Pairings: NaruNeji

Warnings: More androgyny

Author's Notes: Haahaa...I was kinda kidding before about there being no plot. It'll come around eventually. Hopefully!

On to chapter two!

Never on the First Date

"ADANBON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP!"

"Hokage-sama! Hokage-sama! Please wake up!" the impeccably androgynous Neji shook his superior's shoulders vigorously.

"What! What? Who's there?" he stuttered and glanced around suspiciously, after a moments time he looked curiously at the stranger that had awoken him, "What happened?"

"Well, after Sakura-san left you told me to wait in here while you thought things out at your desk. You feel asleep and I've been waiting here for a little more than an hour," the young Hyuuga sighed softly.

"A likely story. I doubt I would be so irresponsible, lady!" the blonde scoffed, shuffling random papers on his desk with dignity. A moment of silence filled the room until Neji coughed softly.

"I'm a man. Hyuuga Neji, remember?" he reminded his air-headed companion. Naruto squinted in that foxy way of his as he stared at the other man.

"That's another story I don't quite swallow," he bored into the other man with eyes full of suspicion. The Hyuuga sighed and slumped down slightly.

"Hokage-sama...don't you remember all those times we had together?" he asked sadly.

"Yeah, I remember doing stuff with Neji. We tried to rescue Sasuke-teme, Gaara-sama, and he helped me fight when we had the war against the Sound. Neji was awesome," Naruto crossed his arms.

"You talk about me as if I wasn't in the room."

"Prove you're Neji!"

"I don't know what to say other that I'm him..." he looked off to the side, "You forgot to mention that we fought in the chunin exams. That was the first time I realized how amazing you are."

The young Hokage shifted a little uncomfortably. It was strange to receive a nice compliment from such a beautiful person. He looked at this remarkably feminine person and sighed deeply. Perhaps he was being a little harsh. If it really was Neji it would hurt his feelings for him not to remember his own face. But...Neji never looked so delicious.

"Okay...I remember that. Come 'ere, Ne-chan. I know how to tell if it's you," Naruto patted his lap and called him over as if he was a cat. Neji blushed a followed obediently. He paused a minute before sitting delicately in the Hokage's lap.

'I can't believe the embarrassing things I do for this man,' Neji thought to himself as Naruto poked and prodded his body.

"Well...You're definitely a guy..." he paused and Neji shifted slightly, looking all the more tense. Suddenly, Naruto placed his large hands both sides of Neji's face, drawing him in for closer inspection. Neji's heart pounded so hard, it seemed to be the only thing making noise in the room. "It's these sissy-looking bangs..."

The blonde looked disapprovingly at the thick bangs covering his forehead. With the palm of his hand he pushed them back against the top of his head. Naruto closed his eyes and removed his hands. It could be none other than Neji, with that cross-like marking on his forehead, permanently reminding him of his place. The marking glowed slightly green, and Neji's eyes narrowed sadly at being touched in such a sensitive area.

"I'm sorry, Neji, it really is you," Naruto patted his back for the Hyuuga to get up. Naruto was confused when the Hyuuga didn't move.

"Hokage-sama!" Neji cried and hugged the Hokage tenderly.

"What? What's wrong, Neji?"

"I've missed you so much! I haven't seen you in three years and you barely remember me!"

"Hey! That's not true...in f-fact I even personally asked for you to be my guard!" the blonde patted his back and tried to soothe the man on top of him.

"With all due respect, Hokage-sama, I know you didn't have anything to do with it. I had to apply numerous times to Konohamaru-kun just to get this position."

"Yeah! I remember that! And I slapped that boy silly for not letting you in with your good looks alone!" Naruto lied charismatically. Neji chuckled softly.

"Yeah, so chin up, Neji! Someone as pretty as you shouldn't be sad..." Naruto grinned, tapping his chin with his finger.

"You think I'm pretty?" Neji blinked.

"Sure! You make Nori-chan look like an old hag!" Naruto laughed, missing the knocks on his door.

"Hokage-sama! You're late for your 2:30 appointment!" Nori's voice yelled through the door. "Hokage-sama!"

She opened the door and gaped when she saw Neji taking her comfortable spot in her beloved superior's lap. "Hokage-sama...? You need to get over to the meeting hall right away."

"It's done."

Before Neji or Nori had time to react, the Hokage was out of the room. Neji sprang up and ran after him. The traders were waiting impatiently when then entered the room. Naruto apologized sincerely and began to talk business. Neji was immediately taken by surprise at the change in Naruto.

