Chapter 3
"Son are you about ready?." called Chef putting on his chef hat.
"I'm coming right out now," responded Pip before putting on his school's dodgeball team uniform.
Chef exited his room at the same time as Pip did as the two had big smiles on their faces. The father and son duo made their way out of the house and into the station wagon before driving out of their driveway. Currently, it is nighttime with the full moon shining so beautifully as tonight is the first night. The first night game of the open season of dodgeball. Yes, sir, every single kid had trained for this day to come to both play and win tonight's dodgeball match.
To their surprise, they are going to be facing the same team that they played in the first dodgeball tournament. The Denver Elementary School's dodgeball team had droved to South Park for tonight's first home game for the South Park Cows. Chef could not lie about the fact of being two times champion of dodgeball once they progress throughout the season. After gaining more information, Chef informed everyone that if they can keep a solid win going they would host the final game. Let alone since they were still reigning and current champions for an unknown reason, their town will be hosting the final game meaning making a profit for the people of South Park.
"Oh, Dad, I can not wait to throw that red ball at someone's face tonight," said Pip, grinding big on the idea.
Chef chuckled while making a left turn. "I'm glad you are having the game mindset for tonight, Pip. When we win, which we will, we will beat every elementary dodgeball teams that we have on our schedule and bring home a second championship flag in the school's cafeteria. Can you imagine that, son?."
Pip nodded. "I'm sure am, Dad. We are going to cream Denver Elementary!."
"Yep. And I just came up with the changes to the song that I had sung when we beat Denver Elementary the second time. I can not wait to see the look on that coach's face for the second time." added Chef, taking a right turn with a big smile.
In just a couple of minutes, they arrived at the school where cars were parked everywhere from the parking lot area to the curves. The bus that Denver Elementary took was parked in the bus parking lot as it stood out like sore dumb with all of the school's colors and mascot face. Once locking the car, Chef and Pip head to the back door of the team's locker room which is located in the back hallway of the gym, as all the boys who are in their green dodgeball uniforms were waiting for them to arrive and be given a quick pep talk.
"Dude, everyone in South Park has come to our game tonight." pointed out Stan, hearing a large crowd outside.
"Yep, and tonight is our night, Children." Chef looked at everyone while being in the center. "Children a win tonight will make both a statement and big momentum for us. With this win, we will let everyone know that the South Park Cows are back and better than ever."
"Yeah!." every boy spoke with enthusiasm.
"Tonight we are going to send those snobby upper-class assholes what this hit town in the mountains is all about!." Chef raised his right arm up with a balled-up fist.
Every boy did the same with their right arm up. "Yeah!."
"So let us go whip some Denver asses!." Chef spoke with high enthusiasm.
"Yeah!!!!!." the boys spoke with full confidence.
Once done rallying his little players they all exited the team's locker room and waited for the announcer to give them their introduction. In the gymnasium, every bench is filled with the home crowd on the right as the away crowd was on the left both cheering and holding their signs with boldness. In this new season of dodgeball, they were going to be filmed live for everyone who is a dodgeball fanatic to watch in the comfort of their own homes or on their phones moving forward in the future. That is the result of after them winning and beating the Chinese elementary kids who once were undefeated and reigning dodgeball champions. And that was the result of having an MVP among them known as Pip.
"Welcome everyone to the night's first opening season of dodgeball!." spoke Mayor McDaniels with true excitement in her voice.
The crowds cheered in their response before letting South Park's mayor to continue.
Mayor McDaniels smiled and spoke at a good volume. "Let us not waste a good night. People of South Park please welcome our current, defending, and reigning dodgeball champions. The one and only South Park Cows!."
As soon as their names were called, Pip and the others came running in with the school's fight song playing in the background. The crowd cheered big while chanting the words 'South Park Cows!. South Park Cows!'. As the crowd calmed down, Mayor McDaniels announced the Denver Elementary dodgeball team they too got cheered on. After the introduction was over and done, Pip along with Stan, Cartman, Kenny, and Kyle walked into the center of the court along with Denver's team key players facing each other. PC Principal who is a certified referee came up with the coin in his left hand and the microphone in the other hand.
"Alright, kids listen well." PC Principle showed the coin. "The face of the coin is heads and the back of the coin is tails. South Park Cows you are the current defending champs so you get the first call."
