Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. The wonderful JK Rowling does! I wish I did, then I'd be rich! Just kidding! Please don't sue me for writing a fan fic that I really hope you enjoy!
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"It's a very healthy baby," the mediwitch commented. Lily and James smiled at each other. They were seeing a mediwitch to see if the baby was okay and when the due date was. The mediwitch carefully glided her wand over Lily's bare stomach, blue sparks emitting from it. "Picturaritus!" the mediwitch muttered. A bubble hovered above her wand, showing a black and white picture of a little black blob surrounded by white light.
"Is that our baby boy? James asked breathlessly.
The mediwitch smiled. "Yes it is," she moved her wand around a little more and cast a few more charms, "Your due date should be July 19th. Fotobearis!" Instantly, three little moving photographs appeared in James' hand. "Come back in a month so we can see the baby's progress."
A couple hours later The Marauders (minus Peter) and their respective partners were all gathered around the sonogram pictures at the kitchen table. "He is the cutest spot I have ever seen!" cooed Marissa.
"Oh, James! He has your wavy black lines!" Sirius said, pretending to cry.
"What do you think, Lils?" Kiah asked.
Lily looked at the picture and burst into tears. "What is it?" James asked with concern.
Sniffing, Lily said, "I don't see him!"
Everyone shared a baffled look for a moment, then Remus said, "Lily, he's the black blob."
"The whole picture is a black blob!" Lily buried her face in her arms, "I'm the worst mother in the world. I can't even see my own child!"
Sirius bit his lip, trying not to laugh. "Wow, I never thought pregnant woman had this many hormones!" he said, sidestepping a book thrown his way.
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"Ooh, look at this spinny thingamabob!" Sirius said in awe, twirling a mobile with cows on it.
"Why is there a trashcan in a baby store?" Remus asked, turning a diaper genie upside down.
"Aww, it's fuzzy!" James said, rubbing a stuffed penguin against his cheek, "We are so buying this!"
"I'm sorry I ever considered bringing you guys," Lily muttered, looking at cribs. Lily was currently furniture shopping for the baby's new room with ¾ of the Marauders. Marissa and Kiah had to work, but asked Lily to videotape the havoc.
"Lily! I found a, er, spinny thing with snitch's and broomsticks on it!" James said, picking up a scarlet and gold mobile with snitch's dangling and broomsticks zooming around the top. "Little Buckwheat will be the greatest Seeker that ever lived!"
Lily choked on the water bottle she was drinking out of. "Buckwheat? No, our child will not be a hillbilly! He will be a great wizard, not a Quidditch player," Lily snapped her fingers, "I got it! Merlin! Merlin James Potter!"
James groaned and rolled his eyes. "I like the middle name, but Merlin? How old is that name?"
"Blimey, will you guys shut up? I am trying to test the sturdiness of this crib!" Sirius said. Lily and James looked over at Sirius to find him snuggling himself inside a crib with about thirty stuffed animals surrounding him.
The couple choked back a laugh. Lily got a blanket off the shelf and threw it over Sirius. "Nighty night, Sirius!"
"Don't forget your binky winky!" James said, shoving a pacifier in Sirius' mouth.
Quickly, Sirius spit it out. "Ha ha, very funny guys." He began climbing out of the crib when there was a series of cracking noises. A second later the crib fell to pieces.
"What the bloody hell is going on out here?" said an irritable voice from the backroom. Lily, James, and Remus grabbed their stuff and moved to the check out counter, chatting between themselves as if nothing were amiss.
The store manager came out, his eyes sweeping the store and finding the broken crib. "Who did it?" he asked, trying to keep his voice calm. Sirius was nowhere to be seen. James threw some galleons at the cashier, thanked her, and left hurriedly.
"You can come out now Sirius!" Remus called.
Sirius cautiously stepped from around the corner. "That was so much fun!"
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Sirius and Remus popped into the Potter's home, Sirius bouncing up the stairs with Remus lagging behind, shaking his head solemnly over the fact that his friend was really six and insane. "Prongs?" Remus called.
