Hey, hey, hey! The Nerd here, just saying hello from my new boarding school in England! Yes, I am now in the land of the Brits, with fish and chips, beefeaters, pubs, Nelson's Column, Big Ben, all that. Although, technically, I'm nowhere near any of them. I'm actually in one of those little villages where the entire school is like, the town. Anyway, Let's Get Rolling!

But first, To My Reviewers:

Dr. F. Roy Dean Schlippe: Thank you, Doctor, for your positive comment. Now go back to your office.

neutralgal: hahahaha, yes, I liked it too. Thanks.

neutralgal: Well, if your sister has a Japanese dictionary, I'm sure she'll be more than happy to let you borrow it. Or maybe...

Death2badwriters: If I'm on your hit list, lady, I am OUT OF HERE!

(Someone from 8M... you'll figu: Just e-mail me and stop dropping hints on my private life! I already have someone doing that for me!

Spectra16: I hope you're a fast reader, 'cause you're seriously lagging behind!

Natasha: Yep. It pretty much will, unless something terrible (like Fartemit dies and is replaced by a six-legged dog called Spong) happens. Enjoy.

Idlyosis Prawn and Kimiyoshi Pixie-chan: I hope that answers your question.

Jamie Love: Info like what? Fartemit's pant size?Buttleg's cuddly toy collection? Pinchalingum's collection of spitwads lined on the walls? Of course not.

Elysium: Yes, the saga should continue per schedule. Rightnow, I am in England, but I am far, far away from London.

Jamie Love: I'm both, thanks. Answer: Influence from their parents. Or their butler. Or anybody within sight. Uegghh.

Carmane: Good use? GOOD USE? Maybe.

MR TIRED: U no like, u no read. Understand?

Chapter 9. Brolly Captured - Smoot Celebrates - Moley Panics Because He'll End Up As A Loner Again

Brolly whipped round, then saw Fartemit, flat on his face, with some net in his hands. His arms were outstretched in front of him, and his legs were bent at a 90 degree angle, making a an 'L' shape on its back. Perhaps L for Loser. Hey, it makes sense! This was too much for Brolly, and collapsed on the floor, wriggling, clutching her sides, tears streaming.

Both Buttleg and Fartemit took the chance, and pounced on her. After three seconds of struggling, with limbs flying and heads being bashed, Buttleg was trapped under the net, Fartemit had two black eyes and were missing some teeth, and worst of all, Brolly was two metres away. With this new development, she practically exploded. She rolled, this way and that, crying her eyes out, clawing at her sides, and there was more than a touch of hysteria in her laughter.

Buttleg and Fartemit gave each other the 'what the fck did you do THAT for?' look. Then, the 'well?' look. Then the 'Oh man, this becoming a pain in the as.' look. Or maybe that last wasn't a look, because both men scratched their butts at exactly the same time. They almost looked like chimpanzees looking at a mirror, and while Brolly had calmed sufficiently to press the walkie-talkie option on her watch for the sunglasses, she saw them and immediately collapsed laughing, just as she pressed 'TALK'.

Down in ELF Headquarters, That Place Below Ground… You know… er… wait a mo… oh yeah, Shaven

Moley, this time dressed in a body tight pink stripy vest, and a specially modified pink tutu, with something that looked like a pink shower cap on his head. The cap had bits of glass sticking out of it, which he claimed looked cool in the sun, and also prevented the humans from seeing him completely butt naked. Likely, yeah, I know. But he wore it none the less.

At this particular moment, he was surfing the human Internet, updating his story on under his pen name, Clever Centaur in Pink TuTu (this guy actually exists! I'm not kidding! Click the link! He doesn't have a story, but he exists!), when he heard a blip-bloop-banga-banga-boooooooong! He vaguely recognized it as Brolly's sunglass communicator calling him. He pushed off with his feet from his desk, allowing his specially modified armchair with no wheels to topple over, smashing the pink-loving centaur's head on the especially hardened titanium-polymer-diamond-dung floor.