Pip who is voted as the team's captain stepped up and spoke. "We choose heads."
PC Principle flipped the coin and looked at where the coin had landed. "It is heads. South Park Cows gets the first serve."
The people of South Park cheered in response as the boys headed to their benches giving them time to get things ready. Chef already picked out his first six players to play for the first quarter. Pip, Stan, Cartman, Kyle, Kenny, and Butters headed to the court ready for the game to start. The Denver dodgeball coach walked over to Chef to say a few words before the game can finally begin.
"Well, Chef, I am glad we can play once again." He spoke with a sportsmanship attitude.
"I feel the same way." Chef gave the same attitude with the mindset of thinking the Denver Coach was going to boast and belittle them the last time they met. "I want to say let the best coach win."
Denver Coach chuckled. "Yeah, I wish I could say the same thing too but I'm not."
Chef frowned a little. "Why?."
"Why?." Denver Coach smirked. "Simple. You and your team pulled a fluke win over China to become champions. Otherwise, ya wouldn't stop competing in this now-considered professional sport. It literally took a PC Bro to get you guys back into the swing of things. But it is pointless."
Chef crossed his arms and raised his brow "Now what makes you so over the top confident in beating us?."
"Well, I gained two more new kids that I moved from Kentucky and showed impressive potential." Denver Coach explained before eyeing his new players.
"Well, the joke is on you, Coach. My son is my personal key player on this team. As of matter of fact, my son Pip single-handled took the whole roster of the Chinese dodgeball team with just one serve." boasted Chef.
"Yes, I heard about that a long time ago." Denver Coach rubbed his chin. "But I still say it is just a rumor and not actually true."
"Oh, you find out soon enough," Chef told the man before walking back to his side of the court.
Pip, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters got beside each other and ready to grab the balls and begin throwing. PC Principle blew the whistle and the game finally started. The boys quickly grabbed the balls and immediately started throwing the balls at their opponents. The Denver kids avoid being hit by the balls and return fire after grabbing the dead ball off their side of the court. Pip and the boys quickly ducked and dodged the balls from making contact with them while staying focused in the process. Cartman again manages to get one player out of the game by catching the ball with his fat stomach. To make things even funny it is the same kid that Cartman had kicked out from the first meeting of the tournament.
"Shit, fatass catch the ball with his stomach again!." said the pissed-off kid as he headed to the bench.
"I'm not fat, I'm big bone!." argued Cartman, throwing the ball at another kid and missed.
Stan and Kyle spin around and double-take two boys who did not take the chance to get out of the way down, and then did the same with the two new kids. But those new kids that the Denver coach had said had caught both balls and got Stan and Kyle out of the whole remainder of the night.
"Damn it!." Stan pouted and headed to the bench.
"Man, we were so close to getting them out. The fuck!." said Kyle, frustrated and took a seat.
This had left Pip, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters by themselves.
"Come on boys don't let up!." called Chef.
"Come on Pip don't get pressured!." said Shelley, who is Chef's both new dodgeball and football assistant coach.
This made Pip blush at hearing Shelley calling his name and telling him not to stress. No one knew that Pip had an extreme crush on Stan's older sister since the day he arrived in South Park. Unlike his old crush, Estella who he saved from her crazy mother back in the British countryside. After some strong thinking, Pip let her go due to now realizing that she is not the ideal girl he wanted to be with let alone marry. Shelley however is beyond different from Estella. When Shelley says something or shows her emotions it was all her without having to be raised to break any man's heart to achieve her mother's insane goal attempt.
Pip loved everything that was Shelley. Heck, he even loved how she beat the fuck out of Stan after accusing him of once again thinking that he is looking at her braced headgear that the dentist had made her wear with her braces. The one thing that Pip could not understand is why Shelley never calls him a turd like all the other boys or even dare make him her unfortunate victim like his best friend Stan. He is considering asking his Dad on what he should do which had to do with his heart of love for a thirteen-year-old girl who happens to be his best friend's sister. Taking Shelley's advice, Pip stayed on his toes throughout the first quarter until time had run out.