He was charming and charismatic, making the men and women in the room completely forget his tardiness. He was always friendly and respectful, without ever losing boldness in his part of the discussion. He accurately analyzed the problem being addressed, with all of Konoha's citizens as his priority to serve. In the end, the traders left content even though they had not gained all that they had originally come for.

"Thank you very much, Hokage-sama. It is an honor to deal with you," the main trader got up and bowed to the Hokage.

"Yes, I hope everything works out well for you. Have a safe trip back home," Naruto smiled and bowed slightly in return.

"Yes, Hokage-sama!" all the people cheered and smiled as they left.

"Well, that went well," Neji commented.

"Oh, God! I'm so tired! Neji, let's go somewhere fun!" Naruto pouted and reverted back to his immature ways.

Neji only sighed as he dragged his respected Hokage-sama back to his office. Hours of paperwork were interrupted only once for another meeting that didn't go quite as well as the first. Feudal lords were demanding an intolerable amount of privileges over the people on their land. Naruto was forced to disagree at the chagrin of the arrogant nobles. After that, the exhausted blonde returned to his office and emerged himself in paperwork once again for hours. Neji was starting to see how the job could be very stressful. The whole time he silently watched over the Hokage.

"Ah...I think it's time to call it a day," Naruto turned his tired eyes toward the Hyuuga. Neji nodded and waited as the Hokage stood up from his chair and stretched. "Hey, Neji?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama?"

"How would you like to go out to eat with me? Generally, I always take out my new female employees out to eat, but since I haven't seen you in so long I think it'd be nice for us to get to talk again over some ramen!" Naruto grinned, stretching his arms over his head.

"As you wish, Hokage-sama!" Neji beamed.

"Neji, what's with this Hokage-sama crap? We're friends! Call me by my name every once and a while!" Naruto sighed.

"But...That's a highly respectable title you've been working all your life to achieve."

"Yeah! But it feels weird to have my closest friends calling me that all the time. I order you to stop," Naruto raised an eyebrow playfully.

"...Will Uzumaki-san be okay?"

"Fine! It's better than nothing. Geez, Neji! You really are the same! A stickler for rules and manners."

He rushed out of the door before Neji could respond and met with his lovely secretary. She looked about ready to leave as well, and sighed in relief as she saw Naruto come out of his office.

"Ready to leave, Hokage-sama?"

"You bet! I'm craving ramen like never before!"

"Heeheehee...would you like some company?" she winked playfully.

"Not today, Nori-chan! I"m taking Neji with me," he puffed as he waited impatiently for Neji to come out of the office.

"Neji? Hokage-sama...I think I should warn you about Neji-san - " she began, but was cut off by Naruto's loud voice.

"There you are! Come on, let's go before I starve to death! See you tomorrow, Nori-chan!" he waved and rushed down the hall, grabbing Neji's arm.

"W-Wait!" she called as Naruto was already halfway down the hall. "I still need to tell you about him!"

Naruto was already in the elevator when he noticed Nori calling out to him. He stopped the door from closing to listen to her shouts.

"Huh? What is it?" he called.

"It's Neji! Neji-san is gay!"

"Huh? What did you say?" Naruto turned curiously to Neji, "What did she say?"

Neji shrugged and looked away sheepishly, having heard every word crystal clear.

"I said Neji-san is gay! He's got a huge crush on you!"

"What...?" Naruto shrugged and yelled back, "Okay! You have a nice day too! I'll try not to rush...?"

And the elevator door closed shut, entrapping the two men together.

"I wonder what that was about. Why would Nori-chan want me not to rush somewhere?" Naruto pondered. "Oh, well!"

Naruto patted Neji on the back and he shifted on his feet uncomfortably. Naruto hummed to the elevator music completely unaware of the situation.

"Hmm! Hmm hmm! Doo dee doo da!" he tapped his feet, "It was a good first day, huh, Neji?"

"Yes, Hokage – "

"App! App! What did I say?"

"Uzumaki-san..." Neji blushed and silently wished they were doing other things in this empty elevator. He crossed his arms across his chest, embarrassed at his own filthy mind.

They quickly reached the first floor and Naruto bounced off, happy to be on his way to the Ichiraku.

"I'll bet the old man is waiting for me!" Naruto smiled as he jogged to the ramen stand.

Sure enough, "old man" was waiting in the stand cheerfully wiping down a counter as his young assistant washed a few bowls. He immediately recognized the bouncy Hokage and cheered for him to sit down as he has always done since Naruto was a snotty little boy.

"My favorite customer!"

"Old Man!"

"Have a seat in your special chair!" the old man gestured. Ever since Naruto became Hokage, the owner of the stand was so proud that he built in a special chair just for Naruto. It was extremely comfortable and looked somewhat like a throne. Naruto loved to sit in that chair. The owner turned to start making Naruto's order when he noticed the Hyuuga standing a few feet away.

