Finally. SCHOOL IS OUT 4 DA SUMMER!
Ahem. You've bombarded me with so many reviews, I'm afraid there isn't enough space for me to answer all of 'em. So let's cut to the chase and get on with it!
Chapter 12. – Fartemit's Living room (Just an Excuse To Break Away From The Plot For A Bit)
After the author had the exhausting job of reviving Moley, making sure Smoot wasn't fired and jailed for multiple life sentences thanks to multiple murders, attempted murders, extreme noise pollution, and some charges you just don't want to hear about, (deep breath) rebuilding most of the planet's cities and towns, including Shaven, and having a cup of coffee, the story was finally ready to go again. Right then.
Fartemit sat in his… uh… living room, drinking coke out of a shoe. He said it made the coke taste better; especially in the shoe of a disease-infested tramp he had found swimming in the underground sewers. He had bought the shoes from the man for about £500,000, due to the tramp convincing Fartemit that the shoes had been hand-made by some weird African witch-doctor with a bladder problem and three extra eyes.
Anyway, there was Fartemit drinking coke out of a tramp's shoe in his… living room, when Brolly suddenly burst into the room, saw what the room contained, screamed, and burst out again. Fartemit saw none of this, as he was as high as heaven and beyond. Of course, you must have realized by now that a), the 'coke' I was talking about was half the world's cocaine supply dissolved in a shoeful of vodka, and that b) the living room he was in was practically smothered by… uh… nasty stuff, shall we say.
This was one of Fartemit's favourite pastimes. Apart from some other pastimes, that you, frankly, do not want to hear about, trust me. I mean, I, the author, threw up when these things came up, so how would you take it? Huh? Punk?
Aaaaanyway, back to the story. This time, Buttleg burst into the… living room, screamed an even girlier scream than Brolly, and burst out. However, Fartemit was too busy with the imaginary bubbles he saw rising to the ceiling, which changed colour every time he touched them, and was solid enough to grab and throw. These bubbles were so fascinating to Fartemit that he was able to remain fixed on it for three days straight. After the three days were over, however, he ran out of his coke, and remained in rehab for the rest of the week (which was conveniently placed in Owl Manor right next to the… living room.
That was a bit pointless...