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Chapter 2

He watched her walking away, and that sight broke his heart into thousands of different pieces but he couldn't move.

"Go to hell Sawyer"

Her voice was not trembling when she said those words, she meant what she said. She didn't even look back, when she reached the trees. It was over.
Over..one single tear appeared in his eye but he wiped it fast.
"Now I've got what I wanted, and there ain't anything I can do about that, can't change what I've said" he thought bitterly.


Go after her, tell her that you're sorry, say that you will do everything just to hear "I forgive you"

Sawyer yearned to do that, he knew that it was his last chance, and that once she disappears from his view there will be no turning back. He understood that and frightened, unconsciously made one step towards her but then he stopped, frozen to the ground.

You don't deserve her. You will only bring her suffering. And do you want her to suffer? After all that she did for you? You can't say a word that would not offend her feelings. Hell, you're such a bastard that you don't even know how to say sorry. Thank God she's not in love with you yet, if she was, she wouldn't be so calm when she was telling you to go to hell. She'll be better off with doc.

He suddenly pictured Kate in his mind. Not a serious Kate with that shadow on her amazing face that appeared every time she was concerned about him, every time she was even talking to him but Kate smiling and happy, without any worries. However, as he was thinking about her, he realized that in his vision she was not talking to him but to Jack, that only Jack was able to make her feel joyful.

Sawyer felt that it wasn't exactly the whole truth, sometimes Kate was relaxed in his presence too, and he made her laugh hundreds of times but he was the last man on earth that could make her feel safe. And it was safety that she needed most. Not desire, not passion, not stupid jokes or sarcastic comments but safety. Sawyer wasn't able to give her that and he hated himself for it.

Deep inside he knew that what he said to her before was partly true. He was a conman, he was a cold-blooded murderer. And she didn't deserve to end up with him.
For the first time in his whole fucing life he was going to do "the right thing"… even if it meant pain, even if it meant losing the only person that could make him feel like a good man, worthy man. He was going to let her go, let her move on and find peace in the arms of doc. He had messed up his own life but didn't want to destroy hers.

Slowly he turned back and walked into his tent, reached for his backpack and took something that he had hidden before for a rainy day… Hell he needed it more than ever… The bottle of the original Jack Daniels glittered in his hand and he admired it for a moment, it was his ol' friend who had helped him make it through the worst moments in his life. He opened it fast and took a deep swig. There was only one way to forget about the woman he lov… the expression on his face changed dramatically… yes he loved her and couldn't deny it. Well another great reason to get drunk and forget about everything, about her, Jacko, that damn craphole Island. He wanted to erase every single memory of what had happened for the last few months, and he was going to do it effectively. Every minute the bottle was getting emptier…

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Kate was struggling through the jungle not even knowing where she was heading, at first she wanted to go to Jack, tell him everything and cry on his shoulder but then she realized that there was nothing he could do, Jack couldn't comfort her or ease her pain, and even if he could, there were still too many things left unsaid between them, too many mistakes.

Like the kiss

Jack was mad at her and Kate couldn't blame him, she had acted like a lunatic for the last weeks and every day on that Island was driving her crazy. But even monsters, polar bears or the others couldn't change the fact that those past few months were almost like a dream, that she was actually happy here, and Kate couldn't recall when was the last time she had so much fun with someone else like when she was with Sawyer.

Never

Maybe he was an asshole, but the time she spent in his presence, all the moments they shared were the happiest moments in her whole life. And yet he said all those things. His eyes didn't lie, he meant it. Maybe she really didn't deserve anything good in this life; she was so stupid to believe that there may be something fortunate waiting for her in the future but it was all a lie, a con.

So why do you want to live then? Why don't you put yourself out of your misery? That would be so easy, you've got a gun, he gave it to you… all you have to do is to pull the trigger and finally you will be able to rest…

That thought made her feel even lonelier, and once again tears filled her eyes and obscured her vision. But she didn't stop running, she was Kate Austin, and if there was one thing she was good at, it was running. Away from danger, away from problems, away from life.
It filled her with calmness; she slowed down a little, making her way through the bushes. Now when her pace was steady she didn't have to think. She didn't want to face everything, because the wound was too fresh and pain to nagging.
So Kate cleared her mind, determined to forget him. She was happy when it started raining. First raindrops mixed with tears that were rolling down her cheeks. The tropical storm not only lowered the heat but it also assured her that no one would find her now, even Locke…

"I wouldn't be surprised if you even made out with Locke, I bet he has got something that you need"

Those words were so cruel… how could he say it? But then, he was right, Kate Austin was ready to use everyone if it was going to help her get what she needed. But on this island Kate Austin was dead… she was only Kate here (or Freckles) but not a murderer, a normal woman with normal problems.

But he told everyone who you are.

How can one person bring you so much pain and happiness at the same time? With every minute the distance between her and the beach increased. She was running among the trees, not even noticing that she'd never been here before that she was lost and would not be able to find the way back to the camp…

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours and before she could even realize, the night came.
It was cold now, she was soaking wet because of the rain and every inch of her body was freezing. Kate was trembling. She knew that she would have to find somewhere to hide if she wanted to survive the night in the jungle. Alone.

She cursed Sawyer for what he did to her, if it wasn't for him, she would still be on the beach, eating supper with Jack or Hurley and then she could go to sleep on the warm sand. But she wasn't there and she didn't have much choice now.