Here's the second installment of "When I Started to Decay". Considerably shorter than the first, and it's from Yuki's point of view. By the way, Akito the freaky she-male is a male in this story. Gender subject to change in other tales.

Being a child, as young and stupid as I was, I was completely and blissfully oblivious to Haru's "hatred" of me. I use that term lightly because if he truly hated me, then he would never have come to me, crying, as he did. Although, to be honest, my ideas about what hate is and what love is have been warped to the point where they are inseparable.

My parents said that they loved me, and I suppose that was true when we were in the company of other Sohmas. They smiled at me, laughed mirthfully when I spoke in childish babble and my father hugged me lovingly. Yet outside of that company, our relationship deteriorated like rice paper in water. I was ignored. I was yelled at screamed at, and hit. I cried afterwards and was reprimanded for my tears. What I never understood was the presence of the stranger in our house. There was this boy who lived there, and from my earliest memories (since I was around two) I could tell he was far older than I was. He had beautiful long and silver hair that I longed to grasp between my chubby infant fingers. I didn't know that he was my brother until far too late, when my parents' "love" had so worn him down that he could no longer feel anything for me. When he pushed me away when I needed him most, he was in reality saying, "I have to fend for myself. There's no way I can live here anymore". I didn't realize that at the time, and the scars left from his rejection of me have not fully healed.

And then there was Akito. I can hardly even talk about him without feeling physical pain invading my body. Surprisingly, even as a child I could endure corporal punishment or "games" as he liked to call them, without being terribly fazed. His mind games are what have had this incredible impact on my mind and keep me closed to everyone around me. I can't tell you the number of times he whispered...I can't tell you right now. I'm sorry. Maybe later you'll hear about it.

Haru wasn't aware of what was going on at first. Since we didn't even become friends until I was ten years old, he knew nothing of what happened in the few years before. But as we grew closer, he caught on to the fact that I wasn't acting like normal ten year-old boys. The smile I'd given him that day when he screamed his heart out to me hadn't been give in months. One day he confronted me about it.

"Yuki?" the nine-year old asked as we sat on his bed, talking about cars and manga and other ten-year old boy things. He insisted that Power Rangers was the coolest thing in the world, and started to convert me.

"What is it, Haru?" I replied while skimming through a Power Rangers comic book. Personally, I liked the green one.

"Why are you so sad all the time? You used to smile sometimes but you're sad a lot. I want to know why."

I paused, hesitant to answer the question. Would Haru understand what Akito was doing? Would he get that I was being abused by the head of the family, who supposedly loved me?

"Akito...he always says stuff that is scary. Stuff that makes me feel bad and lonely. He says stuff like...like 'Nobody loves you. Not even your own mommy.' I told him that made me scared but then he hit me and said we were going to play a game."

"A game?" A white eyebrow raised inquisitively.

"I lost. See?" And I rolled up my sleeve to show the Indian burns on my upper arm.

"Ouchies! Yuki, why do you play with him?"

"Because my mommy said for me to, even though Akito scares me."

"Yuki...does your mommy love you?"

I became indignant then. "Of course she does! Everyone has a mommy that loves them."

"Rin's mommy doesn't love her."

"Well, my mommy loves me. I know that 'cause she told me."

"But...a maid told me that a mommy who loves their kid would never ever want to see them hurt, even if they had to be hurt. But they sometimes let them get hurt 'cause they need to learn something." He sighed heavily and played around with his bangs. "My mommy doesn't love me."

"'Course she does! I bet your mommy loves you more than anyone else's mommy in the whole wide world! How could she not love you?"

He muttered "She loves you. Not me."

"Don't say stuff like that! It makes me feel bad now come on, let's just forget the whole thing."

I'd forgotten I was dealing with the Ox and how incredibly stubborn his personality could be. "No, it's true, I bet she's saying it right now. She loves you more!" His eyes flared and I could see his Black personality creeping through. "You don't understand at all! No one loves me!" He started to fume and twist the bed covers violently. Suddenly, he lashed out, grabbing the comic from my hands and ripped it to pieces. "I hate her! I hate my mommy! I hate that she loves you so much! Why doesn't she just take YOU home!"

"Haru!" I cried. "Haru, Haru don't fight! I'm sorry! I'm sorry please, please stop!"

I didn't even realize that I'd curled into a little ball in order to protect myself. He stopped right away and looked at me, as though he couldn't figure out why this ten year-old boy was curled on his bed, tears collected in the corners of his eyes. "Yuki, don't cry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I really didn't-aw, I'm sorry. Here, kiss and make it better?" I looked up at him from my fetal position and nodded. He rolled up my sleeve where the burning red marks were and gently kissed it in a way only a nine-year old could. He then grinned at me with his missing tooth and said, "Hey, I bet Akito's mommy doesn't love him."

"You're right. I bet she doesn't."

"Hey, want to hear a really cool word I learned?"

"What is it?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. It's a word you use when you're really mad. I heard one of the adults say it to another one of the adults, and they got really mad."

"Ooh, tell me what it is!"

"Okay, but it's a secret." And he told me.

"Use it only when you're really mad, okay?"

I nodded excitedly at the new addition to my vocabulary.

Later that same day I was wandering through the halls of the main estate when one of the maids stopped me. "Yuki, you're mother says that you have to do your homework right now or no dessert for you."

"I don't wanna," I replied shaking my head furiously.

"Come on now, Yuki, don't make a fuss and let's go." She attempted to take my by the hand but I pulled away.

"You insolent little—"

"Fuck you," I said, excited to show off my new phrase. The maid gasped in horror and ran off down the halls, but not before slapping me on the face and asking, "Where did you learn that filthy word?"

"Uh...Akito."

She stopped dead in her tracks. "Oh. Well then. Just don't ever use it again."

"Why doesn't Akito get punished?" I wanted my revenge on the boy who insisted on playing "games" that he always won.

"He's the head of the family. He's special". And she left without another word.

As I sat doing my homework that night, I thought about something. If Akito and I were both special, then why did I get punished and he didn't? Maybe we were special in different ways? Or maybe it was because his mother didn't love him, or the fact that he didn't have more than twenty more years to live that no one could ever punish him.

Reviews would be greatly appreciated and put in the cookie jar!