The warmth of summer quickly faded into the cool of autumn at Hogwarts, and Lily found herself seeking reasons to spend time with each of her friends. The war now became very obvious to her. She now had a keen ear for the professors' conversations and quickly picked out related articles when a Daily Prophet came her way. In fact, she wondered how she had missed it in the first place.
Every once in a while, after the mail came in, she would notice someone crying softly to themselves and make a quiet exit with one of the teachers, usually their head of house and occasionally even Professor Dumbledore himself, while the rest of the students continued about their way.
Her friends saw a difference in Lily, too. On a particularly trying day for Lily – a first year little girl had pitifully made her way out of the Great Hall that morning – she sought refuge in the library and found Remus working at a table.
"Remus," she called as quietly as she could. "What're you doing in here?"
"Hey Lily," he said, looking up from a pile of books and a bit of parchment. "Push off a stack of books and have a seat. I'm just working on that potions essay I missed from last week." Lily nodded. Last week had been a particularly rough full moon, and he had had to spend an extra two days in the hospital wing.
"Did you need something, Lily?"
"Er- yeah… yeah, actually, I did." She had something to ask, but she was unsure how, even with Remus – especially with Remus.
"Well?"
"It's just that, um… Remus, have you heard much about this war?"
Remus frowned, partially from confusion and partially because he didn't like where this was going. "Yes. Why?"
"Well, I've been reading the Daily Prophet, and they were saying stuff about, um, werewolves working with You-Know-Who." Lily lowered her voice and looked around to check for inquiring ears.
"Yes. You're talking about Fenrir Greyback, I believe."
"Yes, that's his name!"
He sighed. "Well, what about him?"
"I don't know. It's just… well, where exactly are you on all this?" It struck Lily how crazy her question sounded aloud. Remus wasn't exactly the type to run off and join leagues with a power-hungry, murdering maniac and his evil minions.
Remus raised a skeptical eyebrow, as if he was thinking the same thing as Lily. He caught her eye, and they burst out laughing, only to receive a stern "Hush!" from the librarian.
Lily, still blushing a bit from the absurdity of it all, said, "Oh, Remus, I'm sorry. I guess I've just been… well, thinking too much. A friend at the hospital – her husband is playing a major part in the war, and she's gotten me thinking about it. It's all going to end sometime or another, right? I guess I just needed someone to bring it into perspective. Thanks!" Without another word, she stood and made her way out of the library, now smiling.
Remus sat there for a minute, trying to comprehend what had just taken place. Finally, he just shook his head and went back to his essay.
Lily bounded out and made her way onto the grounds, finding her friends exactly where she knew she would – under their favorite tree by the lake.
"Rina! Laurie!" she called as she bounded closer. She plopped down in front of the two girls, completely ignoring James and Sirius. "I've had an epitome! At least, I think that's what it's called." She thought for a moment, as the four looked on in bewilderment, with raised eyebrows all around. She shook her head in defeat, but was still grinning. "Anyway, I've had an idea. We're going to have a girl's night!"
She sat grinning, waiting for a reaction. Rina was the first to speak up, after a minute. "Um, Lily, where exactly are we going to have this girl's night?"
"In the Heads' common room, of course!" Lily answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
James had to interject here. "Wait, wait, wait. So where am I supposed to go during all of this? I don't exactly want to be around for the nail painting and pillow fights and 'Oh my Merlin! Did you see the arms on Marshall Wilkes when he lifted that cauldron the other day? He may be dumb as a rock, but…'" James fell over laughing, and the squeaky, high-pitched voice got him raised eyebrows from each of the girls.
Sirius laughed out loud, and said, in the same voice, "Oh, oh! And Andrew Larson!" The boys collapsed into giggles, while the girls looked on, shaking their heads and rolling their eyes. The reference to the 7th year class nerd was more than enough to get Rina and Laurie smiling.
"Boys," said Laurie said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, Lily, it sounds like a great idea. Should we do it tonight?"
"Of course," Lily said. "Rina, you in?"
"Of course! This ought to be fun!"
"And where am I supposed to go again?" James repeated.
"Oh, I don't know," Lily said. "You'll figure something out." She grinned, gave him a quick kiss, and walked off, each of her arms linked through a friend's.
"You could always have your old bed back in our dorms, mate," Sirius offered.
James hung his head in defeat. "I guess so." He sighed. "And I'd just gotten used to sleeping without yours and Peter's snoring."
