Pairings: NaruNeji. The cutest little paring that ever was! XD

Warnings: Bad, naughty words. I think we've all heard them before, ne?

Author's Notes: Okay! I'd like to respond to Cyberwolf, who brought up an interesting question. Might be spoiler-ish for the manga.

Attempt at explaining OOCness! First off, the characters are older. Since Naruto is 19, that would make Neji 20. Over the time, I'm sure he's grown to become softer because of his interaction with Naruto and other people. Ya kinda see this in the manga when he starts being all nice to Hinata, trains all father-and-son-like with his uncle, and when he goes and tells Naruto "You have better eyes than I do" and gives him that goofy smile. He's soft spoken and clingy to Naruto only because he loves him so intensely. He's shy for seeing him after a long time (3 years), but he WILL change to being more outspoken and...aggressive in his advances. Tehehee...

One more thing, Neji is in touch with his feminine side and he knows it. He doesn't care because he's decided there's no point in hiding it especially when he looks so damn good. He's not really cold to others, but he's surely not abnormally affectionate or anything.

You might notice changes like this in other characters as well. For instance, a character that appears in this chapter might seem to act differently than normal. But really, who doesn't change after 4 to 7 years?

You Sunk My Battleship

The Hokage was crouched twenty feet above the ground in a massive tree. He was silent and serious like any professional ninja would be. Every movement he didn't make was completely calculated. If a passerby looked up at this tree he wouldn't see a young man crouching perfectly still; he would most likely see a bird's nest full of harmless birds – all thanks to the genius of Naruto's genjutsu.

He lifted his binoculars in a swift motion, avoiding attracting attention by touching any part of the tree. He observed and he made his decision. His other hand lifted up a long-range walkie talkie and he spoke into it with a hushed voice.

"The egg is in the refrigerator. I repeat, the egg is in the refrigerator," static buzzed on the other end of the line as he waited patiently for the response.

"Roger that." it came with another buzz of static. Naruto waited some more and lifted his walkie talkie again.

"Is the beetle hidden in the sand? I repeat - "

"Beetle is camouflaged perfectly," the other line cut in with an angry buzz.

"Heehee...getting touchy, huh?" Naruto whispered to himself. He spoke into the device, "Report to Area 912, immediately. Do you copy?"

"..." static of the other line going on and quickly disconnecting reached the blonde's ears.

"Do you copy?" Naruto emphasized his words more loudly.

"No, I don't fucking copy. What the hell is Area 912?" the other line buzzed. Naruto sighed and shook his head.

"It's the big ass tree near the west window," Naruto communicated. He waited and waited, but got no reply. He went to speak again, "Are you there? The tree is..."

"I'm here." A voice came from behind Naruto.

"GAARA! You scared me!" Naruto nearly lost balance.

"Idiot. Don't be so loud. We'll get caught," the tall redheaded Kazekage sat next to the blonde. Both kages were suspiciously missing their robes.

Naruto chuckled softly and picked up his binoculars to watch the scene.

"I'm going to win this time, Uzumaki," the redhead leaned against the tree with one eye closed in what appeared to be a wink. Naruto ignored his statement, completely confident in his own skills.

"No fair, Gaara! You don't need binoculars to watch! Why don't you ever teach me how to use the 'third eye'?" Naruto pouted and put his hand on his hip. The Kazekage's mellow smile turned into a maniacal grin.

"I'll teach you. Just let me have one of your eyes," he reached out with two fingers to stab at Naruto's widening blue eye.

"AHH! Stop it, Gaara!" the blonde leaned back wailing miserably. The sand nin stopped, still with one eye closed, and his grin returned back to normal.

"Your clone just fucked up," Gaara said, leaning back with his arms crossed. Naruto nearly fell out of the tree again trying to get the binoculars around his neck.

"No..." Naruto watched as his clone picked himself up from running into two walls in a row while talking to Shikamaru. "Dammit! You're such a cheater, Gaara! We agreed not to distract each other!"

"You distracted yourself," the pale man said, pulling down an eye patch to rest his eye for a while.

