For a long time Boromir simply lay there and allowed himself to feel a sort of vulnerability that threatened to overwhelm him, without feeling bitter toward himself for it. His little brother was with him again and somehow, though Boromir had been dreading it without reason, Faramir's presence was soothing to him. It was the first time in a long, long time that he had not simply wanted his visitor to go quickly and leave him alone with his grief.
"We are victorious, Boromir," Faramir said for the second time, softly, after a long silence. "All that we have fought and sacrificed so much for, for so long, has finally been won."
"At what cost?" Boromir said in a choked voice.
"The eagle did not say how many were lost -" Faramir began to say.
"I do not mean at the Gates. I mean… I mean in the future. Men have died, yes, but they are the fortunate ones who have peace now. I began to understand something, Faramir. I heard Elves speak of death as the Gift of Men and at first I could not comprehend how anyone could call dying a gift. Now, though, after laying here like this, I do know."
"Boromir, peace is ours, Mordor is overthrown, the Shadow is gone, and you, my brother, are a long, long way from death," Faramir said confidently.
"What I am is a long way from health. I am miserable, Faramir. I accept that no one is just going to allow me to die, but what am I to do? Lay here interminably, growing weaker and weaker? This is why I wanted to meet my end out there in the field; nothing ever frightened me as much as dying in my bed, nothing." There was a true sadness in Boromir's eyes, which refused to meet his brother's, and Faramir believed that he understood where that fear came from.
"You are not dying, Bor'. And you do not have to lay there and continue waste away. It will take time, a lot of time, but you can recover and be as well and strong as ever you were. I will do all I can to help you, but you must also help yourself. Boromir, I love you and I need my big brother. I've only just heard that my father survived the impossible, do not let me lose you now."
"Faramir, I am sorry to you," Boromir said, looking up to Faramir's eyes. "I wish you had not come here with such gladness only to have to see me in such wretchedness. It is not fair to one who has been better than me in all of this. I should be joyful as well, I know that I should. I should be rejoicing that the War is won and that Gondor will have her King again. Can you know how much I had wanted to see this day? For years now, long before I had any idea that he even existed. And I know that I should be glad for you, that your father lives, but I simply can no longer remember gladness."
"I swear that you will heal, brother. I know that you have survived much, much more than most men have a right to survive, but must there not be a reason for that? I shall soon have to take up the office that many believe is mine by inheritance, but I should much rather do so if I am first able to tell the people that their Steward lives and that I am only discharging your duties until you are able."
Boromir again lowered his eyes back to the pillow he laid against. "I was wrong when I said that there was nothing that frightened me as much as dying in my bed," he said gloomily. "Half the reason that I always wanted a little a brother was because I wished that I wouldn't have to be the sole heir to the Stewardship. I named you my heir because I knew you would be equal to the task. I am not, it would crush me as terribly as it crushed my…." Boromir paused for a long moment, apparently forcing back a knot that had formed in his throat. "No one has told me what happened to him, Faramir. I know that he is gone, but no one has said how."
Now was Faramir's turn to face what he had been dreading. "None have told me either, Boromir. Honestly, I think they are avoiding the subject. Even Mithrandir would not say aught beyond that he had not survived." Faramir himself had hoped to avoid the subject, he feared that it might truly hinder Boromir's recovery and now that he saw for himself just what state his half-brother was in, that fear seemed even more real to him.
Boromir, on the other hand, really seemed to take it in stride. "If he died in battle, then all those years of being tied to the Stewardship were well atoned for. My father was a soldier and a warrior, a tactician even, but never a statesman. It was one reason why I have for many years wished to see Gondor with a King again; that someone better suited should come and remove my father's burden."
Faramir personally believed that, though the Stewardship itself might be an altogether taxing position, the source of Denethor's real burden was a palantir. Faramir had no proof that there was one within the Citadel, but enough of the signs and symptoms were present within that place for him to be reasonably assured of it. There were no illusions in his mind about the way Denethor always just happened to move him and his Rangers just before an "unforeseen" attack was unleashed. And still, despite all of that, Faramir knew just how Boromir must feel to have lost his father, for he had feared terribly that he might have to face the same loss.
"I wish that none of us should have had to lose so much," Faramir said softly. "The history of it goes all the way back to Numenor, to Valinor, and even to the beginnings of our world, if one speaks of evil greater than Sauron alone."
"Always you speak so like to an Elf. I often had wondered how someone so young can so often sound wiser than a roomful of aged councilors," Boromir said, reaching out and holding his brother's hand. "Mumma used to talk like that, too. She always had something wise and comforting to say. I was always safe with her, no matter what. It must explain why I so took to you, you must have reminded me of her without my even knowing it."