'D'arnit (Which means an incredibly flexible word in all languages. Just say it out loud)! That would've looked really cool if this was a swivel chair!' moaned the centaur to no one in particular, but hoping someone would hear him and give him a swivel chair. Not surprisingly, it didn't happen. So, grumbling and rubbing his head, he clopped over to the communicator buttons, and after 5 minutes, initiated contact. He just had time to hear Brolly laughing her head off, when something suddenly covered her head, and made her shut up. Then Moley heard 'D'arnit!' and 'Holy Shmow (the underground equivalent of a cow)!' being uttered. Moley thought nothing of it, until he heard gagging, then the thing stopped transmitting. Then he started getting worried. A little. However, he only considered reporting to Smoot when Brolly still hadn't called in to tell Moley it was a joke. And then he decided against, which was pretty damn stupid.

After two hours, a nap, and some gambling in a nearby casino, and still no call, he finally decided to contact Smoot. But by then, it was too late, wasn't it…

Owl Manor/Castle/Mental Asylum

After finally getting the net over Brolly's neck, injecting her full of chloroform, Buttleg shrugged off the rugs, and swung Brolly over his shoulders. Fartemit led the way out through a disused a backdoor, and nothing went wrong until Buttleg tripped on an itty-bitty little baby chair, and slammed Brolly on the floor, enabling her to wake up. Thankfully, before she could escape, Fartemit swung something heavy off the floor and onto Brolly's head. It turned out to be Buttleg's head, and Fartemit was left with two unconscious people on the floor. Fartemit didn't have too much trouble shifting Brolly into the trunk of the MINI, but Buttleg's sheer bulk refused to be shifted. So the less-than-half-a-genius resorted to desperate measures. He got a flask out of Buttleg's jacket pocket, wrestled wit open, and poured it down Buttleg's gullet. Little did he know that he pouring sulphuric acid down his butler's throat…

Back in ELF Headquarters

Smoot burst into Moley's bright pink security cubicle shaped like a giant 4-petalled flower. Moley swung around, clearly surprised to have the big boss in his cubicle.

'Hey, Oggy!' he said, using the name Smoot hated being called, 'what're you doing in here?'

To say the least, Smoot was pissed. And when he was pissed, he usually either disintegrated or electrocuted things, either (respectively) with his Super Kadooper Banga Banga Boom Boom Blaster Gun Thing Zapper or his Thunderstick 2000 (sounds cooler than Brolly's, but still exactly the same). For today, the centaur was lucky, for Smoot chose electrocute, and zapped the pink-wearing centaur a good zap on the rear.

When the centaur came to, he immediately got to action, and at gun point (or maybe thunderstick point… who cares?), explained everything to Smoot. The laughing, the gagging, and his rather eventful night at the casino, where he had experienced a rather interesting feeling with some of the centaur waitresses… ('Say no more!' screamed Moley, 'or I'll disintegrate your head!' Fine.) For the last one, he got another zap from the Thunderstick. But not before he got the name of the casino. Ugghh. Talk about similar perverted thoughts.

After Smoot heard everything, he stayed very silent for a while… or two… And then suddenly, completely against what Moley was expecting, Smoot suddenly jumped up, yahooing, his face a complete logo of happiness, and he started dancing around the cubicle, singing 'She's gone, she's gone, she's out of my sight at last! Hooray!' Or something similar. Anyway, the boss man was happy, incredibly happy, especially considering that one of his minor of minor officers was captured. Smoot rushed out, grabbing the celebratory champagne bottle and a lot glasses, and started pouring a glass to anyone within sight. Soon, everyone was drunk.

But at the very, furthest back of Moley's mind, a couple of thoughts swirled around his head: 'If Brolly goes, will I become a loner again?' Then he thought, 'No wait… I already am. D'arnit.'

Well did you enjoy that? Especially the one known as MR. TIRED...