Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that People are upset over the last chapter and I ended that way so it could be continued if I thought of a way to, or it could end and I wouldn't have to worry abot never finishing, because I have a nasty habit of it. All I can say is, since people thought that Gordo died, and I never said he did, I will continue, but on my terms. So like before I own nothing but Shane and a couple of CD's. Faint belongs to Linkin Park.
I am little bit of loneliness,
a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints,
but I can help the fact,
that everybody can see these scars
I am what I want you to want,
what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do,
I can't convince you,
to just believe this is real
So I let go, watching you,
turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause your all that I've got
It's been 3 weeks since Gordo was admitted to the hospital. They brought him back as quick as he had went, and he had been in the phsyc ward. He had been aloud a few visitors which were his parents, Miranda, Larry and I. I had spent many nights there with him. We talked about everything under the sun. Except the one thing we were both bursting to talk about, why he was here.
Today was the day that Gordo got to go home. I was excited and while Gordo had been sleeping I was busy planning his coming home party. Miranda and Larry were in charge of decorating; Gordos parents, mine, Randas and Larry's were in charge of food; Matt was in charge of guests; and I was in charge of getting him there without spilling the beans.
Matt had really suprised me these last few weeks. The few times I did come home, he was real supportive and tried to help me any way he could. He was such a trooper, and a great sholder to lean on when it was all I could do not to cry. He relly looked up to Gordo and couldn't understand what happened to make him do such a terrible thing. None of us could really. We were just happy that he was alright enough to come home. Provided that he went to therapy and was under close supervision. Mom, dad, along with Miranda and Larry folk volunteered to help keep an eye on him so that one of his parents didn't have to quit their job, or hire a baby sitter for a 17 year old on suicide watch.
"Hey sleepy head, it's check out time. Your my property until I get you home." I woke him smiling.
"I wasn't asleep. I was resting my eyes. Finally my own bed, good food, and some clothes that won't expose my butt. Would you mind turning around while I get my normal clothes on and say goodbye to this hospital gown?" Gordo rambled.
"Would you rather me step out?"
"No your alot better to look at than the butch nurse who stares me down if I touch something potentially dangerous. You know I didn't know a spoon could be a leathal weapon."
"I didn't know that either. Hurry up this place gives me the creeps and I'm ready to get the hell out of here."
"Why the rush Liz? Ready to get to my suprise coming home party?" Gordo whispered in my ear then kissed my cheek. "I knew you were a great person, but I didn't know you were an angel." He said walking out the door.
"Hey wait up! We still have to check out!" I yelled after him.
"SUPRISE!" about 30 of Gordos friends and family yelled as we walked in the door.
"WHAT A SUPRISE! This is too much I love all you guys." Gordo exclaimed overly acting.
"See I knew Lizzie would let it slip." Randa yelled.
"It was your loud mouth that let the cat out of the bag Randa! Talking loud about while I was TRYING to sleep. I'm suprised the heart patients didn't hear you." Gordo joked.
"Funny real funny Gordy!" Miranda sang.
A little ways into the party Gordo took me outside to the gazebo.
"Liz, about us."
"I can't wait to tell everyone about us either!" I said excited
"Thats not what I'm saying. I think that right now, it would be best if we just stayed friends. I need a break from everything. Life in general really, not just you. I need to sort things out, and find out what caused my breakdown. So, lets just keep it at the friends level." Gordo said staring at the ground.
"Oh... Sure, I thinks for the best to." I said wilst my heart breaking, plastering a fake smile across my face. "I think we should be getting back now."
"Yeah your probably right." Gordo said kissing my hand.
When we got back to the party I found mom and told her that I had a headache and was going home to rest.
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
So that was it. Things going back to square one. Friends, a seven letter word that can be heart-breaking to anyone when they are shot down by the one that they love. Friends, sure I could do that. I could go back to being meaningless in his eyes and dateing other guys that don't measure up because they aren't him. I should have listened to him. All this is my fault. He warned me. If friends is what he wants. Wait no, I'm not going to compromise my happiness because he's scared. I won't be ignored.
I changed into my pj's, and came up with a plan that was sure to get him to change him mind about us being friends. He was going to be mine. I didn't care if he was scared to or not.
I am
A little bit insecure
A little unconfident
'Cause you don't understand
I do what I can
But sometimes I don't make sense
I am
What you never want to say
But I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do
I can't convince you
For once just to hear me out
So I let go Watching you
Turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause your all that I got.
Since Gordo was being homeschooled indefinately, I had the lonely drive to school by myself. I had missed alot of days to be with Gordo in the hospital, but it was time for me to back.
"Lizzie, how's Gordo? Is he alright? It's so great to see you back. I missed you." Shane said to me when he saw me.
"He's fine, They won't let him come back to school until his therapist says otherwise though. To much of a liability. Whatever they don't know anything." I said trying to get him to leave me alone.
"Oh, well, are you two an item now or not. I know you said that you wanted to be with him last time we talked. I just want you to know that I have no hard feelings. I always knew on some level you wanted to be with him. Just know that I'm here if you need a shoulder." Shane said and walked off before I could respond.
Guys, why are they so frusterating? I just wanted this day to end so I could set my plan into action.
