AN: Many thanks to Marie and to those who commented :)

This chapter is a bit longer, hope you enjoy it.

John chose a planet they had been to before. The first time, it was peaceful, with natives offering flowers and welcoming the guests. This time, things were a bit different.

A few minutes after stepping through the gate, they heard screams and saw some villagers approaching them.

"We must fight the evil ones!" It sounded more like a chant than like a request and John didn't know what to make of it.

"This is great! Remind me Colonel, why did we come here?" Rodney commented, upsetting Sheppard even more.

"Listen, we don't know what's wrong, but if we just talk about it -" John was interrupted by one of the villagers: "You're not going to help us? Then you are one of them."

Before they knew it, they were attacked. More villagers were coming from the general direction of the gate and they were shooting at them with some sort of primitive guns.

"We can't go back to the gate. Head for the forest!" John ordered, indicating the opposite direction from the gate.

They were running, not knowing what happened or if they would find worst things in the forest. Rodney and Carson were first, the other three staying behind to cover their backs. After a few minutes of running, Rodney and Carson found themselves alone.

"Stop!" Rodney shouted. "Where are they?"

"They were right behind us. I don't know…"

Even if it was midday, the trees didn't let too much light get to the ground. They could hear the shouts of the villagers, it sounded like they were coming from all directions.

"Why is this happening?" Carson softly asked.

"Because Colonel Sheppard wanted us to come here for some brilliant reason. And now we're here, running for our lives." Rodney was upset. He and Sheppard hadn't gotten along particularly well in the past weeks. He knew he'd messed up a couple of times, but it wasn't Sheppard's business. Whatever he did wrong to hurt Carson was between the two of them. Sheppard had no right to interfere and tell him what to do. He didn't have the right to judge him just because at this particular moment he was closer to Carson. When they came back from Hoff, Sheppard didn't speak to the Scot for a week. Only he knew how much Carson was affected by that. But did he tell Sheppard what to do? No. He just let things settle on their own.

"These were supposed to be peaceful people. Why are they doing this? Who are they fighting?" Carson kept muttering to himself, trying to understand. He knew that if they attacked Rodney and him, they wouldn't stand a chance. But he was determined to fight. It was a stupid way to go, hunted down because of a misunderstanding, but this was one of the joys of the Pegasus Galaxy. Stupid things happened.

"Did you hear that?" Rodney asked, alarmed.

"No, what?"

"There was a noise coming from that direction." Rodney pointed towards some trees. Carson took his gun out and pointed it in that direction. The other man turned his back to him and they both stood there, gun in hand, listening for any sign of someone approaching.

It felt like the old times. Carson and Rodney, alone in a forest, trying to defend themselves from something that was stronger than both of them. He knew that they could just get over it. If he would pretend he forgot everything, Rodney would act like nothing had happened. Sheppard would presume they'd talked and solved everything. But it would be a lie. He didn't trust Rodney anymore. He trusted the scientist in him, he even trusted the soldier in him, but the friend he once had in Rodney was gone.

They heard footsteps approaching. It was strange how in all the noise, they could hear them clearly. Carson tightened his grip on the gun. His hand was starting to hurt and he knew he couldn't hold on much longer, but he had to help Rodney.

The sound was louder and louder. He saw a shadow moving close to the trees, trying to go unnoticed. The man slowly approached, moving from tree to tree. Then he saw them. He stopped and raised his gun. Before any word was said, Carson fired.

"Carson…" The man was at the base of the tree, holding his left arm and wincing.

"John. Oh my God." Carson froze. He had shot him. Again. He wasn't fighting any monster this time, just his fear.

Rodney ran to the Colonel's side and helped him get up. "Are you okay? Did he get you?"

"I'm fine, I stumbled on a branch when I flinched. He shot a few meters away from me."

"How glorious. For both of you."

When they turned, they saw Carson sitting there, unmoving, muttering something. His right hand almost let go of the gun. John rushed to his side and tried to calm him "It's okay, Doc, you didn't shoot me. It's okay. Teyla and Ronon will be here in a moment and we'll get to a safe place."

