Ok…I had a short realization while I was taking a shower earlier today…I don't think this could technically be called a "Real" self-insert. I'm not an actual named and significant CHARACTER within the story. I'm still a person interjecting within the actual story from the author's point of view. Anyway…Whether I get reviews or not…I might still write this…they would be nice though…'''
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. So you no sue my noodle. I don't own The Matrix either. Or "Breakfast On Pluto" That is were the Cetin/Kitten thing came from. I do own a RAZR though…w00t. Oh…and in no possible way do I own "Slave" sung by Brittany Spears. Gag
Warning: Swearing and some smooching. Umm…some almost nudity…and pole dancing that should be illegal.
"Speaking…"
'Thinking…'
'Conscience speaking…'
"Myself Speaking…"
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He couldn't run, no matter where he poofed to and from. There was no hiding from the angsty, teenage authoress. He stood crouched atop a branch within a large tree, his single, visible eye scanning expertly thus way and this. Hearing nothing that sounded too threatening, he silently leapt from the thick foliage tree. A small smile crawled upon his cloth-covered face. His eye curving in what could be content and relief.
"I believe you have something of mine…Kakashi-sama."
The sound of a young, yet very serious voice penetrated the maleninja's ears. He halted, his shoulders tense and suspended. He craned his head to the right, seeing the authoress leaning against a large tree, her arms folded across her black clad chest. Her head was tilted down, her blue bangs covering her left eye from sight. The scarecrow 'eh-heh'd and placed his hand behind his head.
"I have no idea what you are talking about…Cetin, A/N: Pronounced Keh-chin…It's Latin…I think is it not?"
A sweat drop appearing beside his temple as he waited in suspense for the authoress' reaction. He didn't know what she would do to him. Sure, she was definitely slower, weaker, and had no real ninja abilities what-so-ever…But she had the power of writing…Who knows what horrible thinks she could make him commit…Or something…Even...Give him to rabid fan-girls. His inner Kakashi screamed like a little girl, dreading the thought. A smirk befell the blue haired girl's face as she shook her head slightly.
"Aye, that it is Cetin, but you may call me…Kitten. I know you are lying Kakashi-sama. You have taken my RAZR phone and I want it back. I must return to the life in which I lack."
Came the authoress' cool reply. Tilting her head asshe watched the Copy Nin with her visible, blue eye. His evident eye twitched slightly at the calm coolness of the shorty standing to her full 4'11" stance before him. He would have made a comment about it if she didn't have such control over what he could do and could happen. He glanced around him carefully, trying to find a good way to escape unscathed and, hopefully, still in possession of the funny, electronic device of amusement. WITHOUT the authoress prodding him in the ass for it. Seeing he had nowhere to go because, as the authoress wrote what was happening at this moment, he hadn't had the "brain function" to actually move and run away, knowing he could.
"It was…Orochimaru's…No wait…SAKURA'S idea to take it. She wanted to take it because she's…a…spoiled little brat that deserves to have her hair colored and or cut off…?"
He sweat dropped when a small smile appeared upon the short girls face. She slowly meandered over towards him, looking at the sky in an almost dreamy manner. She chuckled and reached up, standing on tiptoes and ruffling his silky, silvery hair. Huh…No gel…Interesting. She smiled again.
"Good boy."
She turned around, facing her back to him as she changed her position around him so she was standing beside him, still facing the opposite way.
"Still…You having my RAZR within your possession whilst I twas looking for it still serves for some punishment. Oh don't worry. Nothing you can't handle."
Pulling her hands from her pockets, she fisted her left hand and drawing it back. Stretching out her right had, she drew it back as well, twisting her body. Using the force by pushing her fisted arm back more, she wretched her right arm back across her body, landing it open-palmed right below the scarecrow's neck with a satisfying thump. Dragging her right leg across the ground so she turned 90 degrees so she was facing him, she tucked her right arm back to her body before swinging it out and back towards the center of her body, giving Kakashi another satisfying thump upon his chest. All of this was happening in spectacularly slow motion, the camera angle changing at all time, moving around them in a circle. Time seemed to freeze for a few moments, giving it a "Matrix" feeling. Time shortly returned to normal. He muttered something about the authoress being a 'nutter' and rubbed his chest, trying to reach his back and soothe the stinging.
"Ow."
The small female quirked an eyebrow at him, obviously hearing him announce the word, since she of course was writing it and made him say it. She smirked again at the taller male. She sidled up to him, flashing him a silver smile before reaching into one of his pockets and fishing out the RAZR. He whimpered and made a grab for it but the ever-so-kind and loving authoress slapped his hand away.
Kakashi trudged lamely back towards the bridge and his students. He cringed. Damn she had harsh five-stars. By the end of his small ordeal, he had three five-stars on his back, one on his chest and stomach. 'That one hurt.' He had a few two and three stars laid out across both of his arms,one five star on his right thigh. Then the one precariously placed upon his ass. He didn't even remember when he got THAT one. Spotting the bridge he slowed his pace down, thinking of what she last said to him.
&&&&&&&&&&&&Flashback&&&&&&&&&&&&
The authoress leaned back against her previous tree, nodding with a satisfied, yet small smile upon her face. After watching the scarecrow for a few minutes, she stood straight and turned, starting to walk away. Suddenly stopping she glanced over her shoulder, speaking with meaningful words to the Copy Nin.
"Next time it happens Kakashi-Sama…I'm sure that the fan-girls would be absolutely ECSTATIC to mean you."
Looking forth and starting to walk again, she didn't see Kakashi start to tremble, his evident eye widening with fright. NOT THE FAN-GIRLS!
&&&&&&&&&&&End Flashback&&&&&&&&&&&&
Falling to his knees, he threw his fists to the sky and screamed…
"WHY PORK, WHY! WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME SO WITH YOUR PORK SANDWHICHES OF PORKIFIED DOOOOOM?"
Leaning forwards and pounding his fists into the grassy ground he dry sobbed for a few moments before dramatically sniffing a couple times and looking up to a rather strange sight. Gaara had arrived as some point a while back and brought a Happy Kitten Memory Card game. You know the one. With all the little squares with pictures on them and each picture has a double. You know…where you have to find the matches. Well…He brought one. And they had happy kittens on them. Gaara and Naruto were sitting in a magically placed pool on noodles with a broken piece of door used as the table drifting between them.
'Where did they get that piece of door?'
The Copy Nin's conscience asked him dutifully, trying to gain back any scrap of sense it could clasp is imaginary tentacles on. He was drug out of his comprehension attempt by some of the most ear wrecking singing he'd ever heard. Covering his ears he glanced over towards the horrible sound to see that the conveniently placed bench had become a small stage with a pole on it magically attached to…a tree branch. Interestingly strange and…creepy…Why was there a…strip pole…by the…tree…? Cringing again, Kakashi watched with an abhorred look on his face as the bubble-gum haired girl wriggled onto the small stage, dressed in practically…NOTHING…Now, Kakashi wasn't one to be prude or anything…Hell, he could be considered a pervert…but this was life scarring because it was SAKURA. She was dressed in a yellow, harness looking top that was only enough to cover her nipples. Making her look even more flat chested than she already was. Wearing black chaps and a G-string. Poor Sasuke was spasming on the ground, his mouth foaming. Oh and the atrocity that was Brittany Spears' "Slave" that the pink haired wench was singing. She sounded like a washing machine chewing on cats, pigs, and screws. The horror of Sakura's pole dancing couldn't even be described. If it were attempted, you gouge your own eyes out with a plastic Spork and your ears would start bleeding while your brain starts to turn into Pork.
"Isn't is cute? He's twitching."
A perilously familiar voice spoke in his head. It definitely wasn't his conscience. His visible eye twitched as well…
"Awe…So are you. Oh la la…and look at this…Awe. Aren't they adorable? They're playing."
Shortly following the authoress' last statement there was a rather sharp intake of breath and a heavy moan. Kakashi's eye widened. Naruto shouldn't be doing THAT!
Back over with Gaara and Naruto were the moan had emanated from, both boys were lying in a pile of unopened water bottles. Gaara tenaciously lying on top of Naruto with his head tucked into the blonde's neck. Biting playfully at one of his "horney spots" as they are peculiarly yet truthfully called. Naruto had his hands tangled within the red head's short hair. No worries though. The blonde articulately moaned again, his… "Companion's" name breathed in an intense whisper. A chuckle resounded around the area, yet didn't disturb the sensuous couple, nor the bedraggled one…
"No worries Kakashi-Sama…This is only the second chapter. They both still have there clothes on."
When suddenly a very familiar orange jacket landed atop Kakashi's springy, silver hair. He gaped, looking over again, almost giving himself whiplash. Naruto was clad now with a black tank shirt, looking very flushed. Dragging his nails up the sand demon's back, pulling the other's shirt along with them.
"Heh…Oops…Maybe I SHOULD stop typing."
A sigh whispered across the area and Kakashi sat back on his haunches. There was a loud 'snap' sound and Sakura stopped dancing, looking dazedly around, then gasped. Jumping down from the stage she scrambled to Sasuke's side and screamed at the sky, holding the unconscious and foaming Uchiha.
"NOOO! WHY SECRET WORD? HOW COULD YOU!"
Brusquely, she fell over, a loud snore erupting from her nasal cavities. Gaara and Naruto stopped their furious movements and heated make-out sessions, looking at each other curiously. Naruto was sporting a very profound blush as he slipped from under Gaara and skittered towards Kakashi and grabbing his jacket. Turning back to the Kazekage, there was a short silence before.
"You want to play the Happy Kitten Memory Game?"
The red head nodded, pulling out the game and setting it up. Kakashi just sweat dropped and stood straight, looking back and forth between his students and their visitor. What a strange day this was. He rubbed a few spots on his body. And those five-stars still sting like a bitch, too.
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No cats, pigs, screws, OR washing machines were harmed in the writing of this chapter. Though Kakashi might be scarred for life, he came out relatively…unharmed. Sasuke now suffers from paranoia, fear of poles, the color yellow and suffers from seizures. Sakura…Well…She can just get kicked in the ovaries and then shot in the knee. Ummm…There has been no updates on Gaara and Naruto…heh…Please review…Or flame. I hope you enjoy this…the next chapter shall come as soon as I can get an inkling of an idea to build off of. I love you all and farewell. Your favorite smut…
xXxIchaIchaxXx