"Whoa...you look just like a pirate, Gaara..."

"I know. Sexy, huh?"

This was one of the many games the two kages played. It was a necessary game to keep themselves amused whenever they had to meet to discuss peace and other useless things. Knowing who the two kages were, it was safe to say that the Wind Country and the Fire Country would never have any serious conflict. That being said, the two kages find peace and relationship-building meetings to be pointless since they practically consider each other to be blood brothers.

This game currently being played is one of the more mild ones. It's very simple, really. The Hokage and Kazekage disappear as long as possible, leaving perfect clones of themselves to interact with each other. The first clone discovered loses the creator 20 points. After one clone is found, it is safe to say the other would be found soon after, causing anguish to the various subordinates. The first "real" kage to be caught loses 15 points. It is possible to lose smaller increments of points by the clone messing up and acting irregular, such as running into two walls in a row. There are many more rules, but in general many of them are bent or broken.

"By the way, I'd say your cheap little clone just lost you ten points. Five for each wall."

"Dammit!" the Hokage cringed. He winced in pain as the Kazekage suddenly punched him hard in the shoulder.

"I said, don't be so fucking loud," the Sand's ruler glared. The Kazekage was known for many things, one being his incredibly dirty mouth. Naruto glared back, not daring to rub his arm or show that he felt any pain.

"We'll see how this ends, Kazekage!" Naruto spat.

To Neji, it was just another day. As a newbie, he was completely unaware of these antics. While Shikamaru, Konoha's most trusted strategist and negotiator, led Naruto to the meeting room Neji stayed a few feet behind. He vaguely listened in on their conversation, but he was much more focused on the way Naruto's hair seemed to shine like the sunlight. He grinned brightly to Shikamaru and Neji nearly melted at the genuine expression.

'He doesn't even try to be so charming,' Neji thought.

"Listen, Naruto, I don't care how much you whine, these peace talks are important business. You have to meet with Gaara and you have to talk about your relations," Shikamaru said, voice exuding maturity.

"Yeah! Yeah! I know!"

SLAM!

"Hokage-sama!" Neji was instantly at his side, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine..."

SLAM!

The Hokage fell to the floor. He stayed there clutching his head for a few moments.

"Hokage-sama!" Neji tried to help him up off the floor.

"What's that wall doing there?" Naruto yelled, kicking the wall vengefully.

"Watch where you're going, you klutz," Shikamaru's eye twitched in annoyance.

"Don't call the Hokage a klutz!" Naruto's clone recovered from the fall and started acting normal again.

"Hurry up. You'll be late to see Gaara," the broom-haired man said.

"Gaara-sama doesn't care if I'm late!" the clone pouted perfectly.

The whole way to the conference room, Neji stayed loyally at his side, the fox mask hiding his worried face. Gaara was already sitting in the room tapping his foot impatiently. As soon as the three entered the room, he glared daggers at them all. Neji's breath was taken away for a moment as the Kazekage's eyes locked onto his.

He had last seen the Sand ruler many years ago. How he had suddenly become amazingly handsome was a mystery to Neji. His eyes stayed on the foreign ruler as he stood behind Naruto. Neji barely noticed Temari and Baki behind the Kazekage, for he was too intent on drinking in the Kazekage's dashing appearance.

'Wild, redheaded, rugged, manly, dark, mysterious,' Neji listed off the Kazekage's aesthetic strengths in his mind as he unconsciously melted into the wall behind him, 'And that eye patch is remarkably attractive...'

Neji idly wondered if he had lost his eye. No one in the room noticed the incredibly small sandy eye viewing everything from the corner of the room.

"Did you get a new guard?" Gaara asked, raising what would have been an eyebrow if he had one.

"Yeah." he answered. After a short stretch of silence, Naruto lowered his binoculars and turned to Gaara, "Why?"

"Nothing..."

"What?"

"Oh, it's just that I think she's checking me out. She's been staring at me ever since you guys came in the room."

"WHAT? No way. Neji's not checking you out."

"Neji...? You don't have to get touchy about it. She might just be impressed by meeting a foreign kage."