As soon as they appeared, they started moving again. Sheppard remembered there were some caves about five miles from the gate. Considering their progress so far, they only had about two miles to go.

"I'm surprised you remember this, Colonel. I'll be surprised if we get there, considering your orientation skills." Rodney tried to get a reaction from them. From any of them. No matter what happened, they needed to get over it. That was the only way. Move on and never look back.

They arrived at the caves, and found one that was a bit higher than the rest. They chose it and climbed up to its entrance. It was fairly big and they had enough space to sit comfortably.

"They had a legend about this place, they said the souls of their ancestors lived here and they didn't dare come near the caves." Sheppard explained.

"Well, many things happened. How do you know they won't come to punish us for coming here?" Rodney was upset. It was the second time Sheppard left him out of the discussion when he made a decision and it was upsetting.

"We'll organize watches through the night." Sheppard replied dryly, hoping to silence McKay. When the scientist didn't respond, he turned his attention towards Carson. He was sitting in a corner, staring at one of the cave's walls.

He went to his side and put his hand on the physician's shoulder. "Are you okay, Carson?"

"Aye, it's just that… I was so afraid. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold them back if they came. And when you came… I shot you, John. I shot you again." Carson was scared. He was scared of what he had done, of the things he was forced to do. He knew John didn't blame him, but he still felt guilty. It wasn't normal for him to be in that situation.

"It's okay, Carson. I shouldn't have left the two of you alone." Sheppard was afraid of what might have happened between him and Rodney. On the way to the caves, Rodney had just looked at Carson from time to time and puffed.

"I'll be okay," Carson said, slowly massaging his right hand.

"Is it sore?"

"Aye, a bit."

"Can I bring you anything to put on it, some ointment, something?"

"No." Carson suddenly remembered that John had collapsed after he'd tried to shoot him. "Are you okay?"

"Me? I'm fine." He was surprised that Carson asked him that.

"When I shot at you… you fell."

"Oh, that… I tangled my foot in a branch when I flinched. And I'm sorry to say it, Doc, but you didn't shoot at me. You shot in my general direction. You need to practice more." John smirked, hoping to get his friend to smile. But his eyes followed Carson's down to his right hand and realized why his hand was sore and why he couldn't shoot well.

"There would be no point in me trying to learn this. I couldn't get much better at it and it wouldn't be of much use in Edinburgh."

"You decided, then…"

"Aye. It's better than anywhere else."

"You should give me your address. I could come and visit when we come to Earth." John tried to sound as calm as possible about this. The truth was that it freaked him out. Carson had been there with them from the beginning. He was the one who told him about the Ancients. Seeing him leave Atlantis, knowing he wouldn't come back was something John didn't want to happen.

"You know you wouldn't come. Things wouldn't be the same there." Carson braced his knees with his hands and rested his head on his knees.

"I'll let you rest, then." John said, walking away from him.

Rodney and Teyla were trying to prepare some sort of lunch, but the provisions they'd brought with them weren't satisfactory from Rodney's point of view.

"How very nice of you to join us." Rodney commented, looking at John. "Is our wee drama queen gonna join us?"

John felt his blood pressure rapidly increasing. "What did you say? How dare you?" He wanted to keep it down, he wanted to keep it away from Carson, but he couldn't control himself. It was good enough that he didn't deck Rodney when he heard him say those words.

"Aye, Rodney, I'm here," came the soft reply and John was upset with Carson. Upset that he didn't fight with Rodney. Upset that he didn't tell him how much he was suffering and how much he was hurt by what Rodney had done.

As Carson sat down in front of one bowl, Sheppard whispered to Rodney, in a menacing tone: "Don't you ever say that again. There's so much to everything, much more than you know."

"As you keep telling me, Colonel." Rodney had had enough. There was much more than they knew, but unlike others, he didn't have friends when he needed them. All he had was John Sheppard telling him how much he messed up with Carson. It had to stop. If anyone was going to blame him for something, he deserved to know what it was.

