DISCLAIMER: I do not own this show, or these characters; I just borrow them.
Weathering the Storm Part 17
AN: WARNING! This chapter deals with some intense memories of the rape, both emotionally and physically. Do not read if this offends you.
AN2: Thanks to all who reviewed this story.
The whole group was happy to get back to the city in order to get warm and dry. Dr. Weir let everyone have an hour before debriefing in order to eat, get a shower, and get changed.
Major Sheppard was looking forward to getting a warm shower and scrubbing off all the ground in dirt from his skin, but first he wanted to talk to Dr. Beckett about his plan for helping his friends. He stepped into the infirmary, and most everyone stepped out of his way in order to keep away from the messy major. Everyone that is except the man he was looking for. Carson stepped right up to Major Sheppard and asked, "Are you hurt?" Once he heard the answer was no, Carson started berating John for getting his infirmary messy and contaminated with who knew what.
John looked behind him, and noticed the trail of muddy footprints. There was also a trail of water, and John realized that he was still dripping wet. This fact was not really felt after the amount of time he had spent in the water today. He turned an apologetic smile back to the doctor and said he was sorry, but instead of leaving he told Dr. Beckett about Dr. Weir's accident and her anger afterwards.
Dr. Beckett had been thinking that all those who had been left in the city during the hurricane and the attack should talk about the incident, but he was surprised to hear the Major request it. "You do know that this mandatory counseling would include you, correct?"
Dr. Beckett heard the groan from the Major, and he started to grin in satisfaction until John shot back, "You do know that this mandatory counseling would also include you, correct?" John shot the doctor a gleeful grin that reached his twinkling eyes. John turned and walked out of the room humming some unknown tune. He did not even wait to see the indignant look on the doctor's face as he realized that Major Sheppard used his words against him. Then Carson groaned as the implication of those words was fully comprehended
John walked into the conference room right before the meeting was to start. His hair was still damp, and looked like he only brushed his fingers through his hair in his rush to get here. He noticed that everyone else was already sitting around the table. He quickly got a seat and started to drift off when the topic stayed on farming and Dr. McKay's technobabble for an extended period of time.
John was brought back to the meeting when he heard people moving around him. He looked around and hoped that no one noticed that he fell asleep, or that he didn't participate in the conversation, however he knew that that was not the case when Teyla grinned up at him and as she walked by he heard her say that she briefed the group about the clean-up.
He glanced over at Dr. Weir and noticed her gazing at him, and he realized that she did not miss anything about his little nap. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, but he knew it couldn't be good when she asked to speak to him, but he was also glad for this opening of how to get her back in her office.
"Okay, I'll meet you in your office in a few minutes but I really need to use the little boy's room," he quickly high-tailed it out of the conference room before she could say anything. He rounded the corner and watched the leader of Atlantis as she struggled to come to terms with going back to her office. He knew that it was back to prefect order as he had talked to Aiden after he spoke with Dr. Beckett. On his way out of Aiden's room John warned him that he heard Dr. Beckett mention that he wanted everybody that was involved in the Genii incident to see a shrink. Aiden groaned about meddling doctors. John did not bother to add about meddling Majors as he left to get a shower.
Dr. Weir watched as Major Sheppard practically ran out of the room in search of the nearest restroom. She tried to tell the Major to meet her back here once he was finished, but he was gone before she could get the first syllable formed. She gazed down at the papers in front of her, but she did not see them as her mind warred about what she should do. 'He's expecting to meet me in my office, so would he check in here or would he just go on his merry way hoping to get out of trouble.' She knew that it was a no-brainer. Major Sheppard would do anything to try and get out of trouble, including gawking at people with a strange boyish/puppy-dog like pout in his face and eyes. Therefore she knew that she had to beat the Major to her office.
