," she said, raising an eyebrow and smiling secretly. "Give me at least a day."
Howl laughed, and then, as if it had been his intention all along, closed the distance between them, pressing their lips together in a firm, delicious kiss. Sophie closed her eyes, losing herself in it immediately, tilting her head to make it longer.
He pulled away, kissing her cheek, and then her forehead, and then her nose.
"Good night, love," he said, settling back into his pillow and pulling Sophie gently toward his chest. She happily obliged, nestling her body into the curve of his arm and sighing contently at the sound of his heartbeat.
For a time she drifted happily, lost between the dreamy world of sleep and the steady beating of Howl's heart. She was warm and tired and content, and as such, it look her some time to remember that it was her wedding night, and that something was amiss.
She opened her eyes sleepily, looking up at the shadow of her husband's face. He was breathing shallowly, as if he might already be asleep. Gently, moved by a force she couldn't quite explain, Sophie carefully disentangled herself from Howl's arm, sitting up to look down at him.
She loved Howl when he was asleep. Awake, he was wickedly handsome, confident and charming, sometimes frighteningly so, and for her, tender and teasing. But asleep, he was completely unaware, as pure and gentle as a child.
With a loud thump she was sure Calcifer would hear downstairs, Sophie swung herself over Howl, straddling him between her legs. He woke up with a start, looking first up at his wife, shocked, and then down at the petticoats pooling over his chest.
"Sophie?" he asked frantically. "Is something wrong?"
"I don't care if I'm a little tipsy, Howl," she mumbled, clumsily, though with a surprising amount of conviction. "It's okay. I don't want you to be sad."
"Sad?" Howl repeated, staring up at her as if she had gone insane. "What are you talking about? I'm not sad at all."
Sophie reached down, playing with his hair for a moment, then wrapped her hand firmly around the back of his neck. Eyes half closed, she bent down and kissed him with as much passion as she could summon in her current state. When she pulled away, Howl was still looking up at her in disbelief, though he seemed to have been shocked into silence.
"I know I'm shy, Howl," she mumbled loudly again. "But I'm not scared. Not really."
He stared up at her, hopelessly confused. He simply blinked for a long moment, and then, as if resolving not to ask, heaved himself up on his elbows, gently pushing Sophie off of him and guiding her by her shoulders back to her original position.
"You should rest, Sophie," he said, meaning it to be sweet, but sounding a little desperate.
As he pulled her back under his arm (manhandled her, she thought resentfully) Sophie stared out into the darkness. Her mind seemed to have gone completely blank, and she lay trying to grasp exactly why she felt such a horrible gnawing in her heart, eating away at the pleasure she had felt just moments before, nestled in her lover's embrace.
She sighed in a quiet breath, pursing her lips. Though her mind never grasped the word, she drifted to sleep with rejection riddling her dreams, shredding her peaceful slumber into tangled threads.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sexy, but sad. Dark as it is, I rather like the combination.
Please review, if you want more.