A/N: With Carina's unexpected help Sarah takes a bold step forward. She has been struggling through her confusing feelings and working the problem. So much to unlock, to understand. And what about Chuck Bartowski. The man who has been invading her thoughts? Perhaps some answers will come at a picnic at the beach. Their beach.

This story has a mild T-rating for occasional coarse language, some adult themes, and some violence, but nothing too graphic.

I hope you enjoy it, and favor me with following or reviewing. It's the only way I can know if the effort I've put into writing this is giving anyone any sort of joy.

As usual, my thanks continue to go to Nevr for pre and beta reading. Thanks Nev!

Also as usual, I don't own Chuck or profit from writing this story.

Chapter 6 – A Decision Made:

At precisely noon, a taxi stopped by the pier dropping off Sarah Walker, who was holding a large wicker picnic basket. It was a gloriously sunny and warm day with a refreshing breeze coming off the water. Sarah felt comfortable in a pair of white Capri pants, an orange and red pastel colored top over a tight white tank top, and a pair of white canvas Keds sneakers. Her hair was tied up in a high pony tail.

She looked up, instantly spotting Chuck Bartowski walking towards her. She looked him over as he closed the distance between them. His stride was casual and comfortable and he had a smile that went to his eyes and crinkled his nose. He wore a button down with wide blue and white stripes, completely unbuttoned over a white t-shirt, a pair of French blue shorts, and a pair of navy blue boat shoes. Seeing him in broad daylight as he approached made her realize that he was much more handsome than she had initially thought at the club, and much taller as well.

As he reached her, there was a moment of awkwardness as neither really knew how to appropriately greet each other. The momentary awkwardness disappeared when Chuck reached over to take the basket from Sarah, gave her a gentle and respectful peck on the cheek, and told her she looked absolutely beautiful. She was surprised at how comfortable and confident he was sweeping in with the chaste kiss, when she could make his brain freeze with a simple flirtatious remark. She found she liked a smooth, confident Chuck as much as she like the rambling, nervous Chuck. As he turned and started to walk, she quickly moved to his side, and they walked together to the spot where he had been sitting the other day. He laid out the blanket he had in his backpack, then surprised Sarah by pulling out a small portable Bluetooth speaker and his iPhone.

"I hope you don't mind, Sarah, but I pulled together a playlist for our lunch date. I hope you like it." Chuck paused waiting for her response.

"That sounds nice, Chuck. A little music to go with the beautiful setting, the exceptionally handsome company, and what I hope is a delicious meal prepared by the Fairmont's food service team." Sarah smiled at Chuck as he blushed at her compliment. She then moved to unpack the basket, laying out plates, cutlery, glasses and several different containers of food along with a bottle of wine that had already been opened and capped with the cork. As Sarah prepared the two dishes, Chuck put on the music, making sure the volume was loud enough to be heard without overpowering their conversation. The two ate in relative silence, enjoying the food, and stealing glances at each other while they thought the other wasn't looking. It was wonderfully relaxing, surprisingly comfortable, and yet no one could deny the growing romantic energy passing between Chuck and Sarah.

With the meal done and the dishes packed away, it was time to talk. Or more precisely, it was time for Sarah to talk and for Chuck to listen, but Sarah was having trouble finding the right opening. Chuck felt her discomfort so he gallantly opened for her.

"So, Sarah, Chuck Bartowski, your personal emotional baggage handler is here for you. What can I do to help you? To help you manage what you are wrestling with?" He gave her a tender smile, laid on his side to face her, bending his elbow so he could prop his head up on his hand. "And Sarah, I promise, this a totally safe and judgement free place for you."

"Thank you, Chuck." Sarah mirrored his movements and turned to face him with their noses less than a foot apart as she started. "This is hard for me, Chuck. I want you to know that. I've never had anyone I can be open with, not even Carina, though she is probably the closest person I have in my life. She and I see things so differently, than I'm not sure I can really open up with her, and even though you and I don't really know each other, listening to your story made me understand that we have a lot in common. More importantly, I'm pretty good at reading people, and my gut tells me I can trust you."

"May I ask why you think you can trust me?" Chuck was curious about Sarah's statement.

"Chuck, we spoke for two hours about an intensely private topic, and not once did you stare at my tits." Sarah looked at him sternly before barked out a laugh at Chuck's mortified expression. "Sorry, Chuck, you are a little too easy." Sarah smiled not too innocently.