As the first quarter came to an end living Pip, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters survived the first round and are now automatic substitutes for the next group of six players for the second through fourth quarter if one of the players is injured upon play. During that time of the game half, the players were either out due to being hit or having their ball caught by the opposite team, or they got themselves injured. It is currently halftime as Wendy and the girls did their cheerleader performance as halftime performers, before letting Denver Elementary cheerleaders get their turn. Back inside the team's locker room, Chef is currently strategizing among his remaining active player while the others were listening in or adding some suggestions.
"Alright, Children, we have got to keep our heads in the game and slip up." Chef pointed at the dry-erase board that has his strategy drawing. "Pip, I am not afraid of putting you in the fourth quarter to guarantee our victory."
"Sounds good to me, Dad," said Pip, drinking his bottle of water.
Shelley stepped up and pointed at the board. "Now, we just need Cartman, Butters, Craig, Tweek, and Tolkien to keep Pip from getting hit. Can you five turds be able to do this?."
Tweak started twitching uncontrollably. "Yeah, we should be able to do that!."
"I made sure that ball just hit one of the parts of my body and not my face." Craig looked at his friends. "I promised my girlfriend that we take early holiday pictures tomorrow after school."
Tolkien nodded. "Sounds good. Pip we are riding on you tonight."
Cartman took a bite of his candy bar. "We have this game in the bag with Pip finishing the fourth quarter."
"No pressure alright, Pip?." asked Shelley, not wanting her star dodgeball player to be messed up mentally.
Pip quickly nodded while hiding his blush. "Right."
Chef did not pay any attention to what just happened due to having his mind on beating Denver tonight. PC Principle enters the locker room with his sports drink in hand.
"Chef we are about to begin the second half," said PC Principle, taking time to drink his bottle.
Chef nodded. "Right. Thanks for the heads up, PC." He looked at his players. "Alright, Children let us make this win."
The boys agreed to this as they exist out of the locker room and return to the gym court. In the third quarter, both teams had taken each of their players out both naturally and injured throughout the quarter with the crowds screaming with excitement. When the final quarter has come, Pip, Cartman, Butters, Craig, Tweek, and Tolkien took their places on the court. Along with Denver Coach's new players and regular ones. As PC Principle blew the whistle the fourth quarter began.
The two new kids quickly grabbed the balls before Cartman and Tolkien could even get the chance to reach for them and instantly threw the ball at them.
"Ah, you son of a bitch you threw the ball at me too damn hard!." yelled Cartman, rubbing his sore red face.
"Yeah, and they cause my damn motherfucking nose to bleed too," said Tolkien, both in anger and holding his head to keep the blood from pouring out.
"Ah, damn it is just us four now!. Ahhhh!." said Tweek, feeling over scared and uneasy.
"Watch out!." Butters ducked from the ball and quickly grabbed it before throwing it right back.
Craig caught the ball and got the ball and send the other kid to the bench, before blocking the incoming ball with the ball in hand. Pip took at least two boys out and managed to prevent himself from getting hit by the new kids. Chef with his clever thinking spoke up to his son before calling the first timeout.
"Son, I need you to get mad as you did before when we played dodgeball." Chef informed his son.
"Think of something that will definitely piss you the fuck off. Something that would be emotional." said (mumbled) Kenny, pulling his hood down to get some cool air to hit his hot neck.
Pip gave it a thought on what would get him mad enough to be able to put the first win of the season in the bag. He glanced at Shelley who had a look of hope on her face for him to win this. Pip instantly thinks of his crush getting back with Amir. The boy that she met online like all the other boys she formerly dated had shattered her heart by breaking up with her, due to him having a fake relationship with the AI computer Siri on his iPhone. Saying that the computer listens more and responds more with no limits on what time and day it was. Pip remembered what Stan told him on the day he came over to play some video games that Shelley stayed in her room in the dark, and lay in her bed crying her eyes out saying that no other boy would ever love her for her or even have a serious no limit relationship with her.
Pip frowned. "I got it."
Pip returned to the court with Butters, Craig, and Tweek with anger on his face. PC Principal blew the whistle to end the break and resumed the game. The boys on the Denver side grabbed the balls and threw them at the four. Pip double-backflipped when the two balls headed his way before quickly grabbing them. Then he did a major spin before slugging the balls right back at them. Now the boys had figured that it was heading towards them and go catch it to win the game. However, they were deeply mistaken. Instead, the balls had gone beside their heads at six feet to make contact with the back white brick wall behind them, which bounced back and switched sides before making complete contact on the back of their heads. Thus, causing the two to hit their faces on the hard cold floors while both balls completely stopped moving.