"Shh, Moony, he's sleeping!" Sirius said, creeping into the master bedroom. James was entangled in the blankets laying face down with some drool escaping onto the pillow. Sirius smiled a classic Marauder grin, bent down close to James' ear and yelled, "OH MY GOD! LILY IS HAVING HER BABY!"
James shot out of bed like a cannon. "It's going to be okay! I'm getting the Floo powder Lily!" James said, attempting to put on his shoe backwards. Remus and Sirius collapsed on the floor in a fit of laughter. James looked around wildly and his eyes narrowed when he saw his best friends.
"I would pay to see that again!" Remus said, wiping the flecks of tears from his eyes.
"It would cost you your life, Moony," James grumbled.
"How did you even fall for that? Lily isn't even showing she's pregnant!" Sirius gasped, sitting up on his elbows.
"I was asleep, Padfoot! How was I supposed to know?"
"Alright, enough. We're so sorry, we ask you humbly for forgiveness so we can use your mirror," Remus said, bowing low.
"Why do you need to use the mirror?" James asked, his anger forgotten.
Sirius shrugged. "Dunno, we're bored. Can we?"
James broke out into a grin. "I want to see how our good friend Snivellus is doing." James pranced to the living room (Remus shaking his head once more and Sirius bounced past him, reminded of their Animagus's) to where the mirror was hanging on the wall. "Heris!" he said, waving his wand over the mirror. He saw his friends confused looks and said, "Lily and I found a way to hear what's going on. Severus Snape!"
A picture of a dim room came before them. Snape was putting long, black, flowing robes over his shoulders. He then waved his wand and music came out of the walls. Snape transfigured his brush into a microphone. Snape began shaking his backside and jutting his lips out.
"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy. I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car, too sexy," Snape sang, dancing provocatively around the room.
The Marauders collapsed into a huge fit of laughter. "…I'm a model, you know what I mean? I do my little turn on the catwalk. On the catwalk, yeah. On the catwalk, yeah. Do my little turn on the catwalk."
James waved his hand and the image disappeared. The three guys were rolling on the floor, tears pouring out of their eyes. "Ha! D-do my little turn on the c-c-catwalk!" gasped Remus.
Sirius stood up, still laughing slightly. He walked around with am invisible microphone, shaking his backside. "I'm too greasy for the world, too greasy for the world, too greasy!"
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"I'm getting married today! I'm getting married!" Marissa yelled through the fireplace. Lily and James both sat up sleepily, James looking at the clock next to his bed. 5:03 AM.
"Rissa?" Lily muttered sleepily, rubbing her eyes. James threw himself back on the pillow with a groan, pulling Lily down with him.
"We have a ton to do today! Wake Kiah up, pick up the dresses, get all of the flowers, confirm with the caterer and band…" Marissa rambled on while Lily tried to force the call for sleep away.
"Listen, I was excited too on my wedding day-"
"-You kept Kiah and I up all night second guessing the whole thing-"
"What?" James asked, sitting up wide-awake.
Lily ignored him. "And this is no different. It's five in the bloody morning, wake me back up at eight, you're not getting married for another ten hours."
"You were second guessing us?" James asked.
Lily turned on him. "Sirius told me how you freaked out and wanted to runaway to go ice fishing, don't even start with me."
James shrugged. "Sounds fair to me. Good night!"
"Lily, ten hours isn't enough time!" Marissa whined.
"It takes five hours to do everything, either go back to sleep or bother Remus and Kiah," Lily said sleepily, waving her hand and putting up a block on the fireplace.
Groaning, Marissa went back to bed, nestled under the blankets and closed her eyes. But she was way to pumped to sleep, plus Sirius was snoring beside her quite loudly. By 7:45, she had cleaned the apartment and picked up the dresses. Satisfied she had wasted enough time, Marissa popped into Lily and James' room, seeing James try to put his socks on his hands.
"Lily! Wake up!" Marissa said in a loud whisper.
Groggily, Lily sat up and yawned. "No, not eight yet, go away," she muttered, falling back onto the pillows.