She also knew that she was not sure if she could face her office right know. She really did not want to try and meet John at her office just to have him come and find her an emotional wreck in the walkway to her office, or in some hidden corner in the cramped room. Already today she had almost spilled her secret, and she was still so emotionally drained. 'How much more can I deal with right now?' She wished that Teyla was still around so she could have a sounding board for her thoughts. She knew that Teyla would come running if she asked, but Elizabeth already felt like she was leaning too heavily on the Athosian. 'And Teyla has a lot on her plate too,' she thought about the book incident from earlier today. 'Was that still today,' she wondered as there was so much that had taken place since this morning, 'and the day is still not over as I need to determine if I'm going to deal with my office, or just push it away for now.' Elizabeth had always thought of herself as a strong person, and she was starting to wonder where that person had escaped to as the one currently here wanted to go hide in her quarters and pull a blanket over her head in a way to shut out the outside world. 'How much power am I giving to Kolya if I continue to hide?' With that thought, Elizabeth pushed out of her chair, grabbed up the papers, and started to walk stiffly toward her office.
With her head held high, Dr. Weir started to make her way across the short walkway to her office. However half way across her breath started to come in shorter gasps as a sense of deja-vu threatened to overwhelm her. She could almost picture Kolya sitting in her chair as she got closer. She turned from the view of where her chair would be, and where Kolya started his sick mind game with her. She almost expected to feel the butt of a gun jab her into moving quickly to her office. She was relieved when there was nothing trying to force her back to her office other than her desire to not let anyone know that she was afraid of going back there, especially Major Sheppard after her actions on the mainland today. Elizabeth clutched the folders to her chest, and grabbed the handrail with her other hand in a white-knuckled grasp. She hoped that if anyone would see her they would assume that she was just looking over the gate room and watching her people work around her. However if anyone would look closely, they would notice that her eyes were shut tightly and she was gasping for breath that seemed to get stuck near her pounding heart.
Finally after what seemed like eternity but was actually only a few minutes, Elizabeth was about to get her breathing under control. She took in some deep breaths in order to center herself and to procrastinate for as long as possible. She knew that John would be coming soon, and she was tempted to let him find her here watching out over the gate room. Then she could have a companion to enter with her. She relished the idea of being supported as she entered the office, even if Major Sheppard was not aware of the fact the he was helping her face her emotional demons. He knew she was stabbed by Kolya; while he might realize that it happened in her office, he would not realize the rest of her nightmare. 'But what could he learn from my office?' she thought about the state her office was in, and wondered if she would be able to get things in order enough to not draw undue attention to what happened in there. She pushed away from the railing, and strode with thoughts of purpose, dread, and preservation racing through her mind.
When she crossed the threshold to her office, the lights automatically came on. She looked around with shock at her pristine office. Gratitude washed over her as she realized that someone had taken care of the cleanup for her. She had not relished the idea of picking up the objects that she had used to try and protect herself, nor did she wish to clean up the blood stain that she knew would have dried into the floor. 'But was that the only stain that would point to the horrors that took place here?' She racked her brain for the answer even though she was not looking forward to glancing into that past situation. She tried to recall whether Kolya had gotten off or not. She dumped the folders onto the desk in front of her, and bonelessly collapsed into the same chair that she had sat in across from Kolya. She put her head in her hands in order to try and force her mind to remember events that it had tried so adamantly to bury deeply. Tears coursed down her checks as she tried to mentally fast forward through her rape.
Thoughts and image whirled around her. She remembered how her own body betrayed her, and the harsh words that Kolya spat down at her; however they were tame compared to the ones that she had mentally berated herself with… She remembered the intense pain that happened soon after. She felt the cold ground beneath her and felt tears course down the side of her face and trickle down onto her ears. She could hear the sharp words about a pathetic leader and a weak female who could not control her emotions any better than she controlled her body… She could feel her back chaffing against the floor as he brutally entered her over and over again. She gazed over to the wall to ignore what was happening to her and realized that this point of view seemed very odd; she wondered if this was how her dog saw the world around her. She felt the stabbing pain as Kolya presses down on her shoulders to bring the pain back so she could not disregard what was happening… She remembered the weight of him as he collapsed onto her when he was finally finished…She remembered the chaste kiss that he placed upon her forehead and her thoughts about the consequences of going for his jugular with her teeth… She remembered how he stood over her and she could feel his gaze of disgust and pleasure gazing down at her.