"Thank you, I guess…?" Chuck stammered before continuing. "Please continue, I know you have some important things you want to get of your chest….I mean something you want to say….and while we can easily spend all afternoon making fun of me, I'm not sure that's what you really wanted to accomplish….unless it is, in which case I'll stop talking."

Sarah watched him ramble for a minute and found an incredible innocence in his desire to be there, to help. He was the right person to open up to. She was absolutely sure of it.

She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts before restarting. "Chuck, I work for the Government." She paused again, reconsidering her words more carefully. "I work for the US Government and what I do is highly classified, so please, for both our sakes, please never repeat a word of this to anyone."

Chuck stayed silent for a moment, then reached out and took her hand in his. He fixed his gaze into her eyes and whispered, "I promise. With me, you will always be safe." It was more than he intended to say, but somehow he had lost control of his mouth and what was in his heart tumbled out with sincerity and reverence. His words, soothing voice, and the warmth of his hand gave her the comfort and confidence to continue. She nodded.

"I guess, like you to some degree, my life has been full of challenges. When I was little, my parents did nothing but fight. Then one day my father told me we were going on an adventure, and he took me away from my mother. At the time, I was a child, and didn't mind as my dad was fun, had no rules, and we pretty much did whatever we wanted. I haven't seen or spoken to my mother since the day we ran off, deserting her. As I grew, I came to learn that my father was a con man, and used me to perpetuate his crimes. At the time, I didn't understand what we were doing was wrong. It was more like a game, but eventually, I understood, and to keep my father's approval, I continued with him even though I knew it was wrong. When I was just seventeen, my father was arrested, and a senior CIA officer effectively coerced me into service. I was under age at the time and didn't know it was illegal, but it also gave me a path to follow. The CIA sent me to college, trained me, and transformed me from an awkward, ugly duckling into what you see today. I mean, it's all me, but my father always wanted to make me less visible, less memorable, while the CIA saw the potential in my looks and physique as a tool to help me achieve my missions. Turns out the years working with my dad really helped me prepare for the CIA, and I found that I excelled in all my training classes. Pretending to be someone else, lying, not trusting, and keeping my emotions locked up and buried deep inside, all seemed to be pre-requisites for a career as an operative. I had the highest graduation score for my class, including all the male trainees, and mine was one of the highest scores since the CIA started keeping track. I was quickly fast-tracked for additional training, and the man who conscripted me made me his personal enforcer." Sarah paused for a moment, tears welling in her eyes.

She looked at Chuck with uncertainty, wondering how quickly he would stand and walk away if she continued. Instead he once again felt her need, and whispered. "It's ok, Sarah. I'm here for you."

Sarah smiled as a few tears tracked down her cheeks, which Chuck gently brushed away before recapturing her hand in his. She momentarily debated going further, but an inner voice spoke to her about trusting the man who was holding her hand and comforting her. She looked into his eyes and found warmth, and a feeling of calm and safety she hadn't previously known. She had spent her entire life bottling everything up and stuffing it deep down in her gut. Sarah resolved that today was the end of that. She gulped and held Chuck's gaze as a tremor captured the hand Chuck was holding. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and squeezed Chuck's hand.

"I'm a killer, Chuck. An assassin. The government tells me who to kill, and I make it happen. And I'm one of the very best at my job. Or I have been. A few days ago, I was ordered to find a traitor who stole some top secret technology, and retrieve what was stolen. In fairness, he was drawing his weapon on me, but I was prepared and I killed him, successfully completing the mission. The thing is, that the man I shot and killed was my partner and someone I had been involved with. The problem is that for the first time in my life, I felt a cold emptiness in my chest. Something I've never experienced before even though killing wasn't new to me." Sarah stopped to let out a breath, expecting to see an expression of disgust before he stood and left her there alone. Instead she saw sadness and a single tear rolling down his cheek.

The two let the heaviness of the moment hang in the air while their eyes remain locked until Sarah broke the silence.

"I'm sorry, Chuck. Shouldn't have dumped all that on you. I'm sure you are disgusted with who I am and what I do. Please, Chuck, forget everything I've told you and forget you ever met me. I'm so sorry." Sarah's heart reeled as she started to pull her hand away from Chuck, but instead of letting her go, he tightened his grip.

Sarah stopped her attempt to escape for a moment. "Chuck, I'm damaged! Irredeemable! You are a good man and deserve to have someone in your life that is as good as you are. I think its best if I….."