"That's it!" Marissa said, yanking the comforter off of the bed. James saw an opportunity for a good memory and quickly summoned the video camera that was to be used that day. Lily groaned and started throwing pillows at her. Marissa grabbed her ankles and began pulling her out of bed. Lily was screaming and trying to kick Marissa, but she had a firm grip on her ankles. With a tremendous pull, Lily fell hard on the floor.
"You are so going to die!" Lily said, grabbing as many pillows as she could. Marissa screamed and ran away, Lily following and James close on her heels, laughing with the camera zooming in and out.
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Sirius burst into the Potter's house, seeing James and Remus playing Wizards Chess as the girls were running around town getting ready. "What's wrong mate?" Remus asked looking at Sirius with concern. James took the opportunity to knock his bishop off the board.
Breathing heavily and stuttering, Sirius said, "Freaking out! Not ready! Responsibility!"
"Calm down! I freaked out like this too! Bloody hell, even Moony did! He's the most responsible out of all of us! Do you love Marissa?" James asked.
"Of course!" Sirius said, waving his hands impatiently.
"Then your fine, just focus on that all day. Checkmate," alleged Remus casually.
James did a double take. "What? How?"
Remus chuckled. "Cheating is no use against me."
"Have we picked up the robes?" Sirius asked.
"Yes," both James and Remus responded.
"Buttoners?"
"Lily is going to bring them to our dressing room," both responded.
"Photographer?"
"Girls took care of it."
"Vows and speeches?"
"That's it!" James said, knocking the pieces they just set up to the floor, "You are way over reacting! Time out for you!" James clipped Sirius around the ear and pulled him to the baby's future room. Pushing him in, James closed the door and sealed it with his mind. "So Moony, fancy a game of Exploding Snap?"
Three games later (Remus winning all three), Remus said, "I haven't heard Sirius in a while. He stopped pounding on the door a long time ago."
"I'll go check on him!" James said, leaping up.
"I'm winning! Why does everyone do that?" Remus said, throwing the cards down in frustration, which resulted in the deck blowing up.
James just laughed and unsealed the door with a wave of his hand. "Sirius?" James called, stepping in the room. James saw something he didn't expect. The room was completely empty. Only one clue was there, a piece of paper with four words scribbled on it. I can't do it. "Remus! We forgot he could Apparate!" James yelled, running to the living room. He shoved the piece of paper in Remus' face.
With a shocked expression playing on his face, Remus read the note over and over again. "This can't be right! I had no idea his fear of commitment was that bad. What are we going to do?"
James shrugged. "No idea. But we have to find him before the wedding which is in," James consulted his watch, "Three hours," He let out a string of curse words.
Remus sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Sirius is a really good hider, this could be hard. You start looking for him. Think of the last place he would be. I'm going to go to the apartment and talk to Kiah and Lily."
"What are you going to tell them?"
"The truth, I guess…"
"Don't tell Marissa!" James said in a sharp tone, summoning the cloaks.
Rolling his eyes, Remus commented, "I'm not an idiot. Come back here in an hour and we will search together." James nodded and both men Apparated.
Arriving in Diagon Alley, James looked around and muttered, "If I were Sirius, where would I hide?" He looked around for a second, then headed to the joke shop.
Meanwhile, Remus appeared at Marissa and Sirius' apartment. He arrived in chaos. Kiah and Lily had their bridesmaid's dresses on but they were chasing after the flower girl and ring bearer, both three years old. The ring bearer was running around completely naked and the flower girl was wearing an oversized shirt and high heels, traipsing around singing her own version of Here Comes the Bride. Marissa was nowhere to be found.
"Kiah!" Remus called, pulling her aside.
Kiah smiled tiredly and gave him a kiss. "Hey, can you come back later? We're a little busy," she said, looking over at Lily. She was pinning down the ring bearer and yanking knickers and pants on him.
"No, this is huge. It may stop the wedding," Remus said. Quickly, he told her Sirius was missing.
"Oh my God," Kiah said after a moment of silence, "Are you sure?" Remus handed her the note Sirius had left. "I never thought he was that scared of getting married."
