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AN: HEY EVERYONE! Gods! Sorry about this being what A MONTH AND A HALF since I've updated? but it'll be worth your while. I was trying to stay three chapters ahead of you guys; I am only half way done with chapter five. I was trying to make the chapters longer. This chapter Hermione finally gets comfort. Hermione doesn't have too many friends other than Harry, Ron and Ginny that is. So that is why Anthony is in here. If you haven't gotten this by now; Anthony is gay. My friends were like "they will get confused, you dick," so I felt bad. I want to acknowledge some special reviewers right now.
Moonbeam: totally with you on that. Sorry for the long wait.
Peachie1st: Thanks for the review. Sorry for the long wait.
Marsiana del martes: thank you for the kind words. Are you sure I'm a good writer? This topic isn't above my age?
BuckNC: you crossed the line when you said I haven't felt pain, heartache. I'm sure everyone has felt heartache and pain in some form or another. What I told you was true and you are an awful person to tell me other wise. The worst heartache I have felt is when two of my family members died; both very close to me; my grand mother and my brother who was only twenty four when he died. When you said that memories came back it was like I was reliving that whole day. I remember what I was doing the time he died. I remember I was sitting in my English class, not paying attention; talking to my friends and eating captain crunch cereal in the back.
I remembered what I was doing when my mom came home from work; I was sitting on my bed, doing my homework. She came in and just stood in the door, looking at me. She then said "they killed, Ricky," and I remember shouting "I want my brother back!" and she stayed in my room and we cried together. I also remember telling her that I want to go to school when she said I could stay home. I remember sitting at lunch next to my ex best friend and crying in my spaghetti. I can also remember begging the lunch aid to let me see my guidance councilor. I can remember sitting in his office and crying as I tell him my brother, my only brother, was dead.
I can remember him calling my mom from work and having her pick me up from school. I remember leaving the school and seeing my best friend Heather come to give me a hug good bye. I can remember being at home, on my bed watching TV and crying. But what I can't remember is you. I can't remember ever talking to you, ever knowing you. I can't remember you being there, watching me cry. So I'd like it for you to shut up and leave me alone. I'd like for you get a life and wait for me to update. I'd like for you to go jump in front of a bus because you don't know me and you will never know me.
PS. Stop being childish, I know I'm only 13, that won't stop me from being who I am. I will write what ever comes into my valley pee brain head (yeah, right). I am a smart YOUNG lady and will be treated to the capacity of my mind, not my age.
Oh, yeah. Fuck you with something hard and sandpapery.
Sorry guys I had to do that. What BuckNC was saying to me got me mad. It felt like he/she was mocking my brothers death and I couldn't handle that.
DaOnleeSam: I agree with you. But it's hard to get over your love.
dragoneyes5000: I was trying to make it sound bullish, glad it worked. In the books I just don't see what Harry sees in her. I mean she was a fake for the first four years she met him. I just thought it might be something she'd say.
computer boy: thanks for the spelling check, I was too lazy to look in the book. :'( I am so on that making the chapter's longer suggestion.
Tween Idol: omg, I love your enthusiasm for this story. I look forward to reading your reviews. Lol, I can actually see you beating the crap out of Ginny. You are right, bad things do happen to good people. Omg, you cuss, we are going to get along fine. Lol.
Obalesque: you old sweet talker you, jk. Thanks. You must me physic or I'm just predictable :(, everything you said is sort of right, grr to my predictable ness.
Lord Firefox: yes, when I was writing this I was like, what the hell did I do that for? How to get them together, me thinking. Then it came to me after days of plotting and watching classic TV.
Well that's it. Hope ya'll enjoy the story. I was going to update after my birthday but then I got to thinking that because my birthday will be August third and me, my Aunt, my mom and some friends may go away for a week or so and that would suck So I put this chapter up and after my birthday I'll give you the fifth chapter, again so sorry for the lateness. Oh, this is totally Harry and Hermione. I hate false advertising.
