Chapter 45: Butterflies And Semicolons
A/N: so I've had this idea running around in my head for a bit of a song, or at the very least a poem. So that's featured here. Unfortunately, I can't sing nor can I play instruments very well so you won't ever be able to hear it. Enjoy
"What in the world possessed you to make such a ridiculous suggestion?" Santana growls, inches away from Rachel's face.
"Back up Lopez." Quinn seethes "I don't understand why you're so against giving it a try."
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to write music?" Santana turns to the blonde now, Brittany on the other hand pulling Rachel to her so Santana will be too conflicted to actually attack the diva.
"Come on, no one's saying you have to arrange the whole song." Quinn scoffs.
"So what, we're gonna give Brad all the work? Of course we have to have some form of arrangement." Santana huffs "I don't write songs, and yet Mr.Schue seems to think I'll show up with a masterpiece."
"He believes in you." Brittany says quietly. She's clearly uncomfortable with the animosity of the situation.
"And as much as I appreciate that, this is a ton of pressure." Santana sighs.
"I'm sorry Santana." Rachel admits "I didn't consider that Mr.Schue would assume that you'd be producing a masterpiece."
"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have gotten angry with you. It just…when I write its not usually to share. I've never written much of a song but I've dabbled in poetry. It's for me." Santana grabs Brittany's hand "But I guess I have to try now." She leads Brittany out, the dancer waving a goodbye to their friends. They get back to the Lopez house and Brittany goes up to Santana's room to mess with a chord progression. She can hear Santana playing the piano downstairs, going through scales. She sighs as she hears Santana slip up on notes she wouldn't usually. Rather going down there though, Brittnay knows Santana needs to be alone.
Laid on a side table she's dragged next to the piano, Santana has a notebook of blank grandstaff and her poetry composition book. She opens to one of her latest unfinished ideas:
Butterflies And Semicolons
The ink intermixes with their scars
Art amongst lines and endless bars
Sometimes the tattoos cover the pain
Other times they make the marks clear as rain
Maybe it's their hidden meanings that draw attention
Or they draw eyes like any good artwork's intention
Oh oh deep black ink
Oh oh deep red lines bleeding
Still feel so hopeless and cold
The art speaks louder than words
Butterflies and semicolons are hers
She can't express what's inside aloud
The Medusa is a dark memory cloud
The art speaks louder than words
Butterflies and semicolons are hers
These tattoos say what's inside her head
And the date belongs to one who's dead
Not everyone knows what the ink means
The art on so many women and queens
No one knows that the tattoos didn't hurt
Not when your skin has been burnt
Others don't understand why ink matters
But they also forget a glass ceiling shatters
Oh oh deep black ink
Oh oh deep red lines bleeding
Still feel so hopeless and cold
The art speaks louder than words
Butterflies And semicolons are hers
She can't express what's inside aloud
The Medusa is a dark memory cloud
The art speaks louder than words
Butterflies And semicolons are hers
These tattoos says what's inside her head
And the date belongs to one who's dead
They always say pictures say a thousand words
And these pictures speak a thousand hurts
The art is the pain never forgotten
A reminder of times when she hit bottom
The art speaks louder than words
Butterflies And semicolons are hers
She can't express what's inside aloud
The Medusa is a dark memory cloud
The art speaks louder than words
Butterflies And semicolons are hers
She can't express what's inside aloud
The Medusa is a dark memory cloud
The art speaks louder than words
Butterflies And semicolons are hers
These tattoos says what's inside her head
And the date belongs to one who's dead
Oh the ones left behind
Oh the memories inside
Oh those light red lines
Amidst butterflies And Semicolons
They hide
It takes time, Santana's not sure how long. She scratches out words as she goes, makes things rhyme, and finds the words she's searching for. She draws little arrows as she moves things around and underlines words for emphasis. Eventually though, she has the words, all she needs is their rhythm. Unfortunately, that doesn't come easily. She'd taken the time to rhyme when writing it, but she had decided to ignore the musical aspect until afterwards. She wants it to work, but she doesn't think it will. She's never had to write a song from scratch, she never realized how hard it was. She slams the notebook closed. She wasn't going to figure it out, she knew Rachel had been an idiot to suggest such a ludicrous idea. She goes up the stairs to her room and finds Brittany strumming aimlessly on her guitar, an empty notebook in front of her save for a chord progression. Santana grabs the notebook and Brittany looks up at her.
"Can I have that back?" Brittany asks.
"Yeah in a minute. Britt, stay right here." Santana runs back down the stairs to retrieve her own notebook and opens it to the lyrics. Brittany skims them and looks up at the Latina.
"You want my chord progression for your song?" Brittany asks "I don't know San."
"Please, let's just try it." Santana says.
"But what if the rhythm doesn't match?" Brittany asks.
"Britt. Come on. Humor me." Santana pleads and the blonde gives in. She strums and Santana listens a few times before joining in with her lyrics. It's clumsy at first, both of them adjusting to fit the other's tempo, but eventually they settle into a tempo. It's very similar to that of Taylor Swift's Haunted, but they decide that, being amateurs, they'll credit her if they post it anywhere. It had taken bringing in Santana's violin to get the sound they wanted which is what made it so similar to the song.
"I really like how it turned out…" Santana is in awe of the fact they actually had managed to put something decent together.
"And you thought Rachel was crazy." Brittany smirks.
"I still do." Santana looks at her lyrics "Can I really sing this and not have it flop for being too unabashedly raw. I mean it's not hiding much. It more than alludes to some tough subject matter."
"People want music to say something. Sure, the songs about sex sell, but songs that dig deeper" Brittany struggles to find the words she wants "Songs that explore the depths of humanity, the taboos no one dares to breach, those have a place too. That kind of music is on the rise right now, people can relate to it."