"Shut up. He's not checking you out."

"He? Well if it's a 'he' I hope not! ...Even though it's amusing for you to get bothered about it. Don't tell me you've been...messing around together," Gaara toyed with the younger man.

"No I don't 'mess around' with guys. And he's NOT looking at you."

"Why don't you turn your clone around to take a look?" the redhead grinned, hoping to gain a few points off Naruto's strange jealously.

The Hokage frowned. He couldn't see that well with the binoculars alone. He debated whether or not to turn and look when he could possibly lose points.

"So, I think it's safe to say that we all agree to keep the border policy as it is," Shikamaru said. He was starting to get extremely suspicious of the two men who were behaving like responsible rulers.

Naruto suddenly turned to Neji. He glared at the silent man, catching everyone's attention. Neji's attention was clearly focused on the Kazekage. The redheaded man coughed.

"Is there something you want to ask, Neji?" the Kazekage said in a serious tone of voice.

Shikamaru's eyes widened. Something was definitely wrong. Neji jumped up out of his trance and looked down, surprised to see Naruto's eyes on him.

"Hokage-sama?"

"Yes...actually," Naruto's face brightened up cheerfully, "What do you think about the policy?"

Neji nearly fell over dead. He hadn't been paying attention to a word that was being said. He shifted on his legs and tried not to show that for the last minutes of the discussion he had been on a different planet in which Gaara was his pirate-lover.

"Well, Hokage-sama...I'm certain I agree." Neji guessed and prayed to the Gods that he didn't make a fool of himself.

"You agree that we should demolish the local orphanage?" Naruto questioned in surprise.

"Um! Yes! I m-mean...no."

'Crap! I should have been paying attention!' Neji beat him self mentally. He sighed, deciding it was best to tell the truth.

"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama...I wasn't paying attention..." Neji bowed his head shamefully. Naruto wore an odd expression on his face.

Somewhere in a tree nearby a redhead smirked triumphantly at an aggravated blonde.

"Hokage-sama, It doesn't particularly matter what Neji thinks about the border policy at this moment. Currently I'm more concerned about your behavior," Shikamaru sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was now positive something was amiss.

"I agree," the female voice of Gaara's sister began, "Gaara, how did you know the identity of the Hokage's brand new ANBU guard?"

In that same tree, a blonde did a little victory dance at Gaara's slip and the other man sore profusely.

"Temari, Baki, Neji. We have a situation on our hands. This is not the real Hokage!" he pointed to the clone. Neji jumped back. His mind reeled. He was sure he never left Naruto for a moment.

"And this isn't my little brother," Temari pointed to the fake.

"You know the drill," Shikamaru sat up and planted a knife into the false-Hokage's back. With a pop and puff of smoke the clone disappeared.

"How troublesome..." he groaned.

"I WIN! In your fucking face!" Gaara stood up with his arms in the air.

"Dammit! I can't believe I lost to an amateur prankster!" Naruto groaned tossing his binoculars down the twenty feet.

"The chase is on," Gaara's face was suddenly dangerously close to Naruto's, "Later."

He was gone, but not before attaching an explosive note to the branch Naruto sat on.

"Shit!" his eyes widened as he jumped out of the tree which was now burning, "He's got no respect for nature..."

The leaf nin ran as quickly away from the scene as he could, knowing that Shikamaru and the others would be hot on his trail. Most importantly, he wanted to get back at his rival. He pulled out a detonator and smirked as he pressed the button.

A distance away, a red light flashed on the Kazekage's coattails faster and faster. At the press of a button a mixed bomb set off. A giant flare set his coat on fire as tear gas enveloped the unsuspecting Kazekage.

"SHIT!" he ripped off part of the flaming material, closed both his eyes, and covered his mouth as he got as far away from the smoke as possible. "When did he plant that on me?"

Enraged by Naruto's superior sabotaging skills and choice of weaponry, Gaara looked for a place to hide.

"It's no use, Gaara. Stop playing around," his former sensei, Baki, stood glaring at his young leader.