"James is currently looking for him. What are we going to do with Marissa? Speaking of, where is she?" he asked, looking around at the havoc.
"There was a large rip in her veil, she is going back to the dressmaker and complaining. There is only," Kiah consulted the clock on the wall, "three hours until the wedding. You keep looking for him and I'll use the locket when Marissa comes back. If you find him before then just come over here and tell me."
Remus nodded. "Tell Lily too, I'm going to Diagon Alley." Kiah nodded and gave him one last kiss before he Apparated.
As he arrived, he saw James walk into an ice cream parlor. Remus chased after him, grabbing James' arm right before he went to a booth. "Kiah and Lily know, but I don't think he'd be in Diagon Alley."
James let out a frustrated groan. "I have been searching forever, unless you have a better plan-" James trailed off and a glossed look got in his eyes. The Marauder grin was slowly appearing on his face.
"What?" Remus asked impatiently.
James turned on him, still grinning. "The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black."
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"Hello dears! What brings you here?" Gail Black said with delight as she pulled both boys into a bear hug.
"Hullo Gail, you know about the wedding, right?" James said.
Gail scoffed. "Of course I do James, I am the mother of the groom!"
"Well, you see, Sirius is freaking out a little about going to the next level and went into hiding. Is he here?" Remus asked.
Gail's eyes narrowed. "He told me he was here to get some of his old things! Oh, when I get up there," Gail never finished as she abruptly turned around and strode up the stairs, a confused James and Remus following.
She burst into Sirius' old room. Sirius was sitting on the bed, staring at the wall, but jumped when Gail came bursting in. She clipped his ear and twisted it around. "OUCH! MUM LET GO!" Sirius yelled, his arm flaying everywhere.
What burst out next sounded like it belonged in a Howler. "I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT SKIPPING OUT ON YOUR OWN WEDDING! I'VE SEEN YOU AND HER TOGETHER AND I KNOW YOU LOVE HER! NOT TO MENTION THE WHOLE TIME YOU WERE MOPING ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE HER EVERYDAY!"
"Mum! Let go! It hurts!" Sirius said, trying to pull her hand off. Gail was keeping a firm grasp, causing Sirius' ear to turn red.
"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MAD I AM? I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF A PUNISHMENT FOR YOU!" Gail yelled.
Finally, Sirius wrenched her hand off his ear. Sirius shot up, rubbing his ear furiously. "Number one, I am not a kid anymore! I am a man! I'm done with school, I have a job, and I'm getting bloody married today!"
"No you weren't! I'm going with Gail on this, you were going to break Marissa's heart by running away!" Remus said.
"That's the reason I was running away! I was scared of hurting her in the future. What if she deserves someone better than me? I might make her unhappy. I don't want to do that!" Sirius moaned, putting his face in his hands.
James rolled his eyes. "You would be hurting her more than ever if you ran away on her wedding day. And don't you dare lie to me Padfoot. You were more scared of being with one girl for the rest of your life!"
Sirius glared at him. "You just ruined my good monologue. So what if I'm worried about that? You two were also!"
"No, I was more worried that Lily was going to change her mind," James said matter-of-factly.
"Same here with Kiah," Remus said.
"What if we take this step by step? Just one thing to focus on at a time. First, we'll take a shower, how does that sound?" James asked.
"Depends on what you mean by 'we', Prongs," Sirius muttered.
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Marissa came back in the apartment, sighing with relief. "They had another one just like it in stock. I thought the worst had happened there!"
Lily and Kiah gave her a weak smile. "Oh yeah, the worst!" Kiah agreed. Subtly, she opened her locket to signal Remus Marissa has arrived.
"So I think we should do my make-up first, then attempt that hairstyle in the book, and go to the church to get in my wedding dress," Marissa said hurriedly, carefully laying the veil box on the couch and heading to the bedroom, where the ring bearer and flower girl were playing quietly with blocks in their outfits. "Whoa, when I left it was chaos, did you give them a tranquilizer or something?" asked Marissa.
