The next day's discussion focused on the timing of departures and preparations for the journey. Elrond suggested that parties be sent outward to scout before the journey of the Fellowship. Teams were assembled to make their surveys and return to Imladris to report to Elrond. Aragorn offered to take the course down the Greyflood toward Tharbad with his Rangers and search for any remnants of wraiths. It was mentioned that if Faramir was to return to Ithilien he should go with the Rangers when they left and continue on after they headed back to Rivendell.
Faramir agreed to that, though he found that it made him rather sad. He'd hoped to be able to spend some time at home again and now he was wishing that he had not been so keen the day before as to go volunteering himself for whatever mission lay ahead. All the rest of that day Faramir had been trying to fend off the effects of melancholia but it wasn't working. All the special little places he visited that had always cheered him up now acted only as reminders of bygone, happier days when he was but a naive child playing with his father.
As the sun was setting, Faramir was sitting on the riverbank on the big roots of trees that formed a little wooded grotto of sorts. It was a place for him to hide and be alone at times when solitude was therapeutic. Ever since he could remember, he had come here when he was feeling low and watched the ducks paddling about in the eddies. Faramir had always had a connection to avian life and his father had told him that when he was only several months old birds and butterflies amused him, thus why Glorfindel had carved those little wood figures that he still carried as talismans. As a child he even kept a pet duckling, Duck-duck, named by a child of not yet two who was just learning the language. Faramir was so dedicated that he cared for Duck-duck's line and watched them grow right up until the day he left Imladris.
After some while Faramir realized he was not alone. He turned slowly to find his grandfather standing beside one of the big river trees. "Do you mind a bit of company whose feet are not webbed?" Elrond asked.
Faramir shook his head and watched as his grandfather stepped down onto the massive, tangled roots and sat down, in his robes and all. Faramir had been thinking that perhaps he himself was grown a bit too much for such balancing acts and had his doubts that Elrond could manage it after who knew how many year's worth of exclusively wearing robes and leaving his study so very rarely.
Elrond pointed to a duck that had been swimming nearby since Faramir sat down. "That grey one there," Elrond said, "that is Duck-duck's grandson. He hatched just this spring. In your absence I have made certain that his daerada's resting place is maintained and the little yellow flowers still grow there."
Faramir laughed reminiscently, but somehow there were still tears standing in his eyes. He'd been 13 when Duck-duck's long, happy days came to an end and it had broken his heart. "You can never go back, can you?" Faramir said in uneven voice.
"No, daerion-nín, one can not, except in one's heart," Elrond said.
Faramir leaned toward his grandfather and automatically an arm was wrapped around him. "Everything has changed so much. Why do I feel as though there can no longer be any dreams, any happy times ahead?"
"I, too, felt that when I was your age. Well, my father had sailed off for a chat with the Valar and nana had thrown herself from a cliff into the sea. Meanwhile, my brother and I were captives. I felt it again many times in my life, that desire to go back to carefree, secure days; I still feel it, even at my age. I, too, still need someone to hold me once in a while, too. Just remember, that which fails to grow and change does not live."
"I have missed your wisdom so much these last years," Faramir said. "I have missed more than I can tell you of. It was why I ran, you know, I wanted to get away from duty and responsibility. I thought that if it were to happen, it would be easier for me just to hurry up the process."
Elrond smiled sadly. "I know, Faramir, I know. It is always easier to inflict pain upon one's self than it is to stand by and allow someone else to do it."
"Will I ever find comfort again?" Faramir asked of his grandfather. "Even here, I may rest and am heartened, yes, but I must so soon be gone again, mayhap never to return."
"There are many trials ahead, my grandson, you know this. I must tell you that I have not been able to see anything in the time beyond and I do not know what that may mean. I truly do not believe that your departure from here will be the ending of anything, though. And I very much believe that you will have comfort again. Your dream was much as the same as mine, Faramir." Elrond's words, as ever, were rather cryptic, but Faramir understood and it was some while before they returned to the House that night.
It was then only a matter of days before Aragorn, Faramir, and the Rangers made to set out when all the other scouting parties did. Boromir asked to go along with them as well. Though he would not say it, his main reasons were that he was getting desperately bored (rest never did set very well with him), and he could not help but harbor suspicions about hanging around so many Elves considered the way his father spoke about such beings. However, more than anything, he wanted the chance to spend a little more time with his brother before they split up and went on with their own dangerous missions. Ever since learning that Faramir really was his brother, Boromir had a distressing feeling of impending doom, and he felt as though had he never learned the truth, things would be much better off.
