Bishop's heart seemed to clench more and more with each step.
He knew that this was the only way. He knew what needed to be done. He fucking hated that he couldn't think of any alternatives.
He knew how much the parting would hurt, but he didn't know what else to do.
He had to drag Karnwyr away forcibly several times already. The wolf kept growling, barking and snapping. He kept wanting to go back. He kept wanting to return to Aeyrin.
They couldn't return.
Not like this.
He fucking hated the fact that Aeyrin didn't even have the chance to say a proper goodbye, but there was nothing that he could do about it.
They walked for at least a half of an hour already and Karnwyr was finally starting to calm down a bit. Bishop pulled out the massage oil he had stashed away from the Solitude mansion to rub it on his hands and a little on Karnwyr's fur here and there to dull his senses. He never thought he would be using that thing like this, but it was working. The scent made Karnwyr calmer and no longer obsessed with returning to the one that caused him so much distress.
Bishop couldn't stop thinking about Aeyrin. He just left her there, naked and crying, alone in these fucking woods. But he didn't know what else to do just then.
This needed to be done.
Fuck, he didn't want to do this.
When they walked a bit further, already halfway to Falkreath, he finally stopped. Karnwyr looked much calmer. He still whimpered every now and then, but he didn't look ready to hunt and kill anymore. It should be enough. He couldn't bear to walk further anymore.
This would be fucking heartbreaking.
He stopped in his tracks and, with a shuddering sigh, he knelt down. Karnwyr perked up at his unusual action and he turned towards him in an instant, tilting his head in confusion and letting out another whine.
"Fuck," Bishop grumbled. Why did he have to look at him like that?
"Listen," he reached out for the wolf's head, raking his finger in his fur. "We have to… you have to leave."
Karnwyr let out another whine at those words, more gut-wrenching one than ever.
"I know. I fucking hate this," Bishop sighed. "I don't know what else to do. I… I promise, it's not forever. We'll find a way to fix this, we have to." There had to be a way to fix this. "But until then… you can't be around her. And I can't leave her."
Karnwyr nuzzled his head into Bishop's hand affectionately and another sad whine left his maw. This was so fucking hard.
"I will find you again when I can. I swear. I don't care how long it takes, even if you run off to the end of the fucking Nirn, I will find you again." He felt his eyes prickle unpleasantly as his voice wavered. He meant every word, he just worried about when he could look for him again.
"You could go back to the Rift. You always loved it there," he tried to smile weakly, but the smile was instantly erased when Karnwyr let out another whine.
"Fuck. I'm so sorry," Bishop wrapped his arms around the wolf's neck and buried his head in his fur. It was always so comforting. He fucking hated that he wouldn't be able to do this for likely a long time. But there just had to be a way to get things back to the way they were.
They stayed like this for what felt like a long time. Karnwyr kept whining and when Bishop finally parted from the embrace, he even let out a mournful howl. That didn't really help. Bishop quickly wiped his eyes from the tears prickling them as he straightened up again.
"If you run into any trouble, you can always run to the cottage. Hide under the tub or break the fucking window to get in, I don't care. Just… be safe."
He couldn't take this anymore. He had to leave now or he never would.
He turned on his heel sharply and started to walk back, but he could instantly hear the pitter patter behind him.
"No," he turned around to face Karnwyr once more. "No. Leave. Don't fucking make this harder, please."
Karnwyr lowered his ears and whined, but when Bishop turned around again, he could no longer hear him following.
He couldn't look back anymore. He couldn't bear it.
Now there were other things he needed to think about.
…
Aeyrin startled when she heard the rustle of bramble again.
She was still there, curled by the tree, still naked. She couldn't even make herself do anything, not even move. It must have been an hour at least since Bishop and Karnwyr left and she felt like she couldn't even think, let alone do anything else.
They were gone.
It was for the best, but the pain was unbearable.
There was nothing she could do to fix this. She would be like this forever.
And the thought of that paralyzed her.
She looked warily towards the source of the sudden sound. She knew how dangerous it was for her to stay here like this, but she couldn't help it.
But her breath hitched in her throat when she saw Bishop approach her again.
He didn't even stop for a second until he reached her. He knelt down by her instantly and wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace. His eyes were puffy, which was not something she got to see often, and he looked so… desperate. His hands smelled funny too, but she decided not to concentrate on that too much.
"Bish, what are you doing?" she sniffled. He should be long gone by now. Why did he come back? She couldn't stand seeing him leave again.
He didn't answer. He pulled back from the embrace and reached for her pack instead. She didn't even know what to ask anymore. He just rummaged inside and pulled out one of her washcloths along with her waterskin. He wetted the cloth a bit before he reached out with it to her face and gently started to clean off the dried blood.
"Bishop, you need to leave," she pleaded quietly, even though it was the last thing she wanted.
"Stop," he let out an exasperated chuckle. "Stop fucking saying that. I'm not going anywhere."
