DISCLAIMER: I do not own this show, or these characters; I just borrow them.
WARNING: This chapter deals with the actual rape pretty heavily. It was not an easy piece to write, and it will probably not be an easy piece to read. Please heed this warning to determine if you want to read on.
Weathering the Storm Part 12
The door closed behind Elizabeth, and she was grateful and saddened as she left Teyla on the other side. She wanted to be able to grieve and fume on her own time, and in her own way. But at the same time, she was also thankful for the silent support of a fellow co-worker… and dare she hope… friend. However, first things first, getting clean, or as clean as possible in a bath. While Elizabeth liked to relax in a nice, warm bath, she was wishing that she could get under the sharp spray of the shower as she always felt cleaner after a shower than after a bath. She was not in the mood to sit in the dirty water for any length of time; however the doctor warned her to be careful of the bandage on her shoulder and not get it wet. Therefore Elizabeth knew that she would try not to linger in the water, and what filth the water would contain. After all no matter how long she washed, or how hard she scrubbed, she knew that sitting in the dirty water would not help.
Elizabeth turned on the water, and as it started filling up the tub, she started to slowly undress. She carefully removed her shirt and bra, and cringed when it came to pulling her right arm through the material. She looked over at her shoulder and saw the still clean bandage that covered the knife wound that she had received from Kolya. She mused about the bandages that covered other wounds, the mental bandages that she had already placed up so that the scar was hidden from others. However she doubted that those bandages would help with the healing process, as the one on her shoulder was supposed to do.
She finished undressing and looked over herself for any visible signs of her ordeal with Kolya. She noticed the bruise on her neck in the shape of a thumb print. Kolya showed her that he was definitely a warrior and a killing machine; why waste the physical effort in wrapping your hands around someone's throat if you could constrict their blood flow or air flow with just the right pressure at a given spot. It was the perfect move for various reasons: less effort on his part, and less physical damage to the recipient, especially if you wanted them around to play with for a long time.
However that lone bruise was the only visible injury other than the knife wound to show what she went through; the lone bruise was easily explained by the force Kolya exerted on her when trying to drag her through the stargate. The nurse did not ask for any other details, and Elizabeth did not offer any. Dr. Weir briefly thought about telling the nurse the truth; however she did not see the need. Getting a rape kit performed was obsolete out here. Her attacker was on another planet, so she could not press charges to try and prevent him from harming others. She knew that Kolya did not injure her internally to need medical attention as he coerced her into cooperating with his wishes; he made sure of that as he knew that her body's response to his actions would hurt her more than any physical pain that he could cause her. She was still sore, but she knew she could be a lot worse off. Therefore Elizabeth decided to deal with the aftermath of her rape as she saw fit. There was nothing that the doctors could do for her.
Dr. Weir stepped into the water and started to scrub as she thought about Kolya. He seemed to have more fun inflicting emotional wounds than the physical ones. Being a military commander trained in the art of torture, and to Kolya he definitely saw what he did as an art form, he knew how to take advantage of the opponent's weakness. Elizabeth's weakness was shown to him when the fury blazed behind her eyes over the safety of her people. Therefore he knew how to play her, and she had done what he asked. From stripping in her office, to letting him touch her, she did what he asked. The anger at Kolya… and more so herself, started to burn in her soul as she thought about what he put her through.
FLASHBACK
Elizabeth might have been injured and captured in her own home, but she wasn't about to give up without a fight. She would fight with all she had in her in order to save herself. As Kolya lowered his hands to the buttons on her pants, Dr. Weir slapped his hands away and grabbed the bloodied knife that he had placed beside him while he tore her shirt into strips. She struggled to stand up as she kept the weapon trained on him.
"Very good," Kolya stated as he gave her a round of applause, "but what do you expect to do now? While you might be the leader of this fair city, you will never be a great leader." Kolya saw the questioning gaze behind Dr. Weir's eyes as he watched her circle around him toward the door. "A good leader must think with the mind of a warrior…always steps ahead of the current moment, and you did not think this through."
"My men are only a few feet from this door, and the second you leave this room you will be captured. Unless you want to kill me," he saw the desire on her face to do just that if she had to. "But then my men will want revenge, and then you will be the cause of Dr. McKay's death."
Kolya watched Dr. Weir's shoulders slump in defeat and her grip on the blade handle slacken. He used this opportunity to walk around Dr. Weir and to wrap one arm around her shoulder while grabbing the knife with the other hand. He internally leaped for joy. He had determined the correct buttons to push in order to get cooperation from this feisty female, and cooperation from these types always was the easiest way to break them. By the time I am through with her, she will be willing for whatever I do to her, and that will grace me with the most amazing emotions: grief, anger, pleasure, pain, contempt. She will be mine in so many ways, and she will hate herself for that. He smiled at his thoughts.
