AN: Whee... it's been awhile since I've even looked at this thing.. Not that I have any readers deserving of an update, but I'm going to update anyway. In fact, since I'm out of school now, I'm gonna catch up on the updates. Up until now I've been several chapters ahead of my updates, but I think I'm just going to finish editing and post all the chapters I have now, or at least limit myself to staying just one chapter behind my updates instead of.. um.. five. Heh. Good thing I'm (for the most part, anyway) intrinsically motivated to continue this thing, despite the utter lack of reviews. Sigh.

Chapter Eight - Persistant Images and Irrational Fears

"No.. It.. It just can't be..," she choked. But he just looked at her, his youthful face marred by sorrows no one so young should have to experience.. Hell, no one as old as she should have to either, but it was true. And she could see in his sad bloodshot eyes that he hadn't told her the half of it. She plopped down on the floor of the veranda, as her legs had begun to wobble beneath her.

"Miharu.. Mai..," she pronounced in lingering disbelief. She stared at the dirt, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall.

"Lady Maina.."

"Damn it!" she suddenly shrieked, half yelling, half wailing. She pounded a fist on the wood floor, making even the sturdy support beams quiver. "How could.. How the hell could this have happened? How could they have defeated the entire.."

"Lady Maina," he began again. "It was no battle. There was no defeat. There was a massacre…"

"Sesshoumaru?" She looked up pitifully at him. He'd never seen her in such a state - she was always so strong, so confident, so unshakable… so like Miharu.

"The men were gone. There was only me, a couple of elders, and.. the women and children..," he trailed, now staring off into the distance. "They were out hunting. They waited until they'd gotten far enough away that they couldn't return in time to defend the dens."

"No, that's.. that's not like him, leaving the dens defenseless like that.."

"It wasn't his decision. He was already gone," Sesshoumaru said, his voice becoming cold, bitter.

"Gone where?"

"He left last week, claiming that he was going to take care of some troublesome youkai." He turned to look her in the eye. Her eyes widened as she came to the same conclusion he had.

"He went to see one of those human women, didn't he?" she asked softly.

"He wouldn't leave his mate and children alone for a week just to fight youkai," he replied, his voice ragged. The tears that had been welling up in Maina's eyes began to fall.

"Damn him," she uttered at barely a whisper, drawing up her knees to her chest. She propped her crossed arms on them and buried her face, using all her strength to keep her lamentation silent. He was in enough pain already - he didn't need the guilt of having made her cry with his news. Sesshoumaru politely cleared his throat.

"Lady Maina, will you allow me to stay here for a day or two?" She looked up, fighting back her tears once again, though her face was already stained by them.

"Sesshoumaru, you have to tell your father.."

"One of the elders survived - he can tell my father. I do not wish to see him."

"But.. Surely he will fear that you were killed as well if you aren't there.." The youkai prince narrowed his eyes with all the bitterness of an old man.

"So be it. Let him believe I am dead," he said, the coldness in his voice frightening her. "Why should he care anyway? He can always father another heir with one of those human whores of his. He seems to prefer them to his youkai family, after all.."

"I know you're angry. I'm angry too," she said in a forcedly calm voice, "but you don't really mean that.."

"It doesn't matter." He looked her in the eyes. "I won't even be able to look at his face." The bitterness in his voice was melting away into sorrow. He was completely serious. "If I saw him right now, I think I might kill him." She simply nodded.

"You can stay as long as you need to, Sesshoumaru."

"Thank you, Lady Maina," he said properly, bowing.

"Ku ku ku.. Are you crying, goddess?" boomed a sinister voice. Her eyes grew wide, and she scanned the thick trees, but could see nothing there. Why hadn't her wolves alerted her? She shot up onto her feet in an instant, gathering power in her hands and readying for the attack. Sesshoumaru turned just as quickly towards the dense woods behind him, two swords suddenly appearing at his side as his father's pelt materialized over his right shoulder.

"Naraku..," he growled, baring his fangs and readying his poison claws as he, too, searched the trees.