What? He did leave. Why did he change his mind? Nothing changed. She was still dangerous. She was still a monster.
"You have to. I told you, I don't know what can happen, I can't stand the thought of hurting you." She felt the tears well up in her eyes again, but the second they fell on her cheeks, Bishop quickly wiped them out.
"I don't know what can happen either. We'll find out. We'll figure it out. But I am never leaving you. And nothing you say will make me."
"W-where did you go then?" Aeyrin stammered. She knew that she should convince him. She knew that she should beg him to leave but she just couldn't bring herself to do it anymore.
"I… I'm sorry, princess, I didn't know what else to do," he sighed regretfully. "Karnwyr was… he wasn't calming down. I had to send him away. I can't risk him trying to hurt you."
"What?" She gasped in shock. "You sent him away?" For her? That just made her feel worse. They had been inseparable for at least a decade.
"It's alright," Bishop snuck his arm around her shoulders, pressing it against the tree as he pulled her into his embrace once more. "It's just for now. Just until we figure things out. I'm sorry you couldn't say goodbye, but…"
She nuzzled into his embrace. It was so comforting. Despite everything, this was the only thing that could ever make her feel better.
"'For now'?" she whispered after a while. "This isn't for now, Bish. This is…" she took a shuddering breath again before she could say the word. "Forever."
"Shh, don't think like that," he pressed her into his arms more firmly. "You don't know that. There's a way to fix this and we'll find it, I promise." There had to be. This shit couldn't be permanent. Fuck, he wouldn't even really mind her being a fucking werewolf. Nothing that came from the schemes of Daedric Princes was good, he knew that all too well, but the Companion obviously knew how to control themselves and live normally. He wouldn't care about any of that if they could just live their lives like they wanted. Who cared if she needed to turn into this thing every now and then?
But he knew what this meant for her. How much she hated this. How much she would agonize over being this thing. How much she dwelled on all that afterlife stuff and how much it would break her to know that Oblivion awaited her. Even though he didn't care what 'afflictions' she had for his sake, they needed to find a way to reverse this for hers.
"There's no way to 'fix' this, Bishop," she buried her face in his chest and sobbed. She knew that. She studied these things. She knew that this was forever.
"There has to be," he started to stroke her hair comfortingly, untangling the stuck tresses and trying to clean off some of the blood. "I've heard a lot of stories about cures for shit like this before. Werewolves, vampires, you name it. Some of it will lead us somewhere, I'm sure of it."
"Vuaerion told me," Aeyrin sniffled, muffled by his armor a bit. "That those are just stories. That none of it is true. That they just say this to make everyone think there's a way back so that they wouldn't be afraid to try." It made sense. And why would the Princes allow anyone to cure these afflictions they brought upon the world?
"Sweetheart, I think Stendarrites might be a bit biased in this. Who's to say he doesn't say this shit so that people don't try? It's the same fucking logic." He placed a comforting kiss on the top of her head. "And paladins are full of shit anyway."
Aeyrin chuckled at him weakly. It was… really soothing to hear him speak like this. It didn't even matter that much that what he was saying made some sense. It was the confidence he spoke with. Like he really believed that there was a way out of this.
How she wanted to believe him.
"Tell me what happened, love," he kept her in his embrace, stroking her hair, but he used his other hand again to continue cleaning off some of the blood from her chin.
"I… I went to that meeting," she started to talk quietly. A few moments ago, she couldn't even imagine thinking about this again, but Bishop always knew how to calm her down, how to comfort her. It was still a bit hard to believe how effective it was. Even now. Even after what happened. "It was… it wasn't at Jorrvaskr. It was just Aela and Skjor. And they led me to this cave under the Skyforge. There was… there was a basin there, filled with blood. They said it was the blood of the former Circle members and that… that I was worthy of the power. I… I didn't know what it meant and then… then Aela… she turned in front of me."
Aeyrin buried herself a bit in his embrace again before she could bring herself to continue. "I… I didn't want to. They told me to drink and I didn't want to but… Skjor he… he forced my head in that thing and I… I couldn't not drink."
She felt Bishop's embrace tighten on her almost painfully. She could tell how angry that made him, but he didn't say a word yet.
"I… I don't remember anything after that. Just… I felt so weird. And… and then I just remember being here, like this. It was morning already. I felt so sick. I didn't know what to do. And Aela and Skjor found me and they were talking about how… how… how feral I was. And they were laughing and acting like it was normal, like nothing happened," she couldn't talk anymore. Bishop kept squeezing her in his arms, she could feel his fists clench in anger every now and then but he was obviously doing his best to keep it from bursting out. "They… they just left then… left me to… 'calm down'." She gritted her teeth at that. She still couldn't believe how casual they had been about all this. It made everything even worse.
"They'll fucking pay for this, sweetness," Bishop growled before he pressed another kiss to her head. Now it seemed like he did it to calm himself down in turn.