She pulls her thoughts away from the past. 'How can I remember so much but not be able to answer one stupid question?' she thought as she contemplated the odd things that she focused on to mentally continue her fight against Kolya. As she could not remember all the details, she wondered what the cleaning person might have been able to deduce about what happened in here not so long ago. 'Well at least any lingering smells would have dissipated over the last week,' she thought gratefully about that at least. Fear clutched at her stomach as she realized that she did not know who cleaned her office let alone when. 'But what if the office was cleaned awhile ago?' Would the person place two and two together with the shambles her office was in and figure out that Kolya hurt her more than just the shoulder wound. Her thoughts issued forth a warning as she realized that most people in the city did not know about the Genii attack. 'What if someone outside of the select few that knew about the attack cleaned the room? What would they think of me? Would they now see a leader that they assumed had already shacked up with someone and liked to wildly have sex in her office?' She started rocking back and forth as she started to picture every look she had received from people in the last few days and assumed that they were all shaking their heads at her as they imagined that there leader was a slut.
Elizabeth rocked back and forth for awhile until she heard a commotion in the control room. She sat up rigid in the chair when she heard Major Sheppard's voice drift closer as he talked to someone as he made his way to her office.
John half crouched, half tilted around a towering plant. He thought it ironic that the city was emptied of all the thousand year old dead plants just to be replaced with new plant life from the mainland and other planets that the offworld teams had visited. He chuckled at the complaints that Rodney had issued about plants and allergies as he started to sneeze continuously when this particular plant was put into place. He glanced out at Dr. Weir and watched as she mentally calculated what she wanted to do. He could almost see the wheels turning in her head as she scrunched up her brow and bit the inside of her lip as she pondered the meeting place for his reprimand which he had a feeling she was adding to at this very moment. After a few minutes he noticed her face go void of all emotions, she squared her shoulders, and pushed off of the table to stand. He knew a determined look when he saw one, and he smiled at the strength of the women in front of him. He was glad to know that she was fighting her internal demons and seemed to be coming out ahead as she finally walked out of the conference room. While he knew that it would still be a while before her office and the city would feel totally secure, and while he knew that she would never forget the events that took place, he knew that she would learn from them and find the strength that she thought she had lost.
John watched Elizabeth walk with a ramrod straight posture with her head held high. He wondered how she would deal with stepping into her office, and what she might think when she saw her now spotless workplace. His mind soon started to wonder if she would even make it to her office as she stopped in the middle of the gangway between her office and the control room. He watched her shoulders hunch over as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. He also saw the pinched expression on her face. He did not know how long she stood there, however soon she quickly pushed off of the railing and seemed to race into her office as if being chased by the devil himself. He wondered about her actions, but he quickly forgot his wonderings as he noticed Dr. Weir stop dead in her tracks the minute she entered her office. He could almost picture the contemplative look that he knew was gracing her face at this very moment. He smiled that he was able to shock her, and to help her out…well him and Aiden he grudgingly added the lieutenant to his thoughts. Thinking of lieutenants, Lt. Murphy chose that minute to approach the seemingly non-busy military leader of Atlantis. The lieutenant started to inform John about the progress in the city clean up and about the structural integrity results that had already been determined for various parts of the city. John glanced over and noticed that Elizabeth was calmly gazing at her office and so he turned to listen to the progress report.