"I can only believe that this is part of the reason I have always felt so close to you as well, brother mine," Faramir said sincerely.
"Mumma must have been pressed for watching over us both until we found one another. The odds were so against us ever meeting, Faramir. I do not know what should have ever become of me if I did not meet you, though. Until you came here this day all I had really wanted was to be left alone to die, I thought I was due that last dignity if naught else. Now I think I should rather be able to stand with you, if ever I am able to stand again."
"Aye, you will be," Faramir assured. "However, I should think that if you want to speed up the process, you should do the exact opposite of whatever these healers want you to do. They do well enough mostly, but at times I do not know how they get their notions. As for our mother, I am certain that she watches over us even now."
"She does, Fara'," Boromir said, looking back over his brother's shoulder.
Faramir turned to see that on the wall by the door was a life-sized tapestry of a fair woman by the sea, wearing the same blue cloak embroidered with silver stars that Imrahil had left him. With her gentle smile and loving eyes it almost did look as though Finduilas was there watching her two sons even as they spoke. Faramir was so enraptured by the emotions that overflowed him as he looked for the first time in his memory upon the woman who had borne him that he could do naught but look at her for a long while.
It was then Boromir's turn to grip his brother's hand in support. "It was much more vibrant as I remembered it, though I suppose things are in our memories. That used to hang in the Merethrond, and I really do remember that cloak being much richer and her hair more golden. When I came back here I did not immediately notice that it had been moved, well nothing has adorned that hall in years, but I found it one day, hanging in some dark back hallway like the ones they put up just to keep the draft away in the winter. I guess that when father came back from Dol Amroth he had it taken away at once, as though he never wanted the light of day to shine on her image again. Out of sight, out of mind, they say. So I brought it up here myself."
Faramir noted that Boromir was starting to sound a little bit bitter and thought he ought to try to field his mood. "I am not so sure of that," he said. "If this was in the hall and in the sun, I think that perhaps your father might have had it moved to preserve it, so that the sun did not fade it further."
Boromir smiled slightly and Faramir couldn't help but feel that another pitched battle had been won. "You are not only eternally optimistic, but always do you see a way that others might overlook. Will you stay here, Fara'? If I let you tell our people that I am here and recovering, will you take up residence here? I mean, it won't make any sense for you to remain in the Houses if you are well enough and supposed to take on -"
"Peace, Boromir!" Faramir said holding up a hand. "You needn't plead your suit. Of course I will stay here. Besides, I would do anything to get out of that chamber. As much as I truly appreciate all that the healers and nurses have done for me, I am getting a little crowded. As to filling in for your duties of Stewardship, I daresay you are better prepared than I, but I will do all I can. I have a good enough idea of how such a place is to be directed, though Imladris is not exactly Gondor, and, well… I think none do things the same way Erestor does."
"You have patience, you will do exceedingly well. I think all that will need to be handled is preparations for your father's return, and then nobody has to be Steward anymore." Boromir sounded utterly relieved by that prospect.
"What will you do, then?" Faramir asked.
"You are presupposing that I will ever again have the strength to do anything. If it weren't for all this infirmity, I should go right back to doing what I always have done. Though, truly I know it is all just a wish, I think if I could ever be a soldier again, I would go back to Dol Amroth."
For the rest of the day and on into the evening the brothers sat talking of what the future days might hold and how different everything would be without the threat of Mordor looming over every thought. Together they took their meals and after supper Faramir went down to the Houses to collect his meager possessions to bring back to the King's House. Boromir told him to make himself comfortable in the guest room that adjoined his own; it was the room that would have been Faramir's had his father left him in Minas Tirith all those years ago.
ooo
At last i have this chapter done. I have been without my regular computer for a week now, that was the delay with this. With a bit o' luck i should have my computer back in operation this evening. However, next week i will be away for three days, so i might be slow for another update. This is such a busy month, and this story has taken longer than all my other ones, but bear with me, i promise it will be completed!
linda: Thank you. I do my best to keep most things canon and i often refer to the books over and over and over on just one paragraph.
steelelf: Fara' is, of course, always sweet.
Elenhin: I had a feeling you would enjoy the previous chapter. You are quite right, Boromir is indeed trapped in himself, but Faramir has just made all the difference in the world for him.
estelle: I am thrilled to be able to elicit such enthusiasm! I do beg your pardon for the wait between chapters, and i hope that your excitement hasn't cooled too much!