Whoo! This is my longest chapter yet! Thank the fact that I stayed home sick.

BTW: Do any of you read RENT fanfiction? If you do, would any of you read a cross over between RENT and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? (Weird, I know, but what can I say? I'm becoming a sucker for cross overs.)

Chapter 5: Wherein Draco Discovers Harry's Big, Huge…Muscles and His Not-So-Inner Femininity

It was just Potter and him now. One on one. Man against…

Draco was still unsure about the specifications of his current state.

"What's your name?" Potter asked gruffly.

"Uh…" Draco searched the recesses of his brain for a name. "Uh…my name is…Darcy!" Was that even a real name? Had he ever met a girl named Darcy? Oh well, Potter seemed to be buying it.

"Darcy what?"

"Uh…Darcy Spungen!"

Potter raised an eyebrow. "Like Sid Vicious' girlfriend?"

Who the hell was Sid Vicious? "Yeah," Draco agreed. "Just like her."

"O-okay," Harry…Potter drew out the word in a manner of disbelief. "Why were you captured?"

Captured? Oh yes! He was supposedly a prisoner! "Uh…well…" why would the Dark Lord want Draco/Darcy? Draco decided to go with the truth. "Look at me," he said as if that explained everything. "Wouldn't you capture me if you had the chance?"

"So you mean he wanted to…" Potter was turning green at the very thought of the Dark Lord having sex with someone, so Draco decided to milk it.

"Ravage me. A lot. Everyday, every night, he wanted to shag me…" Seeing that Harry was seconds from becoming lord of the porcelain bowl, Draco went on. "He was very well endowed, not that I've seen very many," his voice was thoughtful. "But it was sort of green and when he wanted me to s-"

"Okay! I get the point!" Potter shouted, covering his ears. "I really don't want to hear any more!"

"If you say so," Draco agreed. "But he was a very…talented and gentle lover, that should relieve you."

But Draco's statement only proved to further sicken Potter, which had been it's purpose.

"Why don't you set up in your room," he suggested to Draco, trying to wash the repulsive mental images from his mind.

Draco followed Potter up the stairs, tripping over almost every one. It wasn't that being female had affected his balance, though he did find it strange trying to look down and finding two appendages obscuring his view. But it wasn't that, it was the fact that Potter's ass was becoming much more interesting than trying to walk correctly.

As Harry moved (for Draco figured that while he was ogling his ass, he might as well be called by his given name) his bottom wriggled back and forth. The muscles there rippled, barely hidden by the jeans he was wearing.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked after Draco had nearly toppled down the steps.

"Oh, yeah! I'm fine. It's just been awhile since I've had to…you know. Walk," Draco covered for his clumsiness impeccably.

Harry's face softened and his green eyes had a look of pity in them. "I'm sorry, I forgot about that."

"It's okay," Draco sighed melodramatically. "I'm just glad that I've made it threw that ordeal safely."

"Yeah…" Harry led him into a very nicely sized guest room. "I'll…uh…bring you some clothes," he said, looking down at Draco's much too big jeans and shirt.

"Thanks."

Flopping onto the bed, Draco winced. What was up with these breasts? Why did they hurt all the time? Sitting up, he pressed them experimentally.

"Ow!"

Standing up, he jumped up and down a few times. "Merlin's uncle!" he cried a bit louder. He was beginning to think that breasts were much more trouble than they were worth. How did women manage with them flopping every which way and hurting every time the slightest bit of pressure was added?

"Uh…" Harry had returned with a t-shirt, which was most likely regular sized but looked oversized compared to Draco's now very compact body. Draco quickly stopped experimenting but Harry's eyes were still glued to his breasts. "Do you need…you know a…?"

"A what?" Draco asked, his breasts swinging slightly from side to side.

"A bra?"

Ah yes! A bra! That was how women survived them! How had he forgotten about the beautiful creation? "Yes, that would be wonderful," Draco told Harry. "A bra."

Quickly sizing Draco's chest up, he summoned up a pink lacy number with dozens of hooks and straps. Blushing madly, Harry ducked out of the room, leaving the clothes and the bra in a pile on the bed.

Draco picked up the bra. It was pretty, that was for sure. But unfortunately, though he now found Harry's ass to be tantalizing and pink one of the most beautiful colors in the world, he couldn't for the life of him figure out how to put on this bra. After a few moments, he identified just what every part of the garment did. Perhaps I should've spent a bit more time studying bras before merely flinging them off, he thought wistfully. "Okay, I can do this." The cups, he supposed, were to keep his breasts in. He was correct. Now the hard part. The stupid thing hooked in the back and Draco learned the hard way that the thing was useless if not properly hooked. Straining and grunting, he arched his back and tried his hardest to hook it.

"Stupid…bloody…bra!" Draco cursed louder than needed. "Damn it…to bloody hell!" he cried again in frustration.

Draco's moans and grunts of exertion brought Harry running to his room. "Are you okay?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

Draco whipped around so that he was facing Harry, dropping the bra in the process.

"Oh gods!" Harry quickly averted his eyes.

"I could say the same thing," Draco remarked dryly as he bent low to pick up the fallen garment.

It was true, Harry was topless as well. His pectoral muscles were dancing beautifully and Draco couldn't help but admire them.

"Yes, well," Harry sputtered. "That's different."

"Yeah," Draco said. Stupid gender rules. "I can't do this," he said lamely, holding the bra out for Harry to take.

"And what do you want me to do about that?"

"Can't you help?"

Reluctantly, Harry stepped forward, his eyes still trained to the corner of the ceiling.

"You can look," Draco said exasperatedly.

"No, I really can't," Harry responded.

"Why not? Would your girlfriend get pissed?"

"No," Harry defended. "My girlfriend and I broke up recently."

"Then why can't you?"

"Because…because…" Harry was trying his hardest and coming up with nothing. Giving up, he went over to Draco and took the bra. "Turn around," he said, resigned.

Draco did as he was told and held his long hair out of the way as Harry hooked the bra into place. They were so close, Draco could feel heat radiating from Harry's body to his own.

"It's done," Harry said softly, drawing his hands away from Draco's smooth back.

"Thanks," Draco said. Then, reaching behind himself, he unhooked the bra again. "Oops," he said, not sounding in the least bit sorry. Then, in a twilight moment, he uttered the words that every respectable French prostitute could say at a moment's notice.

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"