"Teach your pupils well"

Minerva groaned and hit the alarm clock. It was Saturday, she knew. A day she could lie in bed and do nothing. Nothing at all. Serena and Filius were taking the third years and up to Hogsmeade, and she and Severus were….

"Oh, shit!" Minerva realized which Saturday it was.

"Ah, you're up." Albus' eyes sparkled when he saw Minerva remember which day it was.

"Albus, dear darling husband, I don't suppose you would take over for me." Minerva smiled sweetly.

"Not at chance."

Minerva thought for a second. "But I feel sick."

"You didn't feel sick a couple hours ago." His eyebrows rose.

Minerva blushed. "But the questions are so awful. You don't know…"

"I do know. But it's your responsible. Although how did you rope Severus into this? He won the bet…."

"I had Mara threatened him with giving naming rights to Aurora."

"Ah. That would do it." Albus glanced down at his wife, whose cheeks were still flushed with sleep. "Do you need to go over anything before class? I would happily give you notes on the practical side."

Minerva mulled the thought over. "No."

"No?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm mad at you."

"Because I'm making you teach sex ed?" Albus asked incredulously

"Yes, and because I can get hormonal now."

"Ah." Albus didn't feel like being turned into a mouse so he decided to let that comment slide. "Would you like help getting dress?"

Minerva scowled at him. Since reaching her seventy-ninth birthday, she had needed more help from people. Of course being seven months pregnant with twins didn't help any.

Albus laid her last two clean fitting dresses on the bed. Minerva glared at both of them.

"I don't like those. They are too hot."

"For Merlin's sake….fine picks a dirty one and cleans
it." Albus reminded himself to be patient.

"Oh, you are so helpful." Minerva picked her favorite dress and muttered a cleaning spell. She paused, thinking. I actually need the idiot's help. "Albus? Could you please help me?"

Two months or less. He chanted silently. "Of course my dear."

They managed to get Minerva dress in a short amount of time, only an hour this morning.

"What time is the class?" Albus asked.

"Two. I think we'll use the Room of Requirement. Perhaps it will be easier on us."

"Well, I always enjoy your ….teachings on the subject. I've learned a great deal from certain, shall we say, hands on experimentation." Albus said with a leering grin.

"That's not on the lesson plan. It's mainly birth control." At this Albus laughed. Minerva growled. "Yeah, I know. Shut up. It's your fault we are in this situation."

"It takes two to tango, dear." Albus, in almost fifty years of marriage, still didn't know when to shut up.

"Well, you will be dancing alone, Headmaster, for the rest of the week!" Minerva stormed off.

Albus sighed. He really should invest in a better couch.

At one fifty-five the door to the room of requirement blew open, with a surly Severus stomped into the room.

"I hate the fact you are friends with my wife." He growled.

"I wasn't jumping for joy when she married you, either." Minerva returned.

"Should we just give them the basic information and don't answer what they don't ask?" Severus suggested.

"Fine."

The room was silent with each professor contemplating the subject at hand.

Finally Minerva broke the silent.

"I asked my Gryffindors to stay after to answer questions about the pregnancy."

"I haven't told the Slytherins that Xio is expecting." Severus almost looked scare.

"They don't know about the marriage, right?"

"No. They will tell their Death eater parents and after I caused her to lose our child…" Severus closed his eyes.

"Severus, she forgave you. We all make mistakes." Minerva's eyes clouded over.

"Min?" Severus started to ask when the door opened.

"Professor McGonagall, I thought Gryffindors were brave." Severus snickered seeing the scared faces.

"We are but sex is scary. You know that. I have seen your bedroom. Tell me which torture hurts more Xiomara's or Voldemort?" She quietly hissed

"Um, well, they had different practices and results." Severus blushed.

Minerva snorted.

" You are answering anything questions about S&M"

"Oh? I suppose you'll answer questions about having sex while in animagus forms."

"Um, Professors?" Hermione interrupted them.

"Miss Granger?" They asked in unison.

"While this has been enlightening, perhaps too much, could we get on with the lesson?"

"Fine.

Severus started to explain the physical experiences, taking the students through the physical aspect.

"Sir, isn't it true that some women have problems adjust to the size of a man?" Draco asked smirking.

"Some do. There are potions to make entry easier and it helps to have the woman aroused before." Severus answered.

Not that you'll have that problem, Draco. He thought. He continued going through the basic physical aspects of the course leaving the emotions aspects to Minerva, which she quickly covered.

