All right. I hate self-inserts and whatnot…but I had the sudden urge to write one. So this will be totally random, stupid, ridiculous, incoherent, written on a whim and any other terms I can think of to describe this pointless concoctions of no sense and probably yaoi clips in later chapters if I feel the need to write more. A'right…

Disclaimer: Me no own Naruto, so you no sue my noodle.

"Speaking…"

'Thinking…'

'Conscience speaking…'

"Myself Speaking…"

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"GYAAA! SASUKE!"

The whiney wen- I mean…young girl screeched obnoxiously, running towards the two boys that were sitting upon a conveniently placed bench under a large tree by the bridge. She skidded to a halt before the two, glaring at the blond that would dare sit so close to HER Sasuke. He could infect him with something awful. The blond just rolled his eyes, glancing over at the ebon-eyed male beside him, smirking at him in a taunting manner. How he ever liked the bubble-gum haired girl, he never understood. Or maybe it's just because he is so dimwitted. The dark haired boy glared at his bench companion, cursing his fabulously good looks and charms and cursing the annoying and obsessive female before him. He'd thought he'd have given her enough hints…Hell, even enough blunt statements to make her get a clue and get a grip. But hey…She is even more dimwitted than Blondie sitting beside him. The pink haired girl changed her expression in a heartbeat, looking towards the dark-haired boy in what she thought was a cute and seductive pout.

"Sasuke-kun, would you please come have lunch with me?"

Increasing her pout, she stuck out her bottom lip, her eyebrows dropping slightly and her eyes wide and "puppy-dog-ish" that they were almost watering. It made Naruto feel rather depressed really…and curious…how the hell could she get her eyebrows to do that? And they were pink…Does that mean that her hair is NATURALLY pink? That's scary. What would her kids look like? He was a natural blond and his eyebrows were as well. He furrowed his eyebrows and crossed his water-blue eyes, trying to get a glimpse of the ever so shiny and silky gold colored hair. He had almost succeeded, his tongue sticking out of his mouth when a rude and insufferable voice interrupted his concentration.

"NARUTO! Change your face. The oh-so-shiny and shimmery rays of sun bouncing off your eyebrows are blinding and disabling me from gazing upon MY Sasuke."

Naruto just stared at her in a slightly uncomfortable manner. His eyebrows? Blinding? Disabling? Is that even possible? Well…obviously it was, DUUUUUH!

"Err…Ok?"

Pinky- I mean, Sakura returned her watery gaze to Sasuke, her pout returning ten-fold. All the amusement left the obsidian haired boy's face as it shifted into a cringed and shook his head,

"I don't think so…"

He looked away, unable to keep looking at the unbearably scrunched face and accentuated and large forehead. She whined and attached herself to Sasuke's arms, trying to coerce him into going along with her. She shook her head slightly, her arm reaching up to do one of those model hair flips. How atrocious that looked for her. Naruto's eye twitched, wanting to grab the scissors that had magically appeared before him, dangling by a random piece of string and just shear all of her hair off. Maybe just to piss her off and give her a haircut like Rock Lee. How amusing that would be to see her face, let alone see that hairstyle in PINK of all colors. Naruto stopped though when there was a poof and a cloud of smoke appearing before them, eventually and dramatically revealing…KAKASHI! WOOO! Everyone cheers. Only not really. His hand placed upon his hip, his stance neutral and his ever familiar, orange Icha Icha Paradise book held in his other hand, his only visible eye invisible as it was buried within the ever curious, and ever assumed pornography book. Were they ever sure what it truly was? Maybe they'll never know. Or maybe never WANT to know. Naruto blinked and tilted his head in a fox-ish manner, Sasuke just stared vacantly and blandly at their seemingly perverted sensei. Sakura…Well…Does anyone really care what Sakura thinks? I mean…come on…Her hair is PINK! Yet…Kakashi's hair is silver and ever so beautiful and silky looking. Naruto idly stared at it in its glorified silver glory.

'I wonder if he uses gel or if it naturally gravity defying. And what's REALLY under that mask of his. Hmmm…"

'Why don't you ask him, kit?'

Kyuubi asked in the ever so deviously innocent way a fox demon could. Naruto 'pfftd' and rolled his eyes at the fox.

'Yeah. Like he'd actually tell me.'

'You never know. He just might.'

Suddenly realizing that Kakashi was speaking he stood up, radically jutted his finger into the air and ever-so-enthusiastically announced…

"PORK!"

After a few moments of complete and utter silence, Naruto's body slacked as his eyes waded back and forth between the highly confused faced of his teammates and the obviously amused, cloth covered face of their sensei. His eyes narrowed to slits and he placed his hand on the back of his neck, his other being dropped from the air like a wet pancake and onto his orangey orange hip.

"Eh-Heh…"

'Smooth, kit. Real smooth.'

Naruto's face contorted and he growled at the demon's spirit within him. Making him look rather intimidating in an entertaining way. Randomly growling like a gaggle of goslings with a hand on his hip and the other behind his ever-so-blond and silky head. Sasuke merely rolled his obsidian eyes at the blond while Sakura glared menacingly at the spirit holder for being so stupid and Sasuke infecting. Kakashi on the other hand started giggling like a giddy schoolgirl, his face actually pulled out of his Icha Icha Paradise book. Pulling out a random RAZR phone, he flipped it open, clicked a few magical buttons and positioned it. He giggled again. Viola. A ten second click of Naruto on this strange device that looks strangely like the authoress' RAZR phone.

Somewhere in a far of land on a computer a young, 15 year old, blue haired girl sat at her computer. Suddenly remembering she has to make a call, she turns to grab her sell phone to find it magically not there. Tearing the house apart and still, not able to spot her precious connection to a life she doesn't have. Suddenly realizing something, she scrunched her eyes closed and wrinkled her nose in anger. Throwing her head back, she screamed in pure, unbridled and hormone endorsed, teenage angst-rage…

"KAKASHIIIIIII!"

The echo could be heard across the continent, magically carried by ferryboat across the oceans and to where our guests stand at this moment. The three that were strategically placed in their respective areas, disrespecting the concept of personal space, listened curiously while one stood stock still and ridged, his visible eye twitching an a look of utter terror crossing his face as he waved his partially gloved hand, stuffing the ever-so-lovely blue covered RAZR into his pocket and muttering a farewell before performing lightning fast Jutsu and disappearing in a burst of smoke. The original group of three looked at each other with confusion and curiosity with a short look that could say 'What-has-he-done-THIS-time?'

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Wow…Really a rather vague ending, and I'm not really satisfied with it, but as I said previously, this is just written on a whim starting at 12 am-ish or so with like…a three-hour break and ending at 4:30 am. No pairing in this chapter. Unless you consider Sakura almost forcing herself upon the Uchiha, then…Think what you wish. I hope you enjoyed. Reviews would be enjoyed. So would flames…This was just a "Fuck you, I had the urge" fic, so, they will be greatly entertaining. I love you all and farewell. Your favorite smutt…

xXxIchaIchaxXx