"I can't believe you two!" Temari stomped on a nearby branch, "I just took that outfit to the cleaners, Gaara!"

Gaara rolled his eyes and slumped down in defeat. He knew Naruto hadn't been caught yet.

'Looks like you win this round, Naruto,' Gaara flipped his eye patch off and wondered where the fox-boy could be at this very moment.

Neji and Shikamaru were quickly drawn to the flames. From the window they clearly saw the figure of their Hokage sprinting away from the burning tree. The two men ran in the direction they last saw him go. Neji's superior ANBU speed combined with his drive to find out what was going on left Shikamaru in the dust.

Naruto breathed a little heavily as he leaned against a tree in the park. As he was forming the hand seals to perform a concealing jutsu, he felt two arms wrap around his body from behind. He gasped in fear. No one was skillful enough to catch him off guard like that.

"Nice to meet you, Hokage-sama," a musical voice sinisterly whispered into Naruto's ear.

Neji was panicking more than ever. He searched frantically for a trail leading to the Hokage. His tracks seemed to end at the park coming up ahead. His eyes widened when he finally reached the children's playground. He froze in place.

Naruto was standing chillingly tense. A woman was pressed firmly to his back, her black bangs hiding her eyes.

"Hokage-sama!" Neji called desperately. Naruto slowly turned his head to Neji, a look of pure fear on his face. Seeing this unfamiliar look on his face, the loyal Hyuuga sprang into action.

As he charged up to his beloved Hokage, who seemed incapacitated, the woman seemed to fade away as if she was never there to begin with at all. The long-haired ANBU member tapped into his blood-line limit to search for any traces of the woman, but he found none.

"Hokage-sama!" he jumped next to the shaken blonde and put his hands on the man's shoulders.

"Hehe...I t-thought I told you to call me by my n-name," the fox boy laughed nervously as he stared at his own shaking hands.

"Are you alright? Who was that?" Neji gazed into Naruto's eyes with heavy concern, "What did she do to you!"

"N-Nothing...she...s-she said 'Nice to meet you, Hokage-sama'..."

"Is that all?"

"No...I felt an incredible power coming from her. S-She must have put me under something because I felt like I couldn't move...I was p-paralyzed with fear."

The dark-haired man hugged Naruto tightly and escorted him back to the meeting room, his senses alert for danger.

When they reached the building Naruto seemed to be back to normal. Everyone else was waiting for them. Shikamaru stopped talking to the sand nins to greet them.

"Good job, Neji!" he smiled pleasantly and then he pouted at Naruto, "Are you satisfied? Have you have your fill of fun now?"

"You bet!" he patted Gaara on the back, "Good chase, man."

"It's good because I won," Gaara smirked.

"Did not, Mr. I-reek-like-a-smoke-bomb."

"Yes I did," the Kazekage stared at Naruto with ice-cold eyes.

"No you didn't."

Everyone else sighed and groaned at the lack of responsibility displayed by these two men. When they reached the room, Temari swung the door open and tossed Gaara and Naruto in like they were mischievous cubs.

"You! We've already been through most of the policies with your clones. And with that chase you made us go on, we've only got about ten minutes left before we have to go!" Temari fumed. The Kazekage and Hokage exchanged innocent glances.

"Baki, Shikamaru," she turned to the two men behind her, "I say we get ourselves some lattes."

"I'm down with that," Shikamaru sighed, "Neji. You stay here and keep an eye on Naruto."

"Hai."

"And for God's sakes will guys guys talk about relevant things for at least a minute while you're in there?" Shikamaru said and left with the other two sand nins to get his caffeine fix.

Naruto and Gaara sat down in the ridiculously big chairs surrounding the round table. Naruto spun around in his a couple of times before Neji stopped him with his hand.

"Uzumaki-san. Could you please do as Shikamaru instructed?" the masked man asked. Naruto squinted at the other man. He suddenly wished Neji wasn't an ANBU member just so he could see the expression on his face...just so he could see his face, period.

"Okay, Neji. But only because you asked," he winked, leaving the long-haired man speechless.