"C'mon, Prongs. Let's get a bite. Then you can grab your broom before they start this fiasco, and maybe we can talk old Moony and Wormtail into a scrimmage match."
"Padfoot, you know Wormtail can't stay on a broom to save his life!"
Sirius grinned mischievously. "That's half the fun."
Later that night, had one had the nerve to enter the Heads' common room, they would've found quite a spectacle. The girls had gone through each of the bedrooms and stripped the beds to make one large pallet in the now vacant pot in the center of the room, where all the furniture used to be. Said furniture could now be found pushed haphazardly against the walls in various spots around the room.
Music was blaring from a classic 70's WizardPlayer – "It's magic to your ears!" – and the girls were sprawled out on the pallet, Lily currently painting Rina's toenails a bright purple and Laurie flipping through their record collections.
"Aerosmith, the Bee Gees, David Bowie, Jackson Browne, Alice Cooper, Eagles, Electric Light Orchestra…" Laurie read out. She paused. "Lily, why are these in alphabetical order?"
Lily looked up with an uncertain smile and said, "Because they're easier to find?" Rina snickered, only to receive a smack on the foot.
Laurie gave an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes. "Okay, whatever. Now, which one did you want again?"
"Fleetwood Mac! Play Rhiannon," Rina said.
"Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night…" They began to sing along off pitch, but they knew every word.
When the song ended, they all burst out laughing. "Okay, okay," Rina said. "Now what?"
"What else?" Laurie said, a mischievous smile on her face. "Twenty questions."
"Fine," said Rina, "But no targeting one person; everyone has to take a turn."
"Okay," said Laurie. "And we'll make it witch's version – if you don't answer truthfully, your face breaks out with pimples – all over!"
"Okay, Lily," Rina said, "You're first. Laurie, would you like the honors?"
"Yes, please," Laurie began, but she was quickly interrupted by Lily.
"Woah, woah! I never agreed to this!"
"Who said you had a choice?" Rina said, grinning.
"Now, Lily," Laurie began again. Lily bit her lip in anticipation, but Laurie hesitated, searching for a question. "What's… your favorite color?"
"Ugh! Laurie!" Rina objected. "What kind of question is that! If you're going to go first, at least make it a decent question."
Laurie simply shrugged, and Lily answered, smiling, "Scarlet. Like Gryffindor. Now it's my turn. Alright Rina, you wanted a good question! Tell me your thoughts on Mr. Sirius Black."
Rina flushed scarlet, an amazing likeness to the color Lily had just referred to. "I… well, I… I mean, I…."
Lily grinned maliciously, though she was surprised to see Rina like this. Normally Rina had complete confidence when it came to blokes. "My, my," said Lily. "Is Ms. Cool-and-Confident actually tripped up over a boy?"
Lily and Laurie collapsed into laughter. Rina's brow shot down, and she said, "As a matter of fact, I happen to think he's quite sexy!" Her defiant and commanding tone brought both girls out of their giggle-fest. "But since you find it so terribly funny, let's find out what Ms. Ford thinks of Mr. Lupin – Mr. Remus Lupin."
Laurie took her turn to blush pink, but she said, "Actually, he asked me to the next Hogsmeade trip. And I said yes." Rina smiled smugly in her triumph, but squealed in delight along with Lily. "Okay, Lily. What about your guy?"
"What about James?" Lily asked, blushing lightly.
"No, no," Rina spoke up. "You're not messing up this chance. What's your favorite physical attribute of James?" The look on her face was in and of itself a dare, mischievous and suggestive.
Determined not to be bested or frazzled by their question, Lily answered simply, "His hair."
"Is that so?" Rina dared playfully, while Laurie cackled. "You do mean the same hair we used to suffer never-ending complaints about? The same hair he used to run his fingers through to make it look windblown? I thought you thought that was annoying, vain, conceited-"
"That was last year!" Lily interrupted fiercely, but her voice grew solemn as she said, "We grew up." A thoughtful silence followed, each submerged in their own musings over the last year.
Finally, Lily broke the quiet. "Alright. My turn! Let's see… Laurie," she began. "What's your greatest fear?"
Laurie blushed a bit and sent a glare at Lily. "Do I really have to answer this?"
"Yep!" Rina said, grinning.