While Elizabeth would fight to save herself, she would die if she had to in order to save her people. Kolya had determined this loyalty to her people; however he did not want her to die. No, he wanted her cooperation and willingness, something that she shuddered might be harder to give than her life. She felt Kolya wrap one arm around her shoulders, and noticed the removal of the knife from her limp hand. She felt the hot air on her ear as he started to talk.
"So are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way?" Kolya asked.
Elizabeth doubted that either way would be easy for her, however she nodded.
"I would hope so, else I might have to have Sora bring in Dr. McKay to watch the festivities," he marveled at the rigidity of her body at the idea of an audience. "He would be alive long enough to see the weakness of his leader, and then he would be gutted so that you could watch his slow and painful death, and watch all his faith and trust in you die just like he would eventually." This time she shuddered, and a small sob escaped from her throat. "So I take that as conformation that I have your complete support." He watched her head nod, but he wanted to prolong her grief and to make her verbalize the agreement that would turn out to be her downfall. He whispered into her ear, "I can't hear you."
"Yes," she stated through her teeth quietly as she glanced at the floor, "I'll cooperate."
"Good," he said as he spun her around to face him. He briefly saw her grimace as vertigo hit her from a combination of the blood lose and the quick movement. He watched her until she got her breathing back under control and then lifted up her chin with a single finger, "don't be shy or scared, this is a wonderful act between a man and a woman. I will be gentle, and you WILL enjoy it."
Dr. Weir was astonished at the man in front of her. Many times today he had changed tones so quickly that she was so confused. In any other situation, she might think that he was schizophrenic; however she didn't care what he was, only what he was about to do. He was about to force her into having sex, but he sprouted verbal pleasantries.
"Unbutton your pants," she heard Kolya order her.
She unbuttoned her slacks, and placed her hands back at her side. He might want me to cooperate, but I'm not going to make this easier on him, she thought as she squared her shoulders for the confrontation she knew awaited her. She feared what he might do to her, but she was also mentally cheering at this slight victory that she had achieved.
Kolya chuckled. He liked that Dr. Weir had spirit, "nicely played." However like all spirited horses, they must be broken before they could be ridden, "but do not EVER DO IT AGAIN." He backed her up to the nearest wall and placed a thumb on the center of her neck and pushed down. As Elizabeth struggled to take another breath, she heard Kolya bark into his radio, "Sora, bring the sniveling doctor."
Elizabeth did not hear Sora's reply over the sound of the blood rushing past her ears, but Kolya made sure that he was heard, "Promise to behave, and I'll call her off." He lifted his thumb away from Dr. Weir's throat so that she could reply.
Elizabeth coughed and gulped in the sweet air, and when she felt able she crocked out, "I promise."
Kolya smiled at his prey, and then radioed over to Sora to belay his last message and to make sure that he was not disturbed. "Now let's try this again. Take off your pants and underwear… slowly, I like to watch," he grinned as he leaned back on the desk to watch as she fought her humiliation and repulsion in order to save her friends.
While torturing others for some time now, Kolya knew that the easiest way to break the feisty ones was to make them a 'willing' participant in their own torture. This method left far more damaging wounds than forcing himself on them.
His mental wanderings caused him to miss the show. Before he knew it, Dr. Weir stood in front of him only wearing a bra and the makeshift red bandage.
He looked her over, and when he was satisfied with what he saw, he started to remove his own pants. He pushed her onto the floor, spread her leg, and then watched the confusion play across Dr. Weir's face. He did not start to have sex with her, but instead rubbed his thumb in a circular pattern on the inside of her upper thigh. Before she knew it, her body started to respond to his touch as her mind seemed to know what was coming. She was appalled, and Kolya grinned at the disgusted and horrified look that he saw on her face. He watched as a few tears escaped from her eyes. "How do you expect your men to follow you when you can't even get your own body to obey you? It betrays you even now, and when your men realize what a horrible leader you are, so will they." With that thought to keep her off balance, he entered her.
END FLASHBACK
Tears were coursing down Elizabeth's face as she remembered all of what happened to her. She missed the drugged haze that had kept the thoughts at bay for the last few days, but she also knew that she needed to be in full form to get the city back in shape. She was glad that the skills she would have to use in the next few days would be signing papers, and keeping her people on track. She did not think that she would be comfortable using her diplomatic skills anytime in the near future.
Kolya's attack caused her to loss part of her trust in her ability at verbal sparring. As a trained diplomat, she always thought that words were sharper and understood more readily than violence. But her words had failed her—her lack of fighting skills failed her—she failed herself—this recollection caused her to get angry. She slapped her fist against the water, and watched as water spilled over the rim of the tub. This was the first bath that did not help her to relax. In fact this bath caused her to feel her blood boil as it coursed through her veins. She wanted to fight something—herself, Kolya, the world—she didn't care. She hurriedly got out of the tub, dried, got dressed, and stormed out into her quarters.