"So, Carson, is there any explanation for the way you behaved on our way to the caves?" He sounded cruel, even to his own ears, but he needed to know.

Carson was eating. Slowly chewing his food, as if he was in the best restaurant, eating the best food, talking about weather. "No."

Teyla, Ronon and John were shocked. They couldn't have accepted such a behavior from

Rodney and didn't understand what it was that made Carson accept it.

"There must be a reason for John cuddling you like that every time you start sulking."

John rose and Teyla and Ronon quickly followed.

Rodney continued "Think I'm blind? Ever since that stupid accident everybody avoids me. Like I'm some sort of menace. You… you did things that I never thought you would. I was stupid enough to expect you to be my friend, to act like a true friend." Rodney was almost crying. He hated himself for being so weak, but he needed to hear some comforting words. He needed to hear Carson tell him that he didn't know, that he didn't realize. That things were going to be okay.

"I think we can safely assume you won't expect such things from me again, Rodney. Which is for the best, since they're not going to happen." Rodney couldn't do anything but stare at Carson. He couldn't believe that the caring, gentle man that he knew Carson to be had just said, in the coldest voice that he ever heard.

"I'm sorry, Rodney, but sometimes gluing up the pieces doesn't make the thing whole again."

"Are you saying you're not my friend anymore?"

"I'm just saying that you failed to notice how we weren't friends anymore. If we were, you would have tried to help me." Carson stopped for a moment. He was grateful for the help he got from his friends, but he couldn't get over the fact that Rodney had avoided him. He wasn't distracted by work, he avoided meeting him, speaking with him. Apparently, the Canadian felt like he deserved the attention that was directed towards him. That wasn't what friends did. The first days after he found out about his hand, he hoped that he could talk to Rodney about finding some sort of Ancient device that would heal him. That didn't happen. "I'm sorry if I was selfish, Rodney, but I really could have used a friend. And the one who was there for me, even if I was sulking, wasn't you, Rodney."

"You burnt your hand, for God's sake! It will heal! So many worst things have happened to you and you didn't act this way!" Rodney was scared. He could feel himself losing all control over what was happening. He could feel the distance between him and Carson and he didn't know what to do.

"Aye, just a burn." Carson bowed his head.

"There isn't a scar. See?" Rodney grabbed his hand and lifted it, but stopped as he saw Carson wince in pain. "Sorry. But there's no scar. I thought that -"

"Rodney, listen to me." Carson said, trying to stop the Canadian, who went on explaining why he thought that his injury was minor. As the other man didn't react to his words, he repeated: "Listen to me, damn it! For once, listen."

Rodney stopped. He remembered that day. How Carson came to him, trying to tell him something. But he didn't listen, he took him to the Chair Room. When Carson told him that it felt strange, he didn't listen, he just went on. The overload was not his fault, but not listening to his friend was.

"As I think you remember, the burn was caused by the chair." Carson started explaining, staring at the floor. "We found that it was a different type of burn, unlike what we encountered before. Bottom line is that I lost a lot of my abilities with it… I can't perform surgery."

Rodney was shocked. He looked at Carson. He wanted to ask so many questions, but was afraid he'd hurt him more. When he saw that Carson didn't continue, he asked: "What does this mean for your job? Are you gonna stop being the CMO?"

"I'm gonna go back to Earth."

"You can't!" There was desperation in Rodney's voice, but he didn't care anymore. Of all the things he ever did, this was the worst. He understood Carson's reaction. He understood why he didn't want to talk to him after that.

"As sorry as I might be, there's nothing to do about it. I'm pretty much useless here."

"But your research… the genetic research."

"Nothing good came out of it."

"I'm so sorry, Carson." His voice, his whole posture showed it, and Carson felt a twinge of shame. He wanted to make him feel bad. He wanted to see Rodney like this. It was mean of him, but he had wanted to see the effect of his words on Rodney. Now, seeing it, he felt sorry. No matter how much he rationalized things, Rodney was his friend. He couldn't have done that without a reason.

"What happened, Rodney, why did you act that way?" he softly asked.