Laurie huffed, obviously stalling. After a moment a small, red pimple appeared on the end of her nose. She gave a startled gasp and said, "Alright, alright! It's boggarts!" As soon as she said it, the bump faded again. She gave an apologetic look to her friends and said, "I know it's stupid, but I never could find anything scarier than possibility. Fine, what's yours, Lily?"
Lily's face paled slightly. The room immediately became serious. Laurie immediately regretted her question, having not realized what it implied.
Rina spoke up first, though. "It's okay, Lily. You don't have to answer."
Lily shook her head. "No. No, it's okay. It's not what you're thinking. I'm not-" She gulped. "I'm not afraid to die." Am I really? ...No. "I'm afraid of not having enough time. I guess… I guess it's the one thing people never seem to have enough of. And you can't get it back once it's gone. So… time. My greatest fear is not having enough time."
Rina's eyes had visibly watered, and Laurie looked horrified – not at Lily's answer, but at the fact that she had asked such an insensitive question. Lily quickly found herself enveloped in four caring arms, and Laurie's voice in her ear.
"Don't worry. We all just have to make the best of the time we have."
The next morning Rina woke up to the sound of distinct, yet muffled, sniffles. She opened her eyes to see Lily curled up on the window seat, staring into her cupped hands in her lap.
"Look," she whispered, her voice as tiny as a child's. "More." Without a word, Rina walked over to Lily. Her eyes were now dry, but her red eyes and nose signaled that they hadn't been that way moments ago. "It was on my pillow."
In her hands, Rina could see a clump of long, red hair – Lily's hair. She instinctively wrapped her arms around the trembling girl, and said, "It's okay, babe. It's just hair. It doesn't matter. And no one will be able to tell. Don't worry."
Lily shook her head in protest, effectively pushing Rina off. "No, it's not okay! It's been coming out more and more in my brush, in the shower, on my clothes. There are patches…." She paused. Her voice was barely a whisper as she said, "Soon it'll be all gone."
For the first time, she met Rina's eyes. Rina could see that the red from the crying was fading, but the hurt and fear remained. She knew it would, and she didn't know what to do about it.
So, she did the only thing she could. She got James.
She stepped as quietly as possible through the 7th year boys' dormitory, carefully picking out James' sleeping form.
"James! Get up! Come on, Lily needs you!" she whispered urgently.
James popped up into a sitting position, instantly alert. "What? What's wrong? Is she okay? Is she hurt? Where is she?" As he bombarded Rina with questions, he haphazardly pulled on a sweater and long pants to fend off the chill of early morning.
Rina took him to the head's common room, where he immediately went to Lily. Rather than stay and be a hindrance, she quietly woke Laurie and went upstairs to change and wait for breakfast to start.
Lily was in the same spot Rina had left her in, staring up at the sky at the quickly fading stars. James sat down in front of her. He had never seen her look so small, so defeated.
Without looking at him, she said, "It's just hair, really. It shouldn't matter." She looked at him, and a lone tear rolled silent and unnoticed down her cheek. "It shouldn't matter," she repeated. "But it does."
James, though still shocked, gently pulled her over to him. Her tears gained speed and strength, and all he could do was hold her close as her tears soaked through his sweater. "Shh…" he comforted her. "It does matter. It's okay that it matters. It's supposed to matter. Here, look at me."
He placed a finger on her chin and gently tilted her head up so that her eyes met his. "You will always, always be beautiful to me – hair or no hair. I love you, Lily."
His sincerity struck her, and she suddenly felt shy. Shy? From James? That's not right. So, she just smiled softly and reveled in his love for her. He kissed her gently, but made no more of it.
She turned to look up at the sky again, where the sun had begun to make its appearance in a most beautiful sunrise.
Lily seemed to be okay after that, most times ignoring her disease entirely. Even her hair found its way into a pony tail every morning, just to keep it out of her face and off of her mind.
The only things she couldn't ignore were the emotional trips to St. Mungo's every Thursday, softened only by the continued friendship between Alice and herself.
In fact, the friendship was one of the few things that really helped her through the treatments. Alice was always smiling and happy, though Lily could never understand how in such a place. On a particularly chilly Thursday in late October their conversation went like this:
"Hey, Alice?" Alice looked up from her weekly paperwork, with an inquiring look on her face that required no words.
Lily hesitated. "You remember when you told me about Frank being an auror?" Alice had mentioned Frank often, but never in reference to his occupation.
A look crossed Alice's face and her eyes darkened a bit. "Yes, I remember. What about it?"