He couldn't fucking believe that Aela would pull this shit. And after yesterday too. What the fuck was the matter with her? She even fucking made Bishop push Aeyrin to go there. That fucking bitch! She knew what this would mean to Aeyrin. Anyone who knew her even a little would know.
"Bishop?" Aeyrin nuzzled her face into him a bit more again before she continued. "I… I had this… taste in my mouth. Didn't feel like just blood. Do you… do you know what happened? Did I… did I hurt anyone?"
Fuck, he hoped she wouldn't ask.
"I… I don't know." He really didn't. It could have been Aela or Skjor, but… they said she was 'feral'. And the Companions were likely used to not hurting the citizens. But why the fuck did they even run through the city like that? It couldn't be normal. "Don't ask that, princess. It doesn't matter."
"Bishop! It does matter. Please, please just tell me."
"I really don't know," he sighed. It wouldn't help her to know in any way. He knew how relentless she would be with this though. He definitely didn't want to give her the specifics. "There was… a commotion. Some people saw 'beasts' running through the streets. A few… a few people got hurt. I don't know which one… could have been one of them that hurt them, princess."
Aeyrin snuggled into his embrace again, letting a few sobs escape her lips. It sounded like she decided that it was her who did the harm. He couldn't really blame her for that assumption, but still, none of this was her fault.
"They did this, sweetheart. It's their fault. None of this is on you."
Aeyrin just stayed silent, trying to find more comfort in his embrace. She didn't want to think about this anymore. It was all too much. And she couldn't stop thinking about how it was possible that at any second, she would turn into that monster again. She really needed to tell him to leave again. She really needed to keep him safe. But she just… couldn't.
They stayed like this for a long time, nestled in each other's arms as Bishop occasionally cleaned off a bit more blood from her. There was still a lot more to go, but it made him feel a bit better to be making progress.
After what felt like at least an hour, Aeyrin pulled away from him a bit, wiping her eyes again with a tired motion. She felt like she hadn't slept in ages, but she couldn't bring herself to even think about rest. Not when that beast within threatened her and everything she held dear.
"Come, love, let's get you cleaned up and dressed. We… we need to get you some rest too and…" Bishop started to ponder on what to do now.
"I can't rest, Bishop," she shook her head. "What if it happens again when I…"
"Alright," he interrupted her softly. "We obviously need to figure out what to do now. When this can happen, what can happen."
"How?" she scoffed. Neither of them knew anything about this and they probably didn't have the time to go somewhere to find out. Like the College or any other place that could hold some lore about werewolves.
"Well… I guess… we need to talk to a werewolf," Bishop sighed. He had been thinking about this for a while now. Unfortunately, there was no one else that could give them the information that they needed. They needed to know exactly what happens to those that join this fucking Circle.
"You… you want to talk to the people who did this to me?" Aeyrin scowled instantly.
"Not really. If I fucking see Aela or Skjor, they are dead," he growled. "But… they're not the only ones, are they?"
"Y-you mean…"
"You said that those two nitwits tried to keep you away from Aela," Bishop sighed. As much as he fucking hated Farkas and Vilkas, apparently at least they knew that Aeyrin would want none of this shit.
"I… thought they didn't want me in their Circle. That they thought I wasn't 'worthy' of it," Aeyrin scoffed. "They were just trying to protect me."
It certainly seemed like that in retrospect. But there was still one big problem with this plan.
"Bish, they want to kill you," she shook her head quickly to indicate that this wasn't an option.
"Not like we'll fucking let them, will we?" Bishop scoffed. "We won't go to them. We can just go to Riverwood. I'll wait outside the village while you get someone to deliver a message to them, give them some coin to make sure they deliver it. We can set up a meeting right here, or… I don't know… by the Helgen gates. That way it should all be done by sunset."
"You think it only happens at night?" Aeyrin asked worriedly. She didn't know how any of this worked.
"I… I don't know. I don't know anything about this shit. But you hear all those stories about werewolves attacking in the moonlight. I guess… it makes sense, right? You said you came to in the morning," Bishop shrugged.
"Y-yeah," she nodded. She was still not convinced, but what else was there to do? Even if she sent Bishop away, who knew what she would be capable of when she turned again? She didn't remember anything. She could wander into any city, any settlement, or stumble upon travelers. She needed to find a way to control this first. She needed to find out what all this meant for her.
And she needed to stop thinking that this would be forever.
"Come on, love, let's get to it," Bishop placed another kiss on the top of her head. "And don't worry, we'll figure this out. We'll fix this. I never thought I'd fucking say this," he chuckled at himself before he looked beyond the trees towards where Riverwood lay.
They would fix this. He would do everything he could to fix this for her. He knew how much it meant to her and that made it mean everything to him.
He gave her a brief smirk before he ushered her to get up at last.
"There's always hope."