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Chapter 6

They didn't realize how long they'd been looking for Kate and how far in the jungle they got. It took them almost three hours to come back with her to the Hatch. They walked as if they were in some sort of a trance, trying to block all the thoughts that were coming to their minds.

When they finally reached their aim it was almost midnight. Ana Lucia got there first, Jack asked her to go ahead and prepare everything for them. He had to stay with Eko and Sawyer in case Kate needed immediate help. But she was terribly calm, in fact she looked like she was already dead. It came to Sawyer's mind that if he hadn't been carrying her, he would have gone mad. She was so pale, only because he felt the warmth of her body and her quiet breath, he knew she was alive. She stopped coughing some time before and now the only trace of life in her was almost unnoticeable movement of her chest.

He felt relieved when he saw the entrance to the Hatch. Somewhere inside he hoped deeply that once they reached it, everything would be ok, Jack would do all the "doctor stuff" and heal her. After all, that was what he did for living, he was a goddamn doctor and he would know what to do.

But you saw his face when he was examining her… you saw how horrified he was. And he has already failed here on the island. He couldn't save the Marshall, he couldn't save Boone.

He can fail again.

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Ana Lucia was waiting in the open door, she helped them carry Kate to the bedroom and lay her gently on the bunk bed. Then, out of sudden, Sawyer felt sick and lost his balance. Ana Lucia caught him just in time as he was about to fall down.

"You need to rest, you carried her here on your own back, you're clearly exhausted" Ana was really concerned about him and that surprised him. That's why he responded more delicately than he originally intended.

"No, I have to stay here, I need to stay here" he looked her in the eye and after a while she finally nodded. "Ok, stay here if you like, but please be careful, eat something. You have to be strong to kick her ass for running away when she wakes up" She smiled at him and left the room quickly, passing Jack who came with all the medicines that were in their possession.

Jack felt like he was experiencing the same event for the second time in his life. He moved closer to the bunk bed and touched Kate's forehead. She had a very high fever, constant shivers run through her body.

It was just like when Sawyer came back with the gunshot wound. But her condition was far worse than his had been. After all, Sawyer was a strong man and she was only a weak woman… a girl almost. Maybe stronger than most of women he knew but still, her immune system was too weak to fight the infection off on its own.

He took Kate's body from the bed and turned around to carry her to the bathroom. That scene was so familiar. It hadn't been more than two weeks ago, when he had been doing the same with Sawyer, and now he had to save Kate. How ironic.

But Jack couldn't get through the door, because he was blocked by Sawyer who appeared right in front of him with a murderous look. It wasn't hard to notice that he could barely stand on his legs but still didn't want to move and let Jack leave with Kate.

"Where the hell do you think you're going, doc? " At first Jack felt anger but then he realized that Sawyer was almost delirious and for once he could understand his motives "Don't worry Sawyer" he started calmly "I need to take her to the shower to decrease her fever, it will be all right, we did the same with you and it worked, so trust me" Sawyer thought about it for a moment and eventually moved from the passage. Then he followed Jack to the bathroom.

Jack put Kate under the shower and slowly unbuttoned her shirt. He felt slightly uncomfortable and embarrassed because of Sawyer's presence, but also because deep inside he had wanted to do this for a long time, and knew that in a way it was all inappropriate.

For heaven's sake you're her doctor now, so act like one! Stop thinking like a man, be professional.

Sawyer watched closely every move that Jack made. When he noticed that Jack was about to take off her shirt he wanted to stop him. But he knew that Jack was only doing what was right. He always did.

After a few seconds Kate was lying under the shower only in her underwear. She looked so fragile. Sawyer was astonished that the only thing he could think of now was that she was so delicate, for the first time it stuck him that he could actually lose her.

For the last few months he'd wanted her so badly he could hardly breathe. From the time he had met her he dreamed about the moment he would see her naked by his side, feel her body under his hands. But now he would do everything to go back to the times when she hated him, to the times when she really was Jack's girlfriend.

To the times she was safe.

"If she was with Jack" he thought "She wouldn't be laying here now. Jack would not let it happen". Sawyer felt like a bastard because it was all his fault. She was dying because of his stubbornness and stupidity.

"Jack" Although normally it would be hard to hear because of the streaming water for the both men that soft whisper was loud as a gunshot.

"I'm here Kate, everything will be ok, you're with me now" Jack touched her cheek gently, afraid to make a quicker move. He waited for her to say something more but she passed out again.

Sawyer was standing in the entrance to the bathroom witnessing everything that was happening inside, feeling pain in his chest that had nothing to do with the long walk or exhaust. He had just heard Kate whispering Jack's name, she clearly wanted Jack to comfort her, not him.

It was easy to imagine that she would choose Jack in the end, easy to say that he was the right man for her, but to really see her with him was heart breaking.

It was then, when he realized that he could really fall in love with her, damn, that he already loved her.

And even though he knew that the only thing that mattered now was her health, he couldn't stand the thought that when she would wake up, if she would wake up, she would be lost for him forever.

………………………………..

Jack turned the shower off and took Kate in his arms. He carried her back to the bedroom and laid her on the bed carefully. Then he started to examine her injuries. He had to sew the wound on her arm and give her antibiotics, after that he shook his head desperately, knowing that there was nothing more he could do.

Sawyer saw the expression on Jack's face and realized that even the all mighty doctor couldn't do anything more to help Kate or at least ease her pain.

But he wasn't a man who could just sit patiently and wait for something to happen.

Full of anger and helplessness he ran to Jack, grabbed him with both hands by his shirt and pushed him to the wall. He was furious and desperate at the same time.

"What the hell…" Jack started loudly but Sawyer cut him off quickly

"Do something! You're the goddamn doctor! The Hero!" There was the slightest bit of insanity in Sawyer's voice, but there was also something else and Jack recognized it. It was resignation.

Jack knew what was happening in the other man's soul so he just stopped fighting and responded calmly "I'm sorry, but you need to understand that there is nothing I can do now, she has to fight it on her own. She needs to have the will to survive. Otherwise she is going to die" He ended that sentence with tears in his eyes.

Sawyer let him go, knowing that arguing was pointless now. He fell on the chair near the bed and grabbed Kate's hand with an irrational fear that if he stopped holding her, the Death would win the final battle and take her.

Why do you want her? Take me instead… I would certainly make the devil happy. There would be one dirty sonovabitch more in the hell.

The silence was broken by Ana who suddenly appeared in the door. "I'm going to the camp to see if Locke and Sayid are back" Sawyer didn't even notice her presence and Jack was so busy cleaning the medicines from the table that he only shot her a glimpse. She stood there for a moment, then sighed quietly and left the room.

……………………………..

Kate's chest was moving slowly as she was breathing. Jack and Sawyer watched it blankly, hypnotized by the steady rhythm, trying to convince themselves that everything would be fine. They didn't say anything, words weren't necessary.

They remained silent, both too afraid to say what was coming to their minds.

Both too afraid to hear the truth…