"Oh...? You brought a pretty girl with you this time!" He winked amiably.

"No! It's just Neji. Say, Neji, does anyone ever guess your gender right the first time?"

"No."

Neji sat down next to a laughing Naruto as their meals were prepared. They chatted comfortably for a few minutes as they waited. Naruto inquired about Hinata and the rest of the family, to which Neji said they were all doing fine. Two steaming bowls were set in front of the men and Naruto cheered with joy as he dug in.

"Itadakimasu!"

"Itadakimasu," Neji repeated, flipping his hair over his shoulder. Naruto vaguely watched him from the corner of his eye as he ate.

"Neji! What made you get that new hair cut?" Naruto questioned pointing to his own medium-length, unruly bangs. Neji looked up and was shocked to see Naruto had already finished his bowl.

"Umm...well, it was on a mission. The enemy cut my hair and I had to change it when I got back."

"Aww...that sucks. One more, old man!" he slapped his hand on the table and within moments a new bowl was in front of him. "Why didn't you just cut all of it?"

Neji looked absolutely mortified and nearly lost his grip on his chopsticks.

"Ehehehe...I was only kidding! Kidding! Long hair is in...right?" Naruto recovered and continued eating in silence. As soon as he finished his second bowl he become worried of the silent atmosphere. He turned to Neji and noticed that he seemed to have finished eating long ago. He was staring at Naruto with an adoring look on his face.

"Neji...?"

"Uzumaki-san!" he blushed and reached out for both of Naruto's hands, "I'm so happy that I get to be your personal guard!"

"Aww! Neji! I'm glad too!"

Neji hugged him and pressed him against the custom-made seat. Somewhere from behind the counter, Ayame, the assistant, giggled a fan-girlish giggle of glee.

"I have to tell you something important!"

"Okay, Neji! Fire away!"

"I love you!" the Hyuuga looked so happy and sincere that Naruto was taken back for a second.

"Uh...thanks?" Naruto sat back and tried to push the other man off him gently.

"I've been trying so hard to get close to you and – "

Naruto let Neji's words fly by his head as he to a moment to think. Neji looks and kind of acts like a girl. Neji loves Naruto. Something was definitely off. People don't say they love each other so easily, especially when they happen to be two men. Naruto cut in on Neji's speech.

"Wait...when you say you love me, you mean that as a friend or as a highly respected person you admire, right?"

Neji blushed heavily and looked down.

'Oh, shit...' the blonde Hokage was starting to get worried.

"Uzumaki-san...I love you and I'd do anything for you." Neji stared up with a determined face. Naruto grabbed his wrist and went slightly off the handle.

"NEJI! Don't say stuff like that! Have you lost your mind? Don't just proclaim your love to another guy like that! Especially when he's the straightest guy in town!"

"Uzumaki-san..." Neji looked dramatically hurt.

"Thanks a lot, Old man! I think we'll be going now!" Naruto slammed some money on the counter, plus tip. He dragged Neji out of the stand and headed home.

"Listen, Neji, I don't wanna hurt your feelings or anything, but I like women and there's really nothing I can do about that."

"Uzumaki-san! Please! I can be more womanly!" Neji cried and stopped Naruto in his tracks. The blonde man looked down at the pathetic face and his eyes softened.

'So beautiful...' he peered into those opaque eyes and ran his fingers timidly over the soft pink lips.

"No! No way! You're already way too womanly for your own good! Let's just forget about this, okay?" Naruto snapped out of his trance and continued to head to his place. Upon reaching the Hokage Mansion, that was close to the office, he saw his two famous ANBU guards waiting for him, playing poker.

"Yo, Naru!" a spiky brown-haired man in a wolf mask waved.

"Good evening, Hokage-sama," a pony-tailed blonde in a tiger mask greeted.

"Hey guys."

"Yo, Neji," the wolf masked man greeted the ruffled Hyuuga.

"Hi, Kiba. Hi, Ino."

"Where's your mask and uniform, cutie?" the tiger-masked girl revealed to be Yamanaka Ino asked.

"It's all at my place..." he mumbled back. The Hokage sighed.

"Don't worry about it, guys. We'll be right back," Naruto said, picking up the dark-haired man next to him and disappearing in a whirl of leaves. The two remaining ANBU members turned to each other.

"I'm not sweeping up those leaves," the wolf-boy yawned.

"Dammit!" his partner yelled.

"Hokage-sama, please wait out here while I enter to retrieve my belongings."