After crying in my bathroom I just lay on my counter staring at the silky white ceiling. I didn't know what to do; I just kept staring at the ceiling hoping to find the answer to my problem. I start to wonder what would have happened If I hadn't followed my heart and married Harry. This moment wouldn't be here and I'd be happily married to Ronald Weasley, but would I have been truly happy? As I think back now I was just a school girl with a crush on one of her best friends.
Ronald was and still is my best friend but I guess that's all we were meant to be, though I don't understand it. I thought we had more than that, I thought we'd be together forever, guess not. He went off and married the love of his life after the war ended. I couldn't believe Ronald Weasley would marry Pansy Parkinson; I thought Ron's hate of all slytherins would last our life time. To say Harry was shocked was an understatement but neither he or I could say anything, we had been having an affair for over three months.
I really hadn't been dating Ronald per say but it was known that we both wanted to, we just didn't have the Gryffindor courage to say it to each other. When Harry and I finally enlightened everyone we were together Ron took it a little hard but over the passing weeks he became his normal self, some what. He was less withdrawn and actually talked to me. What I found weird was that he hadn't really stopped talking to Harry, just me.
I was hurt and confronted Ron about this, I hadn't really meant for an argument to come from it. He got very angry and we had a fight. Not just any fight like we use to have but bigger; harsh words were said by both of us. For once in my life at Hogwarts I'd said something without even thinking. I said anything to make him hurt. Things like how much Harry was better than him, why I desired Harry over him, why he could never live up to Harry. Some of the nastiest things a person could say to Ronald Weasley. It was well know that Ron had insecurities about being a second banana to Harry and his brothers but when I threw those things in his face he exploded.
"…You manipulative bitch! You knew how I felt for you, yet you choose him. When will it ever stop being about Harry and be about me? I've loved you longer, wished to be with you more, why not me!" Ron yelled into the sky, he gave me a glance of irritation.
"Because! You were just late, as always. You never once approached me as a female, a potential girl friend; I was just supposed to wait, right?" I whispered to the still air. Damn, mid January was cold.
"Like you didn't have the same feelings, the same fears. Don't you know how much it hurts to see you with him, to see you laughing so carefree, without me? You love me, you didn't just make your feelings for me disappear; you love me," he said as he took long strides towards me. He'd grown taller and was now about six foot seven inches. Sometimes I wonder if it's human to be that tall.
"Stop! What ever you are about to do stop. Ron, I just want things to be the way they were before. I want us to be friends again. I want us to do as we had planned, get on with our life. If I can move on so can you. I love you," at that point Ron's face gained a new found hope only to be crushed at my next words.
"…and I'll always love you, as a brother, a gallant friend, a confidant. I want us to have silly quarrels over the most ridiculous things," I said beaming up at him, hoping to have made him feel a little better.
"My feels for you won't go away over night, it'll take time. I don't want to be a bother, me and my silly emotions," he said frostily. A part of me wonders why I was trying to make him feel better when he was trying so hard to make me feel guilty. I give a cold stare and walk away leaving traces of my anger in the snow as I stomp my way over to Harry, Ron didn't follow.
We made up a few weeks after. Ron was still slightly cold towards me but I over looked it; it was obvious he was in pain. When I heard he was dating Pansy Parkinson I almost died, but not from jealously but from shock., I thought it was all a trick on both their parts, Ron's and Pansy's but it's been a few years and they are still together. Ron now works as a professional Quidditch player for the Holiday Harpies, Pansy his manger but she doesn't really do anything; she was only there to keep an eye on him around groupies; I could have giggled at the thought.
Now that I'm out of my memories and back into the present I'm stuck at what to do. Do I just sit around the house, waiting…but for what? Harry. Wait for him to come back and then what? I didn't know so I slowly got up and looked at my reflection in the wide mirror. I looked a mess, my eyes red and slightly puffy from crying. My Hair seemed to me even bushier than when I was at Hogwarts. My robes were wrinkled and held tear stains; god I was I mess.