John glanced at his watch for the fourteenth time since Lt. Murphy had started his report. John could not have imagined that the man could have picked a worse time to interrupt him, but he did realize that as he was gone all day there was even more to inform him of now. John hoped that Dr. Weir would not fault him for being so late for his impromptu meeting with her. He knew that she would not believe that he was in the bathroom for this long; he was surprised to realize that he could actually use the truth as his 'excuse' as that was a new one to him he thought sardonically. He glanced over to see if Dr. Weir looked thoroughly put out that he had not shown up yet. John was shocked to see her slumped in a chair with her head buried in her hands and her shoulders shaking intently as if the leader of Atlantis was sobbing uncontrollably. 'Shit, maybe I pushed her too fast…I shouldn't have taken my eyes off of her,' he wondered how long she had been in that position before he thought to look over in order to see how much trouble he thought he might have been in. He mentally screamed at himself for thinking more about himself then for a fellow team member. He glanced at his watch again in order to give himself a reason to hurry away from the man in front of him. "Crap, I have a meeting with Dr. Weir and I'm already late. Do you have anything for me to read and I can get back with you tomorrow."
The lieutenant grabbed a handful of papers and started to pass them over to the major. Before they were even a foot away from the lieutenant's body, John grabbed the papers up and started to high-tail it away before he could even think about setting up a time to meet the next day. Lt. Murphy thought about asking his commander when he thought would be a good time to meet, but he could tell from the speed and purpose behind the major's strides that anything further would not have been heeded. Lt. Murphy sighed as he thought about the amount of time it would take tomorrow to try and set up a new meeting, but he would take that as it came. As of now the thought of a bed and a good night's rest pulled Lieutenant Murphy away from the control room and toward his quarters.
John started to get closer to her office and he realized that Dr. Weir might not want him barging in on her while she was crying. He knew that he would not like others to see him in any light that would make him appear weak as he was the military leader of the city. He knew it was probably even worse for Dr. Weir as she was the leader of the entire city and not just the military aspect of it. Therefore she did not have the added luxury of ordering someone to do something and then expecting them to do so with no arguments. He thought of himself as an underling in the military ranks and mentally amended his thoughts to 'expecting them to do something with minimal arguments.' John noticed that Peter Grodin was still awake and working in the control room, therefore John decided that he would be a good cover for his trying to get Dr. Weir's attention without letting her know that he saw what was going on in her office. "Hey Peter, How is everything in this fine city this wonderful," he paused to double check the time before completing his earlier statement, "night!"
Peter raised his eyebrows at the Major. He was confused about why the major would ask him such a benign question as he was usually ignored or was asked about what was going on with the city from a scientific or military standpoint. He did not think this question was about either issue as the major seemed so nonchalant about his wonderings. Peter also could not understand why Major Sheppard was talking so loud. He knew that Sheppard had just gotten back from the wet mainland, but the major was not swimming in the water that flooded the land so Peter was at a loss to why the Major might be talking so loud as if he was having trouble hearing anything, including how loud he was.
John had no trouble hearing how loud he was, and he had a feeling that Elizabeth would not be able to miss how loud he was either. He heard as Peter started to explain the reports about the searches and repairs to the city. John tried not to smile as Peter was almost yelling to him as he thought that John was having trouble hearing. He listened for a minute or two. Then hoping that he had given Dr. Weir enough time to compose herself, he quickly and loudly told Peter that he was on his way to talk to the good doctor and as he was already late he should get in there before she decided to lecture him about his tardiness.
Peter was confused to say the least when the Major finally stepped away from his station and towards Dr. Weir's office. He shook his head and as he realized that much of what he knew about the Major confused him, Peter just sighed and put the situation behind him as just one more of Major Sheppard's idiosyncrasies.
Elizabeth heard Major Sheppard nearing her office. She didn't think to question the fact that she usually never heard anyone talking from the control room. The only thing that she could think of at the moment was that she did not what the major to see her having a breakdown in her office. She angrily swiped at her tears that seemed to stubbornly keep trickling out of her eyes. She stood up and walked away from the chair knowing that it would be odd for her to not be behind her desk. As she started to round the table, she realized that she did not want to sit in her chair as she remembered the smug look of Kolya's face as he sat in that chair gazing at her as she came through the doorway. She did not want anyone to ever be in the same position she had been in; even if that was just about chair placement and staring across a desk as someone would walk through the entryway. She also knew that her tears were not completely finished with their trek down her face. She stared at her bookshelf trying to get her emotions under control and her mask back into place before she would turn around. She fingered the books in front of her, and hoped that John would just assume that she was searching for a tome that she needed.