"The winner is the South Park Cows!." called PC Principle, who is smiling in joy at his school winning the first game.
Everyone except for the people of Denver cheered proudly at the accomplished win. Chef cheered for his son at winning the game while watching the medics take Denver Coach's two new players on the stretcher and rush them to the emergency room. Chef grinned at the coach who is pissed at losing the game to them once again.
"Oh, I'm sorry about whipping your ass again, Coach," Chef yelled to get the man's attention who is super pissed off. This made Chef both do the victory dance that he used after beating the Denver elementary dodgeball team and singing the new version of his song. "Oh, baby come on. We just whip Denver's ass again. Ya going to need some serious surgery for your whipped ass. Because the tropical cream ain't enough for that swollen red rear end!."
The kids watched Chef sing his victory song with blank facial expressions except for Shelley who is dancing to the beat. She even sang along with her forever beloved cafeteria chef. Once finished taunting Chef had taken the kids to the pizza and games joint to celebrate which took about hours of partying. They had an excellent time at the place eating every type of topping pizzas, punches, and of course video games. Chef sat down at the table eating one more slice after Victoria said she was going to call it a night before Garrison or should I say Mr. Hat spikes her punch again.
Chef was about to get up to get Pip so they can go home and get up in the morning until Sharon sat down beside him with a small upset look.
"Chef, I need help," said Sharon looking at her long-time best friend.
Chef took a good look at Sharon and see she is having an issue. "What seems to be the problem, Sharon?."
Sharon sighed as she knows that Chef is the only person she can turn to with her personal problems in this wild insane town. "Chef it is about Randy."
The chef looked at Sheron with confusion on his face. "What is wrong with my good pal Randy?."
"Chef, Randy has an addiction," Sharon spoke with sadness.
"Oh, he has a marijuana addiction?." Chef asked and received a head-shake no from Sharon. "Um, is it crack cocaine?."
"No, it is not that," said Sharon.
Chef gave it a thought. "Sharon, please do not tell me that Randy's been huffing propane?."
"No, Chef, Randy is addicted to...cooking," said Sharon, looking at her best friend.
"Cooking?." Chef rubbed the back of his head in surprise. "I heard the rumors of people getting that strange addiction to the Food Network and thinking they can imitate what they see on tv. I never thought that is true. How long has he been doing it?."
Sharon sighed. "For a while now. He has been up throughout the night getting turned on by cooks cooking too complicated dishes and trying to imitate them. He keeps using and leaving piles and piles of dishes in the sink after making just one dish for us to eat or more. I keep telling Randy that cooking is not his thing or a potential career to take. He keeps denying what any of us is saying to him. He is still traumatized about both losing and not receiving any customers at our failed business of Blockbuster."
"Blockbuster?." Chef frowned a bit. "Sharon, Blockbuster is so old that even Goodwill does not want it at their drop-off donation station. And it is Goodwill of all people."
"Yeah, I crack jokes about it too." Sharon could not help but smile a bit. "I told Randy that Blockbuster is so old that Samara Morgan from the Ring would only shop there, due to her not knowing that we can now stream both movies and tv shows, and no longer rent or use VHS or DVDs."
Chef and Sharon both broke out laughing on that one as they can totally see Samara Morgan being the only horror character that still uses VHS tapes in today's period.
"Yeah, that is a good one, Sharon." Chef chuckled and calmed down.
Sharon wipes the tear off her face before grabbing a slice of pizza. "Yeah, I pulled a funny, huh?. But seriously, Chef what should I do with Randy."
"Well, I'm sure that it is just a phase." Chef grabbed his cup of mango juice. "He just simply going through an old ancient illness called, midlife crisis. I'm sure that Randy would drop the whole cooking addiction and let the real professional cooks do the cooking. Like myself for an example."
"You know what Chef you are absolutely right." Sharon agreed with what he is saying. "I do not know why I am tripping over this. Randy will eventually stop and grow tired of watching the Food Network and go back to focusing on his job as the town's only geologist."
"Yep. Have a good night, Sharon," said Chef, before drinking what is left of his drink and heading to get his son and go home.
