: A/N: I honestly can't think of anything smart to say. I'm all out of ideas. I blame it on the lack of anima on the tube. Haha tube. I hate that word. TUUUUUBE. It's television bitch. Anyways . . .

You rock my multicolored toe socks. Peacethefuck :3 :

Dead To The World

Chapter six:

We arrived at Elisabeth's house, while I sat politely on the couch watching the lost handsome face of James Hedgepath, holding his worried wife Mrs. Hedgepath. I think I found out what and where Lizzy had found the name for the expression I had daily. Because lost would be a perfect word to describe James' face. Tragic, confused, lost would all be great words. I didn't know what to do or say to the news of his dead brother. Found on the side of the road on 91, mauled to death by a pack of wolves. What would you say to something like that? I didn't know, so I didn't say anything. I picked at worn and ripped American Eagle pants, fingering the hole on my knee. Looking down at my lap, hair pulled back into a low poney tail. I didn't know what to do, either. So, I didn't do anything.

"I'm so sorry J." She said quietly, their foreheads pressed together lovingly. He rubbed her back, the other hand pressed to the side of her stomach.

"I am too, baby." He said softly. As tears rolled down his tanned cheeks from his tightly closed eyes. His usually tamed worker-cubical blonde hair a mess around his head. Falling into his eyes messily, a worn white button up, half unbuttoned, untucked into loose and also worn blue jeans. Their eyes were closed as I inspected the rest of the gathered family. To my left on the couch was the Mother of James. Whom I'd met at their wedding, along with everyone else in the room grieving. I didn't really know anyone, not very great at least. Only for Sam and Parker who were to my right. Sam's head was resting on Parker's shoulder, where he cradled her, rocking her slowly back and fourth. Their fingers intertwined where his thumb caressed the top of her hand slowly over and over. Her left hand was wrapped in mine tightly. Squeezing my hand every so often reminding me she was there as my thoughts drifted yet again.

All these people, all this love to go around. It was such a strange feeling of such heart-heavy grief that it tightened my throat. No, I didn't know Joshua Hedgepath or his wife, or his 13 year old son. No, in fact I didn't know them. But the anguishness of their faces made me look away. The boy whom I would later find out name's Joshua the second, looked lost. Not my case of lost, or James' look of lost. But actually didn't know what to do, or how to feel. I had the curious feeling in my gut to ask him if he even knew his father. But I restrained myself. I acted like I was invicible. This wasn't my tragedy, so I wouldn't let it burdon my heart any heavier than it was already for the past 2 hours. No, I wouldn't let it stay home.

I looked at the older woman in her Sunday morning church dress. A loose white dress with flowers coming up to lick around her knees. Her Sunday straw hat thrown on the floor by the door, her eyes glazed over with some emotion I couldn't read and didn't necessarily want to know of. Her grey, white, and blonde hair falling from it's loose bun nestled on the top of her head. Her old white skin, sagged and aged around her eyes which were normally green to match her son's. The one alive and the one passed away.

I lifted my free hand and gently set it across her cold one placed gently in her lap. She didn't respond, so I slipped my fingers in the hallow spot of her palm. She turned her head to look at me, but not for any ackwoledgement that I'd touched her, but to remind herself she was there. A young woman was beside her holding her hand. Her whole family was there. And yes, this was really happening. I smiled at her with tears in my eyes, she didn't smile back, she didn't cry. Self control. Because inside I could imagine her screaming and crying and dying and withering. I knew what it felt like, I knew the feeling of complete aloneness, lost, scared, withering, dying even. Except she wasn't alone because everyone was here with her. Cousins, aunts, uncles, brother's, sisters, children, grandchildren, so on ect. She wasn't alone, which was why I leaned in towards her, the tears barely back behind my lids.

"Eveyone is here with you." I said softly, quietly, heard and meant for her alone. She blinked at me, then looked around the room as if for the first time noticing she were there. Her lips pursed and she looked back at me, nodding slowly. Tears falling freely from her old, tired skin. I squeezed her hand and she squeezed back with a surprising amount of strength. I closed my eyes and kept them that way. Quietly listening to the loud sobs, the soft sobs, the soft talking, and beyond all that the silence. The knife cutting, skull splitting silence. Sometimes silence was alot worse than words. This was one of those times. I would remember this day.

I remembered it while I was driving to Wal-Mart to pick up some groceries. The silence again weighing down between Samantha and I. I turned up Disturbed to blare away the quiet. More like scare it away, I didn't need that right now. After a few hours of talking quietly amongst ourselves on the couch, we'd said our goodbyes. I'd hugged James' Mother, James', and lastly Elisabeth. I was happy when I looked into her face, that I didn't find that withering lost look on her. That kind of look doesn't look right on a free soul, an unmarked soul. She looked more confused and tragic, which is better than lost by any means.

Parker was in his truck alone, remembering both Sam and Parker's expression made my mood lighten. They were both sympathetic, grief, careing, but nothing more than that. They didn't know anyone else there, they didn't know Joshua Hedgepath. The only reason Parker was there was because of James and Elisabeth. Samantha and I were there for both.

Sam had wanted to ride with me in silence, Parker didn't argue, he wasn't one to control. Only love and care. I finally pulled into Wal-Mart, Parker had gone on home when I told him I'd take Samantha home in my new insurance paid for Honda. Yes, insurance wasn't always bad. Glad I'd paid all those years for it.

We wove our way through the isle's of cereal brands and bags of candy bars, where I plucked one from its spot on the shelf, throwing it in the little basket I grabbed at the entrance. I had most of everything I needed, chocolate, Ben and Jerry's, cereal, milk, and some more coffee grounds. Samantha didn't say anything at the checkout, neither did I. She didn't say anything on the way back to the car, or the drive to her and Parker's house in Jaguar Estates. Ironic isn't it?

"Did you know this place is a chain of places owned by the same guy who owns The Jaguar?" She shook her head, frowning. Apparently the night had weighed down on everyone's moods and hearts whether you wanted them to or not.

"Strange, I didn't know that either." I pulled into drive 201 Jaguar Block. "Want me to go in with you?" I yawned when she walked over to the driver's side.

"You don't have to, I think I'm going to go to bed anyways." I looked over at Parker's large black Ram beside my small black, tinted Honda Civic. "Do you wanna stay the night?" She asked, patting my hand with hers. I smiled at her tiredly, it was already 7:00, I wasn't tired, but I wouldn't mind going home. I shook my head.

"I think I'm just going to go home, too. I'm whipped." I said, leaning in to hug her.

"Alright, I love you Zow girl." I smiled at her, smelling her favorite perfume. "I love you, too Sammy girl." She kissed my cheek and quickly turned to drag up her large, long, and concrete drive way. Parker was already at the door, waving at me with a smile/frown. I waved back, shrugging. He nodded, I nodded. End of story.

: A/N: BEING the online genious I am, I have fixed my myspace, and thus ending this with Zowie Excel learning a valuable lesson eeeer whatever. -sigh- Hurry to the next chapter! I can't remember what I wrote about but I swear it'll be good! XD :

: Oh . . . and I no longer want to tie a certain SOMEONE WHO IS ASSOCIATED WITH MYSPACE to a chair naked with I set HIS/HER toes on fire. Thank you for paying the pills, I know it's tough. Buy some instant Romin, you can live off it I swear. And some bagel bites. 3 I'll ship you some. :