Tales of Symphonia: Screwing the Plot
Alright, here's chapter two. Once again, TOS belongs to Namco, not me. And sorry for the lack of separations, it crapped up in the Manager. Meh, I'm new. Cut me some slack.
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Chapter 2: The Plot Twist of Iselia
Lloyd, Genis and Colette left the top floor of the temple (now a bar) and decided to go back to Iselia. Then they headed for Colette's house, where they saw the Mayor, Phaidra and Frank.
"Oh, Chosen One, welcome home. Lloyd, thank you fo—hey, wait, you didn't do anything! The pastors whooped those Renegades' butts! You suck!" screamed Phaidra.
"Wh-wh---WHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Lloyd cried and ran back to his house.
"Wait, I'm going with you halfway so I can illegally trespass on Desian property!" cried Genis.
The two left the house.
Frank and the Mayor fired stone gazes at Phaidra, who cautiously backed off to her room. Colette went outside to console the two, but instead of seeing them, she saw Forcystus enter the town.
"What the hell! What's going on?" she demanded.
"Lord Forcystus has decided to bring judgment upon this village because it has broken the non-aggression treaty!" announced Desian #5561.
"What? You mean the one where you don't attack the village as long as we send the required amount of cookies to the ranch every month?"
"Yeah. And since Lord Forcystus' blood sugar seems to be running low, we have decided to prepare an appropriate opponent for this crime."
Forcystus is seen walking in, dragging Magnius on a leash.
"HOOOOOOOWL! Lemme go! Lemme go!"
"Magnius, you are here to bring judgment upon this village, not exhaust my cookie supply!"
Colette pointed an accusing finger. "HA! We haven't broken the treaty! You just let your dog eat all the cookies!"
Forcystus stared, dumbstruck, at Colette's rare stroke of genius. "Well... yeah, you see... the thing about that is... MAGNIUS, ATTACK!"
Magnius chased Colette down. Colette, learning well from the Professor, kicked him in the crotch. Magnius whimpered, and fell over, dead.
Forcystus sweatdropped. His only GOOD fighter had been beaten. By Colette.
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Meanwhile...
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Location: Iselia Human Ranch
"Hmm, where are all the Desians?" asked Lloyd.
"I don't know, but here's our chance. Let's take the prisoners to Dirk's and let him carve Key Crests into all of their Exspheres."
"Wait, how do you know about the Exsph--"
"Third playthrough."
He nodded and helped Genis help the captives escape.
"Alright, let's get out of here quickly."
"I don't think so."
They turned around to see Lord Yggdrasill in a disco costume.
"Lloyd Irving, for killing my disco partners Remiel and Kvar, you will pay!"
"I didn't kill them... beer did."
Yggdrasill did that Lloyd movement. You know, where he waves his hand across his body and shakes his head. "Liar!"
"Now, now... when Remiel set up a bar, he and Kvar got alcohol poisoning, and beer killed them. Pathetic, don't you think?"
A random beer bottle jumped (yes, jumped) out of Yggdrasill's pocket and yelled at Lloyd. "Do not speak ill of the dead!"
Lloyd did the ... thing again and said, "All I wanted... was a world without discrimination."
Genis gave him the "are you stupid" look and said, "Lloyd, all you wanted was to meet and ogle that chick on the Sun Maid Raisin box."
"Sh-shut up!"
Yggdrasill shook his head. "Lloyd, the path you seek is nothing but an illusion."
Lloyd shook his head this time. "No, it's not. Look over there."
Yggdrasill looked over at the path Lloyd was pointing to. He saw a small road sign, reading "The path that Lloyd seeks, a world without discrimination, where the Sun Maid Raisin box chick is a reality. Turn left on second intersection."
Yggdrasill stared like this O.O. "...Well I'll be damned."
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Location: Iselia
After a while, the entire Desian ranch team lay dead on the ground in Iselia. Yes, Colette had beaten them all up. Except Forcystus. He lay tortured on ground as Colette repeatedly kicked him in the side.
"Feel the pain-" KICK "-of those inferior beings-" KICK "-as you burn in that unmentionable place." HARD KICK. Forcystus died there, conveniently rolling into a grave quoting, "Forcystus No-Last-Name, the guy that wasn't supposed to die until the end of Disc 1 but ended up getting caught in the events that led to a screwed-up plot."
Then Kratos, presumably alive because a Life Bottle had rolled against his lips, came running into the village. "What have you done! Thanks to you, the Desians cannot stimulate fear into your Cruxis Crystal, which in turn will not have the power to bring some sicko's 4000 year old dead sister back to life thanks to your similarity in mana signature!"
Colette stared. "I broke that crystal back at the temple."
Kratos shrugged. "Oh, yeah. Screw it. PARTAY!"
Genis, Lloyd and Yggdrasill, after saving the captives (and getting Dirk hitched with Marble) came back into the village and began to disco all over again. Then Genis and Lloyd got tipsy and accidentally destroyed the village.
The Mayor, the next morning, after his incredulously long hangover, banished Genis and Lloyd from Iselia.
Kratos stared hard at him. "You just threw your life away, you know that?"
Kratos earned the title of "Condescending Father!"
Kratos acquired "Double Disco Fang!"
Kratos acquired "Hurricane Strut!"
Lloyd earned the title of "Drifting Disco Boy!"
Lloyd got 2 Heineken Gels, 2 Molson Gels and a copy of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!"
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END OF CHAPTER 2
I know, not that great. I know I did this before most people got a good look at the chappie, so just bear with me, review and flame if you must.