At the last period bell, I sped home and changed into my sexiest outfit. I had to get Gordo to change his mind about being friends, and I had to do it fast. He would just have to remember just how bad he wanted me.
"Gordo? Mrs. Sanchez? Anyone here?" I asked into the dark house.
"Hey Lizzie, We're all out back." Gordo yelled.
'We? Who else is here? I know that's not Mrs. Sanchez laughing.'
"Liz, this is Alex. We met a therapy. She's into directing/acting too." Gordo said looking her down.
"Hi," I said with yet another fake smile. "I'm Lizzie as you may have heard. Gordos never meantioned you to me before, but i'm sure you must be as great as he says you are."
"Gordo talks about you all the time. I was beginning to think that you were his girlfriend, until heinvited me over. I wish I had as great a friendship as you two seem to have." She replied sweetly grabbing Gordos hand in the middle of her suck up speech.
"I was going to see if you wanted to hit the mall with me and Larry for Mirandas birthday gift, But I see that your busy maybe some other time then." I said heading for the door.
"Alex, I'll be right back." Gordo said following me.
"Liz I never meant for you to find out this way. I wanted to tell you before you met her."
"Yeah well, now I know why you dropped me." I said with tears in my eyes and ran to my car.
"Lizzie good to see-" Mrs. Sanchez started when I ran past her.
So thats it huh. I was just a prize. What did he just want me to be one of his groupies. well I wasn't going to give him up. His sweet little Alex doesn't know who she's dealing with. I can't find anyone like him, so I'll just have to take him.
I drove home called Larry to put off the search for Mirandas perfect birthday gift.
"Hey, um Lar, sorry to bail on you."
"Lizzie please don't! Whatever it is bring it with you! I'm desperate and this is my only day off without Miranda around! Please say that your coming."
"Alright, Just pick me up."
"I'll be there in five."
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
"So he put off your relationship and found someone else?"
"Yeah Lar thanks for makeing it feel better."
"Hey, I'm just trying to get my facts straight."
"Yeah well, it doesn't make it hurt any less."
"Did you tell him that you couldn't just be friends. That you know in your heart that you're meant to be together, and you dont want to go another day without him by your side?"
"No, I was a little blindsided by the whole Alex thing. Gee Lar, How did you get so in touch with my feelings?"
"Thats how I felt when I finally got up the courage to tell Miranda that I loved her and wanted her to be my girlfriend."
"Speaking of which, you told me you knew what you wanted to get her, then why did you need my help?"
"Because, what I'm going to get her has to be perfect and I need you to help pick it out, get the correct size, and hide it at your house."
"Why is it feel more like a storage building?"
"Quit jokeing and come on." Larry called and dragged me into Kays.
'Okay, I'm going to call Gordo and see if Alex is gone. And if he is I'm going to tell him I'm coming over and that-'
RiNg
'Well, maybe I don't have to call him.'
"Hello?"
"Lizzie right?"
"Yeah, who is this calling from Gordos cell?"
"Alex. Look I know you don't like me. And I don't care. Because Gordos mine and you'll never get him to want you ever again. You missed your chance and I took it. So just give up and find someone else. Instead of patheticly whineing to your friends."
"What is your problem? What happens between me and Gordo is none of your buisness, and as far as being pathetic, the only thing pathetic is that your some phsyco bitch who thinks her roses don't smell like poo-poo. And another thing' Gordo will be mine just you wait."
With that said I jumped in my car and went to Gordos.
NO
Hear me out now
You're going to listen to me
Like it or not
Right now
"Hello! Anyone here? Open up please. It's Lizzie!"
"Liz?" Gordo greeted opening the door. "What are you doing here? It's late."
"I need to tell you something."
"Can't it wait until the morning?"
"No, I'm afraid if I don't tell you now I never will. I'm a better person since you said you loved me."
"Liz that shouldn't have happened-"
"No, the only problem is that it should have happened sooner. Look Gordo, I love you damnit. I look in your eyes and I see your denying that you feel the same way. I love you more than anything I've felt possible in my life. I want us to be together. Not just as friends, as us. More than friends, more than just me and you, more than a couple. I want to get married. To you, your the only person for me. When we're born our soul mate is picked out and it's up to you to claim them or not. Now, I'm claiming you. What I want to know is if your going to take me."
"Lizzie, I don't want to hurt again. When you said that this was a mistake I lost my mind. I never felt pain like that ever in my life. I wasn't thinking which is what caused me to act the way I did. Now before I answer you, I want to know. Are you letting the moment control you, or do you really want to be with me, because this time it's take it or leave it."
"I mean it Gordo, I got a full tank of gas, and I got a judge waiting on us. So are you with me or not?"
"Just a second Liz." Gordo said as he walked into the other room.
"Hey, um Alex, I realize your not home, but I can't be with you. I realize I can't run away from where I want to be no matter how bad it hurts. I just hope you can understand and do the same." After saying his peice Gordo hung up the phone and kissed me. "Lets go."
"And I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride." The judge said smiling down on us.
"Gordo, I've never been so happy in my life. I can't wait to go show the world that your mine."
"Me neither Lizzie, Me neither."
Then we locked into another pasionate kiss. It seemed everything was turning out the way it was supposed to. Now all we had to do was go home and let our families in on our marriage.