"I'm afraid you're too slow," the disembodied voice said. Out of nowhere, a huge tentacle, looking much like the tree trunks it had no doubt been hidden in, flew through the air, aiming straight for Sesshoumaru. Before he could make a move, before Maina could utter any sort of cry, it had stabbed him through and left him lying in a limp pile on the forest floor, motionless save for the blood - the blood that never stopped coming, the blood that flowed continuously from the wound. There was just so much of it..

She felt a wetness on her chest and stomach fast spreading to her arms and legs. She looked down, horrified, at the blood that now covered the entire front side of her body, soaking through her clothes, soaking into her skin, soaking into her very soul…

Maina let out a quick gasp as her eyes snapped open. Her speeding heartbeat resounded in her ears, and she was sure someone would hear it in the dark, silent room. She breathed just as rapidly, her mouth hanging open. She just couldn't seem to get enough air through her nose, she needed to swallow it, gulp it down, feel it enter her lungs in gusts.. Staring into the darkness, she tried to collect her wits, even as her body was in a state of panic.

'A dream, that's all, just a dream..,' she told herself. 'He's fine, he's lying right on the other side of that wall there, sleeping. He's alive..' She took a deep breath to calm herself as she tried to reason the fears away, but it wasn't working. She tried to push everything from her mind and go back to sleep, but those images of death, of blood, wouldn't let her be. It was an irrational desire, she knew, but she needed to see him, prove to herself that he really was okay..

Slowly, silently, she shed her blanket and rose from her bedding on the floor. She padded barefoot across the wooden floorboards, wary of the creaks that might wake up one of the others in the room. Upon leaving Kaede's small bedroom, where the women all were sleeping, she stood for a moment in the short hallway between it and the even smaller storeroom. Stepping up to the very edge of the hall, she scanned the dark main room where Sesshoumaru's bed was - and also where Inuyasha and Miroku were spending the night. She would have to be extra careful so as not to let Inuyasha's sharp hearing detect her. She was not worried about waking Sesshoumaru, as his healing sleep was a deep one.

She walked slowly into the room, pausing after each step and holding her breath, listening for any signs that Inuyasha had awoken. It took her a full minute to reach Sesshoumaru's bedside, as she had to go around the fire pit, which was left burning low for the night to keep the hut warm. She kneeled beside his sleeping form, watching the firelight dance across his peaceful face, watching as its most minute features were alternately illuminated and thrown into shadow. His chest, only partially covered by his open haori, rose and fell with the slow, steady breathing of sleep. He was half-covered by a thin blanket, leaving only the upper portion of his bandages exposed. They were an unmarred white.

'You see? You were worried over nothing,' she told herself. 'He's alive, and the wound isn't bleeding. He's fine…'

She sighed a little, pondering, 'Why am I so troubled by his condition? I care about him, of course - I've cared for all the lovers I've had over the centuries…'

She lightly traced the contours of his face with her right index finger. He was not like her previous lovers, though, she decided. She had lusted before, had been enamored before, had felt all kinds of emotions in varying degrees for her previous lovers, but he elicited feelings in her that none of the others had. Seeing the way he looked at her bound and bloody form, seeing him die, and seeing him struggle, bleeding and barely able to walk, to escape the hands of death - the events of the day, they scared her. And the way she felt thinking back on them frightened her as well.

'Why won't those images leave my mind? It's not as if I haven't seen death before - I've seen it countless times over. I've seen strangers die, acquaintances, friends, lovers.. It's never bothered me this much before.. Perhaps it's simply because I've known him so long. The lovers before him.. Those affairs lasted only a couple of years at most, this one.. It's been at least 60, if not 70 years now.. But it's been off and on, with him roaming his lands all the time and looking for that sword..'

And then, there were other things that, as she thought about them, had an effect similar to that of her memories of the battle, though in a more positive way. When he had held her that morning - gods, was it only that morning? - and watched the sunrise with her, and when he'd arrived at her forest, when he'd smiled at her that way.. Thinking back, she couldn't remember ever seeing such an expression on his face, except perhaps when he was a child. Now that her shock and surprise had subsided, however, the memory made her feel warm inside - the sort of warmth young girls felt with their first loves, but even more intense, and for her, simply debilitating. She shouldn't feel that way, she knew better. She knew their situation would not allow for such things, she had always known that.