I turned on the water in the tub and readied it for a bath. I opened every cabinet to find the bathing scents and poured in a bit of every scent; lavender, peaches, strawberry, roses, lilac, lilies, and geranium blossoms; a special import. As I got into the tub I felt my muscles tense up from the hot water and then relax having once gotten use to it. I sent about 3 hours in the tub, even once the water had gotten cold I stayed in, liking the comfort of the different smells that drifted to my nose.
As I got out of the tub at one in the morning I felt lost. I had spent most of the time in the tub trying to think of ways to gain the upper hand; this was like a war and war had be thought out and if there was anyone who loved to think it was me. I wanted to calculate my every move; I wanted to come out on top. Just as I thought this my first instinct was to think of Harry; his competitiveness had gotten to me over the years.
I used my wand to dry my body and my hair. I conjured some of my muggle clothes from the master bed room and slowly put them on. Sometime, soon, I'm going to have to go back in that room, that room that I had once loved. I'd have to face what had been happening right under my nose, in my house, in my bed, soon; just not now. As I finished putting on a plain sky blue short sleeved shirt and a blue stretch jeans I turn to the tub. I pulled the plug and watched as the dirt off my skin went in circles down the drain.
If only I could get rid of things like that, just wash them down the drain. Watch my dirty deeds and thoughts go away. At that moment I wished that life had a delete button. I could delete every bad memory, every slimy thought, feeling, look. I felt so dirty, yet I looked so clean. I sighed and stood up. I took my wand and magically cleaned the tub of the left over grime. Then I stood there, a guest in my own house, an unwelcome guest. Then suddenly I felt a spark of hope with in my heart; I wasn't alone.
I ran out of the bathroom and left the door open so that the steam could escape and evaporate. I ran all the way into the sitting room and fell into a sitting position in front of the fire place. I grabbed a hand full of Floo powder and threw it into the fire and yelled "Anthony Hills" and my head appeared in his fire place. I looked around and held my breath, waiting for any signs that he was home. I yelled his name about three times and waited, I'm always waiting.
I didn't want to leave, didn't want to give up. He just had to be home. I turn my head as I hear his groggy voice yelling something about breast milk and I smile a small smile and wait. As I see him I couldn't help but widen my smile. He was wearing the gift I had gotten him, feet pajamas. I hadn't really expected him to wear them.
"Anthony!" I yell and he looks in the direction of his fire and a look of surprise comes over his face. He walks to me and kneels down.
"Hermione, if you needed a threesome you should have something at work," he said smiling at me but when he saw that I was almost about to cry he took on a more serious expression.
"What's wrong?" he asked like an over protected brother. He reminded me of Ron so much.
"I- I need you to come over, n-now. It's – r- really important," I said as the tears came down harder. He nodded his head and I knew he was coming. I try to give him a smile but I couldn't so I said good bye instead.
"I'll be there as fast as I can get dressed," he then stands up and walks to his bedroom. I pull my head out of the fire place and wait. I walk over to the plushy russet couch and lay down. In the next minute I heard a "pop" and look up to find my best friend staring down at me with an expression of sadness in his eyes.
Anthony, the first person I met on my first day of being an Auror. I was so excited; I was going to do something that would make me happy. I never thought of entering the profession while at Hogwarts but when I got out and the war was over I thought of all the lives I could save. Anthony was about five foot ten inches, around the same height as Harry and two inches taller than me.
He had chin length dark onyx hair; most of the time it blocks his steel blue eyes, giving him a very mysterious look. He had a very super model look and attitude about him, with his high cheek bones and distinguished nose. His creamy skin was what I envied about him most, if he stayed in the sun long enough he looked tanned.
Right now he was wearing muggle clothing and looked like he'd woken up in hell. I felt bad because I was going to trouble him with my predicament and worries. I sat up and ran to hug him, the faster I ran the more the tears came, until I felt his arms encircle my waist. It was a nice hug but some how I got the feeling Anthony knew; the pain, the hate, the sorrow. Everything I felt.
"What happened?" he asked as he led me back over to the couch. I didn't speak for a few moments and I knew he understood. I lean back on the couch and repeat with much difficulty what had happened when I got home from work. He sat and listened never once interrupting, which, in my opinion, is a good thing because if I stopped I wouldn't have started again.