Then the box was passed around for anonymous questions. Minerva had charmed the box to disgusted handwriting. Please don't ask anything too embarrassing. She chanted.

"How is possible to guard against pregnancy?" She asked out loud, not bothering to look at Severus, knowing a smirk was on his face. "Well, the best way is to not have sex. When that isn't possible there are potions and spells to prevent pregnancy. These aren't fool proof. (Severus snorted.) One must make a conscious effort to avoid pregnancy and use birth control. You'll be learning the potions and charms in class next year." I'll be happy not to teach them.

Minerva picked up the next question and her eyes narrowed. She glanced around the room searching for something.

"Mara has this weekend free doesn't she?" She muttered to Severus out the corner of her mouth.

"Yes, along with Poppy and Pommie. I think they were going shopping in Hogsmeade. Why?"

"Look at this question. 'I heard the new Thunderbolt broomstick was made for sex. How does one go about this activity?' Only people who test brooms know about the Thunderbolt being release. I only know because Mara was moaning about not being to test it this week."

"What question is it Professor McGonagall?" asked Ginny innocently.

"Well, it's about having sex on a broom, which in public is very illegal, and in private very uncomfortable."

"It's illegal!" Ginny gasped.

"Yes. Public sex is illegal." Minerva said, wondering why Ginny turned pale and Harry was looking at the ground.

"How illegal?" He muttered. Minerva stared at her godchildren. Oh, Molly is going to kill someone if Ginny gets pregnant. I just hope it's not me.

"Very, very illegal. " Minerva hissed. Severus looked confused. It was illegal but it wasn't going to put someone in Azkaban.

"You'll get a fine in some countries and jail time in others." Severus answered praying no one asked him how he knew that. His honeymoon was quite adventuous. Fifteen countries in two weeks and they were in jails of ten countries for lewd behavior

A snicker broke the silence in the room. Interestingly enough it came from unoccupied corner of the room. Minerva raised an eyebrow.

"But actually the person you should ask about the subject is Madam Hooch. I'm sure she has tales about the subject." Minerva grinned, "And you know, she doesn't get that many visitors during her office hours."

"But one assumes that people would need to find this out for themselves." Severus hastily added.

"Ah, but to get the advice of an expert would be priceless."

"Minerva…" Severus growled.

"What?" Minerva asked innocently.

"Are you trying to get me maim?"

"Of course not. I just think your students would benefit from Madam Hooch's wisdom." She coughed hiding a grin but also secretly noting the invisibility cloak came off of a very visible muddy boot of a certain flying instructor. Ah, Mara is having a bit of fun. I wonder if the other three came to watch us suffer.

" Ah, next question." Severus said moving on quickly. "How do you tell someone of same-sex you might be interest in them?" He scowled because the word 'be' was misspelled.

"There's a support group on campus. But one would need get the information from their Head. I would tell them privately and don't have any expectations." Minerva suspected Seamus and Dean were 'friends with benefits' but the spelling were a dead giveaway. Vincent Crabbe was a dyslexic. Crabbe and Goyle? She thought. While the Malfoy is away…

"Next question. When do witches go through 'the change' ? By the 'change' I assume the reference is to menopause. " Minerva paused, answering the question in her head, (not soon enough) and said

"It depends on the witch. But it usually starts at the age of 70."

"How does one use pain during sex?" Minerva read her eyes widening. "That's a great question! Professor Snape, why don't you answer that?"

"Very carefully." Snape said very succulently. "But you need to trust your partner intimately and I wouldn't try it at your age." Someone better ask about animagus.

No one did.

Minerva noted all the questions had been answered and the Slytherins escape to the dungeons.

"Five minute break and then I'll meet you in the common room for more questions." Minerva told her cubs. She smiled "Accio cloak." The invisibility cloak flew off three witches. "I've told Harry not to lend his cloak to you." Her voice was stern.

"I know. That's why Poppy borrowed it." Xiomara replied, innocently.

"Were you amused by the afternoon?" Minerva asked annoyed.

"Of course." Pomona said cheerily.

"So, do you know who asked about being gay?" Poppy asked.

"Crabbe. By the way I think you need to adjust the dose on his potion."

"Will do. Have fun for rest of the afternoon." Poppy said.

"I will, since you three are doing my prep for this week." Minerva looked gleeful.

"You know, my love, we got to stop Xiomara talking us into her plans." Pomona commented.

"You are Hufflepuff, if you just figured that out."