"I mean, I suppose showing it to the Glee club can't hurt right?" Santana is still hesitant- not just because of the subject matter but because of how personal the song is to her.
"That's the spirit." Brittany beams "Santana you're destined to be so much more than you've ever dreamed."
"I just want to be loved." Santana looks down at her hands "And learn to love myself."
"You'll get there. I know you will." Brittany assures tilting Santana's chin up to look her in the eye "I believe in you." Santana snuggles into Brittany and the blonde wraps her arms around the Latina. She can tell that Santana is struggling more than she's letting on. The song was a clue too, but it also showed Brittany how hard Santana was fighting. Maybe a tattoo would fix everything. If only.
Santana is pacing nervously in the front of the choir room as their friends file in. Brittany watches nervously as Asher tries to pause the Latina's movements. His bark startles everyone and Santana's eyes snap down to the dog. He nudges her towards a seat and she gets the hint. Satisfied that she's no longer in immediate danger of an anxiety attack, he rests his head on her knee. Asher doesn't leave Santana side as Mr.Schue settles everyone and invites her up to the front to sing. She takes her seat at the piano and Brittany stands beside her with her guitar. Santana closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. After that, it comes naturally. Her fingers dance across the keys and the words flow beautifully. Brittany provides a few harmonies, and watches everyone else looking for any sign of a reaction. They all look like they're in shock, and Brittany isn't entirely sure why. They finish their song and finally Santana looks back out towards her friends. After a brief moment, the entire club begins clapping, some even rising to their feet. Quinn comes running towards them and squeezes Santana tight. She understood every line perfectly, it was all the things she couldn't say. Mr.Schue praises their work, but like Santana had expressed to Brittany, he does worry about the subject matter. The plan was to perform their original songs for the school as a fundraising event. Ever since they became champions last year, they'd gained enough respect around school to be able to perform without fear of retaliation. But original songs were risky and even Principal Sue had warned to watch what they wrote. Santana nodded, and took her seat next to Brittany, deflated. The song was good, but it may have been too vulnerable and real. Brittany squeezed Santana's hand. She knew how hard it had been to perform that and it was even harder knowing it was likely not worth it. Brittany wished so badly this wasn't the case, but it was. She cursed herself for pressuring Santana into singing the song. It was obvious to the Latina that the song would never be approved, but it was such a beautiful song. They couldn't just let it sit and not share it. If it wasn't approved for school, Brittany knew she had to help Santana get it out to the world in an alternative way. As soon as Mr.Schue dismissed them, the rest of the period having been spent by members of the club working with the band and the piano to compose, Santana and Asher left, not even waiting for Brittany who was mid conversation with Mike. She promised she'd finish the conversation later and ran to catch up with her girlfriend.
"Santana" Brittany shouted to the retreating girl "Wait up" the blonde kept running, getting no reaction and grabbed the girl by the shoulder when she caught up. Santana pulled her shoulder away and didn't make eye contact. "I'm sorry, I really didn't think sharing it was such a bad idea."
"You never think." Santana growls. She knows it'll hurt the girl beside her, but at the moment she doesn't really care. Anything to escape this mundane conversation. She notices that her strategy was successfully not only in stalling the conversation, but also in pausing Brittany's movements. She sees the rest of the Glee club coming down the hall, and not wanting to hear anything else. She doesn't wait for the blonde who doesn't follow her. Asher whines, he stays by Santana's side, but he's never seen this happen and it worries him. He can help a lot, but having another human around is sometimes necessary. He's only been completely alone with Santana on a few rare occasions, and that's at home where there's a lot of ways for him to get help. They even got this specialized button for him to press in emergencies. Still, he has to focus on doing what he can to make sure the situation doesn't negatively affect Santana. He knows his job.
"Britt?" Mike asks, being the first person to reach the frozen blonde "Are you okay?" He barely reacts in time to catch the girl in a hug as she dissolves into tears. Tina raises an eyebrow and Mike just looks back confused. Quinn and Rachel reach them, and Mike looks to them, begging for help. Gently, Quinn peels the taller blonde away from him, and finds herself supporting nearly all of the other girl's weight. Rachel helps her get Brittany to the bathroom where they lean her against the wall and gently wipe her face until she stops crying. Eventually, they're successful but Brittany adamantly refuses to explain what happened. Everyone knows Santana had something to do with it, but what had she done? It wasn't like those two to ever treat the other badly, so seeing it was hard for anyone to really attempt to handle. There was a knock on the bathroom door and Rachel opened it hoping to see Santana. Instead it was Mike, who looked sheepishly at them. Tina was beside him.
"We uh" Tina elbows him "Well I guess mostly I just wanted to make sure you were okay Britt. I haven't seen you cry like that since…" he trails off.
"The day I punched Artie. I know." Brittany sighs.
"It was also the day he said some really hurtful things to you. What Santana said…she can't have possibly said something like that." Tina pipes up.
"I trust and love her alot more than I ever felt for Artie." Brittany explains.
"So what did she say?" Mike asks and Rachel and Quinn look at Brittany, their interest peaked.
"I'm not going to let you all be mad at her. I can handle it." Brittany isn't going to let them know, they won't understand why she's already forgiven Santana "I just need a ride."
"Are you sure?" Mike asks.
"Mike" Brittany says "I appreciate that you want to look out for me. You're the big brother I always needed but never had. We both know that, but we also know that if anyone lays a finger on Santana, deserved or otherwise, Diego will never let you see the light of day again. And I'm okay, honestly. What she said hurt. But this is a personal matter."
"Okay." Mike puts his hands up in surrender "But if you need to channel your feelings into dance, you know where to find me." Brittany nods and gratefully accepts a ride from Quinn and Rachel. She's glad to see Santana had made it home. She thanks the other two for the ride and makes her way to the door. She knocks, even though she's let herself in before it feels odd. Diego opens the door and looks furious.
