Tales of Symphonia: Screwing the Plot

Hey, I'm back, and yes, I skipped over a ton of the game right there. Oh, well, Magnius and Kvar are already dead. XD Anywho, I don't own TOS (not the rights to it, anyways) or any disco-related stuff.

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Chapter 5: Screwing up Tethe'alla

When our five heroes woke up, they were in the Sylvarant Base. After Lloyd, the last one to get up, got up, he looked around him.

"Lloyd, do you remember this place?" asked Raine.

"Yeah, I played my Gamecube here," he replied, grinning like an idiot.

Raine sighed and muttered something about him being hopelessly hopeless.

"So this is a Desian base, right?"

"Hell no, it's a Renegade base!" retorted Genis.

"Powerade what?"

Kratos gave him a sleeper hold so he would shut up, and the others headed into Yuan's office.

"Ah, perfect timing," said Botta. "Lord McGregor-"

"YUAN!" came a voice from the back room.

"Yes, Lord Yuan needs to speak to you."

They walked in, and an attractive young Renegade woman (where'd she come from?) popped out from the shadows. She wore a daisy over her heart.

"Hello, Kratos."

"Uh, hello mis- WHAAAH!" he shouted as the daisy shot a compound of vinegar and soap into his eyes.

"HA! Gotcha back!" said Yuan, as he took off the female outfit and redid his hair.

"Wh-what the! And I actually thought you were ATTRACTIVE in that outfit! GAH! Bad thoughts, bad thoughts-"

Raine gave him a sleeper hold so he would shut up, and the other three engaged in conversation with Yuan and Botta over tea and crumpets.

"Pip pip, I say," said Botta. "Do you chaps know of a place known as the great Tetha'alla?"

"No, carry on. I would so like to hear about this place. After all, after traveling Sylvarant, this place has become awfully dreary," said Raine.

"SHUT UP!" said Yuan. "Alright. Here's what it is. Sylvarant lies entwined to another world known as Tethe'alla, as piss is to crap."

Everyone stared like this O.o.

"Kay, bad example. More like... shadow is to light."

"Keep going..." said Colette, cautiously taking down notes, tensing herself for the moment that Botta would declare a pop quiz on all of this.

"Anyway, the two worlds can't see or touch each other, but they do in fact exist and affect one another. Sort of like my ovaries an-"

"WE GET THE PICTURE!" shouted everyone, in an attempt to get away from Yuan's biological lessons.

Genis was now curled up in the fetal position, officially scared of Yuan.

"Gee, sorry Genis. Here guys, we'll let you borrow our state-of-the-art, masterfully crafted, flawlessly designed, mana-powered Pee-airds!"

Everyone stared at him again like this O.o.

"That's right! Power them up with the mana concentrated in the pi-"

"WHAAAAAAH!" cried Genis, once again in the fetal position.

"Alright, alright, sheesh, if you don't want a lesson, I'll just go charge them up for you."

While Yuan went to go "charge" up the Pee-airds, Raine looked at him hopelessly.

"I'm not going to get on whatever he has in mind. I say we go jack the Rheairds from the central station. Who's with me?" Raine gallantly asked.

"WE ARE!" screamed Lloyd and Kratos, who seemed to wake up at the mention of traveling on vehicles powered by piss (henceforth known as PBP.)

Genis and Colette decided to follow along for the heck of it.

"Wait, old chaps, you can't do that, that's robbery of innocent civilians!" screamed Botta. "Have mercy, oh sexy Raine!"

Raine stared at him with a sick look on her face before she pulled out her 9mm pistol and pistol-whipped him into unconsciousness.

"This is getting really screwed up. Let's get out of here."

So the five heroes escaped to where the Rheairds lay.

Then Yuan came back.

"Hey, I just powered them up with the mana concentrated in the pie made of apples! Anyone want to- hey! Where is everybody?"

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Location: Rheaird Chamber

"Lloyd, I'm opening the hatch. Get on the Rheairds, quickly!" shouted Raine.

"Alright... Tethe'alla, here we come!"

Nothing happened.

Raine walked over. "Let me handle this." She began to violently kick the Rheaird. "Get a move on you stupid Rheaird! Yeah, you heard me! How does it feel now- KICK –you ! Not so good, I bet, you ! HA!"

The Rheairds immediately leapt into action, leaving Raine behind.

"He-hey! Wait for me!"

Then Yuan walked in.

"There you are!"

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Location: Ozette

"Kratos, why are you taking us all the way over here? It's so frickin' far!" whined Lloyd.

"Shut it, boy. Would you rather walk?"

Lloyd immediately shut up.

"But, seriously, why here?" asked Genis.

"Well, I thought the nice, quiet solitude and peacefulness of the setting with a background of rays of light streaming through a canopy of shrouding trees and shrubs would be an excellent place to reveal my super secret identity," he said, smirking.

"You mean that you're a Cruxis angel?"

"Quiet, boy! Let me have my fun! Ahem. I am Kratos Aurion. I am of Cruxis, the organization that guides the disco beat of these two worlds. I am of the four Seraphim, sent to keep close watch on th- HEY! Aren't you going to listen to my cool speech?"

"No."

"Fine. Then I shall cast Judgment upon this city. 'Sacred powers, cast your purifying light upon these corrupt souls. Rest in peace, sinners! J-"

Poke.

"Ow, what was that for? Now I have to start again! 'Sacred powers, cast your purifying light upon these corrupt so-"

Poke.

"Hey, stop poking me, Lloyd! 'Sacred po-"

Poke.

Kratos began to twitch violently, and Genis and Colette began to back away. "Lloyd, do NOT poke your father."

Poke.

Lloyd died that day.

Not really, though. He just got beaten up really badly.

"Well, I guess that makes up for the fact that I didn't get to PWN you in the Tower of Salvation."

"Shut up."

Presea and Regal randomly appeared and took Lloyd off on a stretcher.

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END OF CHAPTER 5

O.O Yes, that was a little more suggestive than the others. Hence the rating. More randomness is on the way if you like (which so far you do) so read, review, flame, do what you must.