"And leave your Hokage-sama out here alone where he can easily be captured or raped or something like that?" Naruto joked, "No way! I'm going with you. I wanna see if I can catch Hinata while I'm here."

"Okay," the Hyuuga answered and reluctantly opened the main door. A small pathway lead to the main house. Neji turned to the right to his own quarters. It was significantly less extravagant than just what the main house looked like from the outside. Naruto had forgotten such things since he had only visited the main house on rare occasions.

The inside was lit dimly by candles on the walls. Naruto found this to be a comforting and somewhat romantic setting. Neji's room was down the hall. He opened it and found his bags to already have been packed.

"Hey, so that's it, right?"

"No...would you mind if I change into my uniform?"

"Naw, go ahead. I'll wait." the other man replied. Neji paused and looked back around.

"If you really want to see Hinata, you can go back to the main house. She should be in there. I can met you there when I'm done."

"'Kay. See ya then, Neji!"

The young Hyuuga slumped down on his bed and groaned.

"God, I'm so stupid...Ya think maybe it wasn't a good idea to professes your undying love on the first day? Huh? Good job...baka," he talked to himself as he buried his head in his arms.

When Neji reached the main house he found Naruto, Hinata, and his uncle chatting away. Naruto had his arm casually around Hinata's shoulders and Neji felt the smallest stab of jealousy. His uncle was excessively polite, as usual. Neji dropped his bags on the floor to catch everyone's attention.

"Oh, Neji. You're all ready to leave..." his uncle looked at him proudly.

"Neji-nii-san! It's so unbelievable that you get to be a personal guard under the H-Hokage...um, N-Naruto-kun."

"Hey...is that a fox mask?" Naruto peered curiously at the red and orange painted mask. Neji was glad to be wearing the mask because it hid his flushed face. He could never tell the other man he picked a fox mask because it always reminded him of the vulpine Naruto. He nodded quietly and after a few farewells and good wishes Naruto and Neji left together.

"It looks like you're getting along with your uncle. I'm glad," Naruto smiled. Neji declined to reply. The blonde eyed his bags a spoke again, "Here, lemme carry your bags."

He grabbed the two huge bags from Neji with plenty of protest from the long-haired man.

"I may look like a girl, but I don't need someone to carry my bags!" Neji tried to reach for them back, but Naruto turned away from his reach.

"Quiet, ANBU boy! Your Hokage orders you to let him carry your bags!"

Neji pouted and looked down.

"And don't make that face! It's all just fun and games!"

"How do you know I'm making a face? I'm wearing my mask!"

"I have a feeling!" Naruto sang. "Be good or I won't let you sleep with me!"

"Sleep...with you?" Neji's heart stopped.

"Yeah! The two ANBU guards wait outside, but the personal guard gets to sleep with me. In my room!"

At this moment, Neji's thoughts went too far down the gutter to control...and he fainted.

"Neji? Neji?" Naruto turned around to find the Hyuuga collapsed on the floor. "AHH! Neji!"

Naruto pondered on just what could have made the Hyuuga collapse. In the end he decided to just pick him up and carry him to his new home.

As Naruto set the limp Hyuuga down on the couch across from his massive bed he took the time to notice the difference in his appearance while donning the ANBU uniform. Neji's body was incredibly slender, while still appearing muscular and strong. The black pants and black tank top fit snugly and accentuated his tall, lean figure. Naruto was particularly fond of the mask. He very carefully removed it to get a closer look at it.

"Naru-sama...is Neji alright?" a female voice asked softly from the door.

"I'm sure he's ok."

"Yeah, maybe you should check his bags to see if he forgot to take any of his pills. I hear Neji takes tons of 'em!" Kiba suggested.

"Well, we'll be out here if you need anything," Ino reassured him and began closing the door.

"Ja ne!" Kiba called, and the two left him alone with his feeble guard.

Taking Kiba's advice, Naruto unzipped Neji's first bag. It looked normal, packed full of extra pairs of clothes. He moved on to the other bag, and his face cracked into a grin when he opened it. It was full of brushes, combs, shampoos, conditioners, lotions, hand soaps, and mouth wash. On top of that, there were about ten different medications ranging from pain-killers to an inhaler. Naruto laughed softly as he picked up a bottle and read the contents.

"Oh...this guy. He loves me, he looks like a girl...probably has more beauty products than one, and he's heavily medicated..." he turned over another bottle, "For obsessive compulsive tendencies..."

"How's this guy ever supposed to protect me?" he shook his head and put all of Neji's things back in place before going to bed.

END CHAP TWO! I'm sure Neji woke up in the middle of the night to wash his hair and take his meds. XD