"What gave you the idea that coming here would be okay right now?" he asks and Brittany recoils. She hadn't done anything wrong.
"I'm here to see Santana." Brittany isn't sure what else to say.
"So you can make her cry more? I don't think so." Diego crosses his arms.
"Me?! She's the one who made ME cry." Brittany is shocked.
"I don't see any tears now." Diego accuses "Santana's haven't stopped."
"For Christ sake Diego, just let me in." Brittany groans.
"Not a chance blondie" he doesn't move. His phone buzzes and he fishes it out of his pocket, watching Brittany. "Huh. She says to let you in." he shows the text to Brittany "I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Brittany says, passing by Diego and going straight up the stairs. She sees Santana on the bed with Asher. "Baby?"
"Britt?" Santana looks at her "Come here" Brittany nods and lays down to face Santana. "I am SO sorry." Santana says "I never should have said something so insensitive."
"I've already forgiven you." Brittany says softly.
"But…" Santana shakes her head "I treated you so badly for no good reason."
"You had a reason. You were frustrated and disappointed. And I had convinced you to do the thing that caused those feelings." Brittany explains.
"That doesn't give me the right to say something like that to you." Santana is adamant.
"You're right." Brittany says "But I have the right to forgive you and I don't want you to feel guilty. You obviously understand what you said was extremely hurtful."
"I promised I wouldn't ever say something like that." Santana reminds "I promised I would never say anything against your brain."
"I know." Brittany nods solemnly "but you weren't thinking about your words. And I forgive you. You didn't mean it. I know that. So stop being mad at yourself. It's not going to do anyone any good."
"Okay…I'm sorry." Santana says one last time.
"So make it up to me." Brittany smirks. Santana chuckles and kisses Brittany hard. It isn't long before things get heated. Almost an hour later they are laying next to each other, sweaty, sticky and completely worn out.
"We should probably get clean before we're caught in this compromising position." Santana finally says.
"I'll start the bath." Brittany sits up "You clean up in here." The blonde gestures to the toys they'd made use of and Santana blushes so brightly that even her tan chinks are tinted crimson. "Don't be embarrassed, just make sure you clean everything properly." Santana nods knowingly and starts cleaning up. She realizes her sheets are in desperate need of a change after their fun, and pulls them off the bed. By the time she's got the sheets changed Brittany is already soaking in the bath. She sets the toys aside to wash later. The blonde raises an eyebrow.
"I wanted to join you as soon as possible." Santana leans back against Brittany. What they just did felt great- but was it makeup sex? That wasn't the way to handle things.
"That brain of yours gets us in more trouble than mine." Brittany jokes, but the way Santana whimpers tells her it was too soon to joke "Hey, what's wrong?"
"Did we just have makeup sex?" Santana asks "Cause we both agreed we'd never use it to solve problems and now I'm worried we did."
"Honey, the problem had already been solved. I was just trying to be sexy when I said make it up to me." Brittany assures "I'm sorry if I worried you."
"You didn't. It's my own thoughts. I can't believe I called you st- THAT- when I'm clearly far less intellectually capable than you." Santana shakes her head.
"Stop it. We both know you're a musical genius and are a stellar academic." Brittany reminds.
"And yet my song…" Santana sighs.
"Is perfect. We'll get it out there. With or without the Glee club." Brittany promises.
"That sounds nice." Santana relaxes a bit and Brittany can see exhaustion setting in. She gently helps the girl out of the tub and wraps in a fluffy towel. She gently combs through wet raven locks. Santana is quickly drifting so she takes her to bed. She finishes the cleaning before joining the now napping girl. She doesn't want her to nap too long but she also knows she's tired. Brittany lays down with her and falls asleep herself. It's a knock on the door that wakes her up. She feels Santana shift beside her as she blinks open her eyes and sees Ali.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" She asks quietly. Brittany looks at Santana. The other girl isn't waking up anytime soon. Brittany kisses her temple and joins Ali outside the door, closing it softly.
"What's up?" Brittany asks, a little confused as to why Ali would need to talk to her.
"Let's go downstairs first." Ali says, and Brittany begins to worry. As they reach the bottom of the stairs she sees her sibling sitting at the counter with a mug of cocoa talking to Kelsey. As soon as they hear the footsteps, Liv turns to face them. Brittany can tell that they've been crying and runs to them immediately.
"Liv what's wrong?" Brittany says, immediately collecting her younger sibling in her arms. Liv just wraps their arms around Brittany and squeezes. Brittany looks at Ali and Kelsey for an explanation, but they both look lost.
"All I know is that Liv called and said that I need to pick them up from school. I assumed it was because you two rushed here and maybe you had been meant to?" Ali asks. Brittany shakes her head- usually Liv got out an hour before them because of Glee club.
"Liv, why didn't mom and dad pick you up?" Brittany breaks the hug so that she can look them in the eye.
"Cause I didn't want to see them." Liv admits.
"Why not? What happened? Did something happen at school? Did you get in trouble?" Brittany has never seen her sibling get in trouble before.
"No." Liv says "I just didn't want to see them, and I wanted to see you."
"There's got to be a reason." Brittany shakes her head "What aren't you telling me?"
"Can we go somewhere else?" Liv asks and Brittany nods, and they go into Ali's office. Brittany would've gone to the guest bedroom, but it triggers her. "So tell me, what's wrong?" Liv shifts uncomfortably.
"I'm embarrassed" they say "To show you."
"Then tell me." Brittany says "I don't need to see."
"I…I really don't want to…develop." Liv sort of gestures at their chest "And I feel like I'm starting to. And so i…" they lift up their shirt to reveal an ace bandage wrapped around their chest.
"Liv, you have to take that off, that's extremely dangerous." Brittany says, and together they take it off.