"Six months?" he asked quietly, holding onto my hand to let me know he was there. I nodded and buried my face into the crook of his neck. I was still crying and it was hard to cry and talk at the same time. Anthony didn't ask any more questions for the rest of the night; he just let me cry while stroking my hair like my mother use to when I was younger.
I woke up the next morning with a terrible creek in my neck. That's what I get for sleeping on someone's shoulder in an upright position. I look over to see that Anthony hadn't moved from where I remembered him last night. I got up and swayed a bit because I hadn't moved my legs in a few hours. I went into the kitchen and looked in the refrigerator, the cooler and the freezer, and saw eggs, bacon, hash browns, sausages and pancake mix. I like to keep pancake mix in the cooler because it tastes better that way, or that's what I learned from my mum.
I make my over to the electric stove, grab a skillet and put it on the stove. I rummaged through the kitchen cabinets and find the cooking oil and pour it in the pan and turned on the stove. I lined everything up on the marble counter as the oil got hot. I cracked three eggs and started to whisk them. I added pepper and salt and poured the eggs in the pan. Bubbles began to form at the edges of the egg and I moved to another task.
I took out three hash browns, placed them on the good china and put them in the microwave. I turned back to the eggs and started to scramble them with the spatula. Holding onto the handle of the pan I continued scrambling. When I decided the eggs were done I went to the cabinet and go the table set up. About half an hour later breakfast was ready and I was sitting at the cherry wood dining table.
I didn't eat anything I made, not the eggs or the bacon or the hash browns. Anthony had woken up while I was making the bacon and helped me with the rest. He was sitting across from me; his plate was almost empty except for the few pieces of bacon he left and the maple syrup from the pancakes.
"I'm guess I'm use to Harry feeding me breakfast," I said quietly. He nodded and took my hand in his and I knew what he was asking.
"I don't know…maybe I can move in with my mother," I said sadly. He shook his head and looked at me like I was crazy.
"Why would you be moving out? You are not the one that committed adultery in this marriage!" he said heatedly.
"I know but I can't stay here! Every time I think about it I can see them! I can hear them moaning, I can hear her crying out his name, I can see them in every corner thrashing against each other. I can see her walking around OUR home like she owns it! I can't stay here!" and just like that I snapped. It was like a wave washing over me, the only thing I could feel was anger.
I jumped up and my chair fell back with a soft thud. My hands moved of their own accord and pushed the china in front of me onto the wooden floor, then I couldn't stop; it felt like the only way to get rid of my anger was to break things and I did just that. I cleared the table in one sweep of my hands. I walked into the sitting room and pulled out my wand. I pointed to every breakable thing I saw, for once not thinking of the consequences.
I pointed to the television that we had bought, and the screen blew up and cover the area around it with glass. I pointed to every flower vase and the six blew up in turn. I walked over to the couch and with wand less magic it started to rip its self and let loose its stuffing. I looked at the coffee table with distain and with a spark of my wand a well sized hole was placed in it. I spun around and made my way to Harry and mine's bedroom, destroying everything in the process of getting there.
I got to the door and stood still. I still wasn't ready and I hated myself for it. I made my way back to the kitchen to apologize to Anthony for my out burst when I saw it; our wedding portrait. I had wanted it to be a muggle portrait and Harry complied. His hair was still as messy as ever, his glasses firmly on the tip of his nose; his black tuxedo augmenting his emerald eyes. I stood next to him with my arms around his neck, smiling brightly while his arms were around my waist; pulling me closer.
I raised my wand and pointed it at his head and stood there, as if he were real. My mind told me to lower my wand but my fury told me other wise, each voice pushing me over the edge to do the unthinkable. That had been the happiest day of my life. Do I really want to do something I'd regret? And then the words had been formed on my lips before I knew it and even faster I had said them.
