Tales of Symphonia: Screwing the Plot

Hey, thanks for the great reviews, it's my first fic, so I didn't think that I'd get such positive results. Here's the next chapter.

I do not own TOS.

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Chapter 4: Teh Ossa Trail snd Many Mysteries

When the five heroes (plus Yuan) left what was left of the Triet Ruins, Colette suddenly collapsed.

"Colette! Oh, no, it's my fault... I did somethin- no, wait, I didn't do anything. HAHA! SUCKER!" Raine then slapped Genis.

"I believe she is suffering from some sort of disease that, with lack of a true diagnosis, will call Angel Toxicosis."

Kratos sighed. "Or she might have been hit with a tranquilizer."

Everyone then shot a glance at Yuan, who was suspiciously holding something behind his back, whistling innocently and casually flying backwards (yes, backwards) to the Sylvarant Base.

"Colette, are you okay?"

Colette growled.

Everyone backed off.

Colette earned the title of "Guard Dog!"

Lloyd sighed. "Alright, let's set up camp here in the area by the ruins that, when night comes, becomes a semi-fertile beach with lots of open space for no apparent reason."

Genis pondered over this for a moment. Since he was on his third playthrough, he began to wonder, "Just how does that open space appear every time we release a seal? And where does that semi-apparent caravan come from?"

Anyways, lo and behold, the area by the ruins became a semi-fertile beach with lots of open space for no apparent reason.

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Lloyd was sitting down by the campfire, bored as usual. He suddenly had an idea.

"Hey, I'll go walk around and talk to everybody in an attempt to raise my affection for them... except Raine..."

Lloyd then regretted the idea after two steps, and turned back. Then he started a game of Jenga with Noishe, in which he lost badly. Then he talked to Colette.

"Hey, do you want to go for a walk?"

"Sure," replied Colette. "Yes I do, just not with you... Doncha know I still beli-"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" everybody screamed and covered their ears as Colette began to sing. Badly.

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Location: Triet Desert

"Alright," said Raine. "Since we can't go anywhere else but to the Ossa Trail without backtracking, where do you suppose we go, Lloyd?"

"Uh... wait, I got it... no... dammit! Why is this so hard?"

Raine sighed. "And I thought I had finally given you a question worthy of your knowledge. Alright then. Since we are heading in the direction of the Ossa Trail, and are about to enter it, where should we go now?"

"Uh... give me a few minutes... GAH! I can't think!"

Raine slapped her forehead. "Forget it."

The other four entered the trail while Lloyd tried to answer Raine's diabolically tricky question.

"Umm... Triet? No... Izoold? Oh! I know! Um... Meltokio?"

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Location: Ossa Trail

Raine, Genis, Kratos and Colette entered the Ossa Trail, when suddenly Sheena appeared from the cliffside.

"STOP!" she shouted, then jumped off the cliff and broke both her legs.

"Dammit... I knew I should have worn my moon shoes..."

Everyone cautiously passed by the other side of the trail.

Then Lloyd, having given up on the question, suddenly saw Sheena. He took pity on her, bandaging her wounds and pouring on oil and wine. He put her on his Arshis, took her to Triet Inn and took care of her. The next day he took out two hundred gald and gave them to the innkeeper. "Look after her," he said, "and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have."

The next day, Sheena's legs became fine again, because somehow, sleeping cures all wounds, including death. She shot the innkeeper and left to find true love... I mean, to kill the Chosen.

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Lloyd managed to catch up with the group in Izoold, who was looking for a boat.

"So, where now? Palmacosta?"

"Actually," replied Genis. "Thanks to the magic of multiple playthroughs and my infinite wealth of knowledge, since breaking the seals would put Tethe'alla in decline, we're going to go straight to the Tower of Salvation and beat up Remiel and Kratos."

Kratos got down on his knees and begged. "PLEASE, don't beat me up! I have a reputation, you know!"

Raine sighed. "Fine. But you can't betray us this time. After all, we know who you are, and you come back to us anyways at the end of disc 2, so better off not to try and fool us."

Kratos paled and fainted again.

"Alright, let's go beat up Max until he gives us his boat!"

Turns out they didn't have to, since Lyla was already at the dock, beating the living snot out of him. The whole town watched as he... nevermind. Long story short, Max lost confidence as a man, Colette shoved him into the water, and Kratos steered the ship to the island where the Tower of Salvation lay.

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Location: Tower of Salvation

The group headed up the staircase into the Tower of Salvation. Since the path was not supposed to be open, Kratos kicked the door down and they kept going. Once they reached the main chamber, they saw Remiel, shocked.

"Bu-bu-but... You haven't released the seals yet..."

"Screw those, we're taking you down right now!" said Lloyd. "Disco Fang!"

As soon as Remiel was stunned, Kratos ran up to him and stabbed him. "Feel the pain-" SLASH "-of those inferior beings-" SLASH "-as you burn... Burn, baby, burn! Disco Inferno!"

Suddenly, a pile of molten lava appeared and swallowed Remiel, and left in his place... the Bee Gees.

"Yo gotta defeat us now!"

The party got mysteriously owned, but the Renegades came and saved them from an untimely demise.

The leader of the Bee Gees, Maurice Yggdrasill, screamed out in falsetto, "Yo Renegades, freakin' annoying as eva! Oh, well."

They continued their disco party inside the Tower of Salvation until the break of dawn.

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END OF CHAPTER 4

That was kind of stupid and random, but I hope you like. Remember, read, review, flame if you must, and I do not own TOS, the Bee Gees or those songs.