"I didn't know." Liv admits.
"I'm just glad you do now. Liv, there's a lot of things Ma and Pa can try to do to help. We're fighting the law. But we can get safer options, okay?" Brittany says and Liv nods. "Was something else bothering you?"
"I want to change my name. To something androgynous." Liv bites their lip nervously. Brittany nods understandingly and takes both of her siblings' hands in her own.
"You know I'll love you no matter what your name is." Brittany reminds "Did you pick something out?"
"I had a few ideas but I…I really wanted you to help pick." they look down, embarrassed.
"I'd be honored." Brittany says "So what ideas did you have?"
"Well the one I liked the most was Alex." Liv admits "But I also thought of some others if you don't like that one."
"I love that one. And it can be shortened to Lex or Lexi if you wanted too." Brittany smiles.
"That's why I like it so much." they smile.
"So Alex it'll be." Brittany says "Why don't you look happy?" She says seeing her siblings face fall.
"What if Mom and Dad don't like it?" they ask and Brittnay shakes her head- her parents will support them. She's certain.
"Don't worry, they love you. They will support this and anything else you need." Brittany assures.
"I wish I believed that. But I heard them talking one night, and mom had expressed that she was so happy I hadn't changed my name. That she wasn't sure she could handle. And that I hadn't asked about anything medical." they sigh "Britt, I feel like they're just faking they're acceptance."
"Did Dad say anything?" Brittany asked.
"He was pretty quiet. But he tried to remind mom that supporting me no matter what was important. But he wouldn't go against mom." Alex says with certainty.
"Why do you think that?" Brittany crosses her arms- their dad wasn't one to be controlled.
"Because he couldn't live without mom." The way they say it seems like it should be obvious "You remember better than me, I'm sure, how devastated dad was when mom's cancer came back that second time. How hard he worked to afford the surgery and treatment." Alex stops "I'm sorry, I don't like to bring up that time in front of you." Brittany realizes her face must've revealed that she wasn't particularly comfortable with any memory of that time.
"Look" Brittany says after a minute "There's really no way to know unless you tell them. And even though you're young, I developed pretty young too and the sooner we look into doing something the better. There's no way to do that without mom and dad."
"So…we need to tell them?" Alex asks.
"If you want to start with just the medical thing and not the name thing, I'll support you. But I think all at once might be best." Brittany explains.
"Can…you help?" they ask "I don't even know what to ask for." Brittany silently pats herself on the back for all the research she'd done.
"Yeah. I'll be beside you, no matter what." Brittany says. They go back to the living room where Santana has emerged. Asher and Uno are playing with a toy happily. Santana looks up from her tea when she hears the two blonde's approaching.
"Hey" she says "Everything okay?"
"Yeah." Brittany says "Everything's going to be okay, right?" they look at their little sibling who shrugs noncommittally. Brittany leans down and asks them something. They nod. "Actually, they have something to tell you."
"What's up?" Santana asks.
"I've decided that I want to go by Alex." they say and Santana nods "And you could call me Lex or Lexi sometimes. Just ask first."
"Sounds good kiddo." Santana smiles "I like that name. It fits you."
"You think so?" they ask, and Santana and Brittnay both nod encouragingly. "What do you think Go-Go will think?"
"Why don't you ask him?" Santana says "I can go get him."
"I don't wanna bother him." Alex says.
"I don't mind bothering him." Santana smirks "Cover your ears." she warns. Brittany nods, letting Alex know that Santana isn't joking.
"YO DIEGO! ¡VETE AQUÍ!" Santana yells.
"Por que?!" He yells back.
"VAMANOS" she shouts.
"Dios Mio" he says coming out of his room "Why are you yelling?" He says.
"Because I know it bothers you." Santana smirks.
"You two are terrible." Ali says, coming put of her room "How many times has Rachel warned you not to hurt your voice hmm?"
"I'm drinking tea." Santana says.
"Mm-hm. Stop yelling across my house." Ali says.
"Sorry Mami." Diego says.
"Sorry Tia." Santana echoes.
"Well there must've been some reason." Ali says "What's up?"
"I have the same question." Diego says.
"I wanted to ask you all something. Or rather tell you I guess." Alex says timidly.
"Is the question if I can still lift you up. Because the answer is yes." Diego flexes.
"No…I'd rather you not actually. I wanted to let you know I've decided I'd like to go by Alex." they say.
"Cool." Diego says "But why can't I pick you up?"
"I just rather keep my feet on the ground." Alex lies. Brittany can sense there's another reason.
"Alright, your loss Alex." he shrugs "Is that all?"
"Yup." Santana smiles.
"Well I'm very happy for you." Ali says "Finding yourself can be hard. But you seem really happy."
"Thanks. Me and Brittany are about to go tell my parents too." They say.
"It'll go great, I'm sure." Santana promises "Your parents are awesome."
"I agree." Ali nods.
"We will work on getting your song out tomorrow, okay San?" Brittany says apologetically.
"No worries babe." Santana assures "I'm all worn out anyway." she whispers in Brittany's ear.
"Right. See you at school." Brittany says, and she grabs her backup and coat, along with Alex's and they head home, glad that Brittany had left her car at the Lopezes that morning.
They get home and find their mom cooking dinner already.
"Hey, welcome home." she says "Did you thank Ali for picking you up?" She asks Alex.
"Yeah." They say "Thanks for being okay with it. I just wanted to see Diego, it's been awhile." Brittany tries not to reveal on her face that she's surprised by how much her sibling is lying.
"Of course." Whitney says "Just make sure you get your homework done still."
"I will." they say and head upstairs. Brittany guesses they are waiting to talk to their parents.
"Britty?" Whitney says before she can also head upstairs "How are things going at school for you?"
"Fine, last I checked." Brittany scratches her head, did her grades drop?