"Um, sure. Do you think we have time go get lunch?" Lily asked.
"Yeah! I'm really hungry!" supported Kiah.
Marissa gave them both a quizzical look. "I guess, but who's going to watch the kids?"
Kiah began pushing Marissa out the door. "Mrs. Braveston from downstairs. Now let's hurry and go!"
"You guys have your bridesmaids dresses on," Rissa said doubtfully.
With a quick wave of their wands, Lily and Kiah changed their dresses into flare jeans and a top. "Come on! It's lunch rush hour!" Lily said. Marissa sneaked a glance at the clock. 2:30 PM. With an unconvinced roll of her eyes Marissa allowed herself to be pushed out the door.
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Sirius walked out of the dressing room, looking very fearful in his dress robes. "Okay, what's next?" he asked.
Remus and James shared a glance. "Getting married," they said together. Sirius shot them a defiant glance and began heading for the door.
James dragged him back. "Oh no, stay!" James said, pushing a struggling Sirius down on the bed. "Stay! Good boy!" cooed James, patting Sirius on the head.
Growling, Sirius transformed into Padfoot and chased James around the room, nipping at his ankles. "Help would be great, Moony!" James yelled, scooting back on the counter and attempting to fend Padfoot away with a broken hair dryer.
Remus choked back a laugh. "I'm good, I love my body parts and don't want them bitten off. Plus I have to alert some bridesmaids the groom has arrived," Remus slipped out the door, but poked his head back in a moment later and said, "Don't forget you're an Anamagus too, James."
In the meantime, Kiah and Lily were trying everything they could to stall Marissa. "We could go early Christmas shopping," Kiah said wearily.
"That's it!" Marissa said, throwing down the foundation she was trying to use. "What are you guys trying to do? Do you not want me to get married or something?"
Lily opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, Remus came in inaudibly. "I just want to say everything is alright and you can get married. See you in an hour!" With a slight nod, he slipped out, leaving behind relieved bridesmaids and a confused bride.
Rissa gestured a hand towards the door. "What was that about?"
Shaking her head, Lily said, "No time for talking! You don't even have your makeup on yet!" With quick hands, Kiah and Lily sat Marissa down and began applying lipstick with a gloss finish so she couldn't talk.
Gallant attempts were made by Marissa to bat her best friends hands away. "What did he mean, 'everything's alright'?"
With a heavy sigh, Kiah asked hopelessly, "Are you going to give it up?"
"No! Tell!"
"Fine!" Lily said. Marissa delicately folded her arms across her chest and tapped her foot impatiently. "We couldn't find," Lily cast a quick help-me glance to Kiah, who shrugged her shoulders in return, "the photographer and we didn't want you to freak out. But obviously Remus found him," Lily said, putting on an ashamed face.
Marissa breathed a sigh of relief and put her hand to her chest. "You did find him though?" Lily nodded diffidently, "Wow, my wedding could have been ruined! What would have happened if we didn't find him?"
"Clearly there would be no wedding," murmured Kiah sarcastically.
Luckily Marissa didn't hear this comment. "Whew, at least nothing else could go wrong worse than that, unless Sirius decides to go missing!" Marissa said with a chuckle. But the wedding party had nothing to worry about, as the ceremony went off without a hitch and the reception was a smashing good time.
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Author Notes: Okay so I used like all of that from F.R.I.E.N.D.S but I love that episode! I couldn't pass up the last wedding opportunity haha. Once again, sorry about the three weddings in a row, I cut the actually ceremony out but if anyone wants me to put it back in, please just send a review in and tell me. Or if you think I should cut out Remus' wedding ceremony too, please tell me. I was wondering if you guys could tell me one thing you love about my style of writing and one thing you hate about it (please don't criticize my cannon, but criticize my style of writing) Thanks guys!
Kelsie Barmore: I don't know if you're still reading or not, but THANK YOU for telling me how especially corny those first chapters are. I was hoping you could tell me what specific parts because my plan was to completely rewrite the first 25 chapters because I hated them, but I haven't had time. Anyways, thank you so much!
R/R!