The night before everyone was to set off, Elrond came to Faramir, asking him if he might not prefer to travel east with Elladan and Elrohir and get into Ithilien through the "back door", as it were. Naturally, Faramir said that as much as he loved his uncles, he felt he rather needed to go with his father and brother. Elrond had expected that, expected no less really, but felt that he needed at least to make the suggestion now that he knew the extent of Saruman's treason and the nature of the welcomes that the Horse-lords were doling out these days.
Elrond sighed deeply, why was it always this difficult to let a child go out on his own? "You will take care of yourself, Faramir? Do not forget what I said, I feel certain that Denethor will remember a promise that he made to me; remind him if you must. I am comforted that you did take my advice about which to offer your allegiance to, it shall serve you as it already has done. I know it seems that one can never go back, but sometimes, when conditions are just right, we can in fact do just that."
With his grandfather's ever-obscure advice, Faramir departed the next day, laden with supplies for his journey. At the outset, Halbarad and the Rangers going along were more than unhappy about the fact that Faramir was to go back into Ithilien and, moreover, that the Captain-General of Gondor would, essentially, be taking his place. It felt a lot like a slow and subtle take-over attempt from Minas Tirith and, despite Aragorn's assurances to the contrary, they were doubly on their guard around Gondorian lord. They were also wary of the fact that their leader's son seemed to be so close to Boromir, spending so much time in the South must have addled the poor boy's wits.
One night after Aragorn and Faramir had bedded down, sleeping back-to-back and yet still managing to snuggle into each other, Boromir kept watch by a small fire. Glancing toward the father and son he could not help the surge of jealousy he felt. He'd never had such a relationship with his father, the closest he came was his uncle, and though he was never resentful of them, there were other children, his cousins in that house as well.
Halbarad was not asleep either and noted the way Boromir stared at his captain. Deciding to take a more active approach, he rose and went to sit by the fire. Boromir greeted him genially enough, but then, these noblemen were trained in such ways. "I do not think your men have much love for me," Boromir said after a while in an attempt to break the ice.
"Perhaps they know more of your mission than meets the eye," was Halbarad's purposely-cautionary reply. Boromir chose to remain silent. He did not understand why these men were so suspicious around him. It wasn't as though he was up to anything, even the secret quest he had joined was something that he'd only offered a hand of protection in, and it wasn't as though Halbarad was in the dark of the purpose of that mission. The rest of the road down to Tharbad was little different. Neither Faramir nor Aragorn would brook any argument though, and so their kinsmen learned to keep their misgivings to themselves.
Once they reached the abandoned settlement, they camped for two days. Boromir still found it amazing that the ford have given out just when it did and forced him and Faramir to take a different road in, causing them to avoid the Nazgûl who were covering the road they'd been bound for. Perhaps someone really was watching out for them. Boromir only hoped that whoever it was would not turn their attention elsewhere too soon.
After the second day in camp they prepared to make the way north again and to report to Elrond while Faramir prepared to ride east alone. Every man was active in breaking camp, there was no such thing as a break because of rank to the Rangers. Still, things were not the same in Boromir's army and even as he worked to pull his own weight, it was not lost on him that the man who was supposed to be the leader was the one making all the mistakes. Aragorn was packing up horses with two and three medicinal kits when there was supposed to be one per rider, he would put a canteen on one saddle and add another one when he walked along the other side of the horse because he didn't see one hanging from that side. They were minor things to untrained eyes, but Boromir knew that such confusion could lead to complications on the road, and complications on the road had disaster written all over it. When Aragorn had spent no less than 10 minutes searching for the saddle that was on his horse's back, Boromir finally took pity and stopped him.
"You are not in the right mind to be doing this. All you are doing is wasting time, yours, his, and everyone else's," Boromir said boldly.
Aragorn stared at Boromir defiantly, who was in command here anyway? Boromir may be used to taking the lead, but… still, Aragorn knew he was right. He was actually more in the way than helpful at the moment. They both knew the risks involved, the same risks every man faced just for living in those days. "Go," Boromir said, a strong hand on Aragorn's shoulder, "I can manage things here for now."
Aragorn nodded and walked over to Faramir who was already standing a bit off, already distancing himself from his kin. "Need a hand?" Aragorn asked his son.