"Don't worry hun, I'm just curious. Nothing to worry about. Can't a mother ask about her daughter's life?" Whitney raises and eyebrow.
"Of course, you just don't usually ask me about school." Brittany shrugs, "It's fine though, obviously."
"And how about the Glee club?" she asks.
"Great, actually. We're doing original songs this week and San and I did one." Brittany smiles brightly.
"Well I'd love to hear it." Whitney smiles "anything else interesting happening?"
"What's going on Mom?" Brittany asks "You're never this interested in my life."
"I'm trying something new. They say it's really important to be involved in your teenagers' lives." She says.
"Who is they?" Brittnay questions.
"Just people Experts and whatnot. They say family dinners and conversations with teenagers have been linked to lower chances of depression in teens." Whitney says.
"So are you even actually interested?" Brittany questions "Or just faking it?"
"I'm trying" Whitney says "Can't you just accept it at face value?"
"Sorry." Brittany says "I appreciate it. Honestly, it's nice."
"Good. I don't want you or Liv to ever feel like you have to hide anything from me." she says. Brittany nods and heads upstairs, resisting the urge to correct her mom on the wrong name, seeing as she doesn't know yet. She's about to head into her room when she notices that Alex is laying all their clothes out on their bed.
"What are you doing?" Brittany asks.
"Reorganizing." they explain "One pile for androgynous shirts" they point to a pile of band t-shirts that were hand-me-downs from Britt along with some plain colored long sleeve shirts "One for blouses and more feminine shirts" Brittany notes v-necks are all in that pile "And one for more masculine shirts." They say. These shirts are flannels and button-ups along with some baggy t-shirts.
"Why the sudden urge to reorganize?" Brittany says.
"I want to be able to go into my closet and pick how I'm feeling that day in one section." Alex explains "Help me put these away?"
"I'll probably mess up your system." Brittany shakes her head "I organize in color order."
"And I'm weird for re-organizing…" they roll their eyes "C'mon, I really want to show you."
"I don't know…" Brittnay says.
"Trust me." they say. Brittany sighs and surrenders and lets Alex show them where to put things. Much to Brittany's relief, they have put labels up. Brittany helps hang up the button-ups and even add hers own twist, organizing in color and sleeve length within the sections. She notices that there's a pile of clothes shoved in a pile in the corner. It's not laundry, Alex is extremely tidy and has a laundry basket right next to it.
"What's this pile in the corner?" Brittany asks.
"Nothing!" They say quickly "Thanks for the help, you can go now."
"Hey, I'm not gonna invade." Brittany promises "Just curious."
"Fine." Alex sighs and pulls out the pile and dumps it on the bed. "These are the clothes I've decided I absolutely can't wear, no matter how I'm feeling." Brittany separates the pile. Tights, short skirts, a mini-cheerios uniform Brittany had gotten, tight fitting dresses, bright pink shirts and every swimsuit that Alex owned. Some of it clearly wouldn't fit anyway, like the uniform, but most of it was extremely feminine clothes.
"You don't think you'll ever want to go swimming?" Brittany asks "You love swimming."
"I can't exactly be flashing my arms at the aquatic center." they remind. Brittany sighs- she tries to block her sibling's scars from her mind.
"We can get you a swim shirt. And you don't need to worry at the Lopezes' pool." Brittany reminds.
"I don't want Diego to know." They say "Anyway, all of those cling tight and show everything I don't want to see."
"And what about the dresses and skirts?" Brittany asks "I thought you still felt feminine sometimes."
"Same issue." they sigh "I kept the ones that don't highlight more womanly features." They point to a collection in the back of the closet. "Just accept it. I'm never going to wear that stuff."
"It's fine. We should donate this though." Brittany says.
"Fine by me." Alex says. Brittany collects it all in a bag and takes it to her room. She'll deal with it. She returns to find Alex separating jeans into skinny, ripped and baggy. She sighs and helps them fold. Alex smiles thankfully. Brittany may not totally understand - after all she thought clothes had no gender- but she would support her sibling.
"Kids!" Whitney calls up the stairs "Dinner!"
"Did you do your homework?" Brittany asks.
"No. You?" Alex says nervously.
"Nope. Mom's gonna wonder what we were doing." Brittany sighs.
"We can just lie." they offer.
"I don't lie." Brittany immediately rejects. "Suit yourself. I'll say I got distracted."
"That's a lie." they say.
"No it's not. You did distract me." Brittany says and goes to wash her hands in the downstairs bathroom. Alex opts to do so at the kitchen sink.
"Dinner smells great honey." Daniel says coming out of his office.
"I'm glad." Whitney says "It's your favorite."
"Pork roast! Now I'm really excited. Hurry up Liv and Britt!" He says.
"Coming!" they both shout. They take their seats and Whitney brings the food out. Everyone takes a serving and digs in.
"How was school Liv?" Whitney asks.
"Fine." they reply "Kind of boring."
"Are you being challenged?" Daniel asks concerned.
"Yes, of course Dad. Just a slow day. Review and the book for English isn't very interesting." Alex rolls their eyes.
"What are you reading?" Whitney asks.
"The Pearl by John Steinbeck." they groan.
"I don't remember that one." Brittany says.
"You wouldn't." Daniel says "You were in remedial English that year, remember?"
"Oh yeah." Brittany says "I guess I'm lucky then."
"Definitely. This book is awful." Alex exaggerates.
"I'm sure there's a good reason they picked it." Whitney says "It's probably got great metaphors or something."
"If you say so." Alex shrugs.
"Anything else interesting?" Whitney asks.
"I made a new friend." Alex says and Brittany is surprised. She knew they had one friend who ate lunch in the same room as them everyday.
"Yeah. So you all know about my friend Nick" Brittany nods, that was the boy who ate lunch with them everyday "Well his cousin just moved to town. Their name is Parker."