"Alright, Hokage. Begin," Gaara said, putting his hands together in a business-like manner.

"Kazekage, I have been informed that you enjoy peace. In light of this information would you agree to not attack Konoha in the next 50 years?"

"Hmm...50 years is a long time. Would you be satisfied with 49?"

"Yes I would!" Naruto cheered. The Kazekage and Hokage shook hands over the table triumphantly.

Neji couldn't believe his ears. This was an unusual peace talk. Somewhere in the back of his head he wondered if he had remembered to take his anxiety pill this morning, because it certainly didn't feel like it.

"Hokage-sama," the Kazekage began, "because we are great allies, would you agree to sell Suna all of your children so that we could – "

"No, Gaara. Just...no."

"Alright then, I repeat your proposal then. 49 years of no attacks."

"Agreed." There was more cheering and hand-shaking. Neji sighed a long ragged sigh.

"What's the matter Neji? Not feeling well?" Naruto turned to him.

"Just don't even try anymore, Hokage-sama. Play hide-and-seek, or whatever it is you were planning on doing in the first place."

Naruto laughed whole-heartedly.

"My new guard. Don't ya just love him?"

"Yeah. Although I'm kind of curious to see his face. Is that allowed?" Gaara asked. Naruto readily agreed, because he was also tired of looking at a mask instead of Neji's beautiful face. Naruto motioned for Neji to stand to the side of the table so Gaara could get a good look while he removed his mask. Neji complied listlessly, and very slowly removed his mask, keeping the men in the room heavy with anticipation.

The mask was off and still no one spoke. Neji slowly turned his face to the Kazekage.

"Hi..." Neji said dumbly. He blinked his pretty eyes, unknowingly affecting the redheaded man. "Kazekage-sama?"

"She...He...uh," Gaara stared, slightly open-mouthed. A tiny blush tinted his cheeks, but he was too busy staring at Neji to be ashamed. "Could you come a little closer?"

"H-Hai...Kazekage-sama," Neji was starting to feel nervous with the other man's eyes so intently on him, but then again, Gaara's gaze was always piercing. Gaara dropped the paper he never even realized he had picked up and he placed a single finger under Neji's chin.

"You have a nice face..." Gaara said huskily.

"Thank you, Kazekage-sama," the Hyuuga mumbled, starting to get lost in the Kazekage's bright green eyes.

"Okay! Okay! That's enough." Naruto grabbed Neji somewhat possessively and handed him his mask, "Put your mask back on Neji."

Gaara blinked and shook his head, wondering just what had come over him. Neji had seemed to be like a pure Goddess to him. Innocent white eyes and a pale face, with beautiful long dark hair.

"How's the wife, Gaara?" Naruto cut him from his thoughts sharply. Gaara shrugged and looked up.

"Which one?" he asked offhandedly.

"What? Did you already get a new one?" Naruto blinked in surprise, "Come on, you know the one. I think she had dark purple hair..."

"Oh, her. She's been long gone."

"You didn't kill her, did you?"

Gaara looked up seriously, his face a mask to any emotion.

"No...but she did have an unfortunate accident."

Neji and Naruto flinched.

"K-Kay...so you got a new one, then?"

"Yeah. This one's better. She's not nearly as annoying. She spends a lot of money though," Gaara glared murderously.

"Haahaahaa..." Naruto laughed, "Don't worry, Gaara. I'm sure you'll find the right one eventually!"

"Yeah? What about you? I know you're not into marriage, so who are you fucking lately?" Gaara dead-panned, never afraid to tell it like it is.

"Everyone at the office." The two men were surprised to see that the Hyuuga had answered. Naruto turned an indignant face to Neji.

"Does that include you?" Gaara asked slyly.

"Whoa now! That's none of your business!" Naruto pointed an accusing finger at the redhead. Neji flushed brightly behind his mask.

"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama...I was out of my place."

"It's ok, Neji. You're probably right anyway," he waved a dismissing hand at the Hyuuga, "But honestly! Romance is for losers!"

"Agreed. Care to shake on it?" Gaara replied causing the other two men to laugh.