John crossed into the room and was surprised that Dr. Weir was not sitting in her normal spot behind her desk. However when he glanced over to see her back to him, John realized that her shoulders were very tense, and while he could see her searching for a book, he could also see her occasionally swipe at her eyes in an attempt to gain control before she would face him. He sat there with his 'oh shit, what am I in trouble now for' look in order to pretend that he noticed nothing out of the ordinary if Dr. Weir would turn around and face him. However after a few moments, John saw that she had not passed her hand over her face for awhile now, but she was also not turning to face him. He saw her head tilt in order to give her a view of where the trashcan once sat, and where John remembered the toppled over chair sat. Wanting to fill the silence, and believing that Dr. Weir was questioning what happened to her room since the last time that she saw it, John decided to quip, "Aiden does a mean spit job when he wants to doesn't he?"
That got her attention, and Elizabeth turned to face John. John noticed that her eyes were puffy and blood-shot, and that her gazed just passed over his head rather than looking straight at him as she said, "Aiden did this?" John pretended to not see the difference in his leader's normal appearance and just said, "yep," which a big grin on his face.
Dr. Weir was relived to know that it was someone who knew of the Genii incident that cleaned up her office, but she still wondered about the when and the why. She started running her fingers across the corner of her desk in a nervous gesture.
John seemed to read her questions in her face as he continued with the explanation. "When I came looking for you this morning and saw the wreck that your office was in…" Elizabeth took a deep steadying breath as she realized that her office was cleaned today as so most any evidence would have been wiped from the room long before now. She smiled gratefully and tuned back into the major's words. "…I thought you might want it cleaned before you would want to come back, especially once I noticed that you were working in the conference room and not in here. I thought after today and what you said you might want to get back to normal. Make it so he can't overpower you anymore even though he isn't here physically." John trailed off hoping that he had not overstepped his boundaries.
Elizabeth was grateful for the words that John mentioned. John realized that she needed to move past the trauma that had occurred in this room, and even though he did not know what had truly happened in here, his words were no less than the truth, and no less sincere. She smiled at the truth behind the words, and the support that was behind them. She started to feel the tears threaten to fall again, but this time they were from gratitude rather than fear.
John noticed that Dr. Weir was starting to get emotional and that her eyes glistened with unfallen tears. Not knowing if she would even want him to see her cry in a sense of gratitude, and knowing that he wouldn't be able to stand watching her cry for any reason John switched the subject, "so you wanted to see me?"
"Yeah…" everything that she was going to say went out of her head so she said the only think she could, "Thanks!" She mused about the switch from the grateful tongue-tied leader currently to the angry verbose woman from earlier. As now when she wanted to talk she couldn't form any words, and when she didn't want to talk she could not seem to shut up. The irony was a bit too much, but before Elizabeth could start to laugh uncontrollably she was pulled from her thoughts as she noticed Rodney standing in her door. "Is there something that you need Rodney?" she said to the gapping man in the doorway.
"Yes… in a minute," Rodney brushed off the Dr. Weir's question as he turned his gaze to Major Sheppard. "Did I hear you correctly; you had Aiden clean up this office?"
John was confused that Rodney had brushed off Elizabeth in order to ask such a stupid question. Then he wondered how long Rodney had been nearby, and about the hurt undertone that he heard in the scientist's question. Therefore all John could get out was a confused, "Yes."
"Why won't someone clean my office?" Rodney grumbled peevishly.