"Their?" Brittany asks.
"Yeah. They are nonbinary." Alex smiles happily "Nick had told me about them before, and we hit it off right away!"
"I'm glad you have someone who gets it." Daniel says "Santana did that for Britt. But you're too young to date."
"Dad!" Alex blushes, embarrassed "I'm only 10, I know that. They're younger too. They turned 11 in October. It's kind of nice to have someone closer in age to me. Nick is turning 12 in March"
"It's good to see you making friends." Whitney says "I'd love to meet them soon."
"I'll ask them." Alex says.
"Good. And Brittany, anything new?" Daniel asks.
"Not much. Just doing original songs in Glee club. I wrote one with San." She says.
"How cool!" Daniel says "I don't know where you got your musical talent, but I'm sure glad you have it."
"Me too." Brittany smiles.
"So did you both finish your homework?" Whitney asks the question they had all been dreading.
"Not yet. I got distracted." Brittany says "Sorry. I promise it's not much."
"That's okay, as long as you don't stay up late doing it." Whitney reminds " And how about you, Liv?"
"Actually, it's my fault, I distracted Brittany. We reorganized my closet." they admit.
"Why?" Whitney asks.
"I wanted to separate clothes sort of by how they feel. Masculine versus feminine. That kind of thing." Alex shrugs "Sorry."
"I don't see why that would be necessary." Whitney shakes her head "Clothes should be organized by type and weather they're appropriate for, not how they feel."
"It's important to me." Alex says.
"I think it's great you took initiative." Daniel says "I'd love to see how it's organized."
"It was organized just fine before." Whitney says "I set up both you and your sister in the same system. Weather appropriateness, color and type."
"It's not that different, Mom. Those are still subsections within the bigger ones." Alex says.
"It's not like you wear more than a different hoodie and a different pair of jeans everyday anyway. Why does it matter?" Whitney shakes her head "I buy you all these wonderful clothes and you put on an old tattered hoodie of your sisters." Liv looks down at the sweatshirt. It is Brittany's middle school hoodie but it wasn't tattered. Their parents had insisted they didn't need to buy them any school wear for middle school when Brittany's would fit just fine. Why the sudden change in tune?
"I just feel comfortable in this." Alex shrugs "It's cold anyway, so I might as well dress for the weather."
"They have a point." Daniel says "Brittany dresses the same way and you have no issue with it"
"Brittany is old enough to buy her own clothes. She can decide if she doesn't want to wear something. It's her issue to replace it." Whitney puts an end to the discussion. Brittany isn't sure where her mom gets the idea that she buys her own clothes. It's just the allowance her parents give her. It's not like she has a job, nor does she think she could handle one. Despite that, she has no interest in continuing the animosity and stays quiet. She picks at her dinner but no longer feels hungry. Alex doesn't even try to pretend they're eating.
"May I be excused?" Alex asks as few minutes later, breaking the silence that had only been broken by forks scraping plates rather aimlessly.
"Not until you've cleared your plate." Whitney says.
"I'm not hungry." Alex argues.
"Then you should've been more conscious of the portion you took." their mom says. "The same goes for you Brittany." The older blonde nods and slowly eats, even though it doesn't taste good anymore. It doesn't even feel good to eat.
"You can't force me to eat." Alex gets up and stomps away. Brittany looks to her dad and pleads for him to follow, knowing that if she got up it would only aggravate her mom more. He gets the idea, and having finished his plate goes after them.
"What has gotten into them?" Whitney huffs "Do you have any idea?"
"They're just looking for your support and acceptance." Brittany mutters.
"Am I not giving it?" Whitney asks, but the question is rhetorical. "I mean I've called them Liv. I'm using their pronouns. I've stopped calling them a girl or my daughter or your sister. I've played along with this."
"Played along?" Brittany questions.
"You can't seriously believe that SHE" her mom exaggerates the word "is actually- what is it- gender-fluid? It's preposterous." Whitney laughs "Seriously? Where'd she even get the idea? Some silly internet trend I'm sure."
"Mom…" Brittany shakes her head "I can't believe what I'm hearing…"
"Some sense for once? I know, it's unexpected in our house." The matriarch gets up, clearing her and her husband's plate.
"No. How can you say that? Being gender-fluid isn't some trend. That's who they are." Brittany insists.
"And your bisexual- right." Whitney snorts "You and Santana are just two girls experimenting. You'll realize that one day. I really like the girl but…no."
"What's next? It's my trauma that makes me scared of men?" Brittany asks.
"Obviously." Her mom says "What happened to you was terrible, but not all men are rapists."
"Where is all this coming from? The weird parenting advice? Where?" Brittany asks.
"This wonderful new book and radio show I found." her mom smiles "I never realized half of it." She puts the book on the counter.
"Who suggested this?" Brittany asks further.
"This mom's group- all mothers of confused children." she says "Brittany it's great isn't it?"
"No mom. You were a perfect parent. Accepting and supportive of your children. This…this is wrong." Brittany goes to find her dad and Alex.
"Dad?" Brittany asks as she goes into Alex's room. Their little sibling is staring out the window and their dad has his head in his hands "Dad, did you know about mom's book and radio show? The mothers group?"
"The what?" he asks "She said she found this group of mothers who help each other support their gender-diverse children. There was a recommendation for some books."
"They've completely brainwashed her. She thinks that…that the two of us are just in a phase." Brittany gestures to Alex.
"What? That's ridiculous." he says "she's always been supportive of you and your friends and Liv. How could they change her mind?"
"I'm not totally sure, but I promise you they definitely have turned her into some crazy denier." Brittany sighs "We can't be around it."
"I agree. You two shouldn't be around that negativity. Let me talk to her briefly and see if I can get her to see the light." he leaves, but Brittany doubts he'll be successful.