*The Next Day*
Pip was in his room laying in the middle of the floor since he came home from school. He can not get his mind off of Shelley for a second. The more he thinks about her the more his heart beats and his love for her only gets more stronger by the second of the day. The problem that Pip is dealing with is knowing what to do at this point. He can not ignore it any longer as he keeps constantly dreaming about Shelley Marsh and what she does in his dreams every night.
"I really am in the shitter at this point in life," Pip told himself this when looking at the ceiling.
He heard a knock at the door and looked to see his adopted father by the doorway.
"Hey, kiddo, I just finished making dinner. Unfortunately, you will have to eat without me. I just got a call from Victoria that someone applied for the part-time cafeteria chef job and I have to give the second interview for this person. So do not wait up for me." said Chef.
Pip lifted his head. "Dad, I am in a rough."
"Is that so?." Chef came inside to have a seat on Pip's bed before motioning the British boy to come seat with him. "Now, tell your old man what is troubling you."
Pip sighed. "I am in love, Dad. This girl that I am crushing on is the most beautiful girl in the whole town in my opinion. I just can not stop thinking or dreaming about her. It is really driving me crackers to no end. What should I do?."
"Simple, Pip, you go for it," said Chef, having a big smile.
Pip raised his brow. "Really?."
"Yep. What you are experiencing is true love, Son. You need to go find the girl that makes you all pudding inside and tell her how you feel. Once done confessing. Ask her to be your girlfriend." explained Chef.
"Don't you think it going about it way too soon?." asked Pip, feeling a little bit uneasy about the idea.
Chef put his arm around his son. "Pip remember this lesson. At some point in life, you have to carry all of your eggs in one basket at some time or another. It is better to go and tell the girl how you feel and what to spend your entire life with her, rather than not acting upon it and regretting it over the years, and pondering on the what if question."
Taking in what his adopted father just said made a lot of sense. Let alone make this one of the best pieces of advice that Chef has ever said or had. Pip felt a bit more confident. Confident enough to go confess and ask the girl of his dreams to be his girlfriend.
"Thanks, Dad." Pip hugged his father who he hugged back before letting go. "Any idea of setting the mood in attempting?."
Chef grinned in response to his son's question. "Oh, do I."
Gathering the needed information on being able to win her over, Pip headed to Stan's house on a bike that his new grandparents had sent him not too long ago. Upon arriving he parked his bike on the lawn close to the front porch of the house before stepping up to face the front door. Taking a deep breath to relieve the urge of chickening out he rings the doorbell.
"This is the moment of truth," Pip told himself this before hearing locks being unlocked.
"Oh, hey dude." Stan opened the door all the way. "Come on in."
"Thanks." Pip entered in and closed the door behind him.
Stan guided Pip to the kitchen as Stan was planning on getting a fresh ice pack for his soreness from last night's game before Pip had ringed the door. Pip took a seat as so did Stan and began talking amongst themselves.
"So what brings you here at this time of day, dude?." Stan asked while holding the ice pack on his soreness.
Pip rubbed the back of his head. "Believe it or not, Stan, I am not to see you."
"Really?." Stan raised his eyebrow. "Then why are you here?."
Before Pip could say another word the two heard footsteps going down the stairs and wondered who the feet belong to. To Pip's satisfaction, it is none other than Shelley who is in her pajamas as she sometimes wears when arriving home from school after taking a shower.
"Hey, Stan. Hey, Pip." Shelley spoke when passing them by to go through the fridge. "What brings you here at this time of day, Pip?."
Pip cleared his throat and got off his seat and walked close to Shelley, leaving Stan to wonder what is going on or what is about to happen between his best friend and pain-in-the-ass sister.
"Well, Shelley, I am here for you," spoke Pip with confidence.
This had caused Shelley to get her head out of the fridge as she had a good-sized green apple in hand. The thirteen-year-old had a confused look on her face. "Say what?."
"Shelley Carol Marsh, I am madly in love with you," confessed Pip.
Stan had a shocked look on his face after hearing this from his best friend. For Shelley, she is indeed in shock and surprise to hear this from the mouth of a boy like Pip of all boys. Thinking that he is slightly losing her at this moment, Pip remembered his father's strategy of wooing girls as he started conjuring a themed rhythm beat of 'No Substitute' but the lyrics are in his version.