She was surprised that Teyla was still there, as she had never had anyone there for her like Teyla was. Teyla looked up when Elizabeth rushed into the room as though she was being pursued by a demon, which in a sense she was. The two stared at each other for a moment, and when Teyla made no move, other than to tilt her head as she glanced at Elizabeth, Dr. Weir started to pace. Back and forth, back and forth she got to the next wall, and then turned. Her brain was not fully in this room, it was out looking for a way to let off this steam that had seemed to build up in her like that in a compression engine. She knew that she was about to burst, and she felt sorry for anyone who would be in her path when she finally burst. The next thing Elizabeth knew was the confusion as her pacing was stopped by a not so solid wall. Her vision focused back into the room and Dr. Weir noticed the brown eyes that bore into her own. "Why are you here?" Dr. Weir asked the first thing that came to her mind, but she was not sure if she was wondering why Teyla was here in front of her, or here in her room.
"I thought you could use a friend," Teyla stated.
Elizabeth was elated to hear that Teyla thought of her as a friend, however her anger was still struggling to get out, and so the kind words did little to appease the burning she felt in her gut. "Why are you hear?" She asked again. She knew from personal experience with other 'friends' that being a friend could always wait until after a good nights sleep, or after a good chapter in a book, or what else they needed to take care of at that given moment.
"Because I've watched a friend go through a similar nightmare," Teyla paused and took a deep breath knowing that she needed to continue for both of their sakes. "I know how horrible the first few nights were for her as I heard her cries for help in her sleep."
While Elizabeth might not have had the best role models in the friends department growing up, she did feel for all the people that she saw in pain, and the look of pain on Teyla's face was evident. Her anger abated enough for her compassion to slip through, "How is your friend now?" She asked, knowing that Teyla needed to talk about her friend, as much as Elizabeth needed to hear about how the help of friends and community helped her get back on track after her assault.
"She struggled to get back into her normal day-to-day activities, and she was doing well. For awhile that is. She learned about a life changing repercussion," for some reason Teyla did not feel like mentioning her friend's pregnancy to Elizabeth as it could still happen to her.
The anger started to come back to Elizabeth; anger at the men, no animals, responsible for her rape, and that of Teyla's friend. Through the red haze that started to cloud her vision, Elizabeth struggled to watch Teyla as she continued her story.
"She couldn't deal with what had happened to her, and what was to come. She wanted to die…she did die…I couldn't help her." Teyla stated as a tear coursed down her cheek.
Elizabeth could see the grief on Teyla's face, but her anger was struggling to get out, and Teyla was the nearest target. Her mind jumbled together facts and fears in order to come to a sickening conclusion. "Oh I see," Elizabeth started to voice her thoughts, "I'm your chance at redemption." Her voice started to get louder as she verbally assaulted Teyla. "Great another rape victim to try and 'help' get through their terrible ordeal. Another chance for Teyla to not screw up." Through the red haze of anger, Elizabeth noticed the look of sorrow and pain on Teyla's face. That look was better than any cold shower or sparring match at deflating the pent up anger. The hurtful words replayed in Elizabeth's mind, and she was shocked and horrified at them. A sob escaped her, and she placed her hand over her mouth as though to try and prevent the words that had been issued from it only moments before. "I didn't mean that. Really, I didn't mean that." Elizabeth gazed at Teyla as though seeking her forgiveness, but it was more than just that.
Teyla could see that Elizabeth's need to fight her pain had worn off, and with it, her strength to do much of anything had also left her. She knew in the back of her mind that Elizabeth did not mean the words that spilled from her mouth. In fact, Dr. Weir seemed almost more hurt by the words than she herself did. Teyla stood up and walked toward the weary figure in front of her, in order to help her get to her bed before she collapsed.
Elizabeth watched as Teyla stood and walked toward her. As Teyla reached out to touch her, Elizabeth jerked away as she feared what retaliation her words might bring down upon her. She was surprised to hear a calming voice, and hands lightly touching her in order to help guide her toward the bed. She watched as Teyla folded down her covers. Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed at glanced back up into Teyla's eye. "I really didn't mean it," she whispered.
Teyla knew from past experiences that hurtful words went with the territory she now would tread with Elizabeth. She knew that Elizabeth was truly sorry, she could see that from the pained expression that gazed up at her like a hurt child, and Teyla also knew that those words would not be the last, nor would verbal abuse be the only grief that she would have to deal with. But she was not angry with Elizabeth, she was angry at Kolya for doing this to her, she was angry at herself for not getting back to Atlantis on time, but she knew her anger needed to be placed on the back-burner in front of Elizabeth, or she would fell remorse for causing Teyla angst. But she could take her anger out on willing sparing partners, John will not know what hit him when I see him next, Teyla thought and a wry grin graced her face. She noticed that Elizabeth was expecting some feedback to her apology, therefore Teyla turned her wry grin into smile and said, "I know, all is fine. Get some sleep, I'll be here to guard your dreams."
Elizabeth was going to tell Teyla that she should go sleep in her own quarters as she would be more comfortable. However two things kept her from completing her thoughts out loud: the desire for Teyla to stay and help her battle her nightmares, and the seductive call of sleep.