"Alex" Brittany approaches their sibling who looks at them, scared "We should pack. Quickly." They nod and start shoving clothes into a duffel bag. Brittany goes to her room to do the same. She hears her parents' voices rising downstairs and knows the argument is escalating. She packs faster. She makes sure to grab the things most important first. She knows Alex will do the same.
"Daniel, you can't seriously be this delusional!" Whitney shouts "They're obviously just following some internet trends."
"I'm the delusional one? What happened to the fact that we love and support our children no matter who they are or who they love?" he argues.
"I've seen the error in our ways. We're supposed to support them but also try to guide them to the true path." Whitney says.
"You've never sounded crazier." Daniel sighs.
"I'm not the crazy one, our daughters are. Disillusioned to believe there's more than two genders. That you can love anyone. They've been taught by these new school standards that anything is acceptable. But there's only one real acceptable path." Whitney says "Just read the book, you'll see!"
"Snap out of it Whit! This isn't you." Daniel begs "these are our beautiful children. You're losing them."
"Then that's the path they'll need to take to realize the error of their ways. One day they'll see their mistakes and come back to their mother." Whitney crosses her arms.
"So…that's it? You're going to let them walk out that door believing you don't love them?" Daniel asks.
"Of course I love them! I just want them to come back to the path of the righteous. They'll see that I said all those things out of love one day." Whitney said "I even tried to be gentle with Brittany, you know how fragile she is."
"You make me sick, but I will stick by your side until you realize what you've done. I'm taking them somewhere they'll be safe from your hate." Daniel says.
"It's just tough love!" Whitney shouts after him as he goes up the stairs.
"Dad?" Brittany says "Do you think you can fix her?"
"I've always believed that even the impossible can be cured. She beat cancer twice. She's stubborn, but I will bring her back." he says.
"It's never gonna be the same dad." Alex emerges, toting two huge duffel bags and two stuffed backpacks.
"I know. Before you go, I want you to tell me whatever is on your mind, because I know something is." Daniel says.
"My name is Alex." They say.
"Oh…okay. It'll take me some time to get used to it but I'll try really hard." Daniel says.
"I know dad. When you start to get through to her, let her know too." Alex requests.
"You've got it kiddo. You both got everything you need?" Daniel asks.
"Yeah. It's time to go." Brittany says. Alex nods and Daniel leads them out. They climb in the car and drive to the Lopez house where the residents are anxiously awaiting their arrival. Brittany dissolves to tears as soon as she is in Santana's arms. Alex doesn't let anyone see them cry and instead lets Diego and Kelsey set them up in the downstairs guest bedroom. Diego asks if they need to talk and they shake their head, starting to unpack. Lord Tubbington and Lady Domino also find themselves in a new home, though only Tubbs has never been there before. Uno and Asher are friendly and inviting, but Tubbs just wanders off to somewhere he can hide. Outside, Brittany's tears have dried and Santana starts moving her stuff up the stairs. Daniel takes a moment to talk to his eldest before he has a more serious conversation with Ali.
"Brittany, you and Alex can call me anytime and I'll do whatever I can okay? And I'll keep you updated. If there's anything you realize you left behind, just let me know and I'll find it." he promises.
"I know dad." Brittany says "I hope you can fix her."
"I'll do everything I can. And please, please, look out for Alex? They don't show it, but they're hurting. They need you, more than ever." Daniel tasks Brittany with her sibling's care. She's prepared as she'll ever be. She leaves him to talk to Ali, explaining the situation more fully. Ali understandably furious, having grown to really like and respect Whitney. No matter. What's done is done. She has two more mouths to feed and a busier home than ever, but she'll never turn away a lost soul. Daniel departs after a final hug to both of his children.
Despite the turn of events, nothing slows down in the world, and Brittany decides that the best way to cope with her world crashing down is to keep true to her word and get Santana's song out there. With Rachel's help, along with Diego and Kelsey's musical talents, they get the whole thing recorded and release it onto YouTube. They start planning a music video as Santana's song is officially unapproved for the assembly. Luckily, together the club had created the anthem song "Loser Like Me" and impressed the entire school. The weekend came quickly and the lack of school as a distraction brought reality into clearer view for the two Pierce children.
"Brittany?" Alex whispered from the doorway to Santana's room. The older blonde grabbed her glasses and made out her younger sibling, and got out of the bed. Asher immediately took her vacated spot next to Santana.
"What's up kiddo?" Brittany asked, closing the door behind her so as to not disturb the Latina.
"I had a nightmare." Alex sheepishly admits "I'm scared."
"Do you want me to come to bed with you?" Brittany asks, and Alex nods.
"Tubbs tried to keep me company but he's not very comforting." Alex says as they both make their way down the stairs.
"I'm glad he's found a place to be comfortable I suppose." Brittany says. She'd wondered where the cat had been hiding- apparently Alex's room was his space too.
"We kind of bonded when you were gone all those times." Alex smiles "But he doesn't make things less scary."
"I'll do my best to be better than him" Brittany says as they get to the downstairs guest bedroom. It was a small and forgotten room in the house. But the upstairs one was off limits ever since the Quinn situation, so Ali had converted it back to a bedroom, even though it had been more of a mud room for a while. It had a door out to the backyard, but Ali had put up curtains when she converted it back to a bedroom. The room was rather unhomey though, Brittnay noticed as she joined Alex in the bed that was far too big for a ten year old.
"Do you want to tell me about the dream?" Brittany asked, stroking their blonde hair that was due to be cut tomorrow.
"It was that Mom changed Dad instead of him changing her." Alex sighed "And they forced us to come home and live fake lives. And you got so depressed that you…" Alex doesn't finish, hiccuping back tears.