John did not know whether to laugh or to treat the question as a serious one. He heard a slight chuckle from the corner of the room and realized that Elizabeth was trying to hold in her laughter. He shot a quick glance over and noticed that the tears that now threatened to fall were caused by the humor in the situation. Deciding that he could tolerate the obnoxious questions in order to lighten the mood in the room, John decided to continue with the new direction of thoughts. "When a maniac ransacks your lab, you let me know and I'll be the first one there with a mop in one hand and a broom in the other."
Before John could smile at his witty remark, Rodney verbally shot back, " A maniac did ransack my office… remember it was YOU… and I do believe that there was a 'do not touch for fear of death' note that SOMEONE IGNORED. You could have blown us all up if you would have messed up, or worse you might have depleted one of our major power sources."
Despite the muffled laugh from the corner, John was getting ticked off at the mocking scientist in front of him. "You might have died if I didn't," John yelled back.
"We almost died BECAUSE you did," Rodney quipped back as he remembered the threat that Kolya placed over them in order to get John to put the power back on. And if he wouldn't have turned the power back on, the grounding station would not have been able to be separated. Therefore turning the power off seemed at the time to be the stupidest decision that the smug major who sat in front of him had ever made. Granted his anger blinded him to the fact that the power outage also bought him some time to plan what to do in their current crisis.
Before John could say anything back, Elizabeth bellowed slightly above her normal speaking voice, "That's enough!" She didn't ever really yell, but her above normal voice was enough to put anyone to shame.
John looked back at Dr. Weir and was saddened to realize that all humor in the argument had dissipated long ago, and that the topic was straying too close to the issue that John was hoping Elizabeth would get away from for at least a few hours. He glanced back over his shoulder at the now flabbergasted scientist, "I resend my earlier offer of help." He gazed back at Dr. Weir to see her gaze narrow on him, and he smiled his patented 'sorry I couldn't help it' grin.
"Finish this out of my office. Dismissed," she sat down and gazed after the two men as they continued their verbal bantered out of her office and down the walkway. A grin came to her face as she realized that these "boys" would never change, and for that she was glad. She did not notice that she was now sitting in the exact spot that Kolya had earlier in the week.
She started to turn to the work pilled on her desk when she heard Rodney yell to John from somewhere in the cavernous gate room, "JOHN, I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THAT!"
"NOT IF YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!" she heard John yell back from a different area in the room.
Things were looking up. She heard a crash from the gate room and heard Rodney shout out a new expletive. Her grin now turned into a laugh, and she turned toward the paper work that she had brusquely dumped onto her desk not even thirty minutes ago.
Elizabeth's head started to droop down to her chest, and she quickly jerked upright. She glanced at her watch at noticed that it was thirteen minutes after one o'clock in the morning; 'oh-one-thirteen' she thought and was thrilled that she was starting to pick up some of the military jargon around here. Now she just had to worry about learning some of the scientific jargon. Knowing that that would not happen for a long time and that she needed to get some sleep after the last few nights of nightmares, she stood up and stretched. She marveled at the friends she didn't know she had who would do anything to help her, including cleaning her destroyed office, or orchestrating that clean-up.
The pain in her shoulder reminded Elizabeth about the fall that occurred less than twenty four hours earlier. She debated about going to the doctor for a pain pill, however her mind was made up when she thought about a pain-free drugged stupor that would allow her to get a good night's sleep.
Elizabeth walked into the dimly lit infirmary and glanced around for Dr. Beckett. Even though it was very late, she felt that he would still be here as he seemed to be trying to prove his worth after his part during the storm. She had heard from others that Carson felt that he did not contribute to the well being of those still in Atlantis during the Genii attack as he was supposed to do as a doctor. He was not a fighter and so he could not help in that standpoint, and then he was not able to help medically once the city was back under Atlantian control as he was injured himself. Dr. Weir sympathized with him and knew exactly how the doctor felt. She glanced into Carson's office and was proven right in her assumption as the Scot was dozing slightly on his desk. Elizabeth decided to forgo the pill and let the doctor sleep, however when she turned around to walk away she almost collided with a nurse who asked if there was anything that she could do. Dr. Weir winced at the noise, and hoped that Dr. Beckett would have slept through it. But as the doctor was a light sleeper and always worried about everyone but himself, he quickly hurried out of his office to see the two ladies standing toe to toe. Seeing that the doctor was nearby, and terrified of overstepping her bounds with the leader of Atlantis, the nurse left in order to continue cleaning up the infirmary before the next shift change.