"Reducto," I whispered and my wand reacted and soon Harry's face was slowly disappearing in small flames. I dropped my wand and I then realized that I didn't regret it. That was what scared me a little. Was I ready to throw away all those years of friendship and love? Why not? He threw it away first, the voice whispered in my ear. I grabbed my wand and run into the kitchen where Anthony now occupied the wall.
"Done with your salvation?" he asked in a hard voice.
"I'm sorry; I was being childish and stupid but I just don't know what to do. You have to understand that," I yelled and threw my wand at his feet. He side stepped it and walked over to me. He smiled and patted me on the head, like my dad would have done; as though congratulating me on finally understanding a hard math problem.
"I know what you need. You need to go on a vacation; after telling your parents about you and Harry," I shook my head no.
"What I need to burn this house and everything in it," I said angrily.
"We can do that, too" he said and for a minute I thought he was serious. You never can tell with clowns. He turned his back to me and made his way down the hallway.
"Where are you going?" I asked still in the same spot.
"To pack your stuff seeing as you're not ready to go into that room, yet," he yelled over his shoulder. I wanted to run up to him and drag him back to the kitchen by he was already in the bed room.
"I'm not going!" I shouted to him. He ignored me and continued to do what he was going.
"I don't want anything in that room!" I yelled trying to stop him with out moving. It seemed it had worked because he came back out.
"Yea, we'll have to buy you new clothes then, won't we?" he said with a devious grin.
"I'm not going and stop smiling!" I yelled. How could he smile? How could anyone smile? He ignored me and made his way over to his fire place.
"I'm going to change my clothes, you better be ready when I get back," he said and picked up some Floo powder and with a burst of green light he was gone. I stood and turned my head in defiance; I wasn't going. I looked around the room and thought about what to do. Again I had that feeling of being lost. I felt weird and put my arms around myself; maybe I should go, it was better than staying here.
I looked over at the dishes on the floor and bent down to pick them up. Then I noticed a robe, my white silk robe. It was left carelessly on the floor. But I wouldn't leave it in the kitchen. My eyes traveled up some more and I was able to see silver high heeled shoes. Most curious since I didn't own any silver shoes, at least I don't think. I look up and I see legs, muscular, male legs. I stood up and I saw a naked Harry pushing a naked Ginny against the wall.
I gasped in shock and hurt. I blinked back tears of hurt and treachery. I looked again and they were gone. I walked back to the fire place, ready to tell Anthony okay when green light shadowed my face. I blinked in shock and looked up to the hysterical Ginny Weasley.
"Hermione, help! You have to help us. Something's wrong with Harry!" she said as soon as I opened my eyes.
"After we left last night," a slight tint in her cheeks could be seen. My hands balled into fist and my face squinted in anger.
"Go…way…" was all I said before I stormed out of the room. How dare her! How dare she come and do this to me. She now had me wondering what was wrong with Harry; I wondered if he was okay and found my self stopping to the call of her next words.
"He's got amnesia! He hasn't any idea who he is. Mum thought it best you were informed," she yelled.
"She thought it BEST I were informed! Aha! Tell her I'm a little busy at the moment, talk to her in another two years," I yelled but part of me wanted to go back, wanted to go to Harry, wanted Harry. And that was the part of me who Apparated right on the spot to the burrow.
AN: I modified a few things but the point is still the same. While I've been away I've been thinking of new stories and I'm actually in the process of writing an Inuyasha story! I am a totally Seeshomaru and Kagome shipper so that will be the ship. I'm also planning two other Harry Potter stories; they will remain a surprise until I write them out a little. See, I get ideas and just run with them after a bit of planning, if any. So I hope you liked this chapter; maybe it is out of my age; this topic, I mean I'm only thirteen, you guys think I should continue because I got lots more for this story; Lots of twist and head turners. Even if I'm young a girl can have an imagination, right? Please REVIW, I LOVE REVIEWERS! LOVE YOU GUYS.
Jayu: I just had to address you. I'd like to thank you and I really love that you love my story. I know it's over done but I'll try to be as original as possible, will you keep reading? I hope so. Oh, put you as last because you brought up and interesting point and I was lazy. :P