"It's okay to cry. You need to." Brittany says, and finally, for the first time since everything fell apart Tuesday, Alex cried. They cried long and hard until they fell asleep on Brittany's chest. Eventually, Brittnay joined them in dreamland, and luckily, there were no more nightmares that night.
"Are you ready for your haircut?" Ali asked Alex at the breakfast table the next morning.
"Yeah. Parker helped me pick the cut out. They said it would look super cute on me." Alex smiled, passing their phone around with the photo example.
"That no dating rule still applies." Brittany reminded at the mention of the word cute.
"I know Britt. We're just friends, I promise." Alex said, even though they totally had a crush on Parker.
"I'll take your word for it." Brittany says, despite seeing their sibling blush.
"Well, I'm sure the stylist can pull this off just fine." Ali says "They can tame Santana's hair, they can do anything."
"I hate you." Santana huffed from her spot at the table, her hair thrown up into a bun.
"Ah, the Lopez language of love," Diego teases.
"Shut up." Santana growls.
"Why are you so grumpy?" Brittany asks.
"Because I woke up to a slobbering dog instead of a gorgeous blonde this morning." Santana gripes.
"You get used to it." Kelsey jokes and Diego looks at Uno.
"Which one of us do you think she's talking about buddy?" he asks.
"Well, I have to say, these little arguments are actually really comforting" Ali says "It feels like we're all settling in."
"It's still weird not seeing mom and dad." Alex admits "But I do feel like a true Lopez now."
"It's not hard to feel at home here." Kelsey admits "Even before I moved in, I felt it."
"So Alex, I actually wanted to ask you and your little friends a favor." Santana said.
"Nick is taller than you." Alex deadpans.
"Whatever. I wanted to see if y'all wanted to be part of my music video. I noticed that Parker looks a lot like me, and Nick looks like Diego. And of course, you look like Britt." Santana says.
"Get to the point." Alex urges.
"Well I wanted you all to play younger versions of us in the video. If you're willing." Santana proposes.
"That sounds super cool. But isn't your song super dark and edgy?" Alex asks.
"Yeah, but we've got some good ideas. Y'all won't have to do anything weird. We're gonna do shadows for that." Santana explains "You'll just get to wear super cool fake blood and bruise makeup."
"That sounds like fun. Ali, if they're able to come, do you think we could pick them up on the way back from my haircut?" Alex asks.
"Sure thing. The haircut won't mess up your video will it?" Ali asks.
"No, it's totally reasonable for a younger version to have a different haircut. Diego, are you still good to help us set up out back?" Santana asked.
"Yup, me and Kels are here as the perfect crew." he assures.
"Great. Britt, is the camera from the AV club ready to go?" Santana asks.
"According to Artie, yes. I tested it and it seems like he's truthful these days." Brittany promises.
"Awesome. Well, we better start setting up. Let us know if your friends can make it ASAP, okay Alex?" Santana says.
"They actually just messaged back saying yes! So we're all good to go!" Alex smiles.
"Brilliant. This is going to be amazing."
With hard work and some extra help from Artie with a production credit, they manage to get the music video done in a day. The kids are super helpful and flexible with the acting, and it's practically a work of art. The end culminates with Santana getting a tattoo and as they're setting up the fake props for this Ali brings in a friend of hers.
"Santana, do you have a minute?" Ali asks and Santana nods and goes inside.
"What's up Ali?" Santana asks, noticing the stranger.
"This is my friend Luca. He's offered to give you a tattoo for your music video." Ali says.
"But I'm not 18." Santana says.
"Parental consent." Ali smiles.
"Seriously Tia?!" Santana asks and Ali nods. Santana hugs her so tight Ali thinks she's broken a rib "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Did you know what you wanted?" Luca asks, and then Santana has a dilemma.
"I promised myself a long time ago that my first tattoo would be dedicated to my best friend who died from cancer. But that's not the one for the music video…" Santana says.
"We can do some work to combine some things, if you're willing." Luca says. Santana brings over her notebook where she's had Kelsey, who was a surprisingly good artist, sketch out some tattoo designs.
"Hmm, so we were going for a butterfly with a semicolon for a body. That's a good one, a popular choice. So I think we could put your friend's name right here along the wing." Luca says, and he draws it out "How's that?"
"It's perfect." Santana says "It's gonna go on some scarred skin. Is that okay?"
"It might hurt a bit more, but it shouldn't be an issue." Luca assures. Santana nods and rolls up her sleeve. Luca doesn't even blink at the scars, and Santana looks at Ali questioningly.
"I didn't tell him anything. But he is well known for believing art heals." Ali smiles "He gave me my only tattoo after Diego was born, on my C-Section scar." Ali lifts up her shirt showing a little heart beat along her scat "Diego's first recorded heart beat after he was born when he was in the PICU for a few days." Ali explains.
"I didn't know you had that." Santana says.
"You've seen it before. It's just small." Ali says.
"Yours will be too." Luca says "Right?"
"Yeah, not too big." Santana says and Luca starts to do a few different sized transfer papers.
"Where'd the star go?" Diego says coming inside "yo, Luca!" He says excitedly, shaking hands with the tattoo artist. "Are you going to give my little cuz her first tat?"
"That I am, it's becoming a Lopez tradition." Luca smiles "I gave Diego his first tattoo too."
"You did his Emmy tattoo?" Santana asks.
"That I did." Luca smiles as Diego shows off the crown with Emmy written under it in cursive letters.
"It's really perfect that you're doing mine then." Santana smiles. Soon, they get the size right and they record Santana getting the tattoo for the last scene. Luca promises that, with parental consent, he'll do one for Brittany one day too. He leaves not long after they wrap shooting and Ali serves everyone sandwiches before taking the other kids home. The world was spinning fast, but at the Lopez house the foundation was solid, and nothing was going to rattle them.