Title: Results

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Do not belong to me, I just manipulate them to my every whim. Muahahaha.

Author's Notes: Set just after Cameron finds out House has read her HIV results, in episode 211, 'Need to Know'.

Cameron stalked into Wilson's office, not even knocking on the door before barging in. Wilson looked up at her and froze.

"Uh oh… what'd he do now?"

"He opened my HIV results!"

"What?"

"He opened the letter and read it himself, before even telling me it had arrived! How could he do that? That's too much, even for him!"

"Well, he…" Wilson searched for the right words. "He… he's… House. It's what he does."

"Yeah, well, that excuse is wearing a little thin," she said, plopping down in the seat opposite him and crossing her arms.

He remained silent, his innate abilityof reading people telling him she wasn't here for a long deep and meaningful. She needed to cool off.

"It was negative," she said eventually, looking up at him.

"Uh! Well, that's, that's great!"

"I guess…"

"Listen. This is what House wants. He doesn't like people… being happy, so he goes and taints their joyful experiences somehow. Don't let him. Concentrate on the fact that you don't have HIV. You're young, and healthy!"

"That… makes sense. I just… I don't understand why—"

"My advice? Don't try to understand. As much as you want to, don't even try. That's where we go wrong. Just… aim to accept."

"Accept that he's an ass?"

"Accept that sometimes, he does things none of us can comprehend, for reasons we can't comprehend."

"So did Hitler."

"Well, if we're comparing House to Hitler, I guess I can consider myself gassed."

She smiled briefly and stood up, opening the door.

"You know he did it because he cares, right?"

Cameron grimaced. "Funny way of showing it."

"It's… House's way."

"Yeah… right." She smiled again and slipped out, closing the door behind her.

James sighed and propped his elbows on his desk, massaging his temples.

"So, she gone now?"

Wilson jumped and looked up in alarm to see his best friend poking his head around his balcony door. "House! Were you listening in to that whole conversation?"

House entered and stood in front of Wilson's desk, bouncing on his heels. "What? Oh no, no, no. I only got here at about 'how could he do that?'" he said, impersonating Cameron by assuming a high, squeaky voice.

"God, House, do you have any morals at all?"

"Yeah, like I need them." His face turned serious. "Does she come to you every time I do something ludicrous?"

"Will it stop you from doing ludicrous things if I tell you?"

"No."

"Then yes, House, lately, she has."

"Pathetic."

"No, House, not pathetic! Not pathetic! How can she help it if she works with an asshole who only seems to think about himself!"

House raised and eyebrow and Wilson rubbed his forehead.

"She thinks you hate her."

House considered this. "Good."

"Good? You want her to despise you?"

"Is that so hard to believe? According to you, I like living in misery, and I absolutely love having everyone hate me."

"You do! But Cameron… isn't everyone."

"No, she's not. She's not even someone."

"How can you—"

"She's an employee; they're the lowest on the food chain, even below supermarket check-out chicks and toilet cleaners."

"Do me a favour. Don't ever tell her that you'd rather get it on with someone who sticks their hands down a toilet, than her."

"Whatever." He started to leave, but thought of something else and turned back. "As long as you stop telling her that I care about her, or whatever other House-analyses you come up with. She'll just… get her hopes up."

Wilson nodded slowly. "Okay… deal."

House nodded back and went back to his office, vaulting over the balcony separation in his surprisingly agile manner.

Wilson could only watch him go.

Review please! I promise I'll love you forever...