His grip didn't loosen. "You are wrong, Sarah. I may not like what you have had to do but the very fact that it causes you pain, and the very fact that realize you can't be that person anymore tells me the exact opposite." He paused for a moment to think carefully how to phrase is argument.

"Sarah, I presume you don't get to decide to follow or disobey an order, so do you think you had any real choice in doing the things you did? More importantly, did you think you were doing them for the right reasons, the greater good?"

Sarah considered his words. "Orders aren't optional, Chuck. Assignments, no matter how shitty or dangerous, aren't optional. There are bad people out there who mean us harm, and operatives need to be physically and mentally conditioned to do whatever needs to be done. We are also conditioned to not question orders. And for the system to work, even if we don't understand why we are given a specific task or objective, we as operatives have to accept that our superiors know more than we do when we are given an order." Some of tension in Sarah ebbed as she considered his words and her flight response softened.

"Have you ever stopped to consider how many innocent lives you may have saved or helped protect?" Chuck continued.

"No. Not really. Our focus during a mission needs to be extremely narrow. We focus on taking out the target, avoiding collateral damage, and getting out alive. We presume all this is for the greater good, but we don't really have the benefit of estimating the benefit. It's a zero sum game. If someone is deemed to be a clear and present danger, we make that danger go away. One less really bad person out there." Chuck's logic seemed to be finding purchase in Sarah's mind and conscience, and she realized he was leading her to make her own conclusions that would help her absolve herself of the guilt and shame she felt. She relaxed a little more.

"Sarah, may I ask you one more question?"

"Of course, Chuck." Sarah spoke just above a whisper. "What do you want to know?"

He didn't hesitate. "Did you love him? The man you killed, your partner?"

"No, Chuck, I didn't. Never. I think you need to understand why our conversation was so meaningful to me the other night. You, Chuck, need to have intimacy to feel whole in any relationship you have. People like Carina and I are trained to build walls and avoid any kind of entanglement. No love, No intimacy. Those things distract you, get you killed. And in my line of work, few operatives retire happily. Most burn out or are killed in action by the time they are forty. So that is why Carina is the way she is, and the way I was." Sarah paused to see if he fully understood.

"Sarah, you said was. Have you changed?"

"I have. Or I should say, I want to change, I need to change. The emptiness I felt was not because I killed my former partner, but because doing so didn't bother me. Intimate or not, the man was a steady part of my life for two years, and we occasionally shared a bed. I should have felt something, but I didn't. I realized that my pain, my emptiness was because I'd been missing the very thing you told me you needed to have in all your relationships. Love, passion, intimacy. I just don't know how these things work, how they feel. I want to put myself in a position to find happiness, joy, and true companionship with love, passion and intimacy, but that and the work I do, are mutually exclusive. My vacation ends on Tuesday, and I will need to report back to D.C, for my next assignment. From there I have no idea where I will be sent or for how long, and to be honest, for the first time in my life, I don't want to go. I know that I need to try and find the things that have been missing from my life. The things I now seem to be longing for. The things you already recognize as essential to who you are, would require me to resign from the only thing I've ever known, and I'm terrified, Chuck."

There it was. Sarah had just put it all out there. With those words to a warm, kind man she barely knew, she suddenly felt the walls of the dam come crashing down, and she broke down sobbing, tears flowing freely as she moved to cover her face with her hands.

Chuck reached over to her, and with surprising strength, pulled her to him, nudging her head against his shoulder and holding her tight with one arm, while with his free hand he gently caressed her head. "I've got you, Sarah, I've got you."

"What do I do, Chuck? I don't know what to do. I'm completely lost and alone and I have no idea what to do about it." Sarah continued to sob.

"You are not alone, Sarah. I'm here for you. For as long as you need me, Sarah, I'll be here for you. It will be ok. I promise." Chuck spoke softly, yet with a passionate conviction she could feel. Slowly the sobbing slowed then stopped, but Sarah couldn't find the strength loosen herself from the cocoon of warmth that chuck provided, so she stayed burrowed deeply in his embrace. Chuck held her desperately, each drawing comfort and confidence from the other.

"Thank you Chuck." Sarah mumbled into his shoulder, then she slowly lifted her head from his shoulder to look into his eyes. Chuck turned his head to meet her gaze as they held their noses less than three inches apart.

Sarah raised her free hand and stroked Chuck's check, and repeated herself more clearly. "Thank you, Chuck." Then she closed her eyes and moved her lips to his in a gentle yet profoundly intimate kiss. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but the emotion that it conveyed was unlike anything Sarah had ever felt before. And while Chuck had certainly felt intimacy in a kiss before, nothing prepared him for what he felt from Sarah. As their lips parted, they opened their eyes and the intensity of their gaze immediately grew. They each felt it. The connection. The burning desire as they held each other even tighter.

