Thinking of You

By

Alyson Grant

'Canada called and the voice was Jude's.'

That was a headline from the Toronto Star the morning after I won Instant Star.

The bold print stared up at me from our front doorstep along with my beaming nearly face splitting smile, visibly shocked face (You can tell by the eyes if you look really, really closely otherwise I know I just look crazy-happy.) that was nearly obscured by tons of colorful confetti and the sharp edge of the oversized meant-for-television brand spankin' new G Major Records recording contract.

A recording contract that was mine, all mine.

Sorry Eden.

Not.

But that's the evil side talking.

I guess the whole experience with Boyz Attack and Darius and Tommy's own issues really tainted the whole experience.

The experience.

It's weird how easily my life has changed from school, friends, anger, angst, singing, music and writing to school, friends, anger, angst, singing, music, studio time, rehearsals, interviews, and writing.

And how easily I was able to accept and adapt to most of it.

It wasn't that weird.

Some parts of it…

Because let's face it, having Little Tommy Q walk into my school and watching all the girls freak out was just surreal.

And Jude-A-Pa-Loo-Za?

While flattering and kind of cool, it was equally creepy if you really think about it.

Come on now.

Changes.

Now the writing is usually with Tommy not Jamie who in the past could always be counted on to help me rework choruses, add a few words here and there, and basically cheer me on as we munched on popcorn and the occasional Laffy Taffy.

Now the singing is in a snazzy studio. Not my bathroom or bedroom.

And as for the interviews?

Well, let's just say that the only person who ever cared so much about what was going through my head was last year when I dyed my hair to it's current shade of red and wore all black with no variation for two straight weeks and my mother honestly thought I was on drugs.

I'm not kidding.

I wish I was.

Not that Sadie was any help.

As if she ever is...

She just raised her perfect eyebrows at the dinner table, food still in the slender silver tines of her fork, that was held by a fresh French manicured hand and said airily in a bored tone, 'Oh yeah Mom. Duh. That's what her people do.'

And then she just smirked at me when I looked at her with my mouth agape as if to ask 'Just how crazy are you?'

Nice right?

Lovely.

I know.

We can't possibly come from the same gene pool.

I mean our parents must be lying to one of us.

Dad tried to tell me she was only joking.

As if that would have stopped me from reaching over and trying to throttle the very last living breath out of her glossy Passionate Peach! mouth.

I know someone who would understand the emotion.

If I could go back in time and tell Chaz to stop being such an egotistical jerk I would. I'd tell him 'Stop being jealous. It's not Tommy's fault that he's a better singer and cuter then you are. It's not his fault that you thought you were supposed to be the one that everyone loved the best but most of the girls who slipped past security wanted to see Tommy and not you.'

It wasn't his fault.

(I'd also tell J.P to stop sleeping with the eager groupies because that's how he got the children he has to care for. Men. But that's something else entirely.)

If he hadn't left, he would have eventually hated himself and hated his friends and hated the person that he was letting himself become.

He'd already been starting to.

He said that suddenly, in a low quiet tone that both broke the silence and seemed to come out of nowhere.

It was just that sudden.

Those words were filled with such dangerous emotions, shaded with dark undertones and were encapsulated with heady memories that I couldn't even begin to touch.

The shivers that went down my spine that night weren't from a G Major heating problem. They were from the obvious intensity of all the emotions that the guy I was sitting next to was feeling.

He'd helped me through so much without even trying by listening so I took his lead.

And listened.

AG Author's Note-

Finally, Escape and One Cut are also up.

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