Disclaimer: well… I'm gonna own Jack someday, just wait…

Chapter 3

Kate was ill. She was shaking, constant shivers run through her whole body. It came in the middle of the night, when she was resting in the bottom of a small cave that she used as a shelter. It was cold… too cold. Kate knew that her fever was not a mild one, it was high and, as far as she was able to recognize the symptoms, almost as bad as the one Sawyer had when he came back with Eko. But she was still conscious.

Still

How long would it take the fever to kill her? To end it once for all? Probably a few days. At first she would lose consciousness, and then it wouldn't be long. Without water, food or medicines it would be only a matter of hours.
But she was afraid, not afraid of dying or pain, but afraid of staying alone for her last days. Kate realized that even though she didn't want to admit it, she got used to having people around her.

Friends

Slowly she got up from the ground, determined to go back, to find her way home.

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"Sawyer! Where the hell is she?"

He heard someone shouting at him. That voice was so damn loud… why wouldn't he go away and let him sleep? Sawyer opened one eye and noticed Jack standing right in front of him, luckily the headache wasn't as bad as he was afraid it would be, but the sun was shining so bright... god, he really hoped it was something important, because if not, he would kill Jack instantly even if he was the only doctor on that creepy island.

"What is that smell?" Now there was expression of disgust and curiosity on Jack's face. "Were you drinking? I thought you gave us all your alcohol when we were saving Boone" His accusative tone was hard to miss.

"Well, I guess you were wrong then, Doc. What the hell do you want from me? Don't you have someone to save? I'm pretty sure that such a hero as you is in demand"

"Where is she?" Jack ignored Sawyer's last comment, he was furious and didn't even try to hide it. "Sun told me that she saw you both shouting and struggling yesterday morning, and no one have seen her since then. So I'm asking you once again. The last time. Where. Is. She?"

Sawyer tried to focus on what Jack had just said. He knew that there was something important that he should remember, he knew that something had happened previous day but couldn't recall what it was.

Think, think… she was here, you were talking and…

Suddenly all memories stroke him, everything he said, everything he did came back to him more painful than ever. But he didn't want Jack to know about their quarrel, so he responded with his usual southern drawl, trying to sound as casual as always.

"So why do you think it has got anything to do with me? Besides, she's a big girl, can stay alone for a few hours in the jungle. And probably she's with Sayid or Locke or someone, have no idea why you're so afraid, I've seen her two or three hours ago" He looked at his watch and grinned. "God it's not even noon yet. Relax doc, I'm sure your girlfriend is just fine"

Hell, he was going to need aspirin or something… the beer would be best but how to find a good cold beer in a place like that?

"Sawyer, it's not even noon, you're right, but check the date, you passed out yesterday morning, which actually doesn't surprise me since you've drank whole bottle of whisky" Jack was calmer now "And Kate disappeared about 25 hours ago. She had spent the night alone in the jungle, and we have no idea where to find her, because it has been raining all evening and there are no tracks left"

Slowly the meaning of what Jack said reached him. Sawyer at once forgot about pain, about his headache, about the terrible hangover. The only thing he could now think about was her.

"So why the hell are you still here? Why didn't you start looking for her yesterday?" Sawyer was angry, but not at Jack, he hated himself because he knew he was the one responsible for all of it, and if something happened to her, if she… no, he didn't even want to form those horrible words in his mind, but he knew that he would never forgive himself for that. If she died he would follow her, he would kill himself, because there would be nothing left in this world worth staying for.

"There ain't anything on this island worth staying for" He realized that he had said those words before. He lied then, but got the second chance, he saw her again. And wasted it.

"We didn't know she was missing, I thought she was in the camp, people here thought she was in the hatch with me… so I came to you Sawyer, because I'm sure you must know something, anything. You were the last person she spoke to, maybe she said where she was going. Sawyer why did she run away? You were arguing. What was that about?" Jack was afraid and Sawyer could feel that… he could almost sense his dismay

Yeah, of course he is terrified, after all it is HIS girlfriend…

"Listen Jack, what we were talking about is none of your business. Besides, I'm sure she didn't run away because of that"

You're a liar and you know that, she run away because you hurt her feelings. Maybe she loves doc, but she had a thing for you too, so maybe she wanted to go and think somewhere alone and then, when she was lost in thoughts a polar bear, or monster or the others could easily…

"She was crying" Jack's voice was silent… maybe even shaking a little bit. As if he didn't want to mention that, as if even thinking of it was painful.
"What?" At first Sawyer didn't understand, then it came to him.

She was crying because of you, she cared…

"She was crying after your fight. When she was disappearing in the jungle Sun saw that her whole face was flooded with tears. She even tried to stop her, but Kate acted like she didn't notice anything around her. So it's not hard to guess that she run away because of you."

It is all your fault, like everything in your life you fucked it up too… You always hurt everyone you care about… your mother, Cassidy, and now her.

"We need to find her Jack" He was serious. He was going to find her or die trying.

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With every step she was getting closer to the beach, closer to him. But Kate was tired, incredibly tired. Her legs were weak and didn't want to carry her. She had stumbled dozens of times, even stopped counting. Her whole body was yearning to give up, but she didn't want to, she wanted to see him one last time. He was driving her nuts, hurting her, he didn't even care whether she was alive or not, but she wanted to see him grinning, watch his cute dimples and hold his warm hand. Then she could die.

She was hearing whispers in the jungle. Kate didn't know if what she heard were the others or the wind, or maybe just hallucinations. But it scared her… and gave strength to keep going.