"How goes the 'ol therapy?" Naruto asked casually after the laughter had died down. At the word 'therapy' Gaara was reminded of a series of painful events from when he was kidnapped at the tender age of fifteen. He covered his mouth with his hand and his eyes reflected true anguish.

"Oh, God. I miss him so much, Naruto. It's just not the same! We were a team," the Kazekage rambled on.

"Not this again..." Naruto grumbled.

"Who? You miss who?" Neji blurted out.

"Shukaku!" Gaara sobbed. Neji cast his eyes down sadly. He remembered now. He personally assisted in the mission to recover Gaara. When they reached the Akatsuki headquarters, it was already too late, Gaara was dead with his demon sucked mercilessly out of him. This was one of the events that was later classified as a Hokage-meriting achievement for Naruto.

He single-handedly revived the Kazekage. Enraged to the limit, Naruto had tapped into a new power. His own demon revived Gaara with it's power. It was a completely unheard of thing. To this day, many people believe that Gaara still has bits of Kyuubi's demonic powers and characteristics, thus, explaining his sudden enthusiasm to join Naruto in his childish pranks.

"Gaara...Gaara... I know it must be weird, but you really got the best half of the deal," Naruto soothed.

"No I didn't!"

"Yeah, Gaara. What good did Shukaku ever do for you? Sure he made you blood-thirsty, stalked you day in and out to try and possess your frickin' body, gave you nasty migraines, and inhibited your social-life like no other...but all and all he wasn't that great a demon. You can sleep now, right? Isn't sleeping nice, Gaara?"

"Umm-hmm, but still..." Gaara mumbled.

"No buts, dammit! You're the Kazekage for cryin' out loud! You don't need a little demonic power to be awesome! You still have power over the sand and everyone loves you. Man, a lot of people are starting to think you're even cooler than me!" Naruto encouraged, slamming his hand on the table. Gaara instantly perked up. Neji watched the whole scene, amazed. Naruto still had the power to inspire others.

"You're right, Naru...I-I still get to keep him in my room anyway. That's kind of nice," Gaara smiled weakly.

"Aww...does Gaa-chan like the wittle demon in the cute tea kettle?" Naruto mocked playfully.

"Shut up, Naruto!"

"Teeheehee!"

There was a knock on the door.

"Kazekage-sama. It's time to go," the deep voice of Baki called through the door.

Both kages literally sunk in their chairs. It was no mistake that their friendship ran deep. The Kazekage was the first to get up, albeit reluctantly.

"Hokage," he said.

"Kazekage," Naruto replied.

Their serious faces warped into sly grins.

"Nice seein' ya, Gaara. Don't kill any of your wives when you get home."

"Likewise, Naruto. Until we met again."

The sand nins departed.

"Wee! That was fun, huh, Neji?" Naruto beamed. "You just love the excitement from being around me, right?"

"Of course, Hokage-sama," Neji replied, tense in the back. Before he knew it, the Hokage was right in front of him, surprisingly close.

"What was it I said about my name?" he leered down at his subordinate.

"Uzumaki-san..." Neji swooned.

"That's right, my little masked friend," Naruto grinned, tapping the bottom of Neji's mask.

"Uzumaki-san!" he blushed underneath his foxy mask. His heart pounded rapidly as the Hokage put his hand on the slightly shorter man's shoulder.

"Thanks for saving me out there today, from that weird chick." he praised.

"Of course, Uzumaki-san!" the Hyuuga beamed, pushing back his mask to show his happy face, "It's because I love you!"

He pounced on the other man, wrapping his arms around him.

"Okay, Neji..." the blonde laughed, patting the other man on the back. Seeing the happy face on his guard turned out to be surprisingly satisfying to him. It was so sweet and sincere, that he didn't mind the Hyuuga's outright display of affection.

It was only their second day together, and Naruto was already starting to feel genuinely comfortable and relaxed around his feminine friend.

END CHAP THREE! Aww...snog him Neji! Go! Who else thinks Gaara would make a dead sexy pirate? Umm...Gaara. :licks: