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Chapter 3: Literally going nuts
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Hello there. My name is Ron Weasley and I'm an idiot. And apparently allergic. Now you're thinking; huh, that's pretty damn unexpected. Yes, I agree, it is. And now you're thinking; why is this poor bloke talking to people he can't even see?
Well, it's a good question.
Let me tell you what happened to me today.
It all started this morning. Ever since I royally messed things up with a certain bushy haired bookworm – who I am currently quite infatuated with, by the way – by looking deep into her eyes and then out of the blue bringing up the exciting subject of food. Yes, it was embarrassing, especially since I almost kissed her. And I really don't want her to send my sadistic little sister after me with her infamous Bat Bogey Hex.
Anyways, we were having breakfast alone this morning. Harry and Ginny had apparently gone up early to play some quidditch, leaving me with a cold Hermione Granger and a oatmeal which she called "Super Special" and I called "Rat Poison". Not to her face, mind you. I rather like my privates where they are, thanks.
"Er, could you pass the sugar?" I asked carefully as she attacked her plate viciously.
Her head snapped up. "Why, you don't like my Super Special Oatmeal the way it is?"
My mind was screaming at me to tell her that I simply loved the dreadful death weapon she called oatmeal. So I did. "Of course not, I simply love it." I laughed nervously. Then I added, "Just as it is," for good measure.
She just glared at me and continued her relentless killing of the oatmeal. Bloody hell, that girl left no survivors whatsoever.
I decided to taste the oatmeal. And even though I felt like I should have at least said my fare wells to my family, I quickly grabbed my spoon and shoved it quickly in my mouth. And felt my air pipe closing in. Bloody great. See what happens when you listen to a woman's every word? You die. It's as simple as that.
When she noticed my panicked wheezing, Hermione shrieked and ran around the table.
"Oh God, what's happening, Ron?" she shouted at my purple face. "Are you okay?"
I stopped my coughing and heaving to look at her with an eyebrow firmly raised.
"Of course you're not!" she exclaimed. "Oh God!"
She ran over to the sink and filled a glass with water. Then she ran across the kitchen floor, spilling water on it, and slipped and fell on her arse.
It really hurts to laugh when you're having an allergic reaction, trust me.
Hermione quickly got up from the wet floor, gathered herself and strode to me determinedly. Then she grabbed my head, dragged it back and poured all the water down my throat.
I coughed most of it up, but I felt the swelling lessen more and more until I could breathe almost freely again. "Rnks, Mine," I rasped, rubbing my throat.
She smiled at me and breathed deeply. "Yours?"
I felt a vicious coughing fit taking me over and quickly stifled it with my hand. "I meant Mine. No, I meant Heeeermine. No, no, I meant –"
"Ron, relax," she put a silencing finger over my lips. "You'll strain your throat even more."
I whimpered and she took her fingers away. "Looks like Harry and Ginny are heading inside. We should probably mop up the water."
"Or not," I snickered, coughing loudly again. "I think I'd actually like seeing Harry dropping onto his arse."
Hermione gave me a glare, but I noticed her eyes sparkling at me.
So, today's theory is quite simple. The girl I'm absolutely mad about saw me purple. Purple. And choking and coughing and being… entirely unsexy.
Bloody oatmeal. Who in their right minds puts nuts in oatmeal, anyway?
This is the conclusion I made today: I'm allergic to nuts.
Purple!
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A/N: It's been a long time and I know this is pretty short, but I wanted to give you something. I tried being a little funnier. Hope you like! Please review to make me update faster.