"Well, um…" Lily stumbled over her words, unsure if she should continue. She settled for a casual question and tone. "How's that going?"
Alice's eyes became soft and sympathetic, and she took Lily's hand in her own. "It's a war, Lily. Nothing good can come of it. Now, what's this all about?" A weary look came across her face, aging the beautiful young woman in a way that frightened Lily. It frightened her to see someone so happy and so passionate about life, struck down in such a brutal way.
"I…I…" Lily found herself hesitating again. "How… I mean… why…." She took a deep breath as Alice waited patiently for her to complete her thought aloud. Stop it, Lily! You're acting like a blubbering fool! "Why did Frank become an auror?"
The surprise was evident in Alice's features. It was not the question she had been expecting. Even so, she struggled for an answer. "He… well, he's always had a bit of little man syndrome. I told you how short he was. I guess… I guess he figured he could finally help and do something right. It doesn't matter how small you are when you're holding a wand."
This didn't satisfy Lily in the least. No one would risk their life and the life of people they loved over a height issue. Not that she couldn't understand where he was coming from, but that was… well, ridiculous!
She frowned, but asked her next question. "Does it ever worry you that something will happen, and you won't have been there to stop it? That you might've stopped it if you'd been there?"
Alice's eyes visibly watered. "I… everyday. But Lily, I just can't. I can't point my wand at someone and just… just kill them. I can't take someone's life from them. I can't. And he knows. He knows I'm a coward." The tears streamed down her face.
"Oh, Alice! That's not what I meant!" Lily cried, hugging her friend. "If you can't, then you can't. You're not a coward! You're doing the best you can. Hush, hush. I shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Look." Lily brought her friend's face up to match her own. "You're one of the bravest people I know. You're no coward. I'm just… I guess I'm just trying to find my own place in all this."
Alice nodded, her smile returning a bit. "So, you don't have anything against short men, do you?"
Lily burst out laughing, and both girls' smiles returned.
As Lily made her way through the hall ways, back to her 7th period Thursday class, Arithmancy, she found herself caught up in Alice's words once again. How is it that one young woman can impact another so much?
She barely heard the timid first-year girl speak to her. "Uh… Ms. Head Girl?"
"Huh?" Lily said, jerked out of her own thoughts. She looked down to see the tiny girl. There's no way we were ever that small. "Oh, I'm sorry. Were you looking for me? And it's Lily, by the way."
The girl smiled at that and said, "Oh, okay Lily. Well, Professor Dumbledore said to find you. He wants you in his office."
"Oh, alright. Thank you," Lily answered, as she walked off toward Professor Dumbledore's office, once again trapped in her own thoughts.
In fact, she barely noticed where she was until she was inches away from the gargoyle. It was then that she realized she didn't know the password.
"Umm… lemon drop?" she asked, guessing the year's first Gryffindor password. She waited to see if anything happened. …Nothing. She tried again. "Cockroach cluster? Chocolate frog? Sugar quill?"
"Ah hah!" she exclaimed as the gargoyle sprung to life, revealing a spiral staircase. She took the steps two at a time and was called in immediately after she knocked.
Lily was surprised to see James sitting across from Dumbledore. "Hey, Lils!" he greeted.
Professor Dumbledore smiled and said, "Hello, Ms. Evans. I trust Ms. Worthington found you easily enough." He gestured for her to sit, and Lily made her way to the chair next to James.
"Yes, sir," she answered, still wondering, though with less worry, about the reason for the meeting.
"Well," began Professor Dumbledore. "I'm sure you're wondering about the reason for our meeting, so I'll waste no more time." I always knew he read minds, Lily thought, smiling to herself. "As you know, our annual Leaving Ball is drawing near, and I believe you are more than capable of handling the preparations. I only ask that you clear them with me before putting your plans into action."
He continued to give them the specifics – a budget of 1,000 galleons, the dress code, and the guest list – 6th and 7th years only.
"Now," he said, rising to dismiss them. "I do hope to have a date set before the Winter Break, but I think we can manage the rest of the little details afterwards, don't you agree?"
The two nodded eagerly at the thought of the ever-nearing Winter hols, and made their way slowly out of his office to meet their friends in the great hall for lunch.
Author's Note: Okay, here's chapter 4. Hope you liked it. If you check my profile, you'll see that I won't be posting for a bit. I'm doing some major reconstruction with the first couple chapters. Thanks again to my beta, Julia Holtemore. Now, tell me what you think!