Elizabeth started to regret her decision to come her. She knew that the pain was not comfortable, but she could tolerate it. She felt bad about disturbing the doctor's sleep as she could tell from his blood-shot eyes and the dark circles under them that he desperately needed the sleep. She did not realize that her face was a near mirror image to his in that perspective. But he was awake now and looked genuinely concerned as he asked gently, "Lass, what is it?"
Dr. Beckett remembered about the conversation earlier with Major Sheppard, but he did not want to let her know that John had told him anything. Therefore he waited patiently until Elizabeth dropped her pride long enough to mention that she jarred her arm earlier and was in pain. Finally getting the answer he needed to do something to help Dr. Weir, Carson steered her over to the nearest bed. He patted the bed and went to gather up some clean bandages.
As leader of Atlantis, Dr. Weir admired that the doctor was so thorough about the health and well-being of everyone in Atlantis; however as Elizabeth, she wished that he would just give her the pain pills she desired knowing that she was so recently injured. He came back to her, and pulled the curtain around the bed before asking her to remove her shirt so that he could see her shoulder. Elizabeth clenched her eyes shut tightly as she stripped for another male in less than a week. She was grateful when she opened her eyes to note that the doctor was getting his supplies sorted out on a side table and so was not looking her way. She did not want to have anyone gawk at her as she removed her clothing, even if it was a doctor; she did not want him to see the look of utter terror that quickly passed her face as she was asked to remove her shirt. She clutched the shirt in front of her to provide a little more cover then her bra alone.
She sat there as Doctor Beckett pulled off the old bandage and tutted as he noticed that the wound was slightly seeping and bleeding again. He pressed on the shoulder to determine if the wound was warm at all, fearing that Rodney might have been correct in his diagnosis for once as he came in earlier complaining that his wound was infected with any number of bugs that might have been on the flooded mainland. He was relived to note that the wound was neither red and puffy nor warm to the touch. However he wondered at the amount of pain it was causing as Elizabeth sucked in her breath from the pain and tried to pull away when he touched the wound. Trying not to hurt her again, Carson deftly re-bandaged her shoulder, gave her a couple of pain pills, and asked her to come in if the pain got worse or she developed a fever.
The cold air on her back, and the pain as someone pressed on her shoulder caused her to recoil from the touch. She hated herself for the weakness she was betraying, and hated it even more when the doctor assumed that he caused her a great deal of pain and therefore apologized profusely. She was grateful when the pain pills where placed in her hand, and she quickly dry swallowed them as waiting for the cup of water that was three feet away would have taken too long. She heard the words of caution that the doctor gave her as he turned around for her to get her shirt back on. She thanked the doctor and hurried out of the infirmary before he could mention the fact about the mandatory counseling for everyone that was affected in some way by the attack.
Elizabeth quickly walked to her room as she mentally pummeled herself for her weakness: about wanting the pain pills to get a good night's sleep, about not being able to keep her fears and thoughts from others, about not being strong enough to handle Kolya's attack or the aftermath. The pills started to take effect as Elizabeth was getting ready for bed. They were fully in her system as she struggled to get her sleep-fogged brain to pull the covers around her shoulders. Only half successful in her attempt, Elizabeth fell into the first dreamless sleep that she had had for awhile, and the last one that she would have for a good time yet.
In the morning she was pleased to feel well-rested, and the mental wounds that she inflicted the night before were all but forgotten as they were filed away into a dark corner of her mind when she was asleep. She smiled as she took a deep breath and got ready to face this new day.