Misled II: Miroku and Inuyasha

"Dude!" Miroku yelled. "We're in an American high school!"

Inuyasha looked at their surroundings and spotted a tree. He slashed at it, and the tree exploded. "I can't believe you just said that," he growled, flexing his claws.

Miroku pouted. "Said what?"

"Well, first you said 'dude,' which isn't something you should be saying. I mean, even if this is an English fic, you shouldn't know any modern day slang!"

"But dawnsama doesn't think it's that big of a deal," Miroku protested.

"Dawnsama can die, whoever she is!" Inuyasha scoffed. " And how come she doesn't put a hyphen in between 'Dawn' and 'sama,' and how come she doesn't capitalize her name?"

"Maybe she's just lazy?"

"And she probably does think it's a big deal. She just put it in your dialogue to piss me off!

"Maybe you're jumping to conclusions-"

Inuyasha poked a talon in front of Miroku's face. "Second!" Inuyasha continued, uncharacteristically organized. "You said we were in an American high school! How dare you! You know I get cramps whenever I hear that. And where do you think we are, an alternate universe? Why don't you just go off yourself!"

Lip trembling, Miroku whined, "But Inu-chan-"

"Don't call me Inu-chan, asshole!"

"- you know how much I love alternate universes, especially high school!"

Inuyasha doubled over, clutching his side. "Shouldn't my Special Youkai Healing Powers prevent this?" he mumbled.

"Writers always type me in as the ladies' man!" Miroku continued.

"So?" the insensitive Inuyasha grunted, allowing the Writer to make use of alliteration.

"Well, think about it. How much nookie do you think I get in canon? No, nothing's going on in the background. In fact, I haven't gotten any with a girl, much less Sango, for months!" Miroku jammed the end of his staff into the ground, fists clenched. "So excuse me and my wishful thinking!"

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"What do you mean you haven't gotten any from a girl?" he interrogated.

Miroku rolled his eyes. "Use your imagination, Inu-chan," he drawled. "These hands aren't just used on people other than myself. I have needs, you know. And if Takahashi refuses to draw sex scenes, then I have to deal with it myself."

"Yeah, I don't think I wanted or needed to hear that..." Inuyasha mumbled, taking a step back.

"Oh yeah," Miroku remarked as an afterthought. "I just remembered. There was also that time with Sesshoumaru in front of that cave, when that sword smith tripped over us while Sesshoumaru was doing that-"

Inuyasha slashed out again at a handy tree nearby. "I didn't need to hear that," he hissed. "So just shut up about whatever it is you were doing! If you say another word about it, I'll slice it off!"

"Slice what off?" Miroku wondered.

"Use your imagination!"

"Didn't I just say that to you a few seconds ago? You copied me!" Miroku whined, outraged.

"What? No I- did I? Nevermind! Just stop talking right now!"

Inuyasha pivoted on a heel and stalked off. He really needed some trees now.

Unfortunately, Miroku wanted company.

"Well, come to think of it, that time with Sesshoumaru was the first in months that I-" he started conversationally, stepping on Inuyasha's heels.

It was a bad day for Inuyasha when even the trees seemed to be walking away from him. Or, at least there weren't any trees close enough for him to bang his head on. Hadn't there been a tree just at his feet a second ago? Inuyasha had a hunch feeling that Miroku would simply follow him if he walked to the nearest tree.

Desperate, Inuyasha attempted to Change The Subject. "So why the hell did you shout the thing about-" He took a breath. "-American high schools anyway?"

Bracing himself, Inuyasha waited for the cramps. Luckily, fate otherwise known as What The Writer Wants To Write decided not to hit him with them.

Miroku considered his question, stroking his chin.

Inuyasha's chin that is.

Taking a breath, Inuyasha spat, "Stop tickling me asshole or I swear I'm going to—"

"Eh?" Miroku looked at him, because apparently he wasn't looking at Inuyasha in the first place. "Oh. Sorry. I could have sworn I was scratching a cat."

Inuyasha wasn't sure if he could take it anymore.

"I am not a cat!" he growled. He wondered how much more he was going to speak in italics. "Just answer the question!" he continued.

"But I was," Miroku insisted. "You just distracted me with your abrupt dialogue."

"What-"

Graciously ignoring him, Miroku answered, "I shouted that out loud because I was having a fantasy."

"I didn't I tell you not to talk about-"

"And I longed for it so much, that I accidentally voiced my inner dialogue out loud," Miroku continued. "Quite embarrassing actually."

"Whatever gets you off."

"So you see, the thought of being in an American high school alternate universe is actually exhilarating for me," Miroku said. "You know," he remarked, "Technically that's modern slang too. How come you're saying it?"

"Because this is my manga!"

"Right. You know, Sesshoumaru said the exact same thing to me. 'Whatever gets you off'..."

"Why do I care?" Inuyasha frowned. "Oh..."

Miroku grinned.

Inuyasha gaped.

"But what about Sango?"

"What about Sango?"

"She's your canon love interest, that's what!"

"Oh really, do you think that matters in a fic? You should know better, Inu-chan."

"This doesn't make any sense!"

"Neither does your excessive use of exclamation points."

"I like exclamation points!"

"Yes, you're an excitable person."

"What the hell does this have anything to do with anything! And I still don't get why you suddenly want to do me!"

Miroku pouted. "Oh, say it out in the open, shall we? Why can't you be subtle like me?"

"You're not subtle and what gives you the right to be the know-it-all of this fic?"

"The Writer does. So there."

"Gah! When and how did this become such a rambling mess?"

"Don't know actually. Wanna just do it instead?"

"Why?"

"Well, the Golden Rule Of Fanficcing is, and I quote, 'always conclude your fics with steamy sex.' I don't know about the steam part, but I'm up for the sex!"

Inuyasha stared at him, dumbfounded.

Miroku beamed.

"This makes absolutely no sense," Inuyasha stated bluntly.

"Well, neither does the Meaning Of Life, but you don't hear me complaining do you?"

Groaning, Inuyasha seethed. "Great. Why don't we just do it before I start questioning my sanity even more?"

"Can do!" Miroku chirped.

And they did it against a tree, ironically enough. And then they did it some more, pausing only when Kagome randomly tripped on them. In her despair, she ran off with Jaken and had green hanyou pups two days later with the magic of Youkai Sugar Rituals. Inuyasha and Miroku just continued on.

THE END