"I have been in love with you since the day I arrived in South Park. The love, at first sight, had really hit its mark. Unlike all the other girls that have seen, you really take the icing off the cake." Pip paused his singing and spoke normally for a short second. "I was hoping we could go to the movies or hold hands on a romantic boat ride as we kiss under the moonlight...or maybe we can go the movies!."
Shelley and Stan had their mouths opened in shock as they still could not believe that Pip is confessing his love for her. But that did not stop Pip from singing. No, sir, he kept right on going.
"You are a fine sexy momma." Pip covered his mouth when saying that part. "Oh, Shelley baby you a shiny diamond in the rough. You are a fine sexy momma. Oh, please be mine, 'cause I am telling the truth. You are a fine sexy momma. Because there is truly no other young girl I want to spend my life with but you."
After finishing singing, Pip can see that Shelley had a blank facial expression after taking it all in. Stan was mentally prepared to call the paramedics as soon as things go south. Knowing his big sister too well, Shelley would go full rage of anger and beat the breaks off anyone who pisses her off. Including the conversation being none hostile and just pure kindest. Pip is so mentally prepared for the beating of a lifetime. At least he went down confessing his love for the girl of his dreams.
Shelley walked up to Pip with a look of calm and none aggressive look. "Do you have your phone on you?."
Pip looked confused but responded back as he pulled his phone out and unlocked the password number before giving the device to Shelley. Shelley took Pip's phone and begin typing.
"Uh, Shelley?. What exactly are you typing into my phone?." asked Pip, curious.
"I'm putting my phone number into your phone and labeling it as one of your main people," explained Shelley, having her eyes on the screen.
"But why?." Stan asked before getting angered, Shelley.
"Because turd I am Pip's new and permanent girlfriend!." spoke Shelley.
"Say what?!." cried Stan in utter shock.
"Huh, really?." Pip is shocked to hear this. "Why so soon."
"Because." Shelley pulls her eyes off the phone to look at Pip with calmness. "Every single night when I see a shooting star, I wished for Chef to return home to South Park. I quietly cry every night before I fall asleep when I start thinking about Chef. When I heard that Chef was leaving us for good, I was going to lose a best friend and father figure. I made promises to myself, that I would be willing to pay the price to have Chef back into our lives by any means. And once Chef returned to our lives, I started to wonder how I was going to settle my debt on the promise I made on every single shooting star I see every night. And I am willing to cash in my debt and be Pip's girlfriend. Besides, I already had a crush on you Frenchy for quite a while. I just did know you were into slightly older girls. Well, now I know."
"No shit?." Pip asked in awe.
Shelley smiled sweetly at Pip when handing him his phone back after done putting her number in. "I shit you not, Pippy."
"I can not believe this shit!." said a still-shocked Stan.
"Shut the fuck up, Stan!." Shelley yelled before grabbing one of the kitchen chairs and waking Stan with it and knocking ass out and destroying the chair in the process.
Pip stood still before Shelley looked at him sweetly. She straightened her hair up a bit. "Our first date is going to be on me. The next one will be your turn. Oh, and to make our relationship official."
Shelley got closer and pulled Pip into a passionate kiss. A kiss that made the thirteen-year-old girl have her foot in the air. Pip did not hesitate in kissing right back in the process. The kiss lasted for five minutes as their lips departed.
"Mmmm, you taste real good there, Frenchy," said Shelley, seductively while playing with his hair after taking his hat off.
"I feel the same for you as well, Crumpet," said Pip.
"Crumpet?." Shelley grinned with a giggle.
"It fits you so well," said Pip before leaning forward to kiss his new girlfriend again.
The two continued making out until Stan came to. Meanwhile, Chef arrived at the school and headed to go interview the potential employee in the cafeteria, after PC Principal send him there. As Chef entered his beloved cafeteria he saw the person who had applied for the part-time job. To his surprise, he was wrong about it being a phase.
"Hi, Chef." Randy smiled at his best friend.
"Randy?." said a surprised Chef.
(A/N): And we are going to stop right here. Man, how wild is this chapter?. Thank you for reading this chapter. Have a safe and wonderful Happy Thanksgiving everyone. God bless you and your family.