"Sarah," Chuck whispered before his lips crashed into hers. Sarah rolled onto her back as Chuck moved partially on top of her ensuring that they maximized their physical contact as the kiss deepened and their legs intertwined. Sarah parted her lips, sliding her tongue against his lips until he opened his mouth to welcome her with a moan. Their heat was reaching a fever pitch when in the distance, Chuck heard the sound of children playing. He slowly pulled back from her lips and kissed her forehead. "Sarah, I don't want to get too intense with you, or make you uncomfortable, but that kiss was…."

"Wow…." Sarah interrupted him. "That was the most amazing kiss I have ever experienced." She leaned her forehead against his.

"Yeah. It was. I've never felt anything like that in my life. Unfortunately, it's a public beach, and when I heard those kids, I thought we should stop before we get arrested."

Sarah giggled and realized that they had not released each other. She also marveled at how naturally and comfortably the fit together. She smiled, feeling lighter and happier than she could remember.

"Chuck," Sarah started. "This baggage handling thing of ours really works. I mean I'm terrified, but I suddenly feel free and happy. In fact I can't recall when I have felt more free or happy."

"And why do you think you suddenly feel so free?" he asked.

"Because I now know what I need to do. I'm terrified, but what you have shown me, given me, is so completely worth it. I want it. I want more of it. All of it. Thank you, Chuck."

Chuck smiled and rolled onto his back folding his hands behind his head. He looked up at the blue sky above him as Nina Simone's "I'm feeling good" started to play. Sarah snuggled into his side, resting her head on his shoulder as the meaning of the music enveloped them. "I like this Chuck."

"Me too, Sarah, more than you can imagine."

The pair snuggled together with their bare feet rubbing each other as the music played and the gulls overhead screeched. Their peace was shattered by Sarah's phone ringing.

"God damn it!" Sarah muttered as she peeled herself off Chuck and grabbed her phone. She saw the number and stiffened, causing Chuck to look at her with concern. Sarah held up a finger then moved it to her lips telling Chuck to be quiet as she stood and walked a few short paces away.

"Walker secure"

"Graham Secure. Sarah, I know I gave you vacation until Tuesday, but we have an urgent mission that requires your specific skills. In two hours, a CIA jet will be waiting for you at the private aviation terminal at LAX. The tail number is November seven-five-nine-zero Tango Romeo. Your briefing packet, mission objectives, identification, and the required equipment will be on board. As per SOP, once you have boarded and reviewed the mission profile and objectives, send me flash confirmation. Any questions?"

"No, sir."

"I'm sorry, Sarah. Good luck." Graham cut the line leaving Sarah momentarily stunned.

"Sarah. Are you ok? What's going on?" Chuck stood and ran to her wrapping her up in a hug.

"I'm sorry, Chuck, but I need to go." Sarah pulled away from Chuck and took a few steps then stopped and turned to face him. She saw the heartbreak in his eyes and made a decision she had no idea how to manage.

"Chuck. Do you trust me?" She moved back towards.

"I do, Sarah, completely." he said softly has he moved closer at took her hands in his.

"Ok. Here it is." Sarah paused for a moment, then locked her eyes with Chuck's. "I have to go now, and I don't know where I'm going or how long I'll be away. And while I'm away, I will not be able to call or text, so there can be no communication between us. But I want you to know that this….what we had here today, I want this. I suddenly know that I want this more than I've wanted anything in my life. I want you to know that. To believe it. To trust it. Can you do that for me, Chuck? I need you to do that for me, do you understand?" Her hands slipped from his and cupped his face as she spoke.

"Sarah, I want you. I want this, and I'll wait for you for as long as it takes. I'll be here for you, Sarah. Always." Sarah leapt into his arms, wrapping her arms and legs around him kissing him with every ounce of emotion she could convey. Then she broke the kiss, lowered herself from him, and took off running towards the taxi stand. She turned momentarily to look at Chuck and shouted, "Chuck, please keep the picnic basket. I'd like us to use it when I come back to you."

"I'll be here, Sarah, with the basket. Come back to me, Sarah." And then in a blink, she was gone. "I love you," he said quietly, surprising himself.

l know, I know...just when she thought she was out...more stuff to come. I value your opinion, so please let me know what you think...!