But it didn't make those unwelcome feelings go away.

eeeer-ka…. eeeer-ka…

Inuyasha snapped open his eyes as the slow creaking of floorboards got louder and louder. He did not move, his eyes alone shifting. Someone was walking down the short hallway into the room. He closed his eyes as he heard the footsteps come near, cautiously peeking out from beneath his eyelids, his lashes hiding what tiny portion of his eyes would have been visible. A blurry figure was going to the other side of the room.

A figure in white was going to the other side of the room..

'Sesshoumaru..' His instincts told him to jump up right away and draw his sword, but he decided it better to maintain his guise of sleep for now and watch to see what he did. Sesshoumaru stopped beside the bed he'd been lying in all day and kneeled down. Had he gotten up sometime during the night and was just now returning to bed?

Suddenly, a streak of black cut through the unbroken white of the kneeling figure. Inuyasha looked more closely, his eyes opening a bit wider. It was hair, hair at least as long as his brother's, but a dark color, that had fallen over the being's shoulder. The fire flared up for a brief moment, illuminating the figure in white as well as the bed, where Sesshoumaru could be seen, still sleeping, his head resting on that fluffy pelt of his. It was Maina who had entered the room, wearing the white sleeping kimono that Kaede had provided for her. Her face was cast in deep shadows, which, combined with the white clothing and contrasting dark hair, made her appearance utterly ethereal. Her hair shimmered like water as the leaping light of the fire turned the strands it fell upon an earthy shade of red.

Inuyasha watched her curiously for a few minutes, assuming she would try to wake Sesshoumaru, as she'd obviously come to see him. But she did nothing. She simply watched him, and at one point idly stroked his face, but made no move to wake him. He'd thought ever since the battle that afternoon that there was something going on that she wasn't telling them - she was friendly toward Sesshoumaru, which he had decided to ignore. His friends and himself were, after all, strangers to her, whereas his brother was her long-time ally - on that level, it made sense. It was Sesshoumaru's manner that had really sparked his curiosity - she alone seemed immune to his temper and violence. She spoke to him without his title, and he didn't seem to mind in the least. She alone could touch him without him threatening or even tensing up; granted, Inuyasha knew full well that he hated humans, but he was fairly sure that Sesshoumaru did not like to be touched at all. He was surprised the arrogant taiyoukai hadn't tried to kill any of his friends already for helping him, for damaging his pride. He wasn't exactly one to admit that he needed anyone else's help..

But no, there was just no way that heartless bastard could actually care about someone else. Perhaps he'd tricked her somehow, making her think he was a good person, or at least a pity case, so that he could take advantage of her. Nevertheless, it was obvious, even to Inuyasha, that she cared about him. One day, he knew, Sesshoumaru would show his true self and break her heart. He also knew that none of his friends would speak bluntly with her about it.

Great. So he had to be the bad guy once again..

Inuyasha cleared his throat, stealing her attention with the soft sound that was as thunder in the oppressive silence. Maina stared wide-eyed in his direction. He looked back, no longer bothering to pretend he was asleep. Ever softly, the goddess rose to her feet and padded toward him.

AN: Muaha. Cliffieness. This chapter took a while.. and it still annoys me. This one and the next one, they were re-thought, re-storyboarded.. like a million times. Really. And I still think they are seriously lacking. (cries)

What in the world are you crying about?

Oh, my muse, you've returned!

Yes, to edit this sad little thing. I'm afraid I cannot save it, though.

Oh, come on, Sesshie, you know your own character better than anyone! Can't you fix it?

...Not if you insist on calling me that.

Well, I guess it's never going to get any better than it already is. How unfortunate.

...What is that supposed to mean?

It means I'm hopelessly attached to your nickname, and that's all there is to it. (pets)

... (fwack)

Ow!

Haven't I told you before not to pet me?