"Not really," Faramir said with a shrug, having gotten just about everything set. It was true, it was not a hand that Faramir needed most at the moment. He knew the odds were against them and everyone on their side. There was a very real possibility that he might never see his father again. After so many years of self-imposed exile from his father's love and comfort, it was hardly bearable to think on now.
"A walk then?" suggested Aragorn.
Faramir nodded. It was a matter of point that when they started speaking so few words there were also many important words going unsaid. Both Aragorn and Faramir understood the full weight of their parting and just what was looming in the future. They both understood the power of the Ring and knew what would happen if the quest failed. What would happen if the quest was successful… they also were fairly aware of what possibilities that could bring about and not all of them were joyful.
Walking off into a wooded grove, Aragorn turned to look at his son. "It is as though those first 20 years were all we were destined to have."
Faramir closed his eyes tightly and his breath caught at that statement. "Do not say such a thing, father. I would sooner not face that possibility. Even if one of us should…."
"Faramir, I want you to swear that you shall -"
"Take care of myself?" Faramir finished. "I can not do that, adar-nín."
"For what reason?" Aragorn asked a bit concerned.
"I have already sworn that oath to someone else - someone who, very honestly, has more power than you do." Faramir said with the slightest trace of a smile. "Are you really going to do it?"
"Well, I've been wandering around, no good to anyone for a good while now. I guess I might as well go into retirement and let people gawk at me for the remainder of my years. It would give them something to do in that city at any rate."
"And what should you not get that far? Father, I utterly hate saying it, you can not know how the very thought tears me apart, but I must know what you would have me do." Faramir's voice sounded as though his throat was being ripped and Aragorn most assuredly knew how his child felt.
"I would have you do what is right for you, Faramir. You will likely have more difficulty making a claim than I, and I would not see you do it unless you are absolutely certain that you wish it." Aragorn took a deep shuddering breath. "Faramir, I want you to know how much I love you, how proud I am of you…. If something should happen to either of us, and you did not know…. Faramir, are you sure that you do not wish to remain? I… it's just, I do not have a good feeling. Something, I do not know, but something feels as though it will go wrong." Aragorn put his hands firmly on Faramir's shoulders, rather more to steady himself than his son. "Swear to me that you will not take risks? No kingdom would be worth losing you."
Faramir offered his father the same support he himself needed as father and son embraced. "I will swear, but with the condition that you swear the same. At least you will not be traveling entirely alone this time, but I beg you to watch out. I cannot be without a father, and, after all, you did say that you did not wish for me to have to bear the burden of an inheritance."
"What is this?" Aragorn said, combing his fingers through his son's hair. "I think there are still some downy feathers left on my little duckling."
"Quack," Faramir said utterly deadpan as he reached up and tugged on a lock of his father's hair.
ooo
I know this chapter is mostly fluff, but i couldn't help some of the cute stuff. I promise we will get on with the action next chapter.
linda: I still have that plot bunny you gave me. I've been feeding it a steady diet, so hopefully when i get some space cleared in my mind i will be able to work on that.
The Last Hope: Ah, vacation... i vaguely recollect that concept. Something to do with going away for a while and not working? Perhaps i had one of those in a previous life. Anyway, i can imagine it was fun to come home to lots of updates, i know i enjoy that immensely myself. Don't feel too bad, i was miserable, just miserable, for days after i finished HP 6 on Sunday. My mum only just finished it today and called me at work in tears. It almost made me start crying all over again! I truly don't think one can call them "children's" books anymore though. Who would have thought of a series that grows realistically? I'm already so worried for poor Harry next book.
C: No, it's not a very little change, is it:) Who knows what iwill do?
Elenhin: Of course i don't want to break Faramir's heart... again. Not that i haven't before, but i did go into this story trying to see if i couldn't write something in which Faramir actually gets to experience some degree of happiness. Well, it's like i said, time shall tell.
steelelf: I do have more than three now, fortunately for Boromir... maybe. Oh, say, was that a double vote? Not wholly sure those are allowed... :)
irene: Thank you kindly, though i am sure i could find things to fix up, if had a bit more time for proper editing. Boromir also thanks you for your vote concerning the matter of his life.
AM: Another appeal, good. Still, not yet reached 10. All in all, i never said votes would sway me, much, but it is interesting at the least. Elrond should have some tea? What manner of tea? It does make a lot of difference. I personally recommend a very nice herbal tea from Harney & Sons. It